After five years of being the amazing combination of a unicorn and a pegasus, Twilight is called to the castle by Celestia. Little does she know that the things she will hear and see there will change her life, and her perception, forever.
[img]http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a331/brittmcgee/MLP%20Minecraft/TLSOA_zps2aa17c49.png[/img]
Noooo! I was reading this on my phone and my fat finger hit the wrong rating button :( Sorry I do like this and you should keep going with this.
Could use some minor literary improvement; a couple words that need a slight tweak, but you have my attention.
That being said; proceed.
2296888
You can always re-rate it. One can change their mind on a rating, one just can't REMOVE a rating. So you can go up to down or down to up as many times as you like.
2296888 That's fine, I'll live =)
...Proceed...
Curiouser and curiouser...
More!
2422740
Will do!
"Throw yourself at ground and miss" Eh? Do I sense Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy here?
2425850
Maybe... maybe
Interesting story but question here about this sentence,
Second was the youngest filly, a male pegasus by the name of Thunder Bolt who had a navy-blue coat and silver mane,
filly is for females foals but you also called the pegasus male in the same sentence so did mean foal not filly?
2426047
Oh! Yes, you're right! Thank you!
WOAH!! The Alicorns started out as Frankensteins!
2427290
Yes, now enough spoilers!
6,666 words in this fanfic...
This is bound to be something interesting. I hope it has a really sick twist.
Lucky 6's on the word count lol
2442290
I know, right? It's so weird...
2442289
Then you shall be pleased, my friend.
You are lucky, but the next person who writes a Celestiabuse story won't be
In all seriousness, although I am against Celestia abuse in any way shape or form, this story has a solid plot (teehee). However, your grammar is atrocious! Along with the italics fails in the first chapter. If you would like somepony to proofread your work give me a message, and I will hook you up with someone willing to do it. Unless you would like me to proofread your work, I will be extra strict because of Tiabuse.
2442566
Thank you! I was trying to get my sister to proofread, but she couldn't be uber critical with me.
You just saved me from embarrassment. I will welcome any and all critiques you have
Well we all know how well that is going to work out
2462342
Sorry
2442636
Done (at least the most recent update)! Sorry about how long this took me, but that's booze for you.
Please continue!
2479170
The next chapter will probably be the longest, so it may take some time. I'll get to it this weekend.
2480407
You better.
I'm so excited. I actually like a Dark story for once.
I'm guessing Luna won't be involved here.
2481794
Sorry, no. She will be mentioned indirectly at the end, though, and possibly make a brief 'appearance.'
Can't say much more with out spoiling it!
Omigosh! This story is absolutely amazing! Well thought out and with lots of twists and turns! LOVE IT! FINISH IT NOW!!!!!!! But, uh, you know...whatever you wanna do is fine....
Oh my
"it's" means "it is" or "it has". If you want to indicate possession, you should use "its".
Your mom
lel
2520294
That's not what I learned, but apparently the rule has changed. I'll fix it, thanks.
The only thing I don't like is the shortness of the chapters.
2529916
It's actually my pet peeve as well. I can't write long chapters and it bugs me!
Pfft. Is it really that bad? She doesn't know herself, and Celestia didn't really emphasize secrecy, just told her to come alone.
And now she's right back up again. Twilight, what happened to you between the train station and the castle?!
Ahem.
I'll finish later, but here are some errors in the first chapters:
1
I don't really know what you were going for here.
Is this rally the right word for this?
2
Capitalize the first words of sentences, even when surrounded by a great, shifting swarm of other punctuational creatures.
2545031
Thanks. I don't know what I meant either...
Added to Twilight's Library.
2550887
Thank You!
Let me know when you decide to continue this (I don't start reading hiatus) or it will be forever lost in my read later area
2723595
I have maximum two chapters left, so it'll be gotten back to at some point.
2545031
*Really*
2723604wow fast response
2723607