Serethel
Joined 13th Mar, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good story so keep up the good work try not to ruin it you already have a good prolouge
2259436
i was told why, its because he isnt a solid character like the other villains, but thats why i love him, you can shape him any way you want and noone will get angry over it, unlike if you make twilight into a stupid pony then they would have ruffled feathers
Awesome! Twilight is sooooo Twilight ...
your first fanfic on fimfiction? well fuck me man you got skills favved and thumbed
"First fanfic on fimfiction." Ah ha! So he does have prior expertice with fan story writing! I knew it.
But still, this was a good story. It's going to be fun filling in the blank hole that is Sombra headcannon with what is told in this fic.
Pretty good. I have only one grammar complaint:
You made a comma splice there. It's not a bad mistake, no worries, but you need different punctuation; a colon or a semicolon.
AS for your writing style, I really like it. You sound professional when you write, and it is really refreshing. Some make it to the feature box on premise alone, but read like elementary school standardized text essays. Fortunately, you have a good premise, good writing, and a solid hook. I hope this gets featured as it grows!
Oh, one more thing. Breathe is a verb, breath is the noun.
That....was....awesome.
I haven't read a good sombra fic for a LONG time and this is...just the bucking icing on the cake for me. I'm sitting here with a deer in the headlights expression and a idiotic smile on my face.
You had little spelling errors and you captured Sombra's personality amazingly that I would expect from a tyrant king.
If you don't already have one I would be honored to be your proofreader for this story, simply reply to my comment saying yes or no or send me a PM. Once again Amazing plot idea and I can't wait to see what happens next. You get a thumbs up, a follow and a favorite.
9/10
-Rezz
After all this time I never really gave a good head canon for king sombra.
MOAR! I DEMAND MOAR! If that's ok...
2260481
I wrote two Harry Potter fanfics five or six years ago. They were horrible and I've tried to not make the same mistakes in this one.
2260776
Thank you for spotting those! I had thought I had changed the breath/breathe one but it must have slipped past me.
Thank you for all the kind words. I hope my story can live up to them.
2261024
Sorry on taking forever to reply. Thanks, but my fiance is proofreading it for now. However, I know eventually he'll want to stop. He actually can't stand MLP. I might take you up on in then.
2279449 Alright, let me know when you are in need of a proofreader
Interesting. I predict a chapter about Twilight slowly being consumed by paranoia as she analyzes everything Celestia has ever done from a new point of view and finaly realizes that Celestia is just using her. Whatever path you take this story on you have planted a seed of doubt and I hope you nurture it.
ABANDON SHIP! *jumps through metaphorical window*
Sorry, but I've had enough of evil Celestia stories. No offense to you or anyone who enjoy them.
2475436
Same, abandoned it the second I found it.