• Published 1st Feb 2012
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The Prince and the Workhorse - fellstorm



Prince Blueblood and Big McIntosh swap bodies to pursue their respective romantic interests

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Chapter XIX

The Prince and the Workhorse

Part XIX

“You and I in a little toy shop

buy a bag of balloons with the money we’ve got

set them free at the break of dawn

till one by one, they are gone…”

Pinkie Pie sang to herself. She loved that song, even if the beginning was a little sad. Balloons loved to be free, but she knew from experience that it was heartbreaking to let them go. She skipped as she sang and by the time she got to the library, she’d worked up a satisfying burn in her triceps, glutes and cannons.

Skipping was such great exercise, how else would a pony that ate so many sweets stay so thin? Try skipping everywhere you go and watch the pounds melt away.

A small book bounced on her back, slapping merrily against her flank with every skip. She made a game of bouncing it from her flank to her shoulders and head and back. Poor Twilight would probably pitch a fit to see a book bounced around like a hackey sack, but Pinkie knew she wasn’t hurting it. It was probably enjoying the ride!

I think of you and let it goooo…” she finished at the doorstep of the library.

Pinkie gave a perfunctory rap at the door before letting herself in. Twilight was updating the card catalog. She gasped when she noticed Pinkie.

“Pinkie! Be careful with that book!” she scolded.

Pinkie started and looked back. Without realizing, she’d been balancing the book on her hind hoof.

“Oops! Sorry Twilight!”

Twilight took the book up with her magic and fussed over it like a baby, whisking a speck of dust from its cover before setting it gently on the table to be checked in once she was done with her cataloging.

“You’re really burning through the Kilgore Trot, Pinkie!” remarked Twilight.

“I know! Tombs turned me onto them! I think Laughterhouse Five was his best yet!”

“That’s great Pinkie, I-”

“…Have you read it? It’s all about this mare, Filly Pilgrim, she comes unstuck in time and gets to relive all her happiest moments over and over again for eternity!”

Twilight laughed gently.

“Of course I’ve read it, Pinkie, it’s a classi-”

Pinkie kept going.

“…Player Piano was awesome, too! Ooohmygosh and Cat’s Cradle totally blew my mind!” she waggled her forehooves in the air to try and mimic the impossible string trick described in the book.

“Well, you know, the Gryphons really play games with string like that, but the ninth variant described in the book doesn’t actually-”

“…And who knew a story about Wheaties would be so interesting!? Talk about your Breakfast of Champions!

“Pinkie!”

“Yes Twilight?” Pinkie fluttered her eyelashes.

“Do you want to check out another book? You know there are a lot of great authors besides Kilgore Trot. What about Buck Palahniuck? Lullaby was really sweet.”

“Nah. Tombs is taking me to the Springtime Frolic! I don’t have time to read, I’ve gotta prepare!”

“Oh, well that’s great, Pinkie…” Twilight blushed. Of course she could have guessed that Pinkie and Tombs would go to the annual festival of life and fertility as a couple, but actually talking about taking a date to the Springtime Frolic was tantamount to public discussion of sex. “Taking Somepony to the Frolic” was a well-known euphemism for screwing.

“What about you Twilight, are you taking somepony to the Frolic?” Pinkie grinned.

Twilight winced.

“Er, well…”

“Did Prince Blueblood ask you?”

“Um…”

“Did he? Didhedidhedidhe!?” Pinkie bounced on her tippie-hooves, vibrating so fast her words melded into a motorboat-like babble.

“Don’t worry, Pinkie. I’ll have plenty of fun at the Frolic,” said Twilight.

Truth be told, Blueblood hadn’t yet asked her to the festival. Twilight supposed he was worried about being too forward, but she hoped he was just waiting for the right moment. They had a date set up for that afternoon. Maybe he was going to ask her then. Twilight smiled at the warm thoughts of spending the Frolic festival with Blueblood, the food, the singing, the wine…

In her secret heart, she also entertained shadowy dreams about the night of the festival, on the warm, wet grass, beneath the hanging lanterns in some secluded spinney…

But of course Twilight kept those thoughts locked in their secret place. She tucked them deep down (they would burst out later that night, you better believe it) and went back to her cataloging.

Pinkie hung out for a while before getting distracted by a mote of dust (did she just hear a small yelp?) and following it on its adventures back out the door and into the park. Twilight smiled and shook her head, closing the door behind her hyperactive filly friend before stamping Laughterhouse Five in green ink and popping it neatly back in its place on the shelf.

***

“So, Big Macintosh, are you taking that toothsome purple creature to the Springtime Frolic?” asked Blueblood, nudging and winking as he did so.

Big Mac only answered with a shy smile. He was indeed planning to ask Twilight Sparkle to the festival, but he didn’t imagine he would do anything there besides steal a kiss. Not that it was anypony’s business. Since the disastrous day at the Cloud Sculpting competition, Big Macintosh hadn’t come any closer to kissing Twilight Sparkle. The moment just never seemed right and he was content to enjoy her company. Maybe the night of the festival would be the night.

Blueblood smirked knowingly before returning to the distasteful job of shoveling out the effluent pile beneath the Apple family privy. He grimaced and gripped the handle of the shovel between his teeth as daintily as he could. Big Mac heaved another shovelful of manure into the wagon.

The Apple family saved the night soil beneath the privies as fertilizer for their crops. Every scrap was valuable. Each shovelful they kept was a shovelful they didn’t have to buy from somepony else, and when one’s profit margins were as razor thin as the Apples’, every little bit helped.

Of all the chores Blueblood had taken up at the farm, this one by far made him miss his horn the most. He cast an envious glance at Big Mac, who used his magic to work the shovel without even getting up from a sitting position.

Blueblood noted how much heavier his body had become. The routine at Sweet Apple Acres was strenuous, but the diet was definitely peasant fare, rich in carbohydrates and salt. He was dismayed to see his once svelte figure disappearing under a bulky layer muscle and fat. Not that he’d done a much better job taking care of Big Mac’s body; Blueblood was doing more chores every day, but he still shouldered a mere fraction of the burden Big Macintosh carried at the farm, and his laziness was starting to show, particularly in the paunchy gut that burgeoned at his waist.

In the several weeks since the Rainbow Dash incident, life at Sweet Apple Acres had settled into a healthy routine, with Blueblood and Big Mac sharing the burden of chores. Between Blueblood’s laziness and Big Mac’s unfamiliarity with unicorn magic, neither was working at top efficiency, but together, they actually managed to get ahead of things, leaving time for occasional dates with their respective sweethearts.

Blueblood thought of Eulalie and smiled again in spite of the heavy stench that assailed his nostrils.

Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie visited the farm often, finding excuses to drop by and visit Applejack (and, by extension, Tombs and Big Mac) whenever they could, but Eulalie never dropped in, or checked up, or left messages or had any sort of contact with Blueblood outside their regular liaisons in the back of the lingerie shop.

In spite of her aloofness, or perhaps because of it, Blueblood found himself growing more fond of Eulalie each day. Here was a mare that was neither clingy nor possessive. She didn’t make demands on his time or expect him to change for the sake of her preferences. He was free to be utterly selfish with her, but he found he didn’t want to. He lingered longer with her before and after their sexual encounters, probing her for information about her family, her past, her likes and dislikes. She danced around the questions, offering him only tantalizing hints about her personal life that he cherished all the more for their scarcity. To his shock and growing delight, he found himself reevaluating his previous attitudes about monogamy. Maybe “wife” didn’t have to be a four-letter word…

***

Just as the sun was getting high and the first trickles of stinging sweat began to run down the foreheads of the two stallions, Tombs shimmered down to the pair with iced tea and cold sandwiches, which Blueblood devoured with abandon.

“I say, Tombs,” said Blueblood between smacking bites of cucumber sandwich “do you have plans for the upcoming springtime celebrations?”

Tombs cleared his throat and pretended not to hear the question.

“Don’t play coy with me,” Blueblood smirked “I bet you and that babbling pink filly will be doing the double-decker mambo before anypony else is even under starter’s orders.”

Tombs betrayed no emotion.

“I’m sure that Miss Pie’s plans for the Frolic will take full advantage of the festivities, sire,” he said.

Somewhere, Pinkie Pie suffered a brief attack of tinnitus. It had taken her a while to recognize these attacks as another quirk of her Pinkie sense and not a developing ear problem. She made a mental note to address Tombs’s infraction appropriately. Maybe something with whipped cream…

“I’ll bet she is,” Blueblood grinned, downing his iced tea and taking a seat in the shade of a nearby apple tree “I’ll bet she is…”

Whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles…

Big Mac poked Blueblood with the tip of his shovel.

“Eeeugh!” complained Blueblood “Don’t you know where that’s been?”

Big Mac gestured back to the pile, still only halfway gone.

“Don’t dawdle. Ah got a date with Twilight tonight and we need to finish this up afore ah’m late.”

“Make sure you shower before you go see her, old chum. A Blueblood by any other name should still smell as sweet.”

Big Mac dropped a shovel at Blueblood’s hooves and went back to the pile. Blueblood scowled at the hateful implement before picking it up in his teeth and trotting over to help his friend.

***

Preparations for Ponyville’s Springtime Frolic were in full swing. Everywhere the color and pageantry of nature’s bounty were in bloom. Bright banners hung from windows and strings of fluttering flags crisscrossed the air above the flower-covered streets. A large maypole had been erected in the town square, little foals chattered excitedly and splashed in the fountain as their beaming parents watched from nearby benches.

Like the Running of the Leaves and Winter Wrap Up festivals, the Frolic wasn’t just an excuse to have fun, but an important contribution to the cycle of the seasons. On the day of the celebration, everypony gamboled merrily through the lush gables and flowerbeds of the surrounding countryside, shaking the pollen from the newly flowering plants and spreading it on the wind. The excited pollen germinated the seeds and fruit the ponies would harvest as the seasons rolled on. How one chose to go about shaking pollen from the flowers was up to the conscience of the individual pony (or ponies) doing the shaking.

It wasn’t just the town covered in bright colors and finery, the townsponies, too, went all out with festive garb and costumes. In the week leading up to the Springtime Frolic, mares bedecked themselves with garlands of flowers and bright ribbons in their manes. Different colors of flowers symbolized the different hopes each mare had for the upcoming festival. Tradition called for mares to wear a wreath of flowers in the color of their choice around their flanks like a bull’s-eye, though only a few ponies still observed that particular custom. The traditional colors were red, blue and white. Red for mares who were spoken for (or who weren’t interested in a date), blue for mares who were hoping somepony would invite them to be Frolic Partners and white for virginal mares that hoped to be propositioned at the festival. There were other colors with other meanings, but unless you were in the know, you didn’t need to know.

Single Colts hoping to attract the attentions of young fillies wore a pair of jangling bells fastened to the base of their tail, a belt of sleighbells around their waist, large pairs of false antlers or other accoutrements to attract mares’ attentions and accentuate their virility. On the other hoof, colts that were married or spoken for were supposed to gird their loins and hide them from sight. A colt caught wearing a pair of bells by his girlfriend could expect to be in some very serious trouble.

A mare wearing bells? It could mean a lot of things. Rainbow Dash preferred to think it meant she was tearing down gender barriers.

The flower/bell system didn’t exclusively imply a desire for heterosexual partnership, and there were any number of flower combinations that would communicate Rainbow’s preferences, but the bells got the point across.

“Everywhere I go, I’m jinglin’,” Rainbow smirked to herself.

Her large brass bells were certainly turning heads, and more than a few fillies dropped flirtatious hints as she trotted through the town, but there was only one pink-haired head Rainbow hoped to turn. She pumped her wings and exploded into the sky with a proud jangle.

It was only the work of a few wingbeats to carry her across town to Fluttershy’s cottage. She slowed to a stop and hovered outside Fluttershy’s window, taking a few seconds to inspect her reflection in the glass and test her breath. Her mane was amazing and her breath smelled like mint leaves. She was gold!

Rainbow tapped at the window.

***

“Oh yeah… You’re a dirty stallion, aren’t you?” Fluttershy whispered into the pages of Massive Mustangs “What’s that? You say you want to hear my outdoor voice? Well, I don’t know…”

She turned the page with her mouth; her hooves were occupied.

Angel scratched at the door. Fluttershy looked up from the drool-covered photo spread.

“Just a minute, Angel sweetie, Mama’s having her private time…” she called before returning to the colossal stallion with the shimmering black coat “Now, where were we?”

Tap tap tap.

“I said just a minute, Angel dear...”

Tappity tap tap.

“Fffffffffffffffff…” Fluttershy bit her lip and sucked air through her teeth. Almost there…

“Fluttershy, open up, It’s me!”

Fluttershy looked around. Rainbow Dash had her face pressed up against the window, trying to see through the glare into the dark room.

Fluttershy yelped and stuffed the magazine under the bed, triggering a small landslide of dirty literature that spilled out around her hooves and left her ankle deep in copies of Hard Stallions, Massive Mustangs, Outlandishly Outsized Unicorn Horns (and the mares that love them), Zebra Fetishist, Playmare and National Geographic. She squealed with embarrassment and kicked at the pile until it was all safely jammed beneath her bed, then pulled her quilt down to cover the gap.

She didn’t know how much Rainbow Dash had seen and braced herself for the worst when she opened the window.

Rainbow Dash swooped in and landed with a jingle jangle of bells.

“Hi, Rainbow Dash, what can I do for you?” asked Fluttershy.

“Aw nuthin’. I was in the neighborhood and I thought I’d drop by,” Rainbow puffed out her wings and tried to flex as casually as possible.

“That’s nice. What’ve you got there behind your tail?”

“Oh, these?” Rainbow turned around, jingling her bells in Fluttershy’s face “You like ‘em?”

“Oh... uh… sure…” said Fluttershy “What are they for?”

“Uh, doy, for the Springtime Frolic?”

“Ohhh, is it time for the Springtime Frolic already?”

“Yeah, where have you been?”

“I guess I’ve just been busy…” Fluttershy’s eyes flicked momentarily to her bed and back “The animals have been very demanding lately.”

“I guess so…” Rainbow glanced downward “Huh, did you sit in some water earlier?”

“…Yes.”

Rainbow Dash peered closer. Fluttershy stood up and changed the subject.

“So why are you wearing bells? I thought mares wore flowers to the Frolic.”

“Well who says a mare can’t wear bells?”

“Nopony, I guess.”

“And who says a mare can’t ask another mare to the Frolic?”

“I never heard anypony say that…”

“And who says that maybe you and I shouldn’t go to the Frolic together?”

“Nopon…” Fluttershy stopped when Rainbow’s words sunk in “Umm…”

“Exactly!” declared Rainbow Dash, jingling proudly.

“Well, I guess I’m saying-”

“Can you say ‘best Springtime Frolic ever’!?”

“I don’t know if I-”

“This is gonna be so awesome!”

Rainbow had to sniff back tears of happiness. This was going great! First shot right out of the box! Of course, did she expect anything less? She knew going for the “comically large” was the right choice.

“Actually Rainbow…” started Fluttershy.

“Not now, Flutters, I gotta jet. I’ll see you at the Frolic, okay?”

“Um!”

Whoosh!

Rainbow was away.

“I don’t feel that way about you!” Fluttershy shout-whispered out the window. Too late.

Angel pawed impatiently at her bedroom door. Fluttershy cast a longing glance toward the pile of magazines under her bed and unlocked her door with a sigh.

***

Big Mac and Twilight sat at the café in the Town Common and drank boba tea as they watched the pre-Frolic gaiety. Neither Big Macintosh nor Twilight were dressed in costume for the festival, but they laughed together at the outlandish outfits of the ponies walking by.

A colt tipped his jester's hat as he passed by Twilight and Big Mac’s table. A colorful Punchinello capered to the delight of a small crowd of foals. A Pegasus balancing on stilts and wearing a tall papier-mâché head lampooning Princess Celestia handed out comedic proclamations from the street corner before clumsily fleeing a pair of praetorian guards. Near the fountain, an actual twelve-point buck towered over an excited gaggle of fillies that marveled at his horns and took timid prods at his stubby tail. Rumor had it he was a forest prince from the wild and dangerous Everfree Forest, but nopony knew for sure. He always turned up around festival time and he didn’t hurt anypony, so nopony asked too many questions. Having fun was all that mattered at the Springtime Frolic.

“Man, what a crazy festival, huh?” said Twilight, watching Big Mac as closely as she could without being obvious about it.

“Eeyup.”

“I’m sure you probably think it’s stupid…”

Big Mac looked down at her.

“Well… I dunno about that…”

“Oh, well, I dunno about it either, I just thought you might think it was stupid…” Twilight backpedaled.

“I think it’s quite good fun,” Big Mac shot her his best imitation of Blueblood’s roguish grin.

Big Mac taught Blueblood how to be a good farmpony and Blueblood taught Big Mac everything he knew about looking and sounding the part of a handsome prince. The arrangement was working quite well, and Big Macintosh found himself growing more articulate with each passing day. Twilight responded exactly as he hoped, and he found her more receptive to his attentions with every date.

“Well, I’m glad you think so, because I sure think so!” Twilight snorted. She took a sip of her boba tea and the straw gargled loudly. She grinned nervously up at him.

“So…” he said.

“So…”

Big Mac looked around and tried to tug at his non-existent yoke.

“It looks like it’s going to be beautiful weather for the Frolic,” suggested Twilight.

“It certainly does.”

Big Mac slurped up some boba bubbles.

“You know, Rainbow Dash is weather captain of Ponyville, and she told me we could expect sunny skies all day!” said Twilight.

“That sounds lovely,”

“I know!”

“Oh, don’t you two just make the cutest couple!”

Big Macintosh and Twilight looked up. Rarity strutted between the tables, a wreath of virginal white (yeah, right!) draped across her slender shoulders. Her giant sunhat provided her and several nearby ponies with shade.

“Hey Rarity! I love the hat!” said Twilight.

“Thank you, my dear. I can make one for you if you like!”

“That’s alright,” Twilight grinned.

“Oh, and is that Prince Blueblood? He’s certainly filled out! I like it. So rugged!” she cooed.

Big Mac bowed gracefully.

“You’ll be the cutest couple at the Frolic, I’m sure of it!” exclaimed Rarity.

“Oh, well actually, Blueblood hasn’t asked me yet,” Twilight blurted out.

Big Mac froze. Rarity and Twilight both locked eyes on him.

“Well, err…”

Rarity excused herself.

“I’m just going in to get something from the café, ciao, darlings!” she whisked away so fast she left her sunhat spinning in the air. She retrieved it with a nervous grin, then vanished inside the café.

Twilight blushed and pawed at the ground.

“S-sorry…” she mumbed “Rarity was something murmur…”

“Twilight,” started Big Mac.

“Yes?” Twilight’s head whipped around, her face shining up at his. Her heart gave a little flutter.

“Would you like…”

Deep breaths, Twilight…

“Would you like to be my Frolic Partner?”

“Oh, Blueblood, I…”

“I don’t mean it in any untoward way or nuthin’ –anything.”

“Of course I will,” Twilight sighed and wrapped her foreleg around his, pressing her cheek to his chest. His heart beat against her ear like a bass drum.

***

That night, Twilight could hardly sleep. She was too excited! She tossed and turned until Spike couldn’t take it anymore and stomped, grousing, downstairs with basket and blankey in hand.

Twilight gave sleep a few more fruitless minutes before giving up. She had to share her excitement with somepony! She lit a candle and trotted over to her desk. She picked out a fresh quill and swirled the tip in her good inkpot.

Dear Princess Celestia…End of Part 19…

To be continued…