Chapter IX
The Prince and the Workhorse
Part IX
“Well, she’s not in her house,” said Twilight. She reappeared next to Big Macintosh with a small thunderclap that made him jump. Twilight’s ability to “jump” from place to place took some getting used to. When she had first vanished in a cloud of purple sparks sometime back in their early acquaintance, Big Mac experienced a moment of panic where he thought she had spontaneously exploded. He understood by now that she was simply magicking herself from place to place, but he hadn’t spent enough time in her company to get used to it. As a unicorn, Twilight’s jumping spell seemed even stranger to Big Mac; as he could actually feel her body melt away into energy and zap to its new destination.
Big Mac looked up at the puffy cloud manor where Rainbow Dash made her home. Small arcs of liquid rainbow poured down from the house, dissolving into the air above their heads. Twilight paced the ground impatiently.
“My guess is that she must be out and about somewhere showing off that dirty magazine. I just hope we can reach her before she completely humiliates herself!” Twilight mused “Come on, let’s try Rarity’s…”
Twilight set off at a brisk trot back towards the center of town with Big Mac close at her heels.
***
“Oh yes, darling! Rainbow Dash was here all right! It’s only by Celestia’s grace that Sweetie Belle wasn’t here to witness such vulgar behavior. I don’t know what’s gotten into her!” Rarity complained to Twilight and Big Macintosh over some tea.
“Was it the magazine?” asked Twilight.
“She showed it to you, too?”
Twilight nodded and cast her eyes down to the silver tea tray. Rarity tutted.
“I mean what, and I use the term loosely, ‘literature’ she chooses to enjoy in the privacy of her own home is one thing, but I can’t understand why she would suddenly feel it appropriate to inflict it on us!”
“She’s obviously somehow misjudged the boundaries of her relationship with us. I mean, we are all close friends.”
“Not that close, my dear.” Rarity sipped her tea.
“No, and my guess is that she just doesn’t understand that we’re not comfortable… ‘sharing’ like that… ” Twilight cleared her throat “What’s important is that we find her and help her to understand without making it feel like we’re rejecting her.”
“Well, better you than me. That’s why you’re the Princess’s star pupil after all.”
“I’ll do my best, but if you have any clues as to the reason behind her sudden change in behavior, I’d really appreciate them.”
“None at all my dear,” Rarity pouted and looked off into space, pondering “The only thing I can think of is that something happened at the party last night.”
Big Macintosh’s ears suddenly stood up at attention. He remembered Fluttershy coming to pick up Rainbow Dash after the party ended.
“Um, Twilight,” said Big Macintosh.
Rarity and Twilight suddenly remembered Big Mac was in the room.
“Yes, Blueblood?” Twilight answered.
“I think-”
Twilight interrupted.
“Did I mention that Prince Blueblood is my friendship protégé?”
Rarity’s eyes widened.
“Oh! How wonderful! And here I thought he was just being a gentlecolt by carrying your bags for you.”
“Oh, he’s being quite a gentlecolt! He shows real promise as a student. I can’t wait to write to the Princess about it.”
“That’s wonderful to hear, my dear. Speaking of gentlecolts, you’ll never guess who I saw with a new manestyle today!”
“Oh? Who?”
“Big Macintosh! He looked so darling!”
Big Mac almost choked on his tea. Fluttershy fled his mind completely and he let out an involuntary whinny that made Twilight and Rarity jump. They stared at him as if he had slugs crawling on his face. He tried to laugh it off.
“Sorry,” he said “Who had a new manestyle?”
They continued to stare.
“Big Macintosh…” Rarity answered at length.
Big Mac nodded. A chill went up his spine. What in Tartarus was Blueblood doing with his body now?
***
It had taken several minutes, but Blueblood finally figured out how to take the cover off the freezer motor beneath the counter at the Ice Cream shop. Blueblood stared at the dead motor for several long seconds. Banana Split opened her mouth to say something and Blueblood shushed her. He started at the motor some more. He tilted his head. Maybe getting a fresh angle on the problem would help…
After about a minute of staring, Banana Split spoke up again.
“Do you know what’s wrong with it?”
Blueblood hadn’t even the slightest idea.
“I expect it’s a busted combobulator…” Blueblood answered, his voice dripping with expertise.
“Oh…” Banana Split stood next to Blueblood so she could see what he was looking at. Blueblood was looking at all the dust underneath the counter and wondering if he could fix the motor without having to get his freshly groomed coat all filthy.
“Do you think this might be the problem?” Banana Split stuck her head under the counter and came back up with the power cord in her mouth. The motor had been unplugged.
Blueblood stared at the power cord for several more seconds.
“Well I guess there’s no harm in trying,” he answered.
Banana Split trotted over to the wall and plugged the cord back into the outlet. The motor hummed to life and cool air once again began to blow over the ice cream.
“Someone must have unplugged it by accident,” said Banana Split, innocence shining in her big, brown eyes.
“Oh, of course,” said Blueblood “Glad I could be of assistance.”
The prince turned to leave. Banana Split blocked him at the door.
“Oh, you have to go? You went through all that trouble to fix it, the least I can do is treat you to some ice cream.”
“Well, I’m minding the applecart, you know…”
“Can’t your friend take care of it?”
“I suppose he can handle himself for a few minutes…”
Blueblood went back over to the counter. Banana Split turned the sign on the door to “closed” and followed him…
***
Twilight and Big Macintosh bid Rarity a cordial goodbye and headed off to continue their search for Rainbow Dash. Big Mac kept his eyes peeled for the multicolored mare, but he was even more interested in finding Blueblood and getting a look at this new manestyle. He just hoped it wasn’t something to embarrassing. Twilight levitated her checklist and quill ahead of her. She made a tick mark next to “Rarity.” Next on the list was “Pinkie Pie.” They made their way toward the center of town.
“Blueblood, you were at the party. Do you remember anything happening to Rainbow Dash last night?”
Oh!
Big Macintosh nodded, suddenly remembering Fluttershy stopping by early in the morning to pick up her friend. However, no sooner had he opened his mouth to speak than the high-pitched wail of a siren split the air and drowned out his words. Big Mac and Twilight jumped to the side of the road as an ambulance squealed by, the EMTs charging at full gallop. The ambulance flew over the cobblestones and took the turn at the end of the street so fast that for a wild second the carriage was up on two wheels before disappearing around the corner.
“Ohmygosh!” exclaimed Twilight “What happened!?”
She didn’t wait for an answer and galloped off after the ambulance. Big Macintosh caught up quickly and the two followed the siren to the town square.
***
The square was in a state of near pandemonium. A large crowd surrounded the Ice Cream Shop where the ambulance sat outside; its red lights swept the square and the siren warbled fitfully. Twilight and Big Mac pushed their way to the front of the crowd in time to see the EMTs wheeling Banana Split out of the shop on a gurney. Her yellow flank jutted up in the air, wrapped in bandages that made her look like a half-mummy. A torrent of tears streamed down her face. She gritted her teeth and chocked back a sob as they loaded the gurney into the ambulance.
Off to one side, Prince Blueblood fidgeted nervously with his hooves as a burly paramedic asked him some very probing questions. Blueblood’s eyes darted wildly around, his face alive with terror and shame.
“I just don’t know what went wrong!” exclaimed Blueblood.
Tombs worked his way through the crowd and took his place at the Prince’s side.
“Excuse me, sir. What seems to be the problem?”
“Nuthin’ to concern you, limey,” answered the paramedic.
“Tombs, this brute won’t let me leave,” Blueblood complained.
“Most unfortunate, sire. I’m sure the judge won’t look kindly upon this during the malpractice hearing.”
“The what!?” exclaimed the paramedic.
“I am Mr. Macintosh’s attorney,” said Tombs “And I am most interested to learn why you are here, badgering an innocent bystander.”
“Innocent nuthin’! You know how we found him and her? We had to bring the Jaws of Life out to separate ‘em!”
“And so your immediate response to a potentially traumatized victim of this experience is to harass him and exacerbate his condition?”
“I wasn’t the one exacerbatin’ anythin’!”
“Are you a licensed psychiatrist?”
“What? No, but-”
“Then perhaps you ought to stick to your area of expertise and leave my client to be tended by somepony qualified to treat his psychological scarring.”
The paramedic stuttered a few more objections, but they died on his tongue as he looked into Tombs’s stony expression. He snorted heavily through his nostrils and stormed off.
Blueblood wiped his forehead with a broad hoof.
“Thanks, Tombs. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“One doesn’t like to dwell on that contingency, sire. Perhaps we should adjourn from here, however. It’s best not to linger with so many curious ponies about.”
“Yes, Tombs, I expect you’re right.”
With the ambulance departed, the crowd began to disperse, though groups of threes and fours lingered, buzzing with chatter and speculation about what had just happened.
Blueblood and Tombs took their places behind the applecart. Blueblood did his best to look nonchalant about the whole affair. He didn’t like how the ponies in the square kept glancing in his direction, the mares’ expressions distinctly chilly.
The two sat in awkward silence for several seconds before Blueblood spoke up.
“I say, Tombs. This Big Macintosh fellow…”
“Yes, sire?” Tombs didn’t look at him.
“I quite fancy I may have discovered the reason behind the ‘Big’ part of his name.”
“The appellation would seem to be an apt one, sire.”
“Quite, Tombs, quite. I’m a bit surprised he doesn’t have more of a reputation…”
“I expect Mr. Macintosh’s characteristic shyness is nature’s way of balancing things out, sire.”
“Indeed…”
Big Macintosh and Twilight trotted up to the cart. Blueblood didn’t like the flinty look in Big Mac’s eyes and he quailed a little, scooting unconsciously to put Tombs between him and his body.
“What was all that about?” asked Twilight, looking concerned.
“What was all what about?” asked Blueblood.
“Um, the ambulance and the crying and the bandages?”
“Oh… uh, bit of brain freeze, I expect,” answered Blueblood, his eyes shifting from side to side “That’s one of the hazards of working at an ice cream shop.”
“The bandages were on her flank.”
Blueblood shifted his haunches.
“Well, that’s an even worse place to get frozen, isn’t it?”
Big Mac narrowed his eyes.
“You two didn’t happen to have anything to do with that back there, did you?” he asked, his voice deadly serious.
Blueblood shrugged. Tombs focused his attention on a point somewhere off over Twilight’s shoulder.
“Cuz if I find out you’ve been dicking around with-”
Twilight cut him off.
“Your highness! I’m surprised at you! It’s really none of your business! If they say they don’t know than they don’t know. Big Macintosh would never lie.”
Big Mac held his tongue and swallowed the rest of his lecture. He was touched that Twilight held him in such high regard, though he wondered how long that would last with Blueblood behind the helm of his body.
“I can see I may have to add to my syllabus when we get back.”
Big Mac’s shoulders drooped.
“What’s all the hubbub, bub?”
The group turned. Pinkie Pie, roused from her nap by the fracas outside had trotted over from Sugarcube Corner to investigate, her frizzy mane still lopsided from just getting out of bed.
“Oh, hey Pinkie Pie,” said Twilight.
“Hey, Twilight,” answered Pinkie “Hey, Tombs.”
“Miss Pie.”
Pinkie shot him a dirty look. Tombs swallowed involuntarily.
“Somepony had to go to the hospital for brain freeze,” offered Blueblood.
Pinkie gasped and put a hoof to her mouth.
“Oh no! Brain freeze is the worst! I keep warning everypony not to rush when you eat ice cream! Who was it?”
“I think it was Banana Split,” said Twilight “But I don’t think it was-”
“It was brain freeze of the flank!” interjected Blueblood.
Pinkie’s eyes went wide.
“That’s terrible! Poor Banana Split! We’ve got to organize a get well party right away!” she grabbed Twilight by the hoof.
“Um, Pinkie, I’m kind of in the middle of something…” said Twilight.
Pinkie gasped.
“Twilight, how could you be so heartless! Brain freeze is bad enough, but brain freeze of the butt?” Pinkie shuddered and stared off into space for a few seconds, unseen horrors dancing behind her eyes,
“Yes, but…”
“No buts, Twilight! The only ‘butt’ I want to hear about it Banana Split’s! Come on!”
Without listening to another word, Pinkie dragged Twilight with her back to Sugarcube Corner to put together a “We’re sorry about your butt” party. Tombs, Blueblood and Big Mac all watched them go, their own argument temporarily forgotten.
Big Macintosh turned back to the pair.
“So what was all that really about?” he asked.
“I expect she just likes parties,” said Blueblood.
“I mean with Banana Split,” Big Mac narrowed his eyes.
“Now, really, mister Macintosh, why would you just assume that we’d be at the center of any excitement?”
“I saw you talking to one of the paramedics.”
“Just as a curious citizen. Nothing more,” Blueblood cast his gaze around.
“Is he telling the truth, Tombs?”
Tombs cleared his throat.
“I was not present to observe the proceedings myself, sir, but I will say that the evidence to suggest his highness’s involvement in the affair is circumstantial at best.”
Big Mac regarded the pair closely, something was up, but he couldn’t put his hoof on it. Besides, he had other concerns. Maybe if he could solve this Rainbow Dash problem without Twilight’s help, he could impress her enough that she might decide to skip the whole “Friendship Theory” section of that dang syllabus. Blueblood’s manecut didn’t look as bad as he feared. He even grudgingly admitted that it was quite becoming. He made the “I’m watching you” gesture at Blueblood and trotted off to find Fluttershy.
After Big Mac left, Blueblood turned to Tombs.
“You know Tombs, I think there’s a valuable lessons to be learned from all this.”
“Indubitably, sire.”
“Yes, next time include a little more foreplay. Get her loosened up a bit, you know? Can’t just plow the old freight train in at full steam without giving the tracks a little grease, what?”
Not even Tombs’s ironclad sense of professionalism was enough to stop him from rolling his eyes.
***
Big Macintosh made good time to Fluttershy’s cottage at the edge of the forest. In keeping with Fluttershy’s devotion to nature, the cottage practically melted into the hillock on which it sat. The roof was thatched with living grass that poured over the eaves onto the ground. The yard out front was a network of burrows and warrens and birdhouses dangled from every branch of every tree like Hearthswarming ornaments. A stream, chock full of every kind of fish, babbled nearby. The entire property was alive with birdsong and the chattering of small woodland creatures.
Big Macintosh walked up the path and knocked gently on the little pink door.
No reply. At this time of day, Fluttershy was probably out tending to her animal friends. Still, she was his only lead and he knocked again.
At the sound of his second knock, a white rabbit popped up in the window and peered out with a peevish expression.
Big Mac looked through the window at the rabbit. It looked back at him and tapped its foot, impatiently.
“Is Fluttershy in?” he asked.
In response, the little brute clapped his paw into his elbow and gave Big Mac a vigorous bras d’honneur.
Big Mac snorted, but kept his temper.
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’ then.”
The rabbit flipped him off with its fuzzy little paws. Big Macintosh decided that it was a good time to leave. He’d come back later to talk with Fluttershy and, if she wasn’t looking, possibly settle his score with the little fuzzball. He’d barely turned around when he caught sight of a blazing rainbow arcing down in his direction. He stepped back to allow Rainbow Dash to touch down on the walk in front of him. She had the spring issue of Hard Stallions rolled up in her mouth. She spat it out and tucked it under her wing.
“Oh, hey Prince Blueblood,” she greeted “Is Fluttershy in?”
“No, just some jerk rabbit.”
“That would be Angel…”
Rainbow Dash looked over Blueblood’s shoulder. Angel was still in the window. He turned around and pressed his cotton-ball tail to the glass.
“Yeah, well back at ya you little bastard!” Rainbow turned around and raised her flank in the air, slapping it with her forehoof. Big Mac stepped aside and looked away.
Angel was flipping her off with both paws now. Rainbow flicked her hoof under her chin and blew a raspberry.
Big Mac cleared his throat. Rainbow looked up.
“Sorry about that. Yeah, Angel’s alright…” she looked back over at Angel “I’m gonna make you into hasenpfeffer, you little horseapple!” she looked back at Big Mac “So how’re you?”The end of part 9
To be continued…
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Poor Banana Split, haha...
Y'know its kind'a funny. I have a character in my story "Seeing the Pattern" named Lickity Split. Maybe they're related?
349126
Lickity Split is actually a canon character (as seen in The Secret of my Excess)
It's a really brief moment in chapter 8 of this fanfic, but I do in fact mention that Banana Split is Lickity Split's older sister. Strange minds think alike
Oh sweet baby Celestia, it updated again.
Eh. That sorta came out of nowhere for me. Not my kind of humour, and it did sort of ruin this chapter for me. But there will always be someone, right? Might as well be me.
349268 He is?! He I had no idea! Crap, now I gotta go take the OC tag off'a some stuff.
349330
Worse, Lickity Split is actually a foal.
349449 FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Angels a shithead.
Pinkie:
“Twilight, how could you be so heartless! Brain freeze is bad enough, but brain freeze of the butt?” LoL
'twould appear that, much like some species of dinosaur, the Little Pony species has a second brain at the rear.
Personally, I theorize that it is in control of the fine momevents of the tail.
conclusion:
PONIES ARE REPTILIANS!
RUUUUUUUN!
I neglected to mention this in my first two read-throughs of this, but I can easily imagine "Yeah, well back at ya you little bastard!” being yelled in Rainbow's voice. I shall quote this heartily tomorrow.
And thus begins the Rainbow Dash anomaly study. With all the other events happening, I can see that this could take a while, especially since just about every time Twilight starts checking with a new individual on Rainbow's actions and location, yet another distraction turns up. And Big Mac isn't being much help, though in his defense, I can see why he's getting his own distraction from hearing about Blueblood's activ.... er, alleged activities.
Still and all, while reading about the individual hijinks gives me several comedic gems, the overall feel I get from every one of the ongoing subplots at the moment is of those little rolling rocks at the top of a field of loose material on a hillside, just before the whole thing lets go and tries to bury whatever happens to be stuck at the base of the hill at that time. And Banana Split's the first bit of collateral damage, because even if she gets an explanation in the end, I don't see any way that she'll ever look at Big Mac with quite the same level of trust again. Now I'm starting to hope that like some of Zecora's other items, the horseshoes work while the subjects are sleeping, so we can have moment in the end where the Puck comes out and sets all aright again after their little Midsummer Night's Dream. (Doubt that's the case, but....)
Moving on to the next chapter (and still glad that I've got an isolated cubicle and light work load today.)
Another awesome chapter! Poor Big Mac, his reputation's gonna be crap-tastic by the time Blueblood learns his lesson. And Rainbow's antics with Angel were hilarious!
Well, there's only one way this can end now that Rainbow Dash is intent on affirming her heterosexuality.
Treat her well, Mac.