The Ruthless murders in Ponyville

by Rainbow John

Welcome to ponyville

One lovely day in ponyville,spike was walking around in ponyville,until he noticed a pony he had never seen before.

So he decided to go to her and say hello. But when he got there,suddenly the strange pony went in to an alley.

Spike went after her.
But when he got there something hard hit him in the face..
He felt the blood taste in his mouth then another hit,harder this time..And now he passed out...
The very next day Twilight woke up and noticed that spike wasn't home.
She thought that was strange because Spike never wakes up before her and she didn't even see him after lunch yesterday..
"I guess he is outside"
she told herself and went out.
While outside she ran in to Applejack,Rainbow Dash and Pinkie.
She asked them if they had seen spike today.
Ofcourse they hadn't but they promised to look for him.
Later that day the cutiemark crusaders ran up to twilight but only two of them
"Where is appleblom?"
Twilight asked."
We don't know!!!"
they both said with tears in there eyes "
What is going on?"
asked Applejack gently.".Appleblom is missing" said Twilight.
"WHAT !!! "
"we gotta find" her said A.j
"yes we shall "
said Twilight
"but first we need to contact Celestia".
Rainbow dash came up from nowere and said "ill do it i'm faster than you!"
And she flew through the air in a incredible speed.
When she reached the castle and told the royal gaurds that she needed to speak with Celestia.
It took a few seconds for Celestia and Luna to meet Rainbow.
"Hi what do you want Rainbow?"
"Appleblom have gone missing and Spike too!! "
"Calm down said Celestia soflty"
" We will find them".
A royal gaurd came up to Celestia and said "
we have got alot of reports of missing ponies in ponyville"
"We need to take action!!"
"Rainbow!"
"yea?"
"Fly back to Twilight tell her that i need them to stay together we might have a ponynapper on the loose.."
"On my way" said Rainbow and flew off.
"Luna i need you to have royal gaurds with you all the time."
"Okay" said Luna.
Rainbow reached Twilight and the rest and told them the news.
"Okay hear up everbody we need to find Spike and A.b they might be in trouble."
After hours of searching they heard a scream.
They all ran for the direction they heard the scream.
When they came to there destination
they spotted Derpy all bloody with a knife in the forehead.
There was also a note next to her..
Twilight picked it up and started reading
" Hello Derpy is dead when this note's being read..i prefer effective kills ..You know i see you and you see me but never really notice"
"Huh what does it mean Twilight??" said Rainbow.
The words kept flying around in Twilight's head..
It must be a pony i see daily but never really notice.
"Wait a minute!!!!"said Pinkie dramatic
"have you meet my new freind? :D "
"What new friend??"
Asked everyone at the same time.
But before she could answer some Royal gaurds came with order from Celestia.
To send everypony home..
Everyone went home and was faar to tired too be scared of the serial killer..
Everone but Pinkie!
but after hours of blocking and hiding
she told herself that serial killers must sleep too right?
and with that she collapsed sleeping.
The next day everyone had a meeting at Twilights house...

Next chapter coming soon!

Comments

[Barbecue Sauce]

Try to work on pacing and structure. :) In general, it could be better written.

[66666666666666666-]

>>AAAAAAAB i culdnt agree with u more.
no offense Rainbow john but you def need some more commas and sentnce structure.

[66666666666666666-]

just realized i had bad spellin, but i alwys do wen i comment and stuff.
(dont want to seem like a hypocrite)

[mdonnelly]

Did you rush?
Take your time, writing is an art of time, deep thought and plot development.
Give diolouge = ""
and separate lines for each sentence of diolouge.
Ex.
Two ponies entered a room.
"Where are we?" asked Tom
"It seems like an example in a comment." answered Jim
"Thanks for clearing that up Jim." replied Tom

BTW: I like the idea, I'm into writing that stuff too.
: P

[Night06]

185757 Sweet Celestia! your spelling/grammar is so bad i cant even read this , and that pic is just terrible you just scribbled red lines over someponys pic in paint? come on man, if your not prepared to spend time editing or even using basic grammar just don't post an unreadable jumble of spelling mistakes and shit sentence structure. Clean it up or take it down, honestly.

[Rainbow John]

anyone here please!! yes i didn't put any time in doing this okay? I put on some dubstep and wrote shit that just came up in my mind oh BTW English is not my language you see and i could fix it up but it would take ages..

[bob]

Well said John brohoof

[Rainbow John]

Brohoof LOL

[mdonnelly]

Its ok man. Sorry about that.
Take your time and good job with what you did.

[Night06]

186173 Ok so English is not your first language, still that doesn't mean you can just post a jumble of crap. There are alot of ways you can edit it, use like spelling/grammar check or get somepony who knows English to do it for you. Not to be mean but this is a waste of space, i mean i could slam my face on my keyboard call it a story and post it but i don't because i don't want to waste peoples time.

[mdonnelly]

187264 You seem like an angry typer.
Besides, he has just as much right being here as you and me.
Also its already published, he just needs to edit it.
Right John?

[Rainbow John]

sure

[emberghost]

Obvious murderer is obvious

[The Truth]

This is a huge load of shit, you suck and should go die