Equestria: REGEN

by Zoegrace1

Empty Dirt and Empty Skies

Chapter 2: Empty Dirt & Empty Skies
Apple Bloom fell through the time-stream. The sensation of falling what looked like solid floor, was like falling through mud. Apple Bloom fell, and stared down at what appeared to be ground. She looked up and down, There was absolutely nothing to see, except for dirt and cloudless night sky, without stars or a moon. The landscape was empty, completely. At that moment it hit her. She was falling, with nothing but her own weak limbs to brace herself. A intense realization hit her. She was possibly going to die. Apple Bloom could do nothing but shriek, and flail her limbs around helplessly. She hit the ground with a gruesome ‘smack’ after falling 200 metres. Surprisingly she was not badly hurt. Bruises dotted her legs, and lumps appeared all over, which made her legs look like they were swelling. Apple Bloom got up, her legs shaking from the fall, and looked around. There were no clouds, It was night, there were no stars , and no moon. The ground was barren, and flat. It was pure soil, no grass. There was nothing but eerie silence. A crack of startling thunder was heard, but no lightning. The sound made Apple Bloom jump, and cover her ears. She looked up, and in the sky, was a projection of Celestia’s face. Her mane moved normally, but her face was stern, Apple Bloom had never seen Celestia looking stern. Her eyes almost screamed ‘I AM CELESTIA, LISTEN TO ME OR SUFFER DEATH’ She wasn’t smiling. Apple Bloom cowered in fear, and Celestia began to speak. Her voice boomed majestically. She said, ‘I want ALL of you to build New Equestria. You are the chosen creators of New Equestria. You must summon two others. You must have one Unicorn, and One Pegasus. If one or both are not present, you will become a temporary Alicorn.’ Apple Bloom was still cowering on the ground, when the projection disappeared with a clap of thunder, still no lightning.
Apple Bloom looked up to the sky, and began to bark. ‘Sweetie Belle? Scootaloo? Uh, I summon Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo!’ At that moment, she saw the sky split slightly, and two figures began to fall. The sky closed again a few seconds later with a sickening loud ‘slurp’ Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were falling, and they weren’t strong enough to survive a fall that large. High up in the Time Stream, Celestia looked upon the two falling fillies. Her horn glowed with a lemon yellow aura, and little Sweetie Belle’s horn seemed to have a yellow aura. Her eyes flashed yellow, and the yellow aura gripping Sweetie Belle’s horn disappeared with a hiss. Sweetie Belle was about to hit the ground, when she caught herself in a magic green bubble. Scootaloo was falling. It was at that moment she noticed her wings. All pegasi ponies had three small feathers, and four feathers sprouting from the smaller feathers. Scootaloo has two small feathers, and three larger feathers. At that moment she realised, she was deformed from birth, and was doomed to never fly. Scootaloo saw a yellow aura grip her wings, She stopped falling and floated, From her wing, a smaller feather appeared, and spawned two larger feathers with it. The yellow aura disappeared, again, with a hiss. Scootaloo flapped her wings, and found she was flying. She began to cry in delight, and checked her flank. Blank, as usual. She didn’t care for once though. She flew down to her two friends in a fast spiral, and landed. She patted her wings gently and grinned so much her jaw hurt.
Sweetie Belle attempted to use her new magic, to check what the yellow aura had done, other than fill her with advanced spell craft, enough to rival even Twilight Sparkle. She thought of a tree, and concentrated, forming the atoms with a large rush of magic, sweat poured down her face, and a few seconds later, a fully grown tree was trapped in her horn aura. Sweetie Belle cleared some dirt using her magic, and placed the tree. Sweetie Belle was now a master of magic, but a cutie mark was yet to appear. Apple Bloom trotted up to the tree, and gave it a strong kick with her bruised hind legs, Some apples fell, Sweetie Belle was pleased with herself, picked a apple from the tree, and sat down. The three ate greedily, as small sprouts of grass began to appear.

Author's Note:

About Scootaloo having bad wings, I don't really believe it. :P All filly pegasi have wings like that. The reason why I put that in, is because if you look, Scootaloo flaps her wings HARD AND FAST, while the others don't have to flap that fast. I'm not sure why Scootaloo can't fly yet. :P

Comments

[Zoegrace1]

2274926
I think I posted the second chapter...
Empty Dirt and Empty Skies, and yes I will be doing more.
Thanks for favouriting.

[Zoegrace1]

2274926
For your reward you get to see one of the characters early. :D
i1279.photobucket.com/albums/y534/Zoegrace1/DimensionDestroyerphase12_zps66f39cb6.png

[ChangelingNumber4]

Okay, I'm going to try to make this well-balanced review. Just hear me out.

First off, your use of commas is incorrect in many cases. There's nothing that makes a reader lose interest more than bad grammar. Look up comma rules online, because you have many comma splices in your writing. Your spelling was great.
Now onto the plot:
- At the beginning, it seemed like you simply listed off the things that had happened to Equestria, while adding in a whole new thing called the "timestream". Why not let the reader figure out what the timestream is themselves? Here's an example.
Which is more interesting?
1: Twilight was tired.
2: Letting her quill fall out of her hoof, Twilight's face fell onto the book again. Her drooping eyelids and low mental state were no match for the powers of the night.
Notice that in the second, I didn't ever literally tell you that Twilight was tired. It's always more interesting for readers when they are inferring things.
-- It seems like there really isn't much driving the plot of the CMC's. Sure, they want to get their cutie marks, but the change from adventuring for cutie marks to bloodied by Trixie is much too abrupt.
------And lastly, always make sure that the plot doesn't completely control the characters, and that the characters have some control over the plot.
Good luck, and keep writing!

[Zoegrace1]

2316070
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
*my story sucks I know*