Chapter VII - Schemes and Dreams
The spirit of disharmony slunk through the mire, his curiosity sated. The Macho Man's mind had proved a veritable gold mine of delicious madness, a motherload which had even taken aback even the self proclaimed deity of chaos. Still, he suspected Celestia's newest stooge's bark was much more intimidating than his actual bite. His next move would render the Macho Man's presence moot anyhow. Flicking his tongue like a serpent, the chimera tasted the air for any sign of pursuit by that troublesome Element of Loyalty before entering an old grotto.
The place had been the rectory of a rogue wizard, the headmaster of a controversial arcane university, hidden away from the prying eyes of Canterlot by fog and forest. Discord had intimate knowledge of the place; it possessed all the amenities of Equestria's top magical institutes, though on a minute scale. Somewhere between a thick coat of dust, gathered from centuries of disuse, and hisself lay the key to combatting the troublesome Elements of Harmony. Smearing the smut from equipment and manuscripts which lined his working space, he soon got to the nitty gritty. Putting his nose to the whetstone, he resumed his work right from where he had left off so many centuries ago, before he had been rudely interrupted by two troublesome princesses.
Even after centuries of subjection to madness, somewhere deep in his head lay the mind of a Renaissance-pony. Though to anyone else he would seem the poster child of mischief, he took his studies quite seriously; it had always been that way. He'd been accused many a time of squandering his talents by using them in the pursuit of disharmonious and chaotic means, rather than the common good, but this was of no concern to him. In a way, Discord wanted to start trouble. It was his way of garnering knowledge; he provided the stimuli in the form of healthy doses of insanity and evaluated the results of his labors.
When he'd last had the opportunity to quietly ponder on his findings, he had been experimenting with the possibility of counteracting the Elements of Harmony, a purely scholastic pursuit which had now become the focus of his studies. By his reckoning, the only deterrent to the power harnessed through the congregation of the Elements of Harmony would come in the form of a fellowship of lifeforms devoted to all things disharmonious in nature, 'Elements of Disharmony' as it were. When he'd peeked into the mind of the Macho Man, he'd seen plenty of creatures that would have fit the bill nicely. All he would need to do was to summon them into Equestria and enthrall them, which was exactly what he planned on doing.
Discord grabbed a book from a lectern called 'The Joys of Cross-Cosmic Conjuration', his unfinished magnum opus which would have made him the envy of his contemporaries had he simply been allowed to finish the infernal thing. It was to be the follow up to a certain book he'd written on the magical properties of a device called the Oculus, a device which allowed the user to see across vast expanses of the cosmos. Discord had discovered the existence of the Oculus's sister device, the Conduit, which allowed the user to manipulate what it was they saw upon gazing into the Oculus. It was
a remarkable device made even more remarkable by the fact that it had remained safe in the same grotto of centuries, awaiting Discord's triumphant return
Must had long settled on the surface of the oaken box that he had stored there so long ago, its growth encouraged by the dankness of the cave. Still, the precious cargo inside was sure to be safe. Breaking the lock with the vise-like grip of his talons, Discord withdrew the Conduit from the box and placed it gingerly upon the floor. It was an unspectacular sight to behold; to the ignorant it would have appeared to be little more than a crude rod with an unoccupied socket at its apex. It was wand-like, but to call it one would be incorrect; in function, the Conduit was far more akin to a dowsing rod.
Without the Oculus, using the Conduit would be like fumbling around in the dark; he couldn't be certain of what he might summon forth. There was something delightfully chaotic in the prospect of conjuring something without knowing what he might get, kind of like a cosmic goody-bag, but it was a temptation that he would have to endure. He would need the Oculus before he could make any real progress in his work. He had found suitable candidates whilst perusing Randy's mind, and he had the means to receive them, but he wasn't willing to take a shot in the dark. A job of this gravity called for professionalism. Celestia had the Oculus locked away somewhere deep within the confines of her palace but even then it wouldn't be safe from a particularly determined adversary, the Flim-Flam brothers had proven that after all. It's retrieval was simply a matter of finding a susceptible pawn, preferably one with access to the Castle, and Discord, ever the schemer, already had somepony in mind.
Flam consulted the unfurled map spread across the dashboard while his brother expanded on his hastily spawned plan. He had meant to spirit away the hulking Macho Man under the cover of nightfall, but Rainbow Dash's presence had rendered his plans null. The sequin-studded, tassel-sporting Macho Man seemed an easy enough mark but Dash, while not exactly savvy to their plans, seemed privy to the fact that they were something other than good Samaritans. Dash would need to be removed if they were to proceed with their plan to market Randy as the very first Equestrian Wrestling Federation wrestler. They'd sent the Macho Man and Rainbow Dash into the forest to gather firewood under the pretense that they would be camping in the clearing overnight; they wouldn't if everything went according to plan.
"So what exactly do you propose?" Flam looked askance at his brother who was in a very spirited mood.
"I propose that we eliminate Rainbow Dash. Shall I demonstrate?" Flim motioned for a pristine red apple, a remnant of their harebrained foray into the world of cider sales. Flam obliged, tossing him the apple. "This apple shall represent the 'Nacho Man' and Rainbow Dash collectively; watch closely dear brother." Flim revealed a small, sharp
strait edge razor which he had tucked into his waistcoat. Taking it, he cleaved the apple in two at the middle. "You see, brother?"
"O Celestia!" Flam looked aghast at his brother, shielding hisself with the flimsy map. "Have you gone mad?! How quickly money has corrupted you dear brother! You would eliminate Rainbow Dash?!"
"Yes, why is that such a shock to you, Flam? What did you think, that'd we'd discuss her departure over a candlelit dinner? Sometimes you have to get your hooves dirty in the pursuit of a bit, brother; it is the way of the world..."
"Yes,yes. I know. Neither of us are saints, by any stretch of the word, but this is excessive. It's sick. When did murder become a viable option?!" Flam could scarcely believe what his brother was proposing; he knew his one true love was money, and to Tartarus with everything else, but he hadn't expected his brother to ever sell his soul for the sake of a deal.
"Murder? Flim, hold on. I think you've misunderstood my little metaphor. All though, now that you mention it...it would solve our little predicament." A grim smile slowly etched itself across his muzzle.
"Don't be so macabre!" Flam commanded, whacking Flim across the head with the rolled up map. "Now, what in Celestia's name were you getting to?"
"Divide and conquer. We simply pit the Nacho Man against Rainbow Dash, then we appeal to his sensibilities; he is the more malleable of the two. If he should choose to join us then Rainbow Dash shan't be able to find any objection with our offloading of her. She must know that the beast will have the ultimate say in its fate here in Equestria. We create a compelling argument for his cooperation and we're in like Flynn." Flim settled back in his seat. "Well, what do you think?"
"Sounds impractical."
"Damn, Flam. Tell me how you really feel, why don't you? So willing to shoot down my scheme, now if only you showed the same willingness to contribute!" Flim folded his forelegs and pouted like a big baby. He was so very susceptible to criticism, a fact Flam had learned well throughout the years.
"Flim," his brother said, mussing the perturbed pony's hair playfully, "you look like a big pouting peppermint. Not every situation calls for a harebrained scheme. I've heard that honesty is the best policy; perhaps you should just be strait forward in your approach. Maybe both the Nacho Man and Rainbow Dash would be open to the idea of being 'wrestlers' or whatever the hay you intend to call them."
Flim gave his brother a skeptical look. "Do you think if we were honest about our cider tasting like a dragon's hind end we would have sold more tankards of cider? Forgive me if I say you sound like you're full of it..."
Flam sparked up a pipe, and raised it to his lips. Sometimes his older brother seemed like a basket case, too ingrained in his own schemes to see the broad spectrum of things. His answer to every issue was subterfuge. Flam toked for a while on the tobacco, drawing its essence in. At last he spoke:
"The way I see it, the Nacho Man, and Rainbow Dash for that matter, are indebted to us for busting them from their confines. The least they could do is consider our offer. And besides, this is a historic moment. If wrestling is anything like what you've described to me, who wouldn't want to be involved in the birth of something this momentous?" Flam puffed a ring of smoke from his flared nostrils. "I have my doubts, of course, but that shouldn't keep you from following your instincts. I'll support you whatever the case may be, I always do, but you asked my opinion and I gave it."
Flim sputtered his lips a bit, still obviously frustrated. "So...you think we'd be better served to simply approach them directly, no antics?"
Flam simply nodded his head, looking straight on through the windshield.
"I like it. A lot, actually. It's genius lies in its unconventionality."
It wasn't exactly the angle Flam was going for with his little speech but, what the hay, he'd take it. You can't keep a good pony down, especially a pony that was as irrational as his older brother.
"You can't leave the GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE stranded in the forest, you knaves! Get back this instant, Trixie demands satisfaction for these transgressions!"
It was hopeless. Trixie Lulamoon should have saved her breath; there was no reasoning with a diamond dog. She'd been ambushed along a quiet stretch of road by the unscrupulous bunch of thugs who were Tartarus-bent on making away with the exquisite sapphire which had served as a brooch for her star-studded shawl. She was a unicorn, but cheap parlor-tricks weren't going to help her get her sapphire back. Frustrated, Trixie shot a benign blast of energy from her sparking horn in the direction of long-gone diamond dogs.
Trixie had given chase to her assailants but it had only served to get her lost. She'd wandered far into the woods and couldn't find her way back out. She wasn't worried though; it wasn't the seemingly endless expanses of the Everfree Forest that she'd been lost in, just a thicket on the outskirts of Canterlot. She was sure that if she continued in any given direction she would soon find herself safely outside of the forest.
"TRIXIE is going north," she announced to no pony in particular. She flipped her hair and stomped onwards like a mare on a mission even though she didn't have the slightest clue where she was going. Trixie didn't trust maps, they were almost as treacherous as wheels. Even if she did manage to get lost, someone would come searching for her, right? She was GREAT and POWERFUL. That had to mean something.
In time, Trixie found herself standing before a dank little cave. She was hoof deep in bog water and the cove seemed a decent place to weather the ever brewing storm overhead. Kicking it cave-style wasn't beneath to GREAT and HUMBLE Trixie, so hopefully its potential occupants, whoever that might be, wouldn't mind either.
"HELLO!?" The earthen walls quivered in the wake of Trixie's bellowing voice. "Is anypony home? TRIXIE is blessing you with her company!" Trixie's shouting was answered only by silence. "Trixie will consider your silence as acceptance!"
She wiped her grimy, mud covered hooves vigorously against the rough stone floor. Satisfied with the cleanliness of her hooves, Trixie ventured further into the grotto, her curiosity getting the best of her. The whole of the place was shrouded in tenebrous, but as she continued forth Trixie caught a glint of illumination which heartened her. She could also hear the idle ravings of a madpony, though she could not discern the words. She only hoped that she had not wandered into a dragon's trove in her haste to get out of the elements.
"Hello?" Trixie made herself a bit less animated than usual, not wishing to arouse the aggression of whomever was whispering up ahead.
"Why, hello there..." A snaggletoothed creature peered out into the darkness of the cave; Trixie could scarcely see but the creature's eyes must have been accustomed to the gloom for it was looking right at her. "Who might you be?"
"I'm the GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE! I'm going to stay in this cave until this DREADFUL weather passes over." Trixie flipped her hair and stared directly into the face of the strange looking creature. She was secretly terrified, but she wouldn't let it show through her stone-faced demeanor.
"Great, another flamboyant personality. Well, whatever. Just keep it down, I'm trying to work in here in case you have not noticed." The creature flicked a forked tongue at the air and regressed back around the corner, and out of Trixie's vision. "Make yourself at home, just don't interfere with my work."
"Who do you think you are talking to, you peon?! TRIXIE visited you unannounced, out of the kindness of her heart, and you can't even muster a proper welcome?" She rapped a disapproving hoof against the hard floor. "The least you could do is put down your work for a moment to properly ADDRESS your guest!"
Discord resurfaced with his paw clasped over his mouth, taken aback by the little horse's outburst. "Wait?! Did I hear correctly? You're the great and powerful Trixie?!" Discord feigned a panic attack, clutching his chest and wheezing loudly. "I can't believe it! I can't believe that its really you! I-I've..." Discord's lips curled into a smile. "...never heard of you!"
Trixie's eyes narrowed. "Then you haven't been properly EDUCATED, obviously! Trixie is the greatest magician to ever exist!"
"Oh, is that right? What about Starswirled the Bearded? Surely he is the greatest magician of all time..." Discord rubbed his talons together idly, unimpressed by the blue pony's boasting.
Trixie cocked her head sideways, perturbed. "WHO the HAY is THAT?! Don't even mention Trixie in the same breath as a wizard that no pony has ever even heard of!"
"You don't read much do you, darling? That, or you never payed any attention in school."
"Don't try to embarrass the GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE!" She gritted her teeth and stared down the unfazed creature. "You m-might not know me now, but I-I guarantee you'll know me o-one day!"
"Doubtful, considering you can't even read. Why, even that dunce Twilight Sparkle can read a book." Discord leaned against the cave wall and surveyed his nails. "Yes, I've never heard of you, and I don't expect I ever will."
"WATCH THIS and BE AMAZED!" Trixie swung her head over her shoulder, as to obscure it from his view, and swung it back with a mouthful of wildflowers . "TA-DA," she managed through her teeth.
Discord only stared at her awkwardly for a moment. "That cheap parlor trick? That was your tour de force?!" He reeled his head back, cackling like a mad beast. "That's not real magic! You're a unicorn who can't even manage a legitimate trick! Twilight Sparkle really is better than you!"
"S-shut up," Trixie demanded, her face flushed with embarrassment, "you think you can do better?! Lets see it!"
Discord snapped his fingers and her legs became as limp as noodles. She fell to the floor with an audible thump. He then levitated her to the mouth of the cave and hurled her out into the bog, where she was enveloped quickly by the mud. Still laughing, Discord threw her flowers into the marsh beside her.
"Take your damned flowers too!"
"F-fine," she choked forth, "I-I'll show you! I'll show all the NEIGHSAYERS, that I, Trixie, am the GREATEST and MOST P-"
A thunderous crack of lightning overhead interjected on Trixie's boast. Her lip began to quiver as droplets of rain started to patter against her mane, coming slowly at first then faster and harder. Tears welling in the corner of her eyes, she caked her face in the mud. It was raining and no pony was around, but she couldn't bear the thought of someone seeing her tears
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Poor Trixie...
2231897
Heh! Thanks a lot! I appreciate the support. I look forward to reading your story as well. If its got Macho, it's for me!
2231990
Whoever you decide to pair him up with is in for a world of hurt anyway you look at it, Oh Yeah! I leave the pair-up to you as the author, so surprise me!
sltdwrestling.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Iron-Sheik.jpg
(Personally, I could see this being an interesting match up. Macho Man vs. The Iron Sheikh, oh yeah!)
Edit: I just looked back at this and realized you must have meant an MLP character. Sorry.
I'd say Fluttershy.
Trixie really is her own worst enemy.