• Member Since 18th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen January 8th

Gigglebrony


E

Princess Luna's return has helped to bring to light some lost pieces of Equestrian history. After hearing about the mysterious Duskrunner in class, Pagette sets out on a personal quest to discover what has happened to him. In the process, she discovers a secret that has been buried for thousands of years.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 2 )

A very nice story.

I do have a few things you may want to consider, though. In Chapter 1, you made a small typo when you spoke of the two castles. You said Celestia lowered the moon and Luna raised the moon. Secondly, you find that in many books that numerical instances are often spelled out. For example: "Somepony stop those 2!" reads much smoother as "Somepony stop those two!" and such. Those are the only two things I can think of that may help you improve your writing.

As far as the story goes it seems fine. You even remembered to use the royal canterlot voice. I am somewhat curious to see what you do with the plot, and for a first attempt it is quite well written so far.

Keep it up and good work!

185505
Thanks for the comments, Nexodas. I'll take them under consideration and see if they will help at all in my future posts.:yay:

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