A.T.P 152 was doing his regular routine. Shoot Defectors. Shove around the Recruits during Recreation Hour. However, It morphed into shooting zombies after Dr.Christoff Brought the dead back to life, after attempting to kill Hank J. Wimbleton.
Ok so is there going to be any funny stuff with this guy like him dancing or something that would be funny. The first soundtrack from madness would be funny.
I can't believe it! 152 not only Puked out his own blood on the Floor, and passed out! He was twitching
Uncontrollably!
I would rewrite this as "Shock and fear filled me as I watched the horrendous sight play out before me. This strange creature had just began to convulse some strange, yellow liquid and collapsed on the floor. It was when the body began to twitch that a black flame appeared over his head."
The story itself still has some potential; in fact having 152 down in out like this in the early chapters can pay off if done right. The primary problems right now are the grammar, punctuation, and sentence flow. Not to mention that I spotted a few sentences with lowercase "i's" instead of the proper uppercase.
Again this story still has potential, and the actual content of the chapter was decent. You just need to work on your conveyance as a writer, as I believe it's called.
2130253 Yes... I just did this randomly. I probably WILL rewrite this soon. But i'm really not in the mood right now. I wasn't either when I wrote this chapter, so... REWRITE SOOOOON.
Ok so is there going to be any funny stuff with this guy like him dancing or something that would be funny. The first soundtrack from madness would be funny.
let the madness take you
OH HOLY LORD, THE GRAMMAR! IT BURNS!
I would rewrite this as "Shock and fear filled me as I watched the horrendous sight play out before me. This strange creature had just began to convulse some strange, yellow liquid and collapsed on the floor. It was when the body began to twitch that a black flame appeared over his head."
The story itself still has some potential; in fact having 152 down in out like this in the early chapters can pay off if done right. The primary problems right now are the grammar, punctuation, and sentence flow. Not to mention that I spotted a few sentences with lowercase "i's" instead of the proper uppercase.
Again this story still has potential, and the actual content of the chapter was decent. You just need to work on your conveyance as a writer, as I believe it's called.
2130253 Yes... I just did this randomly. I probably WILL rewrite this soon. But i'm really not in the mood right now. I wasn't either when I wrote this chapter, so... REWRITE SOOOOON.
Aha I knew it, He's been Infected!
Now he's one of these guys:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120520035237/madnesscombat/images/3/31/DemonATP_basic.png
Minus the eyes and the gun :P
2134636 On the Contuary. He does have Red eyes, but they're closed.