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Applejack has found a mysterious photo album in the depths of her basement. While looking through it, she discovers an unfamiliar pony. With the help of Twilight Sparkle, Applejack discovers a new connection with the closest family member one can ever have: a twin.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Spacing might help, and the apostrophes are needed other than that, I'll stay and keep watch for more updates.
Well, I'll be keeping an eye on this one, it looks intriguing.
A couple tips for formatting:
Add a line between paragraphs, it cures the Wall of Text Syndrome.
Only indent the first line in a new paragraph.
Other than that, I'd say you need to be more descriptive. Check this out for more help.
-RisingOne
RisingOne, thanks 4 the advice, I'll try to make the next chapter more interesting
Seemes interesting. Though I'm hopin that somewhere Snow Apple is still alive and kicking. And wondering at what age did she disappear.
I like the premise here.
Seemes interesting. Though I'm hopin that somewhere Snow Apple is still alive and kicking. And wondering at what age did she disappear.
Well now I can add 'long lost twin' to the types of fanfics I've read. I was so into the story, I didn't even notice the severe Wall of Text Syndrome until I read RisingOne's comment, and I normally spot things like that immediately.
This is great MOAR
This story was very well written, and you did a great job with Appleajck's country accent. I am VERY excited to see more work from you. I await the next chapter! The only thing I managed to see was a couple of grammatical errors, but that's it! Please, continue
Thanks everyone 4 the great feedback, I know the fanfics already posted, but would anyone be willing 2 edit this thing? I'm really bad at grammar and I've getting a lot of comments about it.
Thanks again,
Cloud
2095424
Hell, with no dislikes so far, does it even NEED editing
2095424 I'm perfectly willing '2' edit it, as long as you promise to never use numbers in place of words again.
2097028 Ok, will do! thanks,let me know when you're done!
2095498 true that
2094982 thanks, thats really helpful!
2097366 2097368 I smell no capitalization.
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQZBp1asF_XFhrMFTyweOcKjwFzC0jbpYL_vk02dRg7rfGYta-p
2097486 I was being quick, but whatever,
2097498 Applebloom was quick.
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Now shes gone..
Mmmm, lovely.
Interesting....
Well, the plot seems fine still, but you didn't fix your formatting issues. Just keep working on them, though!
short...........but cute....and left off on a cliffhanger
Spacing is your friend... I know you've already been told this several times but it honestly looks like a giant wall of text
I shall be watching this one...
>no body
Well then she's obviously not dead. I mean cmon guys, its not like this is hard or anything.
2112921 As the editor, I can truthfully say that you'd be surprised.
2112965 What, zomponies?
Here's the big twist: Applejack is actually Snow Apple. No, I do not know how that works out. No, it does not make any logical sense. What fun is there in making sense?
2112995 chocolate rain comes out of not making sense
this storys gonna make more sense then that
2112995 Cloudswirl wouldn't appreciate me spoiling anything, so I'll only say this: It doesn't involve Eddie Van Halen's magical guitar pick, and there are no epic guitar battles between Princess Celestia and Discord. And definitely no cameos from members of my old band Fifty Shades Of Jackie Collins. And I'm certainly not plugging anything I may or may not be writing, if that's what you're thinking, because you'd be wrong.
DUN DUN DUUUUUN!
2113040 true that, well played my friend
It would be intersting if she is like I dunno a Hermit I guess
2113040
My exact reaction to that comment: "Wait, what? Actually, nope not sure I wanna know."
2113040 Wait, wait, wait. No guitar battles between Celestia and Discord? What now, no gender-swapped spa ponies? No Snails - Cadence shipping? No Trixie Lulamoon going through a magical portal and ending up in the Mass Effect universe? No President Barack Obama's consciousness replacing Luna's mind? No Discord falling in love with Cherilee's great-grand aunt?
Come on, really...
2113029 I am not sure if Schrodinger's Snow Apple, who is neither dead nor alive at this moment, makes more sense.
2114729
Barack Obama's consciousness replacing Luna's mind?
TO THE COMPOSITION BOOK!
2118367 I... am okay with that. Actually, it would be awesome! Here are some more completely insane and unrealistic ideas:
Steven Magnet and Prince Blueblood shipping
Fluttershy's fetish for grizzly bears
Shining Armor drafting manticores into the Royal Guard to fight against the Gen-2 pony invasion
Berry Punch overcoming her alcoholism
Princess Celestia being overthrown by sea ponies
Stephen Colbert being transported into Equestria and turned into a giant dragon
Spike turning into a flutterpony
Celestia actually being mortal; the appearance and power is being transferred in secret mother-to-daughter
Rainbow Dash actually being a crafty earth pony with mechanical wings
Pinkie Pie being completely sane and not addicted to any kind of drug
... this is completely unrelated to the actual story, is it?..
Quick! Get some rope! We'll bind Cloudswirl to a chair and feed her only after she writes another quality chapter.
2122185 mind you, I am a GIRL
2122330 That's what I said, did I not?..
Yeah, I actually did not say that, but, through the magic of the pencil icon, I will always be 100% correct!
In either case, after 15 minutes of research, I could not find any reliable information about you on the interwebs. There are at least 3 people and 4 OCs under that name. Jeez.
2124874 this is the only website I use the username 'Cloudswirl' for, so maybe thats why.
2122185
Thank you. MUST BEGIN FANFIC OF NONSENSE!
It's a chapter. Thank you.
Might wanna fix up the paragraphs a bit.
Should be:
2493781 Gragh, darn me and my sloppy paragraph form!, thanks
"Turn to Stone" by Electric Light Orchestra is a damn, fine song. As is "Twilight" by the same group.
2645015 I'll have to check it out, what does it have to do with the story?
2645034
Just a guess.
Called it back in chapter three!
>inb4 tragic letdown
... Honestly? I feel REALLY angry towards Twilight right now for unnecessarily digging up the past. If her hunch turns out to be correct, huzzah. If it doesn't, well then she just created a whole lot of extra heartache for no good reason. Doing this in secret would have probably been the best path for her, one that matches her actions from the show (the whole 'Pinkie Sense' fiasco comes to mind), but that's just my opinion. At the end of the day it's your show, we're just following it. I'll just have to wait and see where this heads
Nough said.
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