Not bad so far, but my recommendation is you find a second proof reader... Not saying that your first one isn't doing a good job, as I don't know what mistakes there might have been without their help, but having a second proof reader can help find things that the first one misses due to either just reading too fast, or maybe there is just some grammatical errors they don't spot. Now I guess I am being a bit hasty, as you are still revising these stories, and may have just not gotten to this one, actually clearly seeing as how its labeled unedited. Anyway enough of my ranting, it's a pretty good story so far. I'm curious as to what Fluttershy is going to do, if Jeff is going to kill her, or if because he is wounded by Big Mac that she may tend to his wounds and Jeff becomes friends with her. Although that seems a bit (OOC) for Jeff, but hey, it's a fanfic, and anything and everything can happen. Oh, and Neigh.
2193034 Thanks for the input! :D And yah, the story is still being worked on right now. I will look over the chapters again to make them perfect, but right now im just experimenting and working to improve my writing style. You should have read my ORIGINAL first chapter, it was horrible, much worse than how much it is now. I still am not satisfied with my story, but I think I will look over it when I finish it. I dont want to put it on hiatus just to edit chapters current readers wouldn't even read, you know?
2193056 I hear ya. If you want when I get time I can skim over the chapters as I read em and put what I find down in the comments.... why does my quote button never work right. XD
Not bad so far, but my recommendation is you find a second proof reader... Not saying that your first one isn't doing a good job, as I don't know what mistakes there might have been without their help, but having a second proof reader can help find things that the first one misses due to either just reading too fast, or maybe there is just some grammatical errors they don't spot. Now I guess I am being a bit hasty, as you are still revising these stories, and may have just not gotten to this one, actually clearly seeing as how its labeled unedited. Anyway enough of my ranting, it's a pretty good story so far. I'm curious as to what Fluttershy is going to do, if Jeff is going to kill her, or if because he is wounded by Big Mac that she may tend to his wounds and Jeff becomes friends with her. Although that seems a bit (OOC) for Jeff, but hey, it's a fanfic, and anything and everything can happen. Oh, and Neigh.
2193034 Thanks for the input! :D
And yah, the story is still being worked on right now. I will look over the chapters again to make them perfect, but right now im just experimenting and working to improve my writing style. You should have read my ORIGINAL first chapter, it was horrible, much worse than how much it is now. I still am not satisfied with my story, but I think I will look over it when I finish it. I dont want to put it on hiatus just to edit chapters current readers wouldn't even read, you know?
2193056
I hear ya. If you want when I get time I can skim over the chapters as I read em and put what I find down in the comments.... why does my quote button never work right. XD
neigh and good cliff hanger
I hope Big Mac doesn't die...
Nopony is safe...
Take a jar, put all the character's names on each paper, and draw one. That should be how i should decide things around here...
jk
Neigh...
this is awesome.....
Neigh