A Pokemon Problem
(17) - Burning Souls
I swear, the Universe has a grudge against me or something, because that was most certainly Miranda that I heard. Why-oh-why did I have to find her?
Actually, no: scratch that. Saying things like that makes me sound like a shallow, pedantic asshole who would rather leave his ex alone in a strange world than suck it up and deal with her clinginess. Allow me to rephrase.
Why-oh-why did I not find her last?
There. Much better.
Now that I knew exactly who we were rescuing, and an idea of what Pokemon she appeared as, I called for Ryder, who was hopefully nearby.
"Ryder!"
"Ow! Damn, dude: you don't need to yell!" replied a voice very close by.
I opened my eyes and saw Ryder's triangular, purple form hovering a few feet away. I also saw Seth, who was shambling his way across the forest floor, struggling to make it over even the tiniest of roots that broke the surface with his stubby little legs.
"Sorry," I replied. "I didn't think you were right behind me. Anyway..."
I quickly explained what I learned from the gryphons, and whose voice I heard.
"Why do you sound so sour about finding Miranda? Isn't she your...?" Seth trailed off.
"My?"
"Your girlfriend."
"Yeah... no. Tell me: Have you ever had a girlfriend, Seth?" I asked.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I have," replied Seth pointedly, showing as much indignation as was possible on his furry little face.
"Easy... no need to get defensive." I raised my hands to show that I meant nothing by it, but, if anything, that was probably taken as an aggressive act. "Anyway, Miranda's my ex... and she isn't able to comprehend that through her thick skull."
Understanding dawned in Seth's two eyes covered by layers of shaggy fur. "Oh. That explains a lot, actually. Where—"
Whatever Seth had to say was interrupted when a twisting spire of fire shot up from the center of the camp, eliciting an ooh from the assembled gryphons and a surprised squawk from whoever was on the receiving end.
"Time to go and save the day," I thought. As an afterthought, I added, "Again."
"Ryder, scare the piss out of any gryphons you see while I grab Miranda and crush any gryphon that gets in my way. Seth... you just... stay right there."
Ryder nodded and made a B-line for the camp, phasing through any tent that stood in his way. Seth sighed and plopped onto the forest floor, munching on some berries that he found God-knew-where. I'd have to make Seth feel less useless later: I had a clingy ex-girlfriend to save.
As I took to the air, I could already hear the screams of terrified gryphons panicking. Either Ryder was extremely terrifying when he chose to be, or gryphons were just a buncha scaredy-cats (no pun intended). With my arms automatically locked into my sides and facing the opposite way that they normally did, I flew faster than I ever had before, almost as if my arms had magically become turbojets.
Unfortunately, my brakes hadn't improved at the same rate as my speed when my arms were in that position. A gryphon was madly flapping his wings to gain altitude, loose feathers showering down, when I careened into him while I was going about fifty miles an hour. I habitually closed my eyes before impact, just like I'd done with Spear, and I was glad I did.
Where the gryphon had been was nothing but a cloud of feathers, some with bits of red still sticking to them. The actual gryphon was nowhere to be seen: I imagined he had been launched several hundred feet away. Wincing inwardly, I looked around, and saw that I was directly above the 'fighting pit.'
The fighting pit was roughly twenty feet in diameter and made up of cold, hard dirt. A rusted and pitted cover of an unknown metal was laid overtop, made up of interlocking metal bars that were welded together with no more than an inch or two of space between. I looked in and saw...
Well, I knew what one of them was, and although I knew what the second was as well, I had literally no idea how or why it was in the pit.
One of them was Miranda, who was inhabiting the body of a Combusken, and the other was a bright red and orange phoenix. Both were looking up at the grate, confused, and both had various injuries dotted along their bodies and plumage. Miranda had several scorched feathers and what looked like a gash across her cheek, and the mysterious phoenix had a few bald spots where feathers should've been, along with a limp in its step as it tried to get a better look up.
This, along with being crushed by a flying ice cream truck, were two things I never thought I'd see.
"Umm... hello?" I thought outwardly, allowing anyone to pick my words up.
The Combusken squinted up through the grate, then gasped and did a happy little two-step jig. "Honey-bunch! Is that you floating up there?" She giggled, and it came out a like a squawking laugh. "It looks like you put on a few pounds!"
Hi-freaking-larious. "Yeah, it's me," I sighed. "Who's your friend... sweetie?" My brain tasted like sour after I said that.
"Well... I don't know. Those mean 'ol bird-cat things made me fight anything they put in here, and apparently I was doing good, so they made me fight this... fire-chicken," Miranda replied.
I resisted the urge to face-claw after she said 'fire-chicken.' If anything, she was the fire-chicken.
"Who are you calling fire-chicken?!" cawed the phoenix before flapping its wings and causing a miniature firestorm to rage within the pit. When the fire died down, along with my heart attack, both birds were still standing, and neither looked all the worse for wear. There seemed to be a few more blackened feathers on Miranda, but that was all.
"Enough!"
The Combusken and the phoenix stopped their angry circling of each other and looked back up.
"Phoenix—tell me your name, and for the love of me not feeding you to a Swinub, stop fighting!"
The phoenix harrumphed and began preening its feathers. "I see someone has more common sense than this one." The phoenix motioned with one wing towards Miranda. "You may call me Philomena."
If I still had a jaw, it probably would've crushed the two occupants below me.
Clingy ex? I feel your pain...
Title drop!
At first I thought she would be a Charizard, but then I thought "fully evolved Pokemon already? Nah."
2468860 I thought: 'Fire-breathing bird? Couldn't be a Blaziken, no-one is on their 3rd evolution yet' and 'can't be moltres, that's just OP'
'Torchic is a bit too small to be fighting in an arena...wtf was that one between torchic and blaziken? hurrdurr'
And actually, yes. I was expecting that.
0_0 gawd i feel sory for the gryphons after philomena gets back to celestia
And here I thought there was going to be a crossover.
That twist.
Thanks for uploading this chapter today, it really cheers me up. I've been reading The End of Ponies and it's taking a toll on my ability to resist feels. In other words, I've been in a state of intense depression and sadness because of a fanfiction. That's kinda sad...
2468860
I was thinking Ho-Oh. I guess I'm the guy who has the alicorn OC that's black and red and has a mysterious past... (I kid. However, that would be interesting to see how Celestia would react to Ho-Oh... and how Princess Luna would react to Darkrai and Crescelia...)
2468930
NO! Err, I mean, no.
No offense to the author, but that fanfic alone made there be so much hate for poke/pony crossovers in the first place.
2468816
Doesn't help that he's weak against fire.
2468967
Intentional
MORE NOW
Wait a second... Philomena never talked before.
Wow I did NOT expect that. Epicness is right around the corner!
Oh god I burst out laughing at that line XD
---
also, Philomena!? o.0
is she joins them, then I am now sure where that phoenix learned how to be a troll, and infected Celestia soon after. XD
2469135 pokemon
2469251 Oh right, they can understand her cause they're Pokemon, I should have thought of that.
2469135
2469251
and Nintendo Logic
2468965 That fic is a mechanical and narrative trainwreck, if the first four chapters are anything to go by.
And I was pleasantly surprised to see not only a pheonix, but Philomena make an appearance, A reverse reverse bait-and-switch on my nonexpecation.
... I think I got that right...
I bet it's difficult finding feminine Pokémon.
I think Metang's do have jaws. I know that Metagross' do.
2468816 argh no shit man...
Loved the chapter, but I was expecting Blaziken.
As for the title, I got the reference. -.-
PLEASE MAKE ONE OF THEM A ABSOL, PLEASE!
2468973 Wouldn't a water be more effective? or is that only rock?
2472443 ...me likey!
Hoenn is best region.
2472375
Not sure if honest or if you're being sarcastic and got what I referenced :3.
2471811
Beldum/Metang/Metagross is only weak to Fire and Ground.
2473255 Ah, I'd just assumed that metal and rock would be the same
* yeah, go Philomena! Philomena is best poni! (Seeing as how the rest of them don't EXIST yet. XD (Luna is on the moon, leaving ONLY Celly, and I am NOT voting her best pone.)
Saw that coming like an airplane coming in for landing on a REALLY foggy day
GAAAAAAHHHAAAAHAHAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Geez, how many hearts do you think I have???
I realize this is a really old story by now, but I need to mention.
I hate that my least favorite character in this story gets to be my #1 favorite pokemon. Goddammit.
Can you say? "DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNN!!!!"
A twist worthy of M. Night Shyamalan!
...Okay, maybe not.
Anyway, nice chapter
You can't hear my mad cackling. But I'm cackling madly.
ooooooh blaziken. das da best
Combusken looks like a dick....
Just so you know, it's not "B-line." It's "beeline." As in, when a bee is finished collecting pollen and flower nectar, it makes a beeline for its home as quickly as it can, making no stops or detours.