1
The rainbow maned Pegasus was napping on a fluffy cloud, when she heard somepony scream. Rainbow flew to the scene and saw a herd of Timber wolves going after one earth pony filly. Rainbow Dash attacked the wolves, shattering them to pieces. The filly thanked her and ran off. As Rainbow turned around the pieces of the wolves collided into one Alpha wolf. Rainbow tried to stop the wolves from ripping her to shreds, but she could only see blurs. The wolf pinned Rainbow down, she felt a sudden pain in her wing. Then she saw dark red liquid running down her side. Rainbow quenched in pain, suddenly passing out. The wolf saw Applejack coming to the scene and soon ran off, leaving Rainbow. The Earth pony looked down and saw the most horrifying sight. Rainbow was half alive, passed out, and covered in blood. Applejack managed to pick up her half dead friend and take her to the hospital.
Rainbow awoken several hours later in a pure white room. Her back was in horrible pain. She soon realized that she wasn't on a cloud; she was on a mattress. She slightly turned over to see Applejack crying. "Um.. A.J ?" she managed to creek out.
"Rainbow ! You're awake !"
"A.J... What happened ?"
"..."
"A.J ?"
"Well.. you almost got killed and well.."
"What ?"
"The wolves took your wings and.." she was stopped by tears..
Rainbow was mortified. A life without wings ? It was horrible enough when Discord took them from Rainbow for half an hour.
" Rainbow.."
"What else happened Applejack ?"
"They took... too.."
"What !?"
"Look at your right-hind leg"
Rainbow threw the blankets of the bed. There she saw a nub with scars. She looked at the other leg; it was covered in bite marks and swollen. Rainbow screamed at the sight, the heart monitors went faster, and Nurse Redheart ran in. She gave Rainbow a shot which, made her very sleepy. Rainbow went for a light nap. Nurse Redheart looked at Applejack to see her crying and saying it was all her fault.
" Sweetie it isn't your fault."
"Yes it is. If I would have came faster.."
"Applejack.. ponies make mistakes.. this was Rainbow's to make, not yours. If she didn't that filly wouldn't have lived. "
__________________________________________________________________________________
Applejack eventually had to go home. Hours later Rainbow had woken up. She was still mortified from the thought of being worse than an Earth pony. Redheart walked in and said that she had to change Rainbow's cast.
"No I can do it"
" Rainbow you ca-"
" I DON'T NEED ANY HELP !"
"Rainbow, you don't always have to be independent. There will be ponies that would love to help you.. So, can I do my job ?"
"Fine."
Rainbow's face turned red in embarrassment. She hated help any help. Rainbow looked down and saw her leg. She gagged and felt a tear, which made her even more mad.
"Rainbow."
"WHAT!"
"Geez.."
"Sorry"
"It's okay. Now as I was saying, we may not have prosthetic wings, but we do have legs."
"So. I'll still be an Earth pony."
Rainbow turned over, away from Nurse Redheart. She sighed and left the room. A few minutes later Rainbow found her self crying. She wiped her tears and looked at her fur. It was drenched and matted.
__________________________________________________________________________________
The next day Applejack, Applebloom, and Scootaloo came to the hospital. Scootaloo ran up to Rainbow first.
"Omigosh are you okay ? What happened ? Is your leg okay ? Can I touch it ? Can you walk ? Who's gonna teach me how to fl-" Applejack cut her off. Rainbow glared at her little sister, then ruffled her hair.
"Scootaloo ?"
"Yeah."
"Can you and Applebloom go into the waiting room? I want to talk to A.J alone. "
"Oh sure"
Rainbow waited until the door was shut to begin talking.
"Applejack ?"
"Yeah, Rainbow ?"
"Since I'm now an Earth pony. I was wondering....."
"What ?"
"Can I live at Sweet Apple Acres with you ?"
"Yes, on one condition"
"What?"
" You get prosthesis. You will heal and we need help on the barn."
"Well, duh."
__________________________________________________________________________________5 days later
" How do you put this thing on ?" Rainbow mumbled to her self.
" Do you need any help Rainbow Dash ?"
" No Nurse Redheart. Ugh.. Motherf-"
"Rainbow..."
" WHAT !"
"It's upside down...."
"I knew that...."
After ten minutes of struggling Rainbow gave up and accepted Redheart's help. Rainbow got up and tried to walk... FAIL . Rainbow tripped about eight times at the least and Nurse Redheart was trying not burst. " Rainbow why don't you sit down ? I have to go talk to Applejack."
"K.."
" Do ya think she's ready ?"
"Eh.. She tried putting her leg on upside down...."
"She's ready "
"Eh"
Rainbow managed to wobble through the door. "A.J, let's go."
" Ah told ya." As they left the Hospital Nurse Redheart shouted something about stitches.
"So A.J.."
"What ?"
" Who is going to teach Squirt to fly ?"
"We can worry about that later."
"A.J."
"Yeah ?"
".."
"Rainbow ?"
"Never mind, it's not important anyway"
"Oh, well okay."
__________________________________________________________________________________
"So Rainbow, wanna try Apple- bucking now ?"
"Yup !"
"There's one tree I don't want ya go near, okay."
"Which one ?"
Applejack pointed to a half rotted tree with no apples on it. It was filled with snakes.
"Seems easy enough."
Applejack demonstrated the right way to kick the trees; now it was Rainbow's turn. The cyan Earth pony wobbled, then tripped.
"Mother F-"
"Rainbow."
"Sorry.."
Applejack helped up Rainbow, who was red with embarrassment.
" Apple- bucking takes practice.. you'll get it Rainbow."
Applejack helped Rainbow position her self and helped her kick. Five apples fell off the tree.
"Well it's a start.."
Rainbow sighed and walked away. Just a few days ago she was the star of everything. She could fly. Flying was the only thing that made her free, now she was stuck on the ground.
"No wings and three legs... I'm a laughing stalk," she mumbled to her self.
"I could get you Big Mac's fifth leg."
Rainbow jumped up, then giggled a little bit. Applejack walked over to Rainbow and hugged her.
" You're not a laughing stalk. You are an amazing pony. Pegasus, Unicorn, or Earth pony you are still Rainbow Dash. "
Rainbow hugged Applejack.
"Rainbow, it's getting late. We should head inside"
"I be there in a few. You go without me."
Applejack walked off, and curiosity got the best of Rainbow. She walked over to the tree that Applejack told her to stay away from. She looked in the tree and all around it. "No snakes," Rainbow said with a grin. She propped her hind legs up like Applejack showed her, and she struck the tree. Which way does the tree fall ? The way it's leaning , and it was leaning towards Rainbow. The tree landed on her hind legs the real one and fake one. All over Sweet Apple Acres you could here a loud scream. Rainbow looked down and saw that her wounds from the flank down opened up. Her legs were ripped to shreds, from all the briers on the tree. Rainbow began to feel dizzy and passed out. Applejack found Rainbow five minutes later. She knew her friend was gone, but she took her to the hospital. As soon as they ran in Doctors quickly took Rainbow to the ER. Applejack sat down in the waiting room and began to cry.
About two hours later Redheart came out shaking her head. Applejack ran passed her and went into Rainbow's room. The monitors were very slow and Rainbow was hardly breathing. She looked at Applejack.
"I'm so sorry A.J. If I would have lis-"
"Rainbow it's all my fault. I should ha-"
"A.J "
"Yeah?"
Rainbow Dash pulled A.J towards her and gave her kiss.
"I love you Applejack"
"I love you too, Rainbow"
" A.J. no matter what happens.. this was never your fault, and I love you.."
"Rainbow.. What do you mean ?"
"Good bye Applejack..."
The heart monitors stopped, and Rainbow stopped breathing.
"NO ! RAINBOW !"
The doctors ran into the room , and some nurses pulled Applejack out of the room. Applejack began to cry and repeated Rainbow's name over and over again. Four ponies came into the room with Applejack.
"Um.. Applejack?" Fluttershy whispered.
"She's gone."
The girls all hugged each other as tear drops hit the floor.
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This whole story feels way to rushed, it should be slowed down a great deal and split into multiple chapters.
The title should be changed, because since Rainbow plays a huge part in the story, it should also include her.
And I did giggle a bit at Big Mac's fifth leg.
2067783
Make the writing bigger?
It's fine for me.
What do you mean?
>>ShagDragon I was half asleep when I wrote this and my sister thought of the title. .-.
2067843
I'm half asleap when I write lots of my stuff.
I don't then go and publish said dribble.
Why didn't you look it over carefully to find errors?
Uh Wut?
Went a little too fast, might want to work on your pacing
I think RD would be a lot mor emotionally distressed and ow can she Applebuck with a protein leg? It'll probably break
how Getting RD layed gonna help her?
2067927 I spent 45 minutes trying to correct grammar mistakes.
2067939
You tried. Fair enough then.
My apologies, I assumed you hadn't.
2067931 I have no idea how to reply to that..
2068000 you should say something like 'to reduce the stress of losing a wing, a leg, her life and her dreams'
The story was too fast paced, and before you post a story, try finding a proof reader to help you. More help is better than none at all. The more you write, the better you get.
2069521 I didn't quite think that through..
2067815 Yea I figured out what the problem was, it was on my end.
Oh well.
2069552 You should probably write out a story plan, and make it airtight.
2067811
"The Final Frontier has some boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. And we're looking at one." - Captain Janeway, "The Omega Directive"
2097147
I thought we were exchanging awkward Star Trek lines. That's my favourite. XD
But to give an actual critique of the story - yes, too fast paced, and no exploration of Rainbow's new condition whatsoever. There's a lot you can do with this kind of scenario - indeed, a lot that has been done with this scenario. For that, we need details! What's it like to lose a leg? Or to wear a prosthesis? What's the prosthesis like? Would Dash care that it looks weird, or would she think it's cool? Things like this interest readers, but you have to give it to them. :)
"Yes it is. If I would have came faster.." come
There never seemed to be an indication that Applejack needed to show up to begin with. You're 11 and you're making jokes about Big Mac's "fifth leg"? Your first sentence shouldn't have the spaces between words like that. It's "laughing stock" not "laughing stalk". Everything about this story is way too fast, there's no chance to breathe and feel bad for Rainbow Dash having this accident and her death is even more rushed. Where's the rest of the mane six? They would be worried as well. There was no mention before of Applejack telling Rainbow Dash to stay away from a tree.
This really is a good idea, but you need to flesh it out WAY more for it to be interesting and better paced.
Does the story have anything to do with Applejack's Sorrow? I'm not sure. But you had a good idea.
2955091 Not really...