• Published 31st Jan 2013
  • 18,278 Views, 126 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: Last Stand - bh18



The end is near, nearly all of humanity has been converted and now the survivors are mounting a final attack on Equestria.

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Pickett's Charge

The Conversion Bureau: Last Stand
Picket’s Charge
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July 4, 2070, 12:00 PM
Pacific Ocean, South of Hawaiian Islands
Iowa Class Battleship USS Iowa
He stood nervously in full combat gear, waiting on deck for the next round of ducks to pick up him and his platoon to begin landing; the landing that would decide the fate of the world. He was shivering, yet it was daylight, he felt sick, yet the boat hardly rocked, he felt all this, and still refused to bow out and go home; he had the choice after all. He wouldn’t though, because he wanted to fight for his freedom, for his humanity, for his right to choose! He wanted to fight…against her. The Tyrant Queen, the Great Dictator, two of many names given to Princess Celestia by mankind.

Only a year ago NOAA had reported an anomaly south of Hawaii, just hours after there were reports of flying ponies landing in Honolulu, a few carrying a chariot of all things and claimed to be bearing Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria. The Earth was in utter shock to say the least and world leaders had flocked to Hawaii to meet this Princess in person. Talking, sapient ponies, who would have thought? For about a month it was only news of the Princess, plus her later introduced sister, Luna, and their tour of the major countries of Earth. It was a time of cultural exchange and the shocking knowledge that not only is magic real, but that it’s able to be harnessed by all ponies. Then there was the fateful day when Twilight Sparkle, Celestia’s protégé and the Element of Magic gave a speech at the Palace of Nations in Geneva, HQ of the UN. She had essentially labeled every human being on Earth as greedy, vile, cruel and violent and had to be converted. Converted into what? Ponies of course.

He was shocked out of his reminiscing by the report of the Iowa’s 16-inch naval guns firing another salvo; they were joined by the reports of the New Jersey, Missouri, and Wisconsin. The old battleships had been re-commissioned when the Colossus Class Battleships, and every other piece of modern tech on Earth had been disabled by a massive CME (Coronal Mass Ejection). Thankfully the old battleships had been unaffected and lovingly cared for by their respective historical societies. It’s suspected Celestia was the cause but there was no way to confirm it. Not that it mattered.

The Platoon Leader shouted for everyone to get in the duck. He swallowed hard and steeled himself for this; they were about to land on Equestria’s beach and march inland towards Canterlot to join with the other Platoons. From there they would lead an assault on the Capitol and behead the Equestrian leadership, literally. They had to succeed they just had to. There weren’t many humans left, only a few thousand, and Celestia was gathering power for a conversion spell on a global scale, or so they were told by Human sympathizers within the Diarchy. If this assault didn’t work…they had their orders.
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2:00 PM
Canterlot Castle, Equestria
Throne Room
The Throne Room was truly a sight to behold. Great vaulted ceilings supported by marble columns, the walls interspaced by beautiful stained glass windows depicting a scene of nature or celestial objects and on the floor, a red carpet leading straight up to the raised throne where Celestia would sit when holding the daily court, having an audience or simply attending to some administration duties while flanked by two Royal Guards. The room was meant to inspire a feeling of awe and warmth in whoever enters it, today however was not the case.

Celestia stood on the balcony observing the lands and the humans that marched towards the center of her country. She puzzled over the ‘Human Question’ as it had come to be called and their fierce resistance to conversion. She had tried the peaceful way, that didn’t work. She then resorted to force, the humans fought back. She used their own sun to disable their war machines, instead they dug up older machinations that were immune to her previous tactic and were even now assaulting the barrier Princess Cadence and Shining Armor were maintaining. Each time she tried something different the humans had adapted! How? Why? When would they simply give up and accept it? Almost all of the Earth had been converted save for these holdouts.

The barrier weakened and flickered as another barrage of weapons fire from the great ships impacted. To compensate it shrunk in size, giving more ground to the humans. It had once projected as far as Fillydelphia but with each barrage it shrunk until it only covered Canterlot and some of the surrounding area. Unfortunately the cities had not been evacuated and no one had heard any news from them.

Celestia started at the feeling of a hoof on her left shoulder. It was Luna, come to comfort her in her distressed state.

“Are you alright, Sister?” A futile question but the gesture was welcome.

“I will be soon Luna, once the Elements have built enough power and the spell is cast, I will rest easy.” Celestia responded.

Another barrage, the barrier weakens.

“Celestia I can leave and join Princess Cadence and Shining armor to reinforce the barrier.” Luna offered.

Another barrage, the barrier weakens.

Celestia smiled but shook her head. “No dear Sister, for this spell to be properly controlled, it will require the both of us, and have faith in them; they will not let it fall before our duty is completed.”

Another barrage, the barrier weakens.

“It is not them I doubt Sister, these humans are…” She struggled to find the proper adjective. “Relentless.” Yes, that was good. “And possess an iron will like a Minotaur’s. I fear they may resort to worse measures.”

Celestia frowned. “I understand your worries, their capacity for such things is astounding; however I hold to my belief, we must stand firm Luna.”

Another barrage.

Barrier breaks.

Celestia’s eyes widened as she saw the barrier fall. The weapons fire from the ships stopped. A great cheer rose from the human hoard below and they attacked. The Royal Guard was utterly shocked and unready to respond in time. Celestia turned away to avoid seeing the carnage that would follow, and proceeded back into the Throne Room proper. Sitting in the center of the room were the Element bearers, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack and Pinkie Pie, all surrounded by a magical glow and their elements brimming with gathering energy.

“My little ponies be prepared! The humans have broken the barrier and even now meet the Royal Guard in the field!” She announced and drew a collective gasp from the Six. Celestia looked to Luna with a serious expression. “Luna prepare yourself for this-" Celestia was cut off as a Royal Guard, a very battered, bloodied and beaten guard stumbled into the Throne Room.

“Your Majesty, the humans have separated the Guards and some of them even now make their way here-“ Any further words the guardspony might have said were lost as a bullet tore through his neck and he choked on his blood. Another collective gasp sounded from the Element Bearers, save for Fluttershy who was on the verge of tears.

A single human, in equal condition to the late guard, stumbled into the room, pistol in hand.

“Too late, but one less pony to deal with.” He said coldly.

Celestia’s temper flared and her horn glowed with magic.

He looked up and fired his gun at the Princess. A shield she erected absorbed the shots with little effort. He fired again and his pistol clicked empty, he dropped it, picked up the guard’s abandoned lance and charged at Celestia. Instead he met Luna who delivered a swift buck to his abdomen that sent him crashing into the wall. He lay there, trying to summon the strength to get up but couldn't, instead he found himself being raised by a midnight aura and up to Luna’s angry face.

“If you intended to stop us you have failed, now just lay back and accept conversion,” A quick glance at his uniform’s name tag and rank markers first. “Private Clark. You will feel better. You will be better.” She said.
Clark sneered and spat a glob of blood on her face, then relished the astounded look she wore. “Go to Tartarus.” He told her. “I don’t want your so called gifts.” He literally, and figuratively, spat the word.

The human’s defiance only served to enrage Luna and in her fit of anger, she threw him against the wall again, and again, and again. A hoof on her right shoulder snapped Luna out of her enraged state.

“Why do you and your kind continue to resist?” Celestia asked. “Can’t you see that this is what’s best for you? You will have no greed, no want, and no hatred.”

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE!” Clark yelled. He had had it with this Princess and her bullshit reasons, and now he was going to give her a piece of his mind. “I don’t care what sort of perfect life you say we get if we convert. I don’t care if there’s plenty of food and no hatred. I don’t care what you’re offering period! None of that means anything if I don’t get a choice!”

“You will still have that freedom after conversion.” Celestia tried to sway him.

“Are you hearing anything I’m saying? Choice! Choice! CHOICE YOU SELF CENTERED BITCH! It’s all. About. Choice.”

“What is so important about choice? If something changes your lives for the better then what does it matter?” Luna questioned.

“Because that’s just who we are! Humans value freedom, equality and the right to choose above all others, and you spit on one, you spit on them all.” Clark said. “News flash Adolf Celestia, you didn't give us a choice from the beginning and just assumed we would go along like good little sheep. How’s that working out now?” He smiled.

Celestia glared at this defiant human. “Soon it won’t matter. The spell is nearly ready to be cast and once the rest of your kind is converted you will see you were wrong about us.”

“We have your army surrounded.” Clark reminded her. “Soon we’ll break through to the Palace.”

“I think not.” Luna floated him over to the balcony. “Look, human.”

Clark looked and found the shoe was now on the other foot, the human army was now surrounded by a sea of gold; guards Celestia must have kept in reserve for such an occasion, and with each side in close proximity, the battleships wouldn’t risk support fire. Luna returned him to his place on the wall.

“Your military is surrounded and outnumbered.” Celestia said. “And even now Pegasus Guards are on their way to your ships with some of your own bombs.” Clark’s eyes went wide. “They will be sunk and this pointless struggle will be over.”
“No. NO!” He struggled against Luna’s magical hold but she held him firm, her expression neutral and unwavering. “I have to…have to…”

Clark struggled against the force of the field to reach his radio; maybe the army could relay the message back to the battleships in time. Luna threw that plan out the window when she ripped the device out of its pouch and threw it away. At that moment Clark felt a sense of absolute defeat wash over him. Everything had fallen apart, it was over… Clark stopped struggling.

Wait... He listened closely. A sound was being carried by the wind. Not the sound of battle or orders or the citizens below. No. He listened closer. It was singing…human singing. The army was singing, many songs in fact. It was the national anthems of over two dozen countries. Clark felt a sense of hope, and then he started laughing.

“What? Is the thought of your imminent defeat so humorous to you?” Luna asked.

Clark ignored her. “Do you hear them Celestia? Do you hear them!” He called, while laughing. “They’re singing!”

Celestia and Luna listened and found, in fact, the human army was singing. Celestia went to the balcony herself to confirm this.

“What are they singing?” Luna asked.

Clark continued to laugh. “Anthems. National anthems from dozens of countries! Star Spangled Banner, O Canada, March of the Volunteers, La Marseillaise, Deutschlandlied, Russian National, a few out of many. What else are they doing?!” He called.

“They’re raising…flags.” Celestia said.

“Who’s flag?!”

“Many…”

Celestia was in awe and confusion. Why were they doing this?

“Why are they doing these things?” Luna voiced her question.

Clark ignored her as his laughing died down. “Bring me to the balcony.”

Luna was about to deny his request when a subtle nod from Celestia overrode her judgment. Keeping him suspended in magic she brought him to the balcony. At another nod from Celestia he was released of the field; with no weapon Clark was no threat.

“I repeat my question human, why are they doing these things?”

“Because they know they are going to die.” He said. “But they also know they will die free, waving their flag and singing the song of their homeland.” Clark snapped into a shaky salute to the distant U.S. flag. “They will die free humans.”

“Die?” Celestia said. “Why would they die? They’re going to be converted.”

Clark smiled and chuckled. “Because they don’t want to be converted.” He pointed at the two armies.

The humans kept their flags aloft and were now charging with a sudden, frightening ferocity. They were literally throwing themselves at the Royal Guards, a move which would be suicide against their lances.

Celestia froze as that single word hit her.

Suicide.

“They’re killing themselves.” She whispered.

“What?!” Luna gasped.

“They don’t want to be converted so…they’re…you’re all just going to kill yourselves?!” She had lost her composure and screamed at Clark, an action which only brought satisfaction to him.

So the Tyrant Queen has a heart after all. He sneered, and out in the distance he saw the brief birth of a new sun, followed by another, and another, and another. 4 new suns, 1 for each battleship; each had been retrofitted with a fission reactor as part of re-commissioning. He offered them all and the Iowa specifically a salute. That ship had ferried him and the troops to Equestria faithfully.

“Rest in Peace old girls, you’ve done good.” He whispered.

“Make them stop.” Celestia begged as the mass suicide continued below. “Make them stop please!”

“I can’t, and I wouldn’t.” Clark said. “This is our choice.” He emphasized the word. “And we do this of our own free will. If we can’t stop conversion then we can deny you a bloodless victory.” With no small amount of satisfaction he saw the Elements of Harmony flicker and die, perhaps the news had broken the bearers concentration. He was surprised to suddenly find the Element of Kindness, Fluttershy, wrapped around his waist. The other Element Bearers were close behind.

“Please please do something to stop this!” She cried, tears pouring from her eyes. “You don’t have to die okay? You can stay human, and then this can all stop and everything will be okay.”

Such a sweet pony, it was too bad she was the enemy in this.

“I’m sorry but this will happen.” He gently pried off the sobbing Pegasus and looked back at the battle. It was over. No human was left alive. That simply left one thing to do now.

“Mr. Human.” Twilight Sparkle, the Purple Menace, one of many names.

“Clark please.”

“Clark. Please, why are you doing this? I know there’s more to it.” She asked. Sharp girl and right; there is, or was, more to this decision.

“It’s because we wanted to make you see, one way or another why we resisted so much.” He shut his mouth quickly, cracking open the fake tooth he and everyone else had been given. “We saw this as the only way to do so since you wouldn’t understand anything else.” The poison spread through his body, numbing his extremities little by little. “I don’t know if we succeeded, but I’ll never live to see it.” He lost all feeling in his limbs and crumpled.

All the ponies surrounded him and started shouting, trying to get him to say what was wrong. Their words were nothing but gibberish to him as the poison spread to his brain. Clark vaguely saw Celestia using magic but knew it wouldn’t work; they had taken precautions for that. More and more his awareness of the living world faded and he did indeed see his life flash before his eyes, he smiled; it was a good life. The slideshow ended and he was facing a dark tunnel with a bright light at the end, there was even singing. Yet another cliché come true, yet he wasn’t complaining. He walked forward to Heaven, to his parents, grandparents, friends and etcetera. He walked towards it and sung with one of the many songs.

“O say can you see~, by the dawn’s early li~ght…”

Author's Note:

This came to me when I heard a specific part of the score, King of Pride Rock, from The Lion King soundtrack.
A bunch of other ideas simply came together after that and you have my first story, on Fim at least.
I hope you enjoyed.

Please share your thoughts, criticism is also welcome. But if you simply don't like the idea of the fic, go somewhere else.

Comments ( 126 )

So good. These evil Ponies should meet the good Ponies that would never do this to Humanity.

Beautiful. :fluttercry::rainbowdetermined2::moustache:

Well this is an interesting take on TCB.
Pray tell, are there more TCB's like this?

2053390
I'm honestly not sure. I'll have to look.

2053528
Well if you won't find any then good job. You have written an original story.
Sure it's based of a dead concept and isn't really good when other people take their insight on it, but you did something original by making the ponies sympathetic and making them realize that they were under an illusion.
Basically what you did was pull a Spec Ops: The Line on the ponies, which I fully approve.

2053545
Spec Ops: The Line? Gonna have to explain that to me.

2053550
It's a third person shooter that was released last year. It starts out like a generic shooter but it evolves into something much, muuuuch bigger. To sum it up kind of shortly:
It's in the near future and it takes in the city of Dubai. Several sand storms have been occuring, so the US sends in a batallion of soldiers to evacuate the city. Things go to shit, the evacuation fails and the city is engulfed 70% by sand. Everyone is presumed dead until several months later, the leader of the batallion sends out an emergency call. The US sends in a special team of 3 operatives to check it out, including you, the captain, the teams wise crack young boy sniper and the rational thinking, tank build black guy.

That's basically the intro. It's a really, really, really good game. Watch a walktrough of it on YouTube. It may look like a generic yellow shooter but it evolves into something different and it really gives you a new look on military life.

I just wish she turned some of the newfoals back Human to spare Humanity.

She did in a parallel universe. Or perhaps after this fan fiction.

2053578
I might just.

2053582
Haha no. Not "might". Will.
Seriously, do it. Do it doc.
Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it.

2053581
Key word there parallel, but regardless of any material to that argument I personally will not be adding that. The story exists as it is. If anyone else wants to take a stab at that, you have my full blessing.

wow amazing :'( so sad, it make me think about freedom ,but why do the ponies want to convert humanity?
well writen and definately a fav
Elixir :pinkiecrazy:

bh18 #13 · Jan 31st, 2013 · · 6 ·

2054036
I believe I answered the why, they see humans as evil, greedy and vile creatures...sadly the majority of us are but not all of us. Get it?

also makes ne think about what if the humans had a nuke...

2054065
Eh, overpowered.
Then there'd be no story.

Beautiful! Just... beautiful.

Bravo. You actually made the EOH actually somewhat sympathetic.

So it ends. Humanity does not go out with a whimper but with a blast of raw elemental fury.

I salute you Clark if there is some alternite universe which you live in I hope to met you some how.

Comment posted by Grey Warden deleted Feb 1st, 2013
Comment posted by Grey Warden deleted Feb 1st, 2013

2054362
I appreciate the comment but please try not to double, or triple post.

sad, very sad.:raritycry:

I've never read a conversion bureau story. I'm not sure the amount of hate I would receive from it would be healthy. I've read your story, and I actually find it pretty interesting.

the magic of friendship does not effect humans

Manly tears were shed at the end.

I can only imagine the final moments leading upto humanity's final charge. Definitely a good short story, IMO.

2055839
Beautiful selection.

Greatest story I ever read.

10/10 - It's okay - IGN

I'd love an alternate ending

2056471
Sorry, the story exists as it is. I am considering going more in depth, spread it out and observe each side.

Comment posted by Miyu Shinohara deleted Feb 28th, 2013

I... You..... ......No words can express my amazement to this story. I salute you sir. This has brought manly tears.

:fluttercry:

Oh look, a story that really makes itself known on my notifications page (I think I got 5 in total).

Okay, seriously. Until I cement my 'meh', mind telling me what this story is about? The writing is okay, and there could be something worthwhile put into it, though it can't hold up against even a moderately deep analysis even if the premise (Ten Rounds 'verse TCB) is a given. I repeat, what is the theme of this story? I honestly have little idea.

please have an aftermath chapter. i must read how they all react and handle the death. they have to see the battle field
pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssseeeee :pinkiehappy:

when i read this i was reminded of falling skies where the aliens where all like: WHY U NO GIVE UP

2057158
I agree. Pleeaaaaasssssseeeeee?
lol

bh18 #39 · Feb 2nd, 2013 · · 6 ·

2057791
Sorry to say guys that I won't be doing an aftermath chapter. The story works as a one-shot and I've gotten some pretty emotional reactions from it and adding an aftermath just feels like padding to me, it would only serve to spout exposition of how sad the ponies are feeling, that they realize now blah blah blah. It would just restate what has already been said in Picket's Charge and that I feel would take away from the impact of the story. It stays as it is, though I am considering writing a separate piece that goes more in depth but I'm on the fence at the moment.

2056808
Sorry if this sounds mean spirited but, I will not explain the story to you, or anyone for that matter, I don't feel that's my job. If you can't recognize the theme behind it, then tough, ask someone else.

Manly tears were shed during the reading of this story good job sir:moustache:

2059434
Lol thats ok it just leaves me to think

2059434
Okay, I'll find it by myself. I'll tear this story to pieces if I have to. :rainbowlaugh:

Here we go with our expedition!

I like that title, by the way. This is a special case so I withdraw from pointing out most writing related things. Oh well: ”He wanted to fight…against her.” A nice gratuitous ellipsis there. Okay, not about that anymore. :D

”old battleships had been lovingly cared for by their respective historical societies” So there's a ”Keep Old War Machines Operational -society” out there. Would've never guessed that.
”modern tech on Earth had been disabled by a massive CME (Coronal Mass Ejection)” Why the acronym? And those things occur naturally as well; one heck of a risk to have zero countermeasures. Though it makes the ponies' conquest more plausible.
”Human sympathizers within the Diarchy” Hmm... this could be interesting. Who am I kidding? This is the only mention they get!
”If this assault didn’t work…they had their orders.” Nice waste of ellipsis again. Okay, not really, I see what you're going for, but how it's written out here is simply too vague. Now it's like it's supposed to be a surprise that they have orders. ”They were prepared for anything” would be a better alternative.
”She had tried the peaceful way, that didn’t work” I'm going to assume this means the Conversion Bureaus themselves. Not surprising they weren't successful with the lousy PR speech and all.
”Each time she had tried something different the humans had adapted! How? Why? When would they simply give up and accept it?” Guess what Celestia? I too would like to know how. And really? Celestia thinks it's only a matter of time when humans give up and accept it? They are on her doorstep! She must've had at least a million people to say ”NEVER” to her face in the preceeding times.
”Unfortunately the cities had not been evacuated and no one had heard any news from them.” If the fastest form of communication is a pegasus courier, shouldn't that be expected? Why would the humans do anything but travel through those places anyway?
”may resort to worse measures” Worse than destroying and killing stuff? I realize this is a bit of a foreshadowing but so very very ineffective considering it comes off as a surprise to them later on.
”The Royal Guard was utterly shocked and unready” The hell were they doing then?
”she threw him against the wall again, and again, and again.” Luna tortures people. I didn't see that coming.
”no greed, no want, and no hatred” I just have to take your word for it, I guess.
”guards Celestia must have kept in reserve for such an occasion” Made sense to have that first line of defense do nothing but die and let one soldier to the freakin' Throne Room. Not my kind of sense, though.
”her expression neutral and unwavering” Because the man had been tortured enough?
Nice pointless filler with the radio. This guy is a damn Private and if he'd told them to fire at the Castle, what for? If they wanted Celestia dead they would've fired immediately.

Okay, now we get to the supposed point of the story. The incredibly pathetic dialogue notwithstanding, choice seems to be one. Choice to follow suicidal orders, it seems. Wait, what? ”We do this of our own free will.” How do you get a couple of thousand people to commit suicide ”of our own free will?” Did they somehow get all the world's crazy people on those boats?
There's another baffling thing as well. The Mane 6 gets a pass but Celestia and Luna have no excuse for being this oblivious. It's like this is the first time they actually meet a guy who's against them and the whole thing. There's a reason why Ten Rounds is such a good fic even though it has a similar ”last stand” type of thing. Here the designated villain is nothing more than a verbal punching bag and the designated hero is just some guy raised to a giant pedestal to represent the whole species with his ideaological blather.

”we can deny you a bloodless victory” There has been all-out war for who knows how long? Bloodless my ass. If Celestia valued life over all else she would've stopped forced conversions as soon as people began to die.
”Such a sweet pony, it was too bad she was the enemy in this.” Well, if you say so, author.
”we wanted to make you see why we resisted so much” As did billions of people before these crazies. Besides, that's not what they wanted to do, they wanted to kill the Diarchy. Committing mass suicide doesn't answer the question anyhow.

So... Where was the theme in all of that? It can't be ”the value of one's heritage” since nothing indicates that would change beyond thumbs. It can't be that humanity is relentless or adaptive or something since here they were all coward little shits. But what it can be is ”if you find the world unfair, then you must be too good for it”. Things change all the time no matter our opinion about it. These people, these couple of thousand ”soldiers” go against that change only to say ”we don't like this, look at what we do instead” and kill themselves. I wouldn't even call this a tragedy but a sad farce.

2063352
Okay, wow. Wasn't expecting that.

I kinda want to get into this but at the same time I know that if I do, it'll be as long as Microshaszm's post and about twice as cranky. I'll hold off for now as I don't want to make that a habit, especially since most of the crankiness is from an outside source.

At any rate, overall it was a decent story. Yes, there are a few things that are out of place like the very wordy private speaking for all mankind and the suicide rush. I know it's supposed to be symbolic but at the same time it really does beg the question of how that many humans decided suicide was a better option than using some of the truly horrific weapons in humanity's arsenal. I don't mean nukes. I mean stuff like chemical, biological, and most horrifyingly enough radiological warfare. Jet's flying overhead and releasing materials like powdered cobalt 60 from shielded compartments over Equestrian population centers. Anthrax dispersal bombs set off near markets. These are truly horrible, but when pushed to the brink, desperate people do horrific things.

However, I can see wanting to go with a heroic self-sacrifice to teach the ponies a lesson as opposed to whipping out weapons and tactics that would leave the most hardened criminals and monsters in our history weeping in terror.

I enjoyed this short story. I couldn't help but feel sorry for both sides. Hope you do more stories like this :pinkiehappy:

I was hoping that the ships will launch nukes in the end :fluttercry:

2171524 Brain: Error nitpick detected. Preparing to translate comment...

Translation complete. Begining translation...


I don't like this that is off by a little bit and this is spelt wrong and this is awkward and the pacing is off even though it is a one shot and it is supposed to have different pacing then a full leangth story and I don't like this plus this is pronounced wrong and now I will tell you how good this story is even though I am not actually a cridic is that it is kind of good but the blablabla's and the olala's ruined it for me.

2063352

While that was an interesting review my brain automagically made a translation of it, this is what resaulted of said translation...

Wannabe critic... wannabe critic... I want to be a critic. I do not like this, screw this, I must pick this one shot apart bit by bit. Omg, I did not like that therefore it is a bad part of the story.

I do not like the dialog even though it is a main part of the story, I do not like this, I do not like that, this sucks, this is bad because I said so, nothing makes sense the way I see it. I would not have done that so it is bad.

I shall continue treating this one shot like a full story even though it is not supposed to be like a full story, oh and by the way I did not like the dialog so therefore the story is bad.

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