• Published 31st Jan 2013
  • 895 Views, 24 Comments

Dash of Loyalty - GingerLuna



Rainbow and her sister Firefly have always been a team. Together they face bullies, family issues, and even death. But no matter what, they stick together, and refuse to leave each other's sides.

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Act I

Dash of Loyalty

Act I

The sun had just disappeared beneath the clouds, but there was still light in the sky. Most of the other little pegasi were inside, playing with toys or other lame things. But a measly sunset couldn't stop me from being outside. I was dashing around the sky with my older sister, Firefly. We were zooming around so quickly, all I could see of Firefly was a pink smear. The clouds were large and fluffy, the sunset having stained them a gentle shade of pastel pink.

“Can’t catch me, Rainbow!” Firefly grinned cheekily. She gave another burst of speed, creating an even larger distance between us.

“Of course I can, Firefly!” I landed on a cloud and flapped my wings in frustration. I wasn't going to race if she had a head start.

Firefly stopped her dashing and landed next to me.“Bring it on!” She stomped her hoof. "I can beat you anytime!"

We lined up on the soft, fluffy cloud, each of us stretching our wings and shaking our manes, restless to fly. I was determined to beat Firefly and prove that I was the faster sister.

“On your mark.” Firefly leaned down and stretched her wings.

“Get set.” I whipped my tail in anticipation.

“Go!” we shouted at the same time. We both shot ahead. It was impossible to tell who was winning. The cool evening air rushed through my feathers as I flew as fast as I could. A leap of joy rose in my chest as I realized that I was giving her a run for her previous evening's title.

“Firefly! Rainbow!” The familiar sound of Mommy's voice called somehow reaching our ears even though we were quite a distance from our home.

We skidded to a halt, turning around in midair. I looked at Firefly with disappointment, and she returned my glance with an exasperated nod. Mommy always had the worst timing.

“Time for dinner! Come on in, you silly fillies!”

“Coming Mom!” I called.

“Hey Bow! Race you back to our house?” Firefly tossed her mane, a challenging look in her eyes.

“It’s on!” I flew off without warning.

“Hey! I wasn't ready!” Firefly whined as she struggled to catch up with me. Finally I was in the lead, and the thrill of victory was so close I could nearly taste it.

Our house sat alone, on a huge cloud stretch that was big enough for a mansion, but Mommy and Daddy had built a small house so we wouldn't have any neighbors. Mommy and Daddy liked it that way. Daddy told us that when he was a colt, his neighbors had been a bother. It was only natural that he didn't want his foals to have neighbors. I still felt lonely sometimes, but I have Firefly to play with. She was the best sister ever.

Mommy was standing in the doorway when I landed on the front porch, nearly crashing into our furniture. “I won! I won!” I gave a victory twirl as my mother smiled.

“That’s great, lil’Bow!” she cooed, nuzzling me gently.

“No fair!” Firefly shouted. We looked to see her flapping exhaustively across the sky. “Rainbow cheated!”

“Did not!” I flew up to challenge her.

“Did too!” Firefly dropped down to my level.

“Girls!” Mommy snapped. “You both are very fast fliers! I don’t want any more fighting! Now come on inside, dinner’s getting cold.”

“Yes Mommy.” I fluttered into the house and over to the table. You don’t argue with Mommy or Daddy. That lesson had been drilled into us countless times.

We stumbled down the hall, and fluttered quietly over to the dinner table. Daddy was waiting for us. He looked a little impatient as he stared at his steaming bowl of soup. I sat down next to him, and we started our dinner. I tried to slurp my soup gently so Mommy wouldn’t fuss at me about getting it on the table.

Mommy and Daddy were too quiet at dinner. Usually they talked about their days at work, or asked us about school. Today, for some reason, they didn’t talk to us or each other at all. Firefly was obviously feeling as awkward as I was. We tried to make conversation, but Mommy and Daddy weren’t looking at each other. Was this our fault for fighting? I stole a glance at Firefly, and the shameful way she was staring down at the table let me know that she felt the same way.

We ate our dinner quickly, then cleared the table and went upstairs into our room.

Firefly and I shared a room. It was usually pretty sloppy. Clothes were hanging out of our dresser, the bunk beds were rarely made,and socks and comic books littered the floor. Firefly had the top bunk because she was the oldest, but I liked my bottom bunk. Instead of getting ready for our bath, I flew up to talk to Firefly instead.

“Why were Mommy and Daddy so quiet today?” I sat down at the bottom of her bed.

“I don’t know Rainbow.” I looked nervously at the door. “I’m sure they’re just tired.”

“I guess.” Deep down I knew that it was something a lot more serious than that. Probably something I wouldn't understand.

Mommy came in later and gave us our bath, but she was grumpy and hostile. She snapped at us when she realized we weren't already in the bathroom, she didn't speak to us at all as she filled the bathtub with warm water, and yanked our manes while she shampooed them. When she left to get towels, Firefly and I started a splash fight. We didn't mean to get water all over the bathroom, but when Mommy came back she started screaming at us. I fought back tears, and didn't speak as she wrapped me in a towel.

Since Mommy had to clean up the mess Firefly and I had made in the bathroom, we put our own pajamas on and sat on our bunk beds while we waited for her. She emerged after a few minutes. She smiled at us, and trotted over.

"So responsible." She nuzzled me gently and wrapped Firefly in her wings. "I'll read you two a story. Want to pick one out?"

Firefly and I flew over to the bookshelf and we both tried to grab the same story. We giggled and I let Firefly grab it and carry it over to Mommy. The story was called "Perry the Peculiar Pegasus". It was a favorite of both of us. After the story was over, Mommy turned the night-light on, tucked both of us in bed, and left, flicking the lights off as she closed the door.

I squirmed around in my blankets, trying to get to sleep, but I just couldn't. Why were Mommy and Daddy so grumpy? And what wasn't Firefly telling me?

“Firefly? Are you asleep?”

“No."

“I’m nervous," I whispered. "What’s wrong with Mommy and Daddy?”

“I just don’t know, Rainbow. I just don’t know.”

“Do you think it’s something serious?”

“I hope not, I mean, it can’t be.”

“Maybe Mommy’s sick?"

“No, she’s not. If she was sick, she wouldn't be grumpy. She’d be, well, sick. Coughing and stuff.”

“Well, do you have a better idea?!” I shouted at Firefly, almost getting out of bed.

“Shh!” she hushed,“We’re supposed to be asleep.”

I rearranged myself in my blankets and shut my eyes. “Who’s awake? I’m just sleep-talking.” I stifled a giggle.

Firefly giggled too. I heard a rustle of sheets. “Yep, we’re just sleep-talking. Silly uncontrollable habits,” she said, her voice slightly muffled.

I shut my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but suddenly I heard shouting coming from downstairs. I recognized them as Mommy and Daddy.

“I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” Daddy bellowed in an insane tone that almost split my eardrums. “I CAN’T PRETEND!”

“STOP!” Mommy said desperately. I heard heavy wingbeats as one of them, probably Daddy, rose into the air. “You’re drunk, Blitz! Please. Let’s go upstairs. Get some nice sleep.”

“Just because I’m drunk doesn't mean that I can’t remember!” he shouted. There were crashes as he knocked things aside. “It doesn't mean I can’t remember how I feel—about you!”

“Blitz, please!” Mommy shouted. “Firefly and Rainbow! They’re upstairs.”

I flew out of bed and hovered next to Firefly’s bunk. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was just as terrified as I was.

“What does Daddy mean?” I asked her fearfully.

“I don’t know.” She flew out of bed. “Should we go downstairs?”

“No!” I shouted, sitting down in her bed. “We’d get in trouble. And Daddy’s already upset. "

So we sat together and listened as Mommy and Daddy yelled at each other. I curled up next to Firefly, and cringed as I heard their throat-tearing shouts. Daddy started yelling at Mommy about how he never loved her, then she called him a liar, and eventually one of them stormed out of the house.

We heard hoofsteps on the stairs.

I dashed down to my bunk, and pulled my blankets over me just in time. I heard the hoofsteps grow closer, and then the door creaked open. I cracked my eyes open just wide enough to see that it was Mommy. She was crying. She flew over to me and kissed my forehead, then flew up to Firefly's bunk. Then she turned around to look at us, sighed, and walked out of the room.

I heard her sobbing in the hallway.

“Firefly?” I whispered, trying not to show my fear. “I’ve never heard Mommy cry before.”

“It’s okay, Rainbow.” I felt like there was a twinge of doubt in her words, “Just go to sleep. Everything will be fine in the morning.”

I had no choice but to believe her. Snuggling up in my blankets, I forced the thoughts of Mommy and Daddy out of my head. Instead I thought about earlier, when Firefly and I had been playing in the sky. Everything had been so much simpler then. All I had cared about was winning our silly little races. The clouds had been pink and fluffy: my favorite. Slowly, I could feel my mind slipping into nothingness, and I welcomed it. Sleep was the one thing I wanted at this moment.

Somepony was bustling around my room. I heard the sound of the curtains being pulled open, books being put on shelves, and the soft flutter of wings.

“Mom?” I croaked, rolling over in bed and struggling to open my eyes.

“Time for school, Rainbow,” she said coolly, going to wake Firefly.

I got out of bed and Mommy brushed my mane, then went to help Firefly. I grabbed my schoolbag in my teeth and shoved all of my folders and books into it, double checking that the small, plastic Wonderbolt action figures I had acquired the other day were safely tucked into one of the pockets.

Once we all were ready, we went downstairs and Mommy made us breakfast while I played with my Wonderbolt action figures. Usually we would eat the yummiest pancakes in the world, but today we were just having oatmeal. I groaned when I thought about how bland it would taste compared to the warm, syrupy treats we usually ate, but I knew that Mommy would be mad if I complained. Instead I took one of the Wonderbolts out and grasped it in my hooves, making zooming noises as I flew it around the kitchen.

“No toys at the table!” Mommy snapped, and I quickly shoved them into my school bag.

We drank our milk and ate our oatmeal. It was bland and watery as usual, but I didn't dare complain in front of Mommy. She would probably be furious if she knew how much I wanted Daddy back, and how much I hated the food she'd worked hard to give to me.

When we were done Mommy made us brush our teeth, than we walked outside and waited on the front porch for her as she got her bag. She seemed sort of frazzled, but Firefly and I didn't mind. Most days I dreaded going to school, but today was a special day. Today, I was bringing in my Wonderbolt toys to show to my friends. Firefly was excited about some nerd thing, but I was happy for her. Secretly, I wanted to ask her about where Daddy was, but I knew that it was too risky when Mommy might walk out at any second.

After about a minute, Mommy came. We all took off. Firefly and I wanted to race, but Mommy said we had to fly at a regular pace, or we’d get to school all sweaty and nasty.

When we arrived, Mommy hugged us and told us each to have a good day. She held us a little tighter than she usually did, and I knew that it was because of what had happened last night, so I hugged her back enthusiastically. I looked over Mommy's shoulder at Firefly, and she smiled warmly at me. Firefly understood how dire the situation was too. Mommy trotted over to chat with the teacher for a minute or two, then left. I saw her turn around to look at us, but I pretended that I hadn't seen anything. I gave Firefly a playful nudge, then we each ran off to greet our friends, and completely forgot about Mommy and Daddy’s argument.

I walked into the classroom, and saw most of my class standing in circles talking. Silly little Ditzy Doo was chatting with a shy filly named Fluttershy and a colt named Brolly by the cubbies. Across the room our three local bullies, Hoops, Iron-Bell and Score were talking. They were probably chatting about killing butterflies or setting thunderclouds loose or something. I hated them.

Papermoon was showing his friends Raindrops and Parasol how to draw a proper pegasus wing, and Dizzy Twister was talking with our teacher. The only one of my close friends I saw was Blossomforth, who was sharpening her pencil, but Thunderlane and Lighting Bolt would be here soon. They lived a little farther away from school than we did. The four of us were practically inseparable.We all wanted to be Wonderbolts when we grew up, and we all loved to race each other and go fast.

“Hey Blossom!” I called and Blossomforth turned around and ran over to greet me.

“Hey Rainbow! Did you bring your action figures?”

“You know I did.” I opened up my backpack so she could see them.

"Are those the action figures?” A voice asked from behind me, and I spun around to see Thunderlane grinning at me.

“You bet!" I wrapped my front legs around his neck.

“I’m so excited to play with them!” Blossomforth took out one of the leader, Lightning Dash. She made zooming noises as she whipped her around in the air. "I can't believe that you got the new model this fast, Rainbow!"

"I know, right?" I watched to make sure that she handled the figure like the treasure it was.

“Cool!” Fluttershy said, flying over and picking up the figure of Lighting Dash. I blushed a bit at all the attention. Fluttershy didn't usually hang out with us because she had no interest in speed or the Wonderbolts, but she was a nice filly all the same. If she thought that the figures were cool, then they had to be pretty awesome.

“I know, right? Now give it back, I don’t want to lose any.”

Fluttershy handed it back and sighed sadly, walking over to talk to Ditzy. I felt a little bad, but she had taken it without permission.

I heard a scuffle from behind me, and I turned to see Lightning Bolt running to greet Thunderlane. She threw her wings around him, and he did the same. They broke apart after a few seconds.

“Hey Lightning!” I called, flying over to greet her, Blossomforth close at my heels. We all instantly started talking about our plans to play with the new Wonderbolt toys at recess. A few more ponies trickled in, and after a few minutes our teacher, Mrs. Scarlet, walked to the front of the room.

"Take your seats please, my little ponies," she chirped cheerfully in her usual manner of starting the class.

I put my backpack in my cubby and sat down at my desk in between Papermoon and Fluttershy. They were pretty fun ponies to sit next to, even if Papermoon always got pencil shavings all over my desk and Fluttershy made me answer questions for her.

The morning flew by. We had been learning about how to add numbers with two digits instead of one. Mrs. Scarlet had made up a cool story to help us learn, and at the end when we all understood, we got to draw pictures of the characters them until recess.

Thunderlane, Blossom, Lightning and I dashed out of class. We ran out onto the playground and sat down by the swings. I pulled the figures out of my backpack and passed them out.

Blossomforth wanted to be Lightning Dash first. Thunderlane took Spark Sky, and Lightning Bolt chose Cloud Fire, which left me with Sonic Streak. I didn't really care that I got the leftover, because all the Wonderbolts were my favorites anyway. I was happy that we didn't fight about who would be which pony. Some ponies on the playground spent the entire recess arguing about who got to be who in their games, but we settled it in a few minutes. I was lucky to have such an awesome group of friends.

We flew the figures all around the playground. We pretended that Equestria was in danger, and that the Wonderbolts had to save it. The four of us battled Nightmare Moon, Discord, dragons, and all sorts of baddies that we’d only heard fairytales of.

“Hey, Wonderdonts!"

I shuddered at the sound of Hoops's dimwitted insult.

“Hoops.” I gently dropped Sonic Streak and took a step forward. “You got something to say to us?”

The others stepped up too. I turned around for a second to make sure that all of my precious action figures were safe. Blossomforth tucked them under her wing before moving forward to stand beside me.

“Yeah, I’ve got something to say to the dumbest group of ponies this school has ever seen,” Hoops threatened, his gaze not matching the intensity of his words. “Why don’t you idiots go and race against a snail or something?”

Score and Iron-Bell jeered at us from behind their leader. Thunderlane looked furious, but I thought their insults were just lame.

“Your material’s getting worse,” I snapped at Hoops. “Just let us do our own thing. We’re not bothering you.”

“Yeah,” Lightning Bolt agreed, “for some silly reason you think that you’re actually getting to us. But you're not, so just go away.”

I turned around and the others followed my lead. We started to walk away. There was a scuffle and a shout from behind me, and I spun around to see that Iron-Bell had Thunderlane pinned to the ground. Blossomforth dropped the action figures to try to help him, but was unable to pull Iron-Bell off.

“Get off of him!” I shouted, dashing over. I raised my hooves and smashed them into Iron-Bell's back.

Thunderlane managed to wiggle his way out of Iron-Bell’s grip. All Iron-Bell had done was grab him, but we were still furious. Unfortunately, none of the teachers had seen, and we weren’t tattle-tales.

“Hey, Wonderdonts?” Score teased. I turned around to see him holding my action figures, a nasty grin on his face.

“Give me those!” I screamed, angry tears springing up in my eyes.

“Oh, I’ll give them back. When I’m done with them,” Score sneered, throwing two to Hoops and two to Iron-Bell. They both caught them and sneered at me. I flung myself at them in a mess of desperation.

“Give them back!” A voice called, but it wasn’t Thunderlane or Lightning Bolt.

It was Firefly, and she was furious. She looked godlike as she stood in a threatening position. She, being my older sister, was taller than any one of us, and she was much faster.

“We, we were just messing around,” Hoops said nervously, throwing the figurines at me. Iron-Bell did the same. “We weren’t seriously going to take them,” he promised.

“Of course you were. I heard all the junk you were saying about my sister and her friends,” Firefly snarled, rising into the air in rage. “And I swear to Celestia, if you ever mess with her or any of her friends again, I personally will make sure that you pay for it; by telling the principal of your behavior and making sure that every single one of you gets expelled!”

“We…we weren’t,” Hoops muttered, his voice trembling, “We’re sorry.”

“You better be!” Firefly snapped, “Now scram, before I change my mind about beating the crap out of you.”

The three bullies ran as fast as they could to the other side of the playground, and I could hear them whimper in fear.

“Woo hoo!” Blossomforth cheered, flying up to hoofbump Firefly.

“I never knew that Rainbow had such an awesome sister!” Lightning Bolt gave a little jump of glee.

“Thanks, Firefly,” Thunderlane said, looking at her with admiration.

But Firefly ignored them. Instead she flew down, sat next to me, and put a wing around my shoulders.

“Are you alright, Rainbow?” she asked.

Lightning Bolt had gathered up my figurines and placed them in front of me.

“I’m fine," I answered, still a little sad.

“Just ignore those idiots, Rainbow,” Firefly said kindly. “They’re not worth getting upset over.”

“I know that.” I kneaded the cloud absentmindedly. “We were ignoring them, but they tackled Thunderlane.”

“Nah, they never really had me fully controlled.” Thunderlane boasted, stretching his wings and raising his hoof heroically. “I just wanted to see you fillies hammer them.”

“Sure you did.” Blossomforth knocked him out of his majestic pose.

We all giggled, and played with the figures until the lunch bell rang, then we all went inside.

I never forgot how she stuck up for me that day, and how lucky I was to have such a loyal sister.

Author's Note:

Hey, and thanks so much for reading the first Act of my story! Each Act will roughly be 3,000 words, but I was recently working on the 3rd one and it went way over....so...deal with it. :P Anyway, it's definitely not over. So please stick with me! I promise that this story will be worth it.

Oh, in this act Firefly is eight years old and Rainbow is five years old. The next Act will be three years in the future, and so is the Act after that, etc.

By the way, at this point in the story, her name isn't Rainbow Dash. It's Rainbow. Remember that.

Comments ( 24 )

This review is brought to you by the group Authors Helping Authors

Name: Dash of loyalty

Grammar: 9/10 (A few mistakes)

Pros: Characters stayed in character.
Story had a nice flow to it.
Was cute

Cons: noticed two spelling mistakes (in between to Papermoon and Fluttershy.) the to soesn't belong there.

(But you’re don’t,) think this is supposed to be (not)

only other thing I can think of is it's a little simplistic.

Notes: Let me just say that for someone of your age this is pretty good, while it's a bit simplistic I never felt like it was a negative. A little more description here and there would be nice. Anyway you've got a nice start and I look forward to more chapters.

Hope you liked your review don't forget to review my story Guardian of the Hearthfire.

Signed
Hingard (Admin)

2054998

Thanks for the review! I fixed the mistakes, and I'll read your story as soon as I have time. :pinkiehappy:

2055510 take your time.

Loving it so far!

This review comes on behalf of the Authors Helping Authors group.

Name: Dash of Loyalty
Grammar score: 10/10 (I didn’t notice anything)

Pros:
- I like the idea that Firefly is Rainbow Dash’s sister.
- Filly Rainbow Dash is always cute.
- The story flowed smoothly.
Cons:
- To be honest I can’t think of any.

Notes: I normally don’t like stories with sad or tragedy tags, but so far I like this. The chapter could have been fleshed out more, but it got the story across without being too simple for my liking. Simple is good sometimes.
If it’s not too much trouble, would you kindly take a look at, and review, my story The Lion and the Unicorn, please. :twilightsmile:

2068969

Thanks so much for your review! Yeah, I've always had that little headcanon of them being sisters. :rainbowdetermined2: I'll definitely take a look at your story.

I am curious, Is the name inspired by the song "Loyalty" by AcoustiMandoBrony?

2071563

No, it isn't. But I've heard that song. I came up with the name when I was playing the MLP Gameloft game, and I was clearing Parasprites using Loyalty Shards. Then a line popped into my head; "If you had a dash of loyalty you'd stay!" And the story kind of evolved from that...that line comes in later by the way.

Thanks for commenting! It really means a lot. Seeing the comment made my day. :raritywink:

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: Dash of Loyalty

Grammar: 8

Pros:

-Not sure if it's intentional, but I like how the writing style is simplistic to match Rainbow's young age. It would be cool if it got more advanced as she grew up :raritywink:
-Having Firefly as her sister was a cool idea
-Rainbow and Firefly are just so cute :3

Cons:

-I don't think that Rainbow and Firefly should've forgotten about their parents arguing. That should have at least weighed on their minds a little bit.
-Some of the names don't sound like pony names (Barnie? If that's a nickname, you should clear that up, because that doesn't sound very pony-ish)
-The grammar problems can get a bit distracting, at least to me :twilightblush:

Notes
Now, let's get down to business on this whole grammar thing.
Really, the main problem was with dialogue. Let's find an example, shall we?

“Yes Mom.” We said grumpily, fluttering into the house and over to the table.

This sentence has pretty much all of the dialogue problems in it that I could find in your story. First off, that period should be a comma, because "We said grumpily" is a speaker tag. That brings me to my next point. Because "We said grumpily" is a speaker tag, the "We" shouldn't be capitalized. Pretend the quotation marks aren't in the sentence when you're dealing with that if that clears things up for you.
So, the fixed sentence should look something like:

“Yes Mom,we said grumpily, fluttering into the house and over to the table.

Another miscellaneous thing:

”Are those the action figures?” A voice called from behind me, and I spun around to see Thunderlane grinning at me.

The first quotation mark is facing the wrong way here.
One last thing, the indenting in the paragraphs is inconsistent. You either indent or you don't. Please choose. :twilightblush:

I hope that this review has been somewhat useful to you! If you have the time, I would be honored if you took a look at my story: The Generation That Even Time Has Forgotten

Your Faithful Critic,
FlanChan

2093129

Thanks for the review! I think I fixed everything...but you might want to check.

Looking back on my writing process, I think I did try to make it simplistic because she was a filly. Wow. I can't believe I forgot that...thanks for pointing that out. The other acts are much more detailed.

2093720
Woah, I have mind reading powers :pinkiecrazy:

2093771

Yeah, I remember reading it and thinking, "Yeah...people are saying it's simplistic and bare..., wait. I think I did do it on purpose!" I wrote it around Christmastime, so I sort of forgot my writing process. :facehoof:

I can't wait for you to release the other chapters!

2094148

Thanks. The next act is where it gets good. I hate this act compared to it. My friend and I were reading it out loud, and it was quite powerful. That's why I didn't focus on the plot of their parents fighting in this act, because it's elaborated on so much in the next one.

2094223
Ooh, that makes more sense :twilightblush:
Any idea of when the next Act will be released? :pinkiesmile:

2094723

When this Act is ready for EqD, so I'm not overworked getting the other act ready. But the other act still needs to be edited and looked over a little...maybe Wednesday or Tuesday. No promises though. I really can't wait until you read it, parts of it are a little scary; but it's still really good.

2095092
Excitement activated! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

I like how this ones simplistic to match Rainbow's age, fits rather well.

Now I don't know if I should he the one giving this adivice because I was notorious at it when Istarted writing, but on your other story, I would like, no, love more literature 'meat'.

When I read it, I raced through it, nothing to really read and I really wanted more!!
So I suggest just going a little more in-depth, cause it was a skim.
(so was and still is mine)


By the by, what is this Authors helping Authors group?

2144655

If you're talking about LTTS, that story is really outdated and I have no intention of fixing all of it's problems. I'll probably say the same thing about DoL someday. Circle of Life. If you're talking about DoL, I am currently in the stages of editing it and adding more description. Bear with me. :pinkiehappy:

Author's Helping Author's a group that helps authors that aren't as well known get views, faves, and reviews on their work. It's a nice group.

Huh, sounds like a great group :pinkiehappy:

Wait, who gave my story a thumbs down? And why? Please, let me know so I can fix the problems you saw. :pinkiesad2:

It's really brilliant to read this with so much description added. It really helps me to feel for your characters so much more. Love it! :pinkiehappy:

I love reading this with the added description! It adds so much more life to the characters.

Is there a chance of this updating in the future? :fluttercry:

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