A human girl in Equestria, a sexy earth-pony school teacher, three well-hung stallions, and more than enough alcohol for everyone: what could happen on a Sunday night?
Hmm. Odd, the number of errors increased in this chapter... meh, not a problem, I'd point 'em out even if there was one or two.
… “cheesy music an invisible DJ” – ‘an’ should be ‘and’. … “hoping I wasn’t” – two spaces between ‘hoping’ and ‘I’. … “gallery. “Don’t worry, dear.” – There’s a lack of double-spacing here, though there should be a second line spaced between ‘gallery’ and ‘Don’t’. … “comfortable with. “ I considered” – The quotation mark is the wrong way. Also, there’s an unnecessary space between it and ‘with.’. … “The eyes of” – There shouldn’t be two spaces between ‘The’ and ‘eyes’. … “now?” “No,”” – Again, there’s no double-spacing here, just a single space between the lines. … “with complete ireverrence to” – ‘ireverrence’ should be ‘irreverence’.
Alright, first two "reviews" were of characters, though none of them really changed much in this chapter. Moving to "scenery" and "plot", There's not much else to say: Plot's pretty much covered once per chapter as "Samantha and Cheerilee want cock, they bring some stallions over for the prospect of cock, it's a darf fic so Snails is there as well for even more cock". And Chapter 4 will undoubtedly get the act of "cock-having" underway.
As for scenery, there really feels like there could be more to immerse the reader: It's a house, yet the room feels so vague in description: There's 2 chairs, a table, carpet, a couch, and a fireplace. Not much to work with, but I guess the rest is just "fill in the blanks".
... Awful lot of blanks, but maybe some can be covered in Chapter 4.
Look more sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8260-32640.png
the entire story so far has been anxious 4play o-o
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21457385/images/1352222761794.gif
2083040
perfect
2083040
LOL
Hmm. Odd, the number of errors increased in this chapter... meh, not a problem, I'd point 'em out even if there was one or two.
… “cheesy music an invisible DJ” – ‘an’ should be ‘and’.
… “hoping I wasn’t” – two spaces between ‘hoping’ and ‘I’.
… “gallery.
“Don’t worry, dear.” – There’s a lack of double-spacing here, though there should be a second line spaced between ‘gallery’ and ‘Don’t’.
… “comfortable with. “ I considered” – The quotation mark is the wrong way. Also, there’s an unnecessary space between it and ‘with.’.
… “The eyes of” – There shouldn’t be two spaces between ‘The’ and ‘eyes’.
… “now?”
“No,”” – Again, there’s no double-spacing here, just a single space between the lines.
… “with complete ireverrence to” – ‘ireverrence’ should be ‘irreverence’.
Alright, first two "reviews" were of characters, though none of them really changed much in this chapter. Moving to "scenery" and "plot", There's not much else to say: Plot's pretty much covered once per chapter as "Samantha and Cheerilee want cock, they bring some stallions over for the prospect of cock, it's a darf fic so Snails is there as well for even more cock". And Chapter 4 will undoubtedly get the act of "cock-having" underway.
As for scenery, there really feels like there could be more to immerse the reader: It's a house, yet the room feels so vague in description: There's 2 chairs, a table, carpet, a couch, and a fireplace. Not much to work with, but I guess the rest is just "fill in the blanks".
... Awful lot of blanks, but maybe some can be covered in Chapter 4.
Ohoho. And it begins... I think the girls are most eager...
(Hey, at least Samantha hasn't resorted to beatboxing yet. )
Am I the only one who feels sad that Snails' special talent is "being a bit slow" ?