Chapter 1
Far away from the small town of Ponyville, Canterlot, and even beyond the small settlement of Hollow Shades, just north of Neighagra Falls, the sun shined brightly upon a small forest, nestled near the very top of the highest peak amongst the Crystal Mountains. Above even the clouds, the sun always shined over this small forest, as a favor from sister to brother. The small valley of which the forest was inside had walls that shined brightly in their vibrant reflective nature, making every tree seem to glow. The forest possessed many exotic animals of every kind, from birds flying through the canopy, to fish swimming in the small ponds scattered in the forest. Despite the many inhabitants, the forest was mostly quiet, aside from the occasional chirping of birds and chittering of small mammals, but today it was slightly less so. There was an exceptionally large visitor in the forest, having come to see its guardian. Deep in conversation, the visitor seems to have come distressed, pleading to the guardian for help.
“I’m sorry child, but I warned you about tampering with the natural balance. I wish I could help, but this taint can not be reversed. Every thing that exists has a time it lives, and a balance in its existence, as was intended by its creation.”
“Please! You have to help me! I didn’t want for this to happen, you have to be able to do something, you’re our prince!” The guardian silences the visitor.
“Oh dear son, I wish that there was something I could do, but even if some elements in nature can be persuaded without breaking harmony, I’m afraid I can not affect a creature such as yourself. You are born of magic, child, and unlike those that I watch over, the events that you have set in motion can not be persuaded.”
“But this has happened before, and I stopped it then!”
“Of natural means! Do not question my knowledge of the occurrences in our world. I know all the anomalies of our world, and I know what is and what is not.” At this point, there was a brief period of silence.
“I’m sorry...I didn’t mean-”
“You’re forgiven.” The guardian stood quietly for another moment, and stared at his visitor, his eyes saddened by these events. “I can see it on your face. You seem to think I’ve forgotten, about who I once was.” The guardian placed his hoof on the visitor’s shoulder. “Though you are now a child to me, as all the creatures of this world are, you will always be my best friend, Spike.” The dragon stared at him solemnly and lowered his head to the ground, letting out a soft, yet depressing sigh. He stood there thinking to himself with regret, his mind recalling the day when this all began, and futilely mulling over what he might have done differently that could have prevented himself from forcing this outcome.
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The day when this event first came into conception was a particularly joyous one. Spike and Twilight were just returning home after a nationwide summons to the royal palace in Canterlot. During which, the royal sisters declared the dawning of a new era in Equestria, and the addition of a new member to the throne. To most denizens this was big news, but Twilight and her friends, as well as Spike, had been expecting it.
Spike and Twilight were making their way home merrily, Spike walking along side her rather than riding on her back, seeing as Spike had a couple small growth spurts in the last few years, and was starting to get just a tad exhausting for Twilight to carry. Regardless, they still enjoyed eachother’s company while traveling, and both reveled in the bright and sunny weather that day, which The Royal Sisters made sure would be present to mark the occasion of the day. The two of them spoke cheerfully to eachother about the events that had just passed, and of what they’re plans for the rest of the day were.
“So, what are you going to do now Twilight? That speech didn’t really take up a lot of time.” Spike inquired of Twilight.
“Hmm, well Pinkie Pie is going to be throwing a party later today to celebrate. That seemed like a good idea.”
“Oh really?! Well, that’s actually not surprising, but anyways I love Pinkie’s parties. When are we going?” Twilight looked at him with a faintly stern smirk.
“Excuse me mister? You seem to be forgetting that mess you made in the upstairs library the other day. You said you’d clean that up.” Spike simply frowned and slumped a bit.
“Oh yea. Ahw, but Twi-”
“No buts mister. You’ve got to clean that mess up, and I’m not going to do it for you. You need to learn to be more careful. What are you going to do when you get bigger and you end up knocking things down all the time?” Spike only responded to her with an understanding nod and followed her back home.
When they arrived Twilight stepped inside and opened up the curtains of her windows to let the bright daylight fill the interior of her home.
“There, no need to let this gorgeous day go to any waste. Now.” She then walked over to the stairway and pointed a hoof up to the top. “March on up there and get cleaning.”
“Alright.” Spike said sadly and began slumping up the stairs. Satisfied that Spike would do as he was told, Twilight began heading back over to the front door of her tree-home.
“Now, I’m going out to go help Pinkie and the rest set up the party, and I want you better be cleaning that mess up while I’m gone.” She then turned towards the door and opened it before abruptly looking back to see spike still ambling up the stairs. “Oh and, well actually, Spike.”
“Yes Twilight?” He responded, looking up quickly.
“I suppose given the circumstances, it wouldn’t be right for you to miss this party, so I’ll tell you what. Just get started on cleaning up for a little while, then once you’ve made some progress, come meet up with me and the others outside Sugarcube Corner, okay?” Twilight gave Spike a big grin as she said this, and he returned it.
“Oh thank you Twilight! I’ll get started right away!” Spike replied cheerfully, after which he ran swiftly up the stairs.
“Just make sure you finish the job tomorrow!” She shouted up at him, before smiling and giggling to herself then exiting her home.
It was roughly an hour later that day while Spike was cleaning up the upstairs library when he heard a nock on the front door to Twilight’s home. He placed down the charred remains of a book he held in his claws and walked over to the top of the stairs. A moment later came the sound of the door creaking open.
“Hello, darling, are you home Twilight?” Spike jumped from where he was standing, nearly biting his tongue the moment he recognized that familiarly elegant voice. He rushed down the stairs to greet the welcome guest.
“Rarity! Hey how- er, uhm. Hi.” Spike tripped over himself on the way, and realizing that he’d ran further than he had planned, stumbled over his words.
“Oh! Spikey Wikey! What a pleasure to see you.” She smiled warmly at the young dragon and set a bag she was carrying on the floor beside her. Spike noticed she wasn’t wearing any of her dresses today, so he figured she must be doing something business related as she always seemed to go fancy if she was heading to something casual. Though Spike didn’t think about it much due to being a bit stunned by her usage of words.
“Uhm, uhuh. P-pleasure?”
“Hmm, yes. I’m looking for Twilight and was hoping you might be able to tell me where she is, if she wasn’t already here, of course.” Spike then seemed to have a sudden snapping moment, as if he was coming back into reality from some fantasy in his head.
“Oh, uh-yea. She went to help Pinkie and the others set up for the celebration.” Rarity’s mood then seemed to change into a somewhat disappointed one.
“I see. Hmph, well now who am I going to get to help me?”
“What, exactly, is the problem?” Spike asked, concerned.
“Oh Spikey, I haven’t been able to create any new designs in the last week, and I desperately need to freshen up my selections. Everypony will start to lose interest if I don’t keep all my designs as recent as possible.” She sat down on the floor then to continue talking, a very faint pout on her lips. “So, I thought one of my friends might be able to assist in a bit of inspiration. Everypony has been busy today, though, and Twilight was the last pony I could go to.” Spike nodded, listening intently to her the whole time. He sat quietly for a moment before speaking out.
“Well. I could help you Rarity.” To which Rarity giggled in an elegant way and stood up, putting her bag back on.
“Oh no Spike, I’m sure you’re far too busy with that mess you’re cleaning up. Anyways, inspiration comes more naturally from somepony with a bit more. Age. Don’t you worry though Spikey, you can still help me if you’d like. Feel free to stop by my boutique tomorrow. It’s always nice to have a little helper around.” She giggled once more and turned around to leave. Spike looked down at his feet in response and grumbled.
“I’m not little.” He said to himself, before abruptly looking up. “Hey wait, how did you know about the mess?!” Spike asked loudly, though Rarity had already gone through the door by then and was on her way down the road. It was then that Spike slumped again and turned around to start back up the stairs.
Some while after Rarity had left, Spike was still upstairs cleaning up his mess. He went about sorting books into piles, making sure to separate all the burnt and scorched ones from those that managed to go without a mark. With how bad it was, it really seemed a shock to Spike that Twilight hadn’t reacted worse than she had. Despite this, Spike grumbled quietly to himself as he worked, somewhat frustrated by Rarity’s comment of him being little. It seemed like such a small thing, and Spike had never minded being called little in the past, because he was, but now, even though he realized that for a dragon he was rather small, he stood just barely taller than most of the ponies now and being referred to as little was a bit upsetting. This fact even more so coming from the pony that Spike so dearly feels affection towards.
Regardless of his irritation, Spike continued his work, thinking about how it would have been nice to have gone and helped Rarity. So very much did he enjoy to spend time with her, though, he supposed that seeing as how she wouldn’t be able to get much done today anyways, she would most likely appear at the party later with the rest of the ponies, so that would probably be a good chance to see her anyways. With that conclusion arrived at, he felt more settled and stopped his grumbling. He stood back and summed up the amount of work he had done so far and felt that Twilight would be pleased with it, so off to the party he would go.
Spike began heading over to the stairway, now with a hum on his scaly lips, rather than a grumble, ready to head out and hopefully to see Rarity. This now happy strut of his was halted rather momentarily though as he accidently stumbled over a small pile of books he’d tossed aside while sorting, and mistakingly left in his path towards the stairway. The stumble shocked Spike for a moment, catching himself just at the top of the stairs.
“What the-!” Spike spoke out to himself in surprise as he tripped. Turning around and looking down, he saw the small pile of books. “Oh,woops. Forgot I left those there, heh.” He bent down to move the hazardous mound, but paused for moment as he noticed the book laying on top. Picking it up, Spike looked at it. It was an older book from Twilight’s library, bound in a very tough cover. The title of it was rather washed out by age, but still just barely legible, reading, ‘A Spell of Ages’.
As Spike read this title a thought appeared in his mind. He opened the book to take a look at the first page, but only to find that what he thought were pages, was actually just tightly packed ash which crumbled to the floor as soon as he opened the book.
“Oh.” Spike muttered aloud to himself, and with the book surely gone at this point, the idea formulating in his mind faded as his thoughts of the party and Rarity quickly jumped back to the forefront of his thought processes. Setting the empty binding aside, Spike started down the stairs and on his way to the party to meet up with the ponies.
Chapter End
Something sounds a little off here. Maybe... true a wish that he may find?
Noooo, hopefully he will not be stuck that way!
Well, Spike has been affect by magic, dragon or not.
*track*
Not a bad start albeit a slow one considering we're viewing the whole story in flashback mode basically. I'm a bit wordy though so maybe that's why i feel it just doesn't feel complete for a chapter to me. I've never been a fan of stories where the entirety of the action has already passed despite being brought along through it. That's a personal opinion, though, I'll keep an eye on it see where it goes. Hope things continue along well.
Great job! For a first story the beginning had impact, leaving a few questions, forming them, presenting a clear and cut future but now explaining how it got there, great, simply great. Update soon I'm fav'in!
2017902
Oh! Thank you thank you my dear compadre. I was in a bit of a rush the other night and didn't catch that, I do much so appreciate you pointing out that little slip up.
As for the rest of you, thank you SO much for this positive feed back. I have another story up on the site that is over 30,000 words long and that didn't get even close to as much praise as this did so fast. Like I said, this is also my first attempt at a specifically romance themed story (Specifically, not exclusively) and I'm pleased to see how well it's being accepted.
Oh, and one of these...because Sparity.
Oh, again, I also just posted the cover art I drew for this story. I think i'll put the link to my deviant art on my profile so people can look at it in full resolution.
Interesting. I'm going to follow this to see where this leads.
Wall of text sighted!
Abort mission!
SPOILER ALERT!!!
the sun shined brightly upon a small forest,
-shone
the sun always shined over this small forest,
-shone
as a favor from sister to brother.
-Celestia to ??? You give Celestia and Luna a brother? I give them two myself, so I look forward to finding out what you are doing here.
The small valley of which the forest was inside had walls that shined brightly in their vibrant reflective nature,
-You are wearing that word out (and it is still the wrong word I think).
The forest possessed many exotic animals of every kind, from birds flying through the canopy, to fish swimming in the small ponds scattered in the forest.
-I would give examples of the birds and fish, rather than just saying "birds" and "fish".
Despite the many inhabitants, the forest was mostly quiet, aside from the occasional chirping of birds and chittering of small mammals, but today it was slightly less so.
-Given the last phrase of this sentence, I would consider replacing "mostly" with "on most days" or "usually". I would also split this into two sentences. Maybe something like "Despite its many inhabitants, the forest was usually a quiet place, with only an occasional chirping or the chitter of a small mammal. Today was a bit more noisy though."
the visitor seems to have come distressed,
-Show, don't tell.
The guardian silences the visitor.
-Is there some particular reason for obscuring the identity of both creatures? All we know is that one of them is "large".
and unlike those that I watch over, the events that you have set in motion can not be persuaded.
-"those" beings, or "those" events?
Of natural means!
-By natural means
You seem to think I’ve forgotten, about who I once was.
-I'm a bit uncertain about commas, but I don't think you need this one.
Spike.”
-Ah! Finally a name!
The dragon stared at him solemnly and lowered his head to the ground,
-This reenforces my guess that Spike is the large one, meaning he has grown and changed proportions enough that he has a long neck and perhaps a quadrupedal stance.
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-Have you considered the line button built into FiMFiction?
The day when this event first came into conception
-This is very stilted.
after a nationwide summons to the royal palace in Canterlot.
-Summons of whom? The Element Bearers? If so I would recommend something that makes that plainer, such as "after the Element Bearers had been summoned from there scattered homes across Equestria." Which makes me think... starting off the whole story with "### Years After the Restoration of Princess Luna", or some other time-stamp might give a lot of clarity. Clarity should be maximized except where it would require a very large number of words, or a mystery is intentional (see the first scene of The Two Deaths of Fluttershy, which I will be to chapter 6 at least before I explicitly explain, although an astute reader will porobably have figured out long before then).
To most denizens this was big news, but Twilight and her friends, as well as Spike, had been expecting it.
-Twilicorn? And the "nationwide summons" means that Celestia summoned dignitaries from across Equestria to witness Twilight's coronation?
seeing as Spike had a couple small growth spurts in the last few years,
-Ok, so probably not Twilicorn.
which The Royal Sisters made sure would be present to mark the occasion of the day.
-"would be present" sounds awkward. Consider "had taken care to schedule for that day to create the correct ambiance". Or, if a pun wouldn't take away from the mood of the thing, use "atmosphere" instead of "ambiance".
The two of them spoke cheerfully to eachother about the events that had just passed
-Again, I am not seeing any reason for obfuscating the details of what exactly happened. Who got a throne? Twilight after "merely" being a princess and alicorn?
That speech didn’t really take up a lot of time.
-Probably wasn't Twilight giving it then...
That seemed like a good idea.
-I would think that going to the party would be obvious given its existence. Consider something more along the lines of "So of course we will be going to that." Actually, I find it a bit odd that Spike didn't know about it already. Pinkie strikes me as being pretty thorough about invitations. I also find it odd that the party would be scheduled for a time where a long speech would mean missing it on the one hand, or that Twilight wouldn't have scheduled it (and informed Spike ahead of time) on the other. This is even taking into account that Pinkie might have it scheduled for "After the ceremonies".
-I will continue this in another comment.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
but anyways I love Pinkie’s parties.
-"anyways" isn't erudite enough for Twilight I don't think. Consider "but naturally I'm not going to miss one of Pinkie's parties." or something like that.... Oh, wait, this is Spike talking... you need a paragraph break between Spike talking, and Twilight's action.
“Oh yea. Ahw, but Twi-”
-I recommend "Aww"
You seem to be forgetting that mess you made in the upstairs library the other day.
-I would just say "that mess you made upstairs."
What are you going to do when you get bigger and you end up knocking things down all the time?
-This reminds me, we have very little idea how big Spike is in the initial scenes.
-And this is where I stopped and shifted to talking to you on Skype.
Hmmm... an interesting start, setting up Spike's dislike well, but its the guardian scene that REALLY gets my interest and makes on want to read on.