Forwards to Earth

by zombiebwains

Rocket Time

Fluttershy was the first to speak “Twilight where are we going oh… but if you don’t want to tell that’s fine”
Twilight gave Fluttershy a smile.

“Well ponies princess Celestia didn’t want me to ruin the surprise but, we are going to Earth”.
Rainbowdash looked at twilight funny “what’s earth.”

“Oh don’t worry I’ve been there before it’s an awful place but awesome at the same time.” All the other ponies that were coming along looked up in confusion, they thought they would never hear the word awesome come from Twilight.

When they arrived at the castle in Canterlot princess Celestia greeted them with a sly grin. She was wearing a leather jacket and aviators. None of the ponies could talk, there were so surprised at what there princess was wearing.

“Greeting Twilight, Rainbowdash, Pinkiepie, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetiebell

“It’s an honor to be hear your majesty” Fluttershy said this with so much kindness your heart would fall out.

The princess just looked at Fluttershy with a stare of hell. “Hey Flutterbitch did I tell you to speak”
Princess Celestia stared at Fluttershy some more, “WELL DID I” Fluttershy started to cry as she was dragged out of the hall they were standing in.
“Off with her head, that dumb bitch should have known.”

After the princess said that all the ponies heard a small yelp and then a slice noise.
None of the other ponies really cared because they really didn’t like Fluttershy and were going to kill her anyway.
“Now where were we, oh yeah for this trip you will refer me as Tia and if you do not” Tia stopped and all the ponies starred at the body being dragged away from the hallway.
“do I really need to repeat myself” Tia walked over to a blank glass window and using her magic, a picture Fluttershy’s death was upon the ponies.

Tia laughed an evil violent laugh, until something got caught in her throat.
“Hmm… Hmm, oh sorry about that Luna and I were smoking a blunt before this”
All the ponies looked at the princess in confusion

“Um, Tia I’m sorry to interrupt, buts what’s a blunt?” Applejack asked.
“All in good time Applejack, All in good time.” Tia replied.

Tia led the ponies to a giant rocket ship “This is what we’ll be riding in to get there “said twilight.
All the ponies looked amazed at the giant beautiful rocket, they had never seen anything like it, it’s too bad this is what would bring them to their deaths.

Applebloom looked at Tia and asked “what is it princess, maybe me and the re…”
Tia gripped Applebloom and tore her head clean off.

Applejack chuckled “oh Applebloom she told you to call her Tia, I’m sorry Tia I don’t know what has gotten into that little filly.”

The rest of the ponies laughed as well, or most of them. The cutie mark crusaders were so happy that Applebloom was dead they both left to take a quick leak.

As they left Tia leaned down and whispered to twilight “I have to go with them, I’m trying to bring out my inner princess Molestia, so if they don’t come back, don’t looking for them.”

Twilight looked, disgusted at Tia, not because she was going to molest two small fillies, but because she wasn’t invited.

As the princess ran away she told Twilight to start the rocket. She did what she was told and had all the ponies get settled in, she knew the ride to earth was long.
After about an hour waiting, Tia returned in a sweat, without the cutie mark crusaders.
No pony asked her because they didn’t like the cutie mark crusaders. The crusaders already have started six fires in Ponyville in the last week; and they have all been on the new reality TV show ten years old and pregnant.

Spike was the father of all the babies, but luckily Tia had given them all abortions. When they were having there abortion’s some ponies heard Tia say “thank gosh for Obama.”
No pony knew who it was but they really didn’t give two flying shits about it either.

Any who, Tia pressed the big red button that would start the ship.
A huge wave of pressure came over the ponies for about thirty seconds until Tia said “well ladies and lesbians” she looked at Rainbowdash when she said this “we are in space”
All the ponies Cheered, except for Rainbowdash, Rainbowdash was insulted by what the princess had said, and the Tia could tell that’s what RD was feeling hurt.
“Oh I’m sorry Dashie did I hurt your feeling” just then Tia pushed Rainbowdash into a locked door and counted down from three.

“3...2…1” and just like that Rainbowdash was sent out into space, all the ponies laughed.
“Oh Dashie your so silly” said Pinkiepie giggling on the floor of the ship.

Twilight walked to the middle of the ship “alright ponies we will be arriving at Earth in about twenty minutes, there’s something I must warn you about.”

All the ponies were silent waiting to hear what Twilight had to say “well get on with it” Applejack finally said.
“Alright on Earth there is a type of people called… Bronies” Twilight hushed after saying this.
“What’s a Brony?” all the ponies asked in curiosity.

Twilight stared at Tia who gave her an approving nod for here to continue with her warning.
“Well not all Bronies are bad but there are some that they call… Clopers, I’m going to be straight forward with you guys; they are men that jerk off to use”

All the ponies looked confused until Pinkiepie asked the question “what does jerk off mean?”
Twilight just smiled and said “in Equestria it mean hoof off.”

Every pony gasped “Oh my Celestia… do you think they’re cute” none other than Rarity asked this question.
Twilight sighed “that’s the thing, there forty year old men who do it”

Everything went silent; until Rarity opened her purse she brought along, pulled out a gun and shot herself in face.

“Wow that’s good, I was excepting every pony to shoot themselves” Tia said this while laughing.

“Well ponies were here” Twilight announced, as they got out of the ship Pinkiepie and Applejack immediately stolen by a man in a big white van.

“Its trap” shouted twilight to Tia, but twilight was had already been taken before she could even look at the princess.
Tia laughed, got back into the ship and left.

“Looks like it’s time to find another antisocial pony for my new student so I can make millions more on a stupid children’s TV show.

Author's Note:

It has bad grammer, i know so dont post a comment saying it has bad grammer.
And now that i have said not to all the trolls will come along and do just that.
Also the story is pretty fast paced.
hope you like my trollfic

Comments

[xara]

1. Post horribly constructed story
2. Announce that it is trollfic
3. Expect there to be solid results

I mean, seriously? My heart goes out to the poor pre-reader who had to screen this for approval.

p.s. it has bad grammar

[The Rar]

Trollfics aims are traditionaly to... Well, troll.
If you tell us it's a troll fic, what the hell's the point?

[PaleRider]

Sorry but... No!

I know that you were trying to do a trollfic but this don't have any structure to be a troll fic. Also drop the Comedy Tag, there's no comedy on this just some of the most random text that I read on my entire life. And as you said, grammar is totally all over the place.

[Sagacity]

Atrocious. Lame troll 4/10.

[LightningBeat]

lawlz... we def gotta work on out writing skillz

[zombiebwains]

LOL i though it was funny

[Mr Ignorable]

fontspace.com/preview/m/f7e8b51913e4478541997849100bfde6.png

“Twilight where are we going oh… but if you don’t want to tell that’s fine

BECAUSE FUCK WAITING FOR A RESPONSE. THIS IS 2013, YOLO.

Oh don’t worry I’ve been there before it’s an awful place but awesome at the same time

Because descriptions are for pussies, LET'S USE A JUXTAPOSITION INSTEAD.

Greeting Twilight, Rainbowdash, Pinkiepie, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetiebell

BECAUSE, WHEN GOING TO A POTENTIALLY LETHAL PLACE, ALWAYS REMEMBER TO BRING THE KIDS!

Hey Flutterbitch did I tell you to speak

My body is floating in a sea of I DON'T EVEN

Hmm… Hmm, oh sorry about that Luna and I were smoking a blunt before this

2.bp.blogspot.com/_x40OuPipPkY/TI_UsTDvDtI/AAAAAAAAABA/Vm97O86zzjQ/s1600/SCARY_MOVIE_2_POT_PLANT_op_800x524.jpg

it’s too bad this is what would bring them to their deaths.

BECAUSE WE DIDN'T NEED FORESHADOWING. AT ALL.

what is it princess, maybe me and the re…”
Tia gripped Applebloom and tore her head clean off

FATALITY

Twilight looked, disgusted at Tia, not because she was going to molest two small fillies, but because she wasn’t invited.

SILLY CELESTIA, THEY'RE VIRGINITIES ARE MINE.

Spike was the father of all the babies

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m84rp6oOFW1qjwcc4o1_500.gif

Everything went silent; until Rarity opened her purse she brought along, pulled out a gun and shot herself in face.

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT YOU MARSHMELLOW PUSSY!

Its trap” shouted twilight to Tia, but twilight was had already been taken before she could even look at the princess.

BECAUSE THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE COME WITH FRESHLY SQUEEZED RAPE JUICE.
~~~~

So in conclusion: THE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABYTHE BABY

[XxX_ArCt1c-S3RB_420XxX]

I FUCKING LUW THIS!

[zombiebwains]

wow mr ignorable i cant tell if your hating or what but you really have no life if your going to spend 30 minutes writing a comment
when you wrote this comment i probably started and finished another fic

[Sliverfish]

Most troll fics actually have decent grammar and spelling.

They also don't clearly say they are troll fics.

[Daxn]

2009314

Mister, your post is more hilarious than the base story itself