Everypony has goals. Everypony has dreams, and ideals, and morals that they live by and strive for. And everypony falls short of the mark sometimes.
What do you do then? How do you cope when your highest goals are turned around—or disappear altogether? What do you do when your best isn’t good enough?
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Hey, everyone. OtterMatt here. Just for the record, I’m not coming back to FimFic. Not ever. I’m sorry to say it, but my life has moved on, as it were, and writing just isn’t a part of it anymore. That being said, I love these stories of mine very much. There’s a lot of myself that I put into them, and at least a couple people have told me that these stories meant a lot to them as well. So, for those people, and for anyone else who enjoys my work in the future, I’m charging my friend Spabble here with curating my completed stories. Thank you all for the love, the faves, and the support as I grew and learned. Keep doing what you love, and the best of luck to you all.
I haven't read any of the other stories that are going to be at Unicon, but this one sure seems like a contender. It was well-paced and told the story in a concise and engaging way. I enjoyed seeing Rainbow Dash struggle against her limitations - her physical ones and her doubts - only to come away with a renewed sense of determination. Persistence is one of the most important things in life (in my opinion) and it was good to see you exploring that in Dash.
I hope that your story does well at Unicon
Loved. This. Story.
Well OtterMatt, you did it again, another one to add to my Favorites List.
I really loved this chapter, fantastic writing and portrayal of an older Pinkie Pie!
I have to admit that I was a bit lukewarm on the RD and Pinkie shorts, but this one I quite like. Chip is a bit of a deus ex, but it works here. Beyond that, though, you've done a nice job of exploring Rarity's psyche. She tends to be so prissy and society-obsessed that it's easy to dismiss her as shallow, but there's a lot more to Generosity than that.
Another good exploration of the lesser-seen aspects of our favourite pastel ponies. The twins leaving home, and leaving a hole in Pinkie's life, was well-explored and I felt that the way Pinkie reacted was perfectly in character. The indistinct feeling of depression that hangs over her until she re-discovers her meaning (to spread joy, in a nutshell) was very well-handled.
You paced it well, and I was engaged all throughout, but I did notice a few points which you could consider improving or changing:
~ You've overused 'entries' a bit much in this passage. After the first two times, I got the distinct impression that she was talking about her entries, so perhaps rephrasing that final line would help loosen this passage up a bit.
Instead of "Entries of mere words had given way to tales of joy" - which is clunky in light of the last two sentences and passive - you could try something like: "Simple words paved the way to tales of joy" or something similar.
~ There is nothing wrong with this phrase, but you could consider changing "usable" to something more specific, like "functional".
~ Once again, this sentence works fine. However, the first clause could be played around with a bit. "That might take" looks into the future, and suggests that her desire to spread joy might take a different form in the future compared to what it currently is. However, we've seen repeatedly in the show that her desire to make ponies smile already does take many forms. So you could try swapping it to the simple past tense and altering it to be more dynamic. I.E. "It took many different shapes".
~ melancholy is a noun, so change it to it's adjective form: melancholic.
~ A malaise is a vague feeling of physical discomfort or uneasiness, so saying she felt a 'vague feeling. . .' seems kinda redundant. It works, but you could smoothen that sentence up by playing around with it a bit. Maybe: "Pinkie couldn't shake the malaise that had fallen over her." It's a stronger, more dynamic sentence that draws attention to the fact that she can't shake the feeling.
Finally, you have a habit of adding in "just" when it isn't necessary. For the most part, this actually works but there are one or two cases where it just takes up extra space. I.E.
"All of her stock answers felt trite and empty" is more hard-hitting, whereas the just softens the sentence somewhat.
All in all, I liked this chapter a lot, probably more than the last one. Some of the things I noticed might just be me being pedantic, but I hope it helps
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Just for that, you might have earned yourself a prereading position on the next story. How dare you be so insightful.
FimFic, y u no tell me about updates?
Anyhow, this brings an unexpectedly dark and wonderfully horrible twist to Fluttershy both as a pony and as the Element of Kindness. The way you re-purposed the familiar "You're going to love me" line is particularly chilling: it takes what's ostensibly a bit of goofy comedy and weighs it down with new and awful significance. Well done indeed.
The one thing that doesn't quite sit right with me is Rainbow Dash. I can totally see her supporting her old friend like this, but her voice just seems off somehow, as if she's being philosophical to the point of being a little OOC. I don't know; it's probably just me. I'll have to re-watch Hurricane Fluttershy to get a better sense of what RD's "softer side" sounds like.
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I don't think that she can't be deep, it's probably just more of the image, and she knows Flutters well enough to let it slip through the wall. It was really hard to write because I had to try to make the wording sound really awkward so that it wouldn't be horribly OOC, lol. She may have a deeper side, but a smooth linguist she ain't.
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Hmm, I think I might've phrased that poorly. I didn't mean to imply that she can't be deep -- after all, she's shown time and again that there's a caring and understanding pony beneath all the egotistical bravado -- but her dialogue here just feels a tad off to me. It's almost like it needs to be a little more awkward.
Meh, it's probably just me.
This one is more about Fluttershy anyhow, and you did a very nice job on that front.
What a nice set of sweet stories :)
Nothing necessarily crazy...but very endearing and exploring, in a deeper sense, what it means to be each Element. Naturally, embodying them and being a large part of their character, and it makes for moments like these when they question if they really live up to the role, and what it exactly means for them. For me, Rarity was my favorite to read....it felt so wonderful to see her remember she still has friends, and although it often bit her in the flank, the generosity she bestowed to people was hardly forgotten....and that, even if you feel you don't need something, it doesn't mean you don't deserve it -- accepting something with gratitude and love, even if you didn't want it or have no use for it, is an act of generosity in itself
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It was a really sweet set of stories....I didn't see any errors in any of them, or anything that caught my eye: it was just a really nice set of little episodes in these character's lives that reminds them of who they are, and what's really important...in some way, they all remembered they aren't alone, and they all performed vastly more good in ways they didn't even realize, for people they didn't even know - what else can you feel but an overwhelming sense of gratitude when a stranger tells you how wonderfully you affected their life and you never even knew?
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It was really nice...If you ever were to continue these stories, I would definitely enjoy them
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Thanks for that! I'm definitely not done with these. I've got at least AJ and Twi to do to round out the Mane6, and then maybe even moving on to a few background ponies. I'm just leaving this as an open-ended project for me, so we'll see!
That one actually hit a bit close to home. I think you did a fantastic job wording Fluttershy's inner turmoil, it felt a lot like I was feeling her emotions, rather than having them be described to me.