After hours of having fun. they decided to end the pet play date and go home.
Fluttershy, Applejack, and Rarity left first, leaving Pinkie, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash, the latter of whom headed to her usual napping spot on the tree beside the area that had been used for todays festivities , and eavesdropped on Twilight and Pinkie's conversation.
"Hey Twilight, did you have fun? I sure did. Gummy did too, didn't ya Gummy?" Asked Pinkie, looking at her pet aligator and nodding his head for him.
"Anywho~, I was thinking, and maybe we could go to that new restaurant in town. You know, that french Fancy Shmancy one?"
"Oh, sure! thanks Pinkie. I wanted to go there ever since it came to town, but I had no free time." Said Twilight.
"Yay! How about seven?"
"I'm there." Twilight said, then the ponies parted and went home to get ready.
Rainbow sat there open-mouthed. She couldn't believe that she wouldn't be her future wife's first date. Well, maybe Pinkie was just being friendly. It's probably just a friend-date-thingy. Rainbow thought, trying not to get angry.
Back at Twilight's house, sat a currently indecisive pony, looking back and forth at two different dresses.
She usually didn't dress up but, she felt that she couldn't go to such an expensive new restaurant without getting a little dressed up.
I wonder why Pinkie invited me to such an expensive place anyway, it's not like I'm that important. Twilight thought.
"Oh well. Back to the important question; Purple and pink striped, or white, with purple polka-dots?"
Pinkie was extremely excited, and why shouldn't she be? Her Crush said yes to a date with her after all.
"It's like a dream come true or something, Gummy" Pinkie said, while bouncing around her room.
Gummy squeaked.
"Okay, I guess I did say that throwing an endless party was my dream, but.. I think that might be my second dream,"
Gummy looked up at Pinkie shocked.
"Oh, don't give me that look Gummy, of course you're still my favorite guy in the whole entire world. But,Twilight's my favorite gal!" Said Pinkie, squeezing gummy into a bear hug.
After about three minutes, Pinkie finally let Gummy go and sat him back on her bed after planting a kiss on his cheek and patting his head.
She then turned around to her mirror at got ready for her and Twilight's "date"
After three hours passed since the group had been together playing with their pets, Twilight and Pinkie were in line of the restaurant they were going to for their "date."
"Thanks for saying yes to my invitation, Twilight. For a moment there I thought you were going to say no, but then you said yes, and I said yay, and then-" Pinkie was cut off by Twilight's hoof.
"I was there Pinkie, and I don't see what the big deal is, it's just me. It's not like I'm the Princess. Anyway I should be the one saying thanks! I'm so excited to see what kind of food they have here."
As minutes passed by, the two friends talked on for what seemed like hours, they came to the end of the line and were brought to their table to be waited on.
Rainbow, having a nap, was dreaming about the mare of her dreams, Twilight Sparkle.
As her dream became more interesting, she started to mumble in her sleep.
"Oh, Twilight. Yeah. Uh." She moaned.
Fluttershy was going back to were she and her friends had their pet date, because she had forgotten Angel's toy, and Angel was getting quite furious back at home.
Fluttershy walked up to were they had played earlier, searching for the toy.
"I.. Love you..."
"Eeek!" Fluttershy hid behind a tree. 'Wait, was that Rainbow?'
Fluttershy looked up to were the voice had come from, and sure enough, a sleeping Rainbow Dash lay on the tree mumbling in her sleep.
Thank Celestia she wasn't talking to her.
Fluttershy already loved Twilight.
"Love...love you."
"Aww." Fluttershy couldn't help to say.
Fluttershy looked up to her friend and smiled.
"Maybe Rainbow has a special somepony? I wonder who." Fluttershy said while flying up beside Dash. "Ohh, but I better not eavesdrop-"
"I..... Love you so much, Twilight." She heard Rainbow say.
Twilight?Tears welled up in her eyes.
Rainbow Dash's special somepony was Twilight! The mare whom she had loved ever since the first day they met.
Fluttershy knew that her and Twilight were meant to be, but if her and Rainbow were special somepony's.. Twilight must not love Fluttershy.
The yellow pegasus flew straight to Rarity's as fast as she could, that's were she went whenever she was depressed.
Once at her friends house, she knocked on the door.
Rarity opened the door with her magic and looked at Fluttershy.
"Oh.. Oh Fluttershy, darling. What's wrong?" Rarity rushed to her best friend's side and rubbed her back while bringing her to the sofa to calm down.
"I.. Twili.. Rainb... Special somepony!!!" Was all Rarity could get out of her poor friend at the moment.
"Hold on just a sec darling, ill be right back. "
Rarity said tucking Fluttershy in with a warm blanket while she went to get tea for Fluttershy.
After the tea was done, Rarity put it in a cup and carried it over to the crying pony.
"It's alright Fluttershy.. Shh, shh, shh. Auntie Rarity is here for you." Rarity said pulling The pegasus into a gentle hug
After taking a few sips of tea, Fluttershy had calmed down, now only hiccuping as silent tears streamed down her face.
She just couldn't stop thinking how the mare she's always loved is with one of her best friends.
"Now, tell me all about it, sweetie." Rarity cooed
"Well...I found out that (hiccup) Rainbow is (hiccup) the mare I love's special somepony.." Said Fluttershy looking down, whimpering softly.
"May I ask who it is that you love, darling?" Rarity asked, starting to braid Fluttershy's hair.
"Okay, but can you promise not to tell anypony... Please and thank you."
"Promise."
"Okay.. It's... Twilight." Fluttershy said.
Rarity's eyes widened as her pupils became tiny.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
dood, WHOA.I like where this is heading, dood.
Could use a bit of filling out but the idea is solid! The one thing that bothered me in the first chapter was the end, it ended at 4pm... You could have wrote, "the group of ponies played into the early evening" or "the sun was starting to drop as the girls played with their pets.". Like the idea good luck!
Paragraphs are your friends.
Not mine though. We don't get along at all actually. Not since our big falling out in high school.
Like the idea. But there were many grammar errors and to me it seemed like it changed too fast at some points, if you wouldn't mind I would like to edit this for you and add a bit more to the story but then again you might find this offensive but hey, we all learn from our mistakes right?
Just a few errors here and there, and could use some more details.
I still really enjoyed reading it, though. Can't wait to see more!
Needs a little polishing but the story is sound, tracking this.
What they said. This will help to differentiate between scenes.
Capitalisation will be useful too.
Could be worded differently to not sound so, weird:
Maybe, up to you though.
s'ok. I mean, its a good start. There are definitely problems, though. Namely the aforementioned paragraph problem, and try not to actually use numbers. Also, maybe its just a pet peeve of mine, but you shouldn't really use fan phrases inside the narrative, namely 'mane 6'. I know you use it for the sake of a joke, but it just comes off as incredibly awkward, plus it lends a...personality, for lack of a better term to the narrative, which third person omniscient shouldn't have. It isn't being told to us by a narrator
Everypony loves Twilight? Well duh, who woul--Oh! Oh you mean as a ship fic! Right
Inb4 twilight is straight
harem.
it's really that simple.
*marked for read later*
2002633 Come on, surely you've read enough fanfiction to realize that straight ponies are just a myth?
2008230 You know it
2002381 Fixed, thanks!
It's a bit rushed and the dialogue seems rusty and stiff. But I still like it.