A stallion without a cutie mark and no name treks through the Everfree Forest before coming across some companions. No cover art for now. If I get some in the future then I'll use it. New here and thought of this a while back so please do enjoy :D The gore and tragedy come a little later so for those of you who are sitting there saying "Where da face is my blood?!?!" patience, it'll be here soon and in large quantities
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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To start things off Everfree is one word
No matter what. You can not use colors for dialogue. You use quotations, and you separate each speaker by starting a new paragraph.
Everypony is one word.
I have to give this a thumb down.
In no particular order:
-Your OC is very cliche. No cutie mark, amnesia, wakes up in Everfree. These are incredibly overdone tropes that, frankly, don't work. You're trying to make him seem mysterious, when in reality you've just succeeded in making me not care.
-Colored text. I want you to open any book you may have lying around and tell me if they use colored text for different characters' speech. I'll wait.
...
Exactly. It's the literary equivalent of drawing in crayon. Don't do it.
-General grammar and punctuation errors. Find an editor.
-Pacing. This moves incredibly fast, and that's not good. The reader is given no time to settle in and understand what's going on. Nothing is described. You just jump from event to event to event.
That's about it. I couldn't get too far into the story since, honestly, it's not very engaging.
1979034 Yeah now that I look at this Cosby Sweater mess I made I realize I should've ditched the colors. At first I had the script format and the colors made it easier to tell the characters apart but script format isn't allowed so I had to get rid of all that. Next installments will be colorless (unless something deserves it....hmm) however I'm not going to fix this one. I'd rather my mistake be visible so that I can learn from it rather then cover it up with a blanket. I appreciate the help.
IIIIIIIIIIIIINSTA-DISLIKE!!!
1979068 I appreciate the criticism, in fact I support it. Rip this story to shreds if you have to, I want to know what I'm doing wrong (apart from the obvious) so that I can make it better. I have already begun the second chapter (bland and colorless) and am going to put more than an hour into this one. I read through this....this half assed chapter I wrote and regret it. I'll probably do a remake in the future but I'm unsure. Also as to the colored text comment.... Dr. Seuss is all I have to say. I will not be using anymore however, hurts my eyes and makes it hard to edit when I've got [color=<insertcolor>] all over the damn place. Please continue bashing this story so I can fix it later
1979102 Made me lol
1979070
Probably not the best idea. I understand where you're coming from, but consider this: you write ten more chapters. All of which are way better than the first one. However, any new reader is going to have to read the first chapter to understand the rest. That first chapter is going to be their first impression of your fic. If it's a grammatical mess with multicolored text everywhere, why would they continue onto the next chapters? I know I wouldn't.
1979141 Yes yes that is true. Well Daffodil I appreciate this. I actually just now got a message from someone saying they'd help me a little bit. This one will be taken down at some point but first I need to actually sit and think about it. Get into that writing zone.
Very generic. And why yellow text!?
1979187 I know I hate myself
Do not fret space ghost. It will be re-written in the future all colors stripped from it
thumbs.newschoolers.com/index.php?src=http://i.imgur.com/RHrLj.png&size=400x1000
dat description...
1979244 Oh god.....my sides
I am assisting this fine gentlecolt in his story.
Good sir, I have given you some small assistance via the Training Grounds post you made a few days back. Please let me know if you have any concerns.
2065018 I... wait what? Sorry my brain has been every where but here what did I do?
2075665
You requested a review on PonyChan/MLPChan, one or the other. Your review is located on the Training Grounds thread on either site.
2075720 I remembered immediately and am beginning my revisions on the first and then the rest of the story. I am very well aware of my "comma plague" and it made me laugh when you said "stop it, stop it, stop it". I shall keep all of this mind for the future and hopefully can get what I want out of this story. Thank you for blessing me with your revisions and have a good day