Thunder Chaser and Starlight Charmers Foal Sitting fun.
written by Thunderchaser23
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Andd...
OC AND OTHER TAG
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw5569_large.jpg
Not bad you're off to a good start.
Also I know I already posted this but, so Twilight:
You're off to a good start I'd say.
Excellent work.
All I have to say is ME GUSTA
Very well done, plenty of adorable moments, and Rainbow snark.
Keep it up
I like it. Nice slice of life.
Ehh, the opening is a bit cliche. And you really need to work on the mechanics and grammar of your story.
1953741Alright well I'll work on some editing and what not in a bit here. I just woke up.
@Vekalden I know I know. I don't have a proof reader at the moment or an Editor.
Anyways if anyone is willing to help me with the editing of the story please PM Me. and I will hand you a link to the google document.
I personally liked this story. Its a good short story to read. I am looking forward to the next parts.
Now, for the "Everyone hates Midnight's Criticism" Segment...
I found there were grammar errors, like the others said, dialogue from 2 different characters should not be in the same paragraph.
The beginning was... its been done before, to many times by to many people. It works here, but still, after seeing it so many times its kinda a turn off to the rest of the story.
Also, the end, wasn't really a bedtime story, that's the kind of story to hear on those intervention shows... It works... but its just off for me.
Please don't take any of my criticism in a negative manner, I really did enjoy the story.
1957497 Hey as long as criticism is constructive it's all good. Things will get better in the second chapter
Thanks.
Wheres the next chapter kind of want to continue reading up on this.
It's in progress don't rush me!
"Some nights Thunder Chaser was so sad she would harm herself just so she could feel alive."
Well thats the last thing I expected to read in an ABDL story.
1954303
I'm a member and editor for the group Overly-Extensive Editors, a group of writers who are dedicated to helping improve each others' writing techniques. Feel free to swing by and give us a look if you'd like!
This story is my life in a nutshell. About 40% pure screaming.