So uh, I'm usually good at figuring out what happened with stories that had some sort of timey-wimey crap happening, but this? What did I even read?
Between the sudden shift of him looking for his jacket and then checking to see if he signed out, and Giselle not really reacting to him suddenly changing focus like that, I have no clue what was happening at the beginning. Where does this part of the story even fit in the overall narrative? Also, Sunbeam and Sam are all of a sudden married? When/where did that happen?
We have the feeling that the first section was simply a dream from his alcohol induced slumber, which would explain the sudden shift being not noticed or responded to.
It could be possible that Sam & Sunbeam are in the startings of (or a monogamous) herd, if herding is even done in this fiction...starting to lose track.
3007871 But were they exactly the same events? No, not at all. Both scenes happen at the bank. Not surprising, Matt works there. Giselle is in both scenes. Also not surprising, she works there. The topic of Raven comes up in both scenes. Again, not surprising given how stubbornly one-track minded Giselle has been portrayed thus far. ...And that's really about it for the meaningful similarities. Each scenario went in completely different directions beyond that. Is it really so hard to believe that he would dream about meeting Giselle, who has been harassing him about Raven, at the job they both work at? Because it seems reasonable to me. Deja vu is merely the brain noticing correlations between similar instances and being fooled into thinking the same has happened before due to that.
Also, wouldn't it seem a little jarring with the last chapter having ended with Matt getting KO drunk for this chapter to open up randomly at the place of his work with no resolution to the events of the last chapter? That doesn't make any sense. So it was definitely a dream—in fact, it's a peek into Matt's subconsciousness, aspects of his mind that he doesn't quite realize exist yet. It's one of the details foreshadowing his possible fate of becoming a Gentleman himself. Or at least coming to grips with the fact that he likes him some Pony ass.
Just to check, are you speaking with authorial knowledge or just guessing?
They don't need to be exactly the same to suggest some sort of supernatural silliness. They are, however, remarkably similar as to make coincidence unlikely. When was the last time your dream took into account your co-workers' schedules?
All in all, if it is JUST a dream, and has no more significance, it's very poorly done. As evidenced by the fact that you were responding to three people, the scene causes significant confusion, and if it serves no further purpose, is a great waste of words and time, considering the detail involved.
Guys, the first part of the story is a hangover induced dream. He didn' really get freaky with anypony BUT Raven. The last chapter he got drunk with Sam and Lucky at the bar. . . =v=
3124515 Thanks for the defense, but I aim to tweak it (though that'll likely happen after I post the next chapter) just a bit. Make the dream a bit more surreal and maybe add some foreshadowing here and there for the chapter after next.
So what? He actually believes that the guy didnt drug him? is he that gullible?
"No dude I didnt set you up with a date rape, you totally got a bunch of drinks yourself. I even asked you to settle down cause im such a nice and trustworthy guy!"
...really?
Also, there is no world with any good in it where Raven should be getting an apology. She was drunk too so she doesnt have to do any apologizing either, but seriously, he had every right to freak out like he did. (Also when is that human bitch who set them up going to get a comeuppance. The first chapters of this fic are set up for what should be a revenge story and instead everyone is just...okay with it? Should we get some murders in too while everyone is in a forgiving mood?)
Anyway while the way this story is treating the event with Raven makes me see red, the characters themselves are very fleshed out and feel real. You have a hell of a knack for making a slice of life story.
note: this is before reading chapter six so if things make a turn around in that chapter I'll make sure to either make a new post or edit this one.
A group of two women and three ponies passed us by, laughing and talking amongst ourselves. One of the mares - the unicorn of the group - had dolphins as a part of her cutie mark.
"Excuse me!" Someone called out. Out of habit I craned by neck and turned my attention to wherever I though the voice came from, and spotted that group of girls from before approaching some bikini-clad greeters just as Jef had mentioned. “Hi, I was wondering if you knew...” the blue-coated pony began to ask while Jef and I remained standing in the ever-waning shade of an Equestrian-style house.
Ah, screw it, I thought as I put the brochure on my left jean pocket. I grabbed a shoulder strap from my backpack, hoping to extract the Tourist’s Guide to Equestria. Granted, I was going to look silly reading a book as thick as an almanac, but it was going to be better than getting lost.
“Excuse me!”
I looked up, blinking. The group in front of me stopped as they spotted three women dressed in bikini tops and flowing sarong skirts walking towards us. My eyes unconsciously wandered over their necks and shoulders, straying towards their legs and hips before I caught myself.
Should I be glad I still found women attractive?
The one that spoke was a mare from the group, a cute unicorn with a layered two-toned blue mane and tail. Her pale-mulberry coat gleamed with the sun, exposing the cord of muscles as her strong legs worked, giving attention to her flanks. Her cutie mark, two dolphins swimming in a circle, blended well with her fur. As she approached the bikini-clad women, my eyes lingered on her tail and rear. It took me even longer to realize it and looked down immediately, sighing.
It’s like I can’t win in this world.
“Hi, I was wondering if you knew where the Water Inn is?” the pony asked.
Dragging his feet about asking her for Raven's Address? He asked the day before right before she gave him her own address and fucked him.
Hah i think she just likes him >:)
Moar plz?
I'm so confused.
Time loop?
So uh, I'm usually good at figuring out what happened with stories that had some sort of timey-wimey crap happening, but this? What did I even read?
Between the sudden shift of him looking for his jacket and then checking to see if he signed out, and Giselle not really reacting to him suddenly changing focus like that, I have no clue what was happening at the beginning. Where does this part of the story even fit in the overall narrative? Also, Sunbeam and Sam are all of a sudden married? When/where did that happen?
This chapter makes no sense.
dream sequences?? nice way to put non cannon clop that doesent complicate the real story
nice
We have the feeling that the first section was simply a dream from his alcohol induced slumber, which would explain the sudden shift being not noticed or responded to.
It could be possible that Sam & Sunbeam are in the startings of (or a monogamous) herd, if herding is even done in this fiction...starting to lose track.
Dream
3006097>>3005625>>3005509
...It was a dream, guys.
Also, all of my yes for this chapter.
3007304
A dream that happened before the event it references?
3007871
But were they exactly the same events?
No, not at all.
Both scenes happen at the bank. Not surprising, Matt works there.
Giselle is in both scenes. Also not surprising, she works there.
The topic of Raven comes up in both scenes. Again, not surprising given how stubbornly one-track minded Giselle has been portrayed thus far.
...And that's really about it for the meaningful similarities. Each scenario went in completely different directions beyond that. Is it really so hard to believe that he would dream about meeting Giselle, who has been harassing him about Raven, at the job they both work at? Because it seems reasonable to me. Deja vu is merely the brain noticing correlations between similar instances and being fooled into thinking the same has happened before due to that.
Also, wouldn't it seem a little jarring with the last chapter having ended with Matt getting KO drunk for this chapter to open up randomly at the place of his work with no resolution to the events of the last chapter? That doesn't make any sense. So it was definitely a dream—in fact, it's a peek into Matt's subconsciousness, aspects of his mind that he doesn't quite realize exist yet. It's one of the details foreshadowing his possible fate of becoming a Gentleman himself. Or at least coming to grips with the fact that he likes him some Pony ass.
3007915
Just to check, are you speaking with authorial knowledge or just guessing?
They don't need to be exactly the same to suggest some sort of supernatural silliness.
They are, however, remarkably similar as to make coincidence unlikely. When was the last time your dream took into account your co-workers' schedules?
All in all, if it is JUST a dream, and has no more significance, it's very poorly done. As evidenced by the fact that you were responding to three people, the scene causes significant confusion, and if it serves no further purpose, is a great waste of words and time, considering the detail involved.
I'm hoping that something further comes of it.
3008051
Oh. I guess I should fix it, then.
3005509
I think that was supposed to have been a dream.
Now I hate Giselle more than before
3008078
I am sorry, because I really should have said it more politely. It's up to you how you write. I just found it quite confusing.
Would you mind explaining why the dream is there? I'd probably be far happier about it once I understand it better.
Yay! Update! Awesome! Cool!
MOAR!
3006097
Since chapter 3
Guys, the first part of the story is a hangover induced dream. He didn' really get freaky with anypony BUT Raven. The last chapter he got drunk with Sam and Lucky at the bar. . . =v=
3124515
Thanks for the defense, but I aim to tweak it (though that'll likely happen after I post the next chapter) just a bit. Make the dream a bit more surreal and maybe add some foreshadowing here and there for the chapter after next.
...huh
So what? He actually believes that the guy didnt drug him? is he that gullible?
"No dude I didnt set you up with a date rape, you totally got a bunch of drinks yourself. I even asked you to settle down cause im such a nice and trustworthy guy!"
...really?
Also, there is no world with any good in it where Raven should be getting an apology. She was drunk too so she doesnt have to do any apologizing either, but seriously, he had every right to freak out like he did. (Also when is that human bitch who set them up going to get a comeuppance. The first chapters of this fic are set up for what should be a revenge story and instead everyone is just...okay with it? Should we get some murders in too while everyone is in a forgiving mood?)
Anyway while the way this story is treating the event with Raven makes me see red, the characters themselves are very fleshed out and feel real. You have a hell of a knack for making a slice of life story.
note: this is before reading chapter six so if things make a turn around in that chapter I'll make sure to either make a new post or edit this one.
Alright Dammit, who needs sleep?
Hhhmmmmmmmm..... Giselle and Matt......
3198237 Two thirty in the morning, so I do xD
Meanwhile..
I love in-universe stuff.