Forest Fright : Part 1
Shining Armor couldn’t understand it. Ever since Cadence had returned from, well, wherever she’d been, Shining Armor couldn’t shake the feeling that she had been avoiding him. At first, he hadn’t been too concerned, thinking she must be busy, or maybe, she was set on tracking down her mother’s soul alone. But after a while, with Cadence continuing to avoid him, his anxiety created other, more worrying ideas.
Had she met another, better colt on her travels? Did she like him more, and didn’t have the courage to say so? Shining Armor asked Fleur de Lis about Cadence, but she said she hadn’t seen her much either. Shining Armor felt worse, perhaps Cadence was seeing another colt if she was avoiding Fleur de Lis too; she wasn’t officially his fillyfriend after all.
He couldn’t bear it any longer. He had to find out, even if it caused his heart to shatter. He was determined to talk to her before he left on the camping trip; he didn’t know if Cadence was going or not. In any case, he needed to talk with her alone. He found her surprisingly quickly, he caught sight of her talking to Thora’s little sister, Trixie.
‘I’ll never be any good at magic,’ Trixie was saying sadly.
‘You don’t know that,’ said Cadence comfortingly, ‘in any case you are good at other things.’
‘I want to be good at magic,’ Trixie replied a little sulkily.
‘And you will be,’ Cadence answered, ‘you’ll be great at magic.’
‘Sister doesn’t think so,’ Trixie responded.
‘Thora isn’t always right, you know,’ Cadence told her with a small smile, ‘and sometimes things do seem impossible at first, but it doesn’t mean they can’t be achieved.’
‘I wish . . .’ Trixie murmured.
‘You’ll be great,’ Cadence replied, ‘you’ll be . . . the Great and Powerful Trixie!’
‘You really think so?’ Trixie asked with a small smile.
‘You’ll certainly be more great and powerful than that constantly in trouble princess!’ It was Thora, ‘Mind you, that’s not saying much.’ She smirked at a hurt Cadence. ‘Come along, Trixie,’ Thora continued. Trixie hurried up to her sister eagerly, and the siblings walked off together. Cadence gave a small sigh.
‘Cadence?’ Cadence turned to see Shining Armor coming towards her. ‘We need to talk.’ He told.
‘Yes,’ Cadence replied hesitantly, already starting to feel a lump in her throat, we do.’ She was struggling to hold the tears back; she knew what would become of this.
‘You have been avoiding me,’ Shining Armor said gently.
‘Yes,’ Cadence replied in a soft, weak voice, ‘I have. I have been avoiding nearly everypony, but especially you. I . . . I didn’t want to put you in harm’s way and I didn’t want to say this. I knew I would have to if I saw you . . .’ She looked at the ground.
‘What do you have to say?’ Shining Armor inquired, shocked and scared, ‘You’re not . . ? You’re not dumping me are you? Please, I can do better. I’ll do anything . . !’ Cadence burst into tears.
‘You’re so good to me!’ Cadence wept, ‘I couldn’t ask any more of you! But now I know, you must know. I’m not dumping you! I’m giving you the opportunity to dump me!’
Shining Armor stared.
‘I have,’ Cadence continued tearfully, ‘what is known as The Mark. To sum up the problems it causes, danger and trouble will continue to find me. I’m endangering everypony to a certain extent, just by being here, and I will continue to be in danger all the time, at least until marehood. So, please, Shining Armor,’ Cadence implored him, her heart feeling as if it were about to burst and shatter into a million pieces, ‘dump me quickly.’
Shining Armor was shocked.
‘Cadence . . .’ Shining Armor said slowly, trying to recover from what Cadence had just said, ‘You remember what I told you on Hearts & Hooves Day?’
‘That I made a cute rabbit?’ Cadence asked, blushing slightly, and giving a small laugh through her tears.
‘I meant the other thing,’ Shining Armor replied, ‘when you were a rabbit, and I didn’t realize it was you . . .’
There was silence for a moment, and Cadence’s face went a little pinker.
‘Well, what I said then still applies,’ Shining Armor continued hurriedly, ‘I l-lo-lov- care very much about you. I could never leave you now when you need me most.’
‘But you’d be in so much danger too!’ Cadence protested tearfully.
‘I’d have you,’ Shining Armor simply responded, ‘you need me, but I need you too.’
Cadence smiled, tears flowing down her cheeks. Shining Armor put his foreleg around her protectively and affectionately. Cadence rested her head on his shoulder and Shining Armor wiped the tears off her face.
Soarin’ and Spitfire stumbled out of nowhere with nervous expressions on their faces.
‘Does everypony spy on us?’ Shining Armor inquired, ‘First Joe and Steamer, now you two!’
‘You two are really cute together,’ Spitfire said with a smile.
‘Oh, Spitfire!’ Soarin’ complained, ‘sometimes you can be such a filly!’
‘I am a filly, in case you hadn’t noticed!’ Spitfire retorted.
‘You two sound like an old couple bickering!’ Cadence laughed.
‘Oh, guess who else is going on the camping trip?’ Soarin’ groaned, ‘Thora and her stupid sister!’
‘Trixie isn’t that bad,’ Cadence replied.
‘She wouldn’t be if she didn’t idolize Thora.’ Spitfire told her.
‘Are you going on the camping trip?’ Soarin’ asked Cadence.
‘Well, I was going to . . .’ Cadence responded nervous.
‘You’re not going to let Thora put you off, are you?’ Shining Armor inquired. Cadence wasn’t sure.
‘Don’t give a thought to mean old Thora,’ Spitfire told her, ‘it will be amusing to see her showing us how not to put a tent up!’
‘I can’t put a tent up like this,’ Cadence murmured.
Her horn and wings were taking longer to heal that expected. Her wings were still completely unusable and, although her horn was almost healed, she didn’t want to risk damaging it more by using it when it wasn’t completely healed. Shining Armor looked concerned.
‘She wouldn’t dare do anything that nasty in front of her sister anyway,’ Soarin’ said to Cadence, ‘no matter how much Thora dislikes it, Trixie evidently likes you.’
‘And I thoroughly doubt Starburst would let her get away with anything either!’ Shining Armor added.
‘I hope they’ll be some pie!’ Soarin’ said enthusiastically.
‘Do you ever think with anything but your stomach, Soarin’?’ Spitfire asked with a sigh.
‘Who’s Starburst?’ Cadence inquired.
‘He’s the stallion leading the camping trip,’ Shining Armor explained, ‘he was once in the Royal Guard. He is still highly respected there. He would’ve been captain easily, but,’ –he hesitated- ‘but something happened, no-pony would tell me what, but it meant he lost his chance and he ended up having to quit entirely because he was unable to cope.’
There was silence. Soarin’ and Spitfire had trotted off somewhere while Shining Armor had been explaining.
‘What happened to your wings and horn?’ Shining Armor asked Cadence.
‘Well, that’s a long story,’ Cadence replied.
*
‘Wish I could come too,’ Fleur de Lis said, ‘but my parents aren’t epically keen on me going off and getting mucky. And they don’t like me straying away from home either anyway.’
‘Do they know about how . . ?’ Cadence inquired.
‘No, they don’t know about the whole Raven Mocker thing.’
Cadence shuddered.
‘They’ve always been a bit like this. Don’t worry about that trace thingy.’
‘The Mark,’ Cadence corrected.
‘You’ll have your coltfriend right beside you,’ Fleur de Lis reminded her.
‘He’s not my coltfriend yet, Lis!’ Cadence responded, ‘we haven’t even nuzzled noses yet, never mind a kiss that’s not on the cheek.’
‘Well it’s about time you did!’ Fleur de Lis replied, crossing her forelegs.
*
‘Did you tell her about The Mark?’ Shining Armor asked as he rebandaged Cadence’s damaged wings for her. Cadence nodded. Once he had finished, Cadence stood up.
‘Thank you, Shining Armor,’ Cadence said, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
Shining Armor smiled, his face reddening and his surroundings appearing fuzzy and slightly brighter for a few moments.
‘It will be alright though?’ Cadence asked nervously, ‘Won’t it?’
The knowledge of The Mark had made her slightly more paranoid than she would naturally have been.
‘Of course it will be,’ Shining Armor replied reassuringly, placing his hoof close to hers, ‘I’ll look after you.’
Cadence found it hard to believe that she still had difficulty making eye contact with him sometimes.
*
There were nineteen of them, not including Starburst, who had them line up in twos and threes for counting, eight fillies and eleven colts. They were all wearing saddlebags, with the exception of Cadence, who wasn’t wearing one, and Shining Armor, who was wearing two. He had insisted on carrying Cadence’s for her. Thora glared over enviously when Trixie wasn’t looking.
‘There aren’t any timberwolves in these woods are there?’ a filly named Millie asked nervously.
‘Nope,’ Thora replied with a smirk, ‘just goblins . . .’
‘Shut up, Thora!’ Shining Armor snarled, ‘I know very well why you said that!’
‘Shining Armor, calm down,’ Starburst told him, ‘Thora, at least wait until we’re round a campfire. And no, there are no timberwolves or goblins in these woods.’
His voice was filled with authority, but at the same time, he sounded worn down and weary, and his voice was filled with a great sense of loss. Cadence wondered how Thora could have possibly known about those goblins. Shining Armor felt embarrassed as he greatly admired Starburst.
*
It was almost dark when they arrived at the place they were going to camp. They quickly began to put up three large tents: one for colts, one for fillies, and one for Starburst and most of the luggage.
Cadence was struggling quite a bit with the part of the tent she was supposed to be putting up, as she had never done this before even with magic, luckily, and to Cadence’s slight surprise, Trixie came over to help her.
‘Thank, Great and Powerful Trixie,’ Cadence breathed. Trixie grinned.
‘Is it true you were set on by goblins?’ Trixie asked.
‘Yes,’ Cadence sighed sadly.
‘Sister didn’t mean it you know,’ Trixie said, a little anxiously, ‘she was just horsing around.’
Cadence looked at her, and could tell that Trixie genuinely believed what she was saying.
‘I wish cousin Joe could have come,’ Trixie continued, ‘but he was busy with the shop.’
‘Joe’s your cousin?’ Cadence asked.
‘Oh, yes!’ Trixie responded.
But didn’t that mean . . ?
*
‘Give the love ponies some room!’ called a colt named Graphite as Cadence and Shining Armor approached the campfire. A large amount of giggles ensued. Starburst smiled over at the two ponies.
‘What about some campfire stories?’ asked Millie.
There were murmurs and nods of agreement. Eyes quickly fell on Cadence’s damaged wings.
Thora struggled to keep her rage and envy hidden as Trixie, among the others, listened to Cadence in awe and admiration as she told of the Union Of The Alicorns, her great fall, the crystal ponies, and King Sombra. When she had finished, however, Thora was the first to speak.
‘Great story, Princess,’ Thora said.
Cadence looked at her blankly.
‘Mind if I tell one?’ Thora continued innocently.
The other ponies got ready to listen. Cadence felt anxious. Shining Armor felt slightly suspicious. All of Trixie’s attention was now on her big sister.
‘I will now tell you of the terrible fate that befell the youngest foal of Princess Platinum,’ Thora began, watching Cadence out of the corner of her eye, a small smirk forming at the side of her mouth, ‘I give you the terrifying tale of the Blue Blood Seekers!’
Cadence fidgeted uneasily.
1915901I just tend to use single quotation marks, they might look a bit odd because I changed the type face while copying it from word to here.
1926171 I tend to give answers and create questions at the same time, therefore some of your questions will be addressed in future parts. Here are some explanation though: I have not expressed much about the Royal Guard or what it does, Youthful Desires also expresses that Cadence has a tendency to be impulsive, Cadence is the central character and therefore explanations not involving her in events specifically are more likely to come up in future parts, I do not have time to explain why every character does everything, too much of that makes things even more into telling and less into showing, there are certain story conventions: I tend to play with the idea that characters do things because that's what they do in stories, many TV shows and stories have characters not doing the sensible or obvious thing, my plot holes are relatively minor; Cadence and Shining Armor were already in Ponyville when Twilight Sparkle got her cutie mark and long explanations of how certain events everypony is familiar with relate to the story directly can also mess up the pacing. I also didn't state what the Royal Guard or Celestia was doing during the time events were happening every time they happen, some things have been deliberately left out so the reader does not know. The issues you have with this, you must also have with the show itself, I am effectively writing as if the parts were episodes, with the exception of slightly darker parts and more detail.
I think you've played your trump card too early.
At this very time releasing the chapters all at once isn't exactly the thing to do here. All of these stories seem to be in parts and collections, maybe if before you published all of them you could have released a new chapter every once or twice a week? That would have possibly given people a reason to look forward to reading the story perhaps.
Every once in a while after a new chapter is published then it will be put at the top of the "recently updated" section, which would have given people more access and exposure to the story. That way you could've brought in more people as everything progresses to the end. I know that you are still writing chapters judging by the first part to the Forest of Fright story.
Also, it seems that if you were to put all of these stories together without the parts, I think they could've done good as short stories or an even bigger collection of stories.
While this is my opinion, please do not take this in a negative light. What you have written is pretty good and I'd like to see more as you go along.
- Glitch.
1926359 Thank you, here's some explanation for my actions. I don't normally upload all at once. The reason I did was because this fan-fiction is also on two other sites, therefore, readers might just go there and read the next parts. The reason I put them all together is because each story is strongly linked with the other parts. Putting them separately would cause confusion, things being read out of order, and worsen the other problem I get the impression I have of things seeming unlikely or unexplained. Crystal Fires was the end of section 1. There will probably be 5 sections in all (the first section is currently being made into an audio-book.) and therefore I will continue, hopefully, to pick up readers.
1926380
Thanks for the explanation and your understanding, keep up the good work and good luck on the audio book. May your stories receive more attention in the near-future.