I Could Care Less About The Dress

by Unknown

I Could Care Less About The Dress

“This day is going to be perfect… The kind of day in which I dreamed since I was small…”

The words echoed off of the towering walls and bounced back down to Cadence’s ears. She smiled at her voice. Well, she smiled at her new voice. The old one was just fine and dandy, but this one certainly had quite the beautiful sound. It was always interesting to experience a completely different body. You never knew what sort of quirky traits that you were going to end up with. Sometimes it was good, like a beautiful voice or a gorgeous mane. Other times, not so much. She still remembered the time she accidentally took over some pegasus that had terrible eye sight and could barely fly straight. She had stumbled around for ten minutes before giving up and returning to her old self.

But, thus was the life of a changeling.

She looked at her current body in the mirror. Stunning was really the old word to come to mind. This princess certainly was a fine catch. That stupid soon-to-be prince would have had it nice. No matter though. ‘Why dwell on what could have been when everything I need is right in front of me’ she thought as she glared into the mirror.

“Everypony will gather ‘round, say I look lovely in my gown…”

She conjured up her magic and forced the three ponakins to bow down to their new princess before finishing her line.

“…what they don’t know is that I have fooled them all!”

A devilish grin shot from one side of her mouth to the other, her eyes glowing a dark green, as she heard the wedding bells ring from the tower outside. It was almost time. She knew that soon, she would march down the aisle, everypony cheering and shouting her name. All that love. All that delicious, tasty love. It would soon be all hers. Every single drop, down to the smallest foal and oldest stallion.

All. Hers.

She turned to face the dress that some pesky unicorn had made for her. It was ghastly. That stupid unicorn wouldn’t know fashion if it was to bite her in the flank.

“I could care less about the dress; I won’t partake in any cake!” She burst into song once more, knocking over the dress that she had been sneering at. It bounced off the ground and came to rest a few feet from where it once stood.

“Vows? Well, I’d be-“

SLAM

“FREEZE”

Cadence snapped around towards the sound of the yelling. There were two unicorns standing at the door to her room, doors swung wide open, their magical aurora both holding guns that were pointed at her. They both donned cop uniforms.

“Queen Chrysalis, you are under arrest!” The first pony said, emphasizing his words with a couple jabs with his gun towards the Queen.

Chrysalis froze. “What is this!? How do you know who I really am?!”

The first pony started to speak. “We are the Grammar Nazis, and we know everything that goes on in Equestria, you horrid beast! You have violated code number 98.3a, improper use of a common phrase, skewing your original thought! By saying “I could care less about the dress” instead of “I couldn’t care less about the dress”, you are implying that the dress isn’t something that you really care about but it’s still something slightly interesting to you, while in reality, you honestly couldn’t care any less about the dress, which you clearly stated, in your mind, was ghastly! You have disgraced the Grammar Nazi committee, and in turn, all of Equestria. Your treason will be punished with seven years in the Equestrian high security prison!”

A blank faced Chrysalis blinked.

“You have the right to remain silent, and anything you say can and most likely will be used against you in a court of ‘shut the hell up’! Get down on the ground, now!”

Chrysalis looked towards the two ponies with a dumb look, clearly not understanding anything. She shook her head, and stomped her feet towards the two. “You dare try to arrest me, the Queen of the Changelings!? I’d like to see you try!” Chrysalis stood up on her hind legs and let out a menacing laugh, causing lightning to strike the hillsides outside the window of her chamber.

“Chrysalis, we will ask you one last time to stand down or we will be required to use force.” The first pony took a few steps forward, bringing the seemingly loaded gun closer to the dark Queen’s face.

Chrysalis looked a little startled. Usually when she got up on her hind legs and laughed like a lunatic, people listened to what she said and stopped bugging her. It seemed like she’d have to try her second tactic.

“You fools! I will end your pathetic little lives if you don’t back down!” She conjured up power and sent it to her borrowed horn, making it glow in a dark green. She was bluffing; she couldn’t do anything, really, with her power inside another unicorn’s body, but maybe the green, flashing light would scare them off.

The two ponies with guns seemed un-phased.

Chrysalis started to sweat. “Um… seriously, guys. I will totally, uh, destroy you, or whatever! You’d better back up or… something.”

The first cop sighed, and looked towards the second. “She’s being difficult, Randy. Do it.”

The second cop used his magic to reach into his saddle bag and pulled out a spray bottle that had a very deep red label. He pointed it towards the queen, who was becoming more and more nervous by the minute. She only got two steps backwards before the cop sprayed a thick streak of the mysterious liquid straight into the Queen’s eyes.

“GAH! It burns! I will destroy you and everyone you have ever loved! Your children’s children will feel thine wrath!” The Queen rolled around on the ground, trying to get the gunk out of her eyes, to little success. She started to change back into her changeling form.

From behind the cops came the sound of a multitude of hoof steps as Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Princess Celestia, and… somehow, the real Cadence rushed into the room to see what was going on. They all gasped simultaneously at the sight of the real Chrysalis on the floor.

Twilight stepped forward. “Ah-hah! I told you all she was evil!” She turned towards the cops. “Thank you, sirs, for stopping this evil beast. She’s a changeling, and was planning on sucking this entire land of all its love, leaving us all husks of our former selves!”

The cops looked confused, and the first one spoke. “We have no care about the petty squabbles between races in Equestria. We deal with much more serious crimes.”

Celestia looked confused. “What could possibly have been worse than taking over the pony race?”

The second cop looked straight at the princess, and in complete seriousness, said:

“Incorrect grammar.”

The entire room burst into laughter.

“Oh, you stupid ponies, get out of my castle!” The Princess was struggling to say anything in-between boughts of laughter. “Though I guess I do have to thank you for capturing this nasty creature.”

Chrysalis made a slight sound in the background.

The cop put his hoof up, signaling the princess and started to talk again, over the laughter.

“Princess, you ought not to make fun of the Grammar Nazis…” But the princess cut them off.

“i mean srsly, i could care less about gramer! Its a silly thing to get al worked up about!”

Everypony got eerily quiet, quiet enough that they all heard Chrysalis say:

“Oh, for the love of…”

Comments

[Luna Plays Minecraft]

This is hooves down, my new favorite story.

[The Rar]

1911808
I'm partial to agree!
Loved this.

[eldersword35]

someone should make a version of this for yugioh rules!

[Seether00]

Oh.. I was expecting Rarity to barge in and assault her or something.

[Allington Sinclair]

“We are the Grammar Nazis, and we know everything that goes on in Equestria, you horrid beast! You have violated code number 98.3a, improper use of a common phrase, skewing your original thought! By saying “I could care less about the dress” instead of “I couldn’t care less about the dress”, you are implying that the dress isn’t something that you really care about but it’s still something slightly interesting to you, while in reality, you honestly couldn’t care any less about the dress, which you clearly stated, in your mind, was ghastly! You have disgraced the Grammar Nazi committee, and in turn, all of Equestria. Your treason will be punished with seven years in the Equestrian high security prison!”

Unendlicher Satz, Schande über dich! Rechtschreibprüfung über alles!

[Ehrlichkeit]

1911967 This.

[Fome]

Not bad, but "thine wrath" is doubly bad (don't know the formal terminology, but it should be "thy", and she's talking about her own wrath, so it should be "my"). I was hoping for something like "She's not stopping! Hold her down!" or "We need backup!". Or something.

[The Enchanted Quill]

Wow, just wow. This was the most hilarious thing I have ever read and the most craziest. I loved it! Can't stop snickering to myself.

[Narrative Style]

That was great. Plus, correcting that particular phrase is a pet peeve of mine, so I got major satisfaction from the imagery.

Now, to be the annoying guy that points out errors. (There's something humorous about correcting the grammar of a story with grammar nazis)

Usually when she gets up on her hind legs...

The tense disagrees with the rest of the paragraph.

...she couldn’t anything real with...

I believe you are missing a "do" here.

"...Do it”

The Grammar Nazi forgot his period.

...at the sight of the real Chrysalis...

What, there was a fake Chrysalis somewhere?

And though I found it hilarious, the ending only works if spelling is part of grammar. Just wanted to point that out. *hits fast forward to skip long argument on whether spelling counts as grammar*

1911885 That's what I was expecting as well. But I like surprises.

[Unknown]

Oh gosh, thank you all so much! I never expected this to be liked!

1912212

Thanks! I was really scared to post this because I wasn't sure I had gotten rid of all the errors. Thanks for correcting them.

As for the last line... that's the joke

[Samurai_Shippo]

well that made me happy.

[Dasponi]

I was actually expecting someone to hear her singing, but this still ended up being pretty fun. Especially because I can be quite the grammar Nazi.

[Princess Cadence]

badbreeders.net/wp-content/images/Grammar_Nazis____The_Motivator_by_ZlayaHozyayka.jpg

[dashie76]

1954253How the hell did you get that username?

[Sigmacipher]

2294164 On a first come first serve basis, how else?

[Shenzy]

I thought Rarity beats her up :/