Chapter 1: Present
Dear Princess Celestia,
Due to the recent introduction of oversight powers, I am now the chair of the Parliamentary Oversight Committee. I know that these recent constraints on your royal powers may seem like something designed to impede you, but rest assured I will do my upmost to ensure that I will exercise my obligations without unduly impeding on your royal prerogative.
There is one issue that comes to our attention: the unusually large amount of funds that have been sent to Ponyville. I have visited the sleepy hamlet and have found it to be a charming place in spite of its proximity to the Everfree Forest. I understand the need to ensure that our frontier towns are well supplied, especially one that is so disaster prone, but the amount of money being given so freely suggest something unsavory. I will need clarification of the purpose of these aid packages pursuant EC.1003.22.14.03.a.15-25.
Signed,
Baroness Morning Star, M.P., Chairpony of the Parliamentary Oversight Committee
:0.0:
Those two stupid little yellow pills.
Rainbow Dash used to take them every morning. It never felt right, but she didn't know why it never felt right. So she took her pills.
She slept a lot. Her head felt like it was full of cotton all the time. She never felt like herself. But it always been that way, hadn't it? She had achieved her dream of performing another Sonic Rainboom. Then she wanted to become a Wonderbolt, like she always had even though she hadn't. It was weird and unnatural, but Rainbow Dash accepted the fact that she was kind of dumb. She would always be the brawn of the situation.
Then Rainbow Dash hurt her wing, and Twilight introduced her to the world of Daring Doo. It was fun, in that dumb pulp adventure kind of way. But she couldn't read well, which wasn't right. Rainbow Dash could remember being able to read a whole book in less than a day, and not having to do it out loud either.
After she was out of the hospital she got a new prescription. She didn't understand what those drugs did other than help with healing, but she couldn't take those stupid little yellow pills. Then she began to feel better. She could stay awake during most of the day now, and her head wasn't filled as much with cotton. But best of all, she got better at reading! She was becoming an egghead again!
Then she got those pills again. Those two stupid little yellow pills. Like the dumb mare she thought herself to be, she began taking them again.
That's when she realized that the pills were responsible for the cotton in her head. Her newfound reading abilities went down the drain, and she began to feel oh so comfortably lethargic. But she kept on working despite it, hurting herself when she fell into a fit of narcolepsy while flying low to the ground. Her saving grace was that ponies were hardy regardless of subspecies.
The fact that she remembered what a species was for the first time lead Rainbow Dash to the conclusion that the pills were doing more harm then good.
Those two stupid little yellow pills.
She had bottles of them now in her medicine cabinet. Those disgusting yellow pills. She hated them. They were stupid and dumb and they made her stupid, dumb and lazy. Worst of all, the Mayor was pestering her if she was still taking them, and... well, she was the Element of Loyalty, not Honesty, and saying "yes" to her question became easier with each passing day.
Those three stupid little yellow pills.
Recently they had modified the prescription. Something about not being effective. Then Rainbow Dash knew... it was to keep her from being lucid. These were lemons, and Rainbow Dash was sick was making lemonade. SHE DIDN'T NEED THESE DAMN LEMONS! WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE?!
Rainbow Dash began to trash the medicine cabinet out of frustration. She didn't need these pills! She didn't need this! She didn't need this conspiracy to keep her dumb and sleepy for the rest of her life! What Rainbow Dash wanted was to GET MAD! She wanted to find whoever was doing this to her and talk to their manager. Then she was going to invent some sort of flaming lemon like in the novels and use it to burn that pony's house down. With the lemons.
When she was done with her tantrum, Rainbow Dash noticed that her medicine cabinet had been reduced down to broken glass, twisted plastic and bent metal. Her pills and medical supplies had fallen through the floor, likely raining down on some poor hapless pony. She winced cuts, but thankfully she hadn't nicked an artery.
Strange. She didn't know that she knew the word artery, much less what it meant.
Rainbow Dash sighed and went into her kitchen to find a first aid kit. At the very least that was one reason to be thankful for unicorns. Without their enchantments on normal objects, living in the clouds would be even more of a royal pain in the flank.
"Hi Rainbow Dash. I... what happened to your legs?" Twilight asked, looking at the bandaged forelimbs with concern.
"I fell asleep while flying again. And I got lucky... again," Rainbow Dash said. It was amazing how lying was starting to come so easily to her.
"Well, I don't know what to say," Twilight replied. "What do you need that'll help you with that?"
"Books," Rainbow Dash said.
"Books," Twilight Sparkle replied. "Right. I'm afraid you've just about read through both the young adult and speculative fiction sections. There's the romance section..."
"Yick," Rainbow Dash replied. "I think I'll pass."
"Well, I'm not sure what I can get for you then," Twilight said.
"It's fine. I'm looking for something different anyway," Rainbow Dash replied, walking herself into the familiar library. "Let's see... science..."
"Science?" Twilight asked, excited and a little confused by her friend's behavior.
"Science!" Rainbow Dash said with glee, before running over to a very specific part of the library. Her face then went from a smile of joy to a scowl of disappointment. "Wait a minute. This is all foal stuff. 'The Colt's Guide to Nature.' 'Basic Geometry.' 'The Stars: An Illustrated Introduction to Amateur Astronomy.'"
"How did that one slip in?" Twilight asked, pulling it off the shelf with her magic. She then looked sheepishly at Rainbow Dash. "Sorry, it's from my personal collection."
Rainbow Dash went back searching through the books. "Well, do you have anything here that isn't written for a... aha! 'Quantum Mechanics' by Gryphon. That should good for some light hobby reading."
"Hobby reading?" Twilight asked, "RD, that's pretty heavy stuff. Are you sure that you..."
"... and a knowledge of all languages from Common to Arabian, I am the very model of the Scientist Equestrian..." Rainbow Dash sang to herself, oblivious to her friend's concern. She found herself a comfortable chair and began to read, gleefully losing herself in the pages of the book.
Twilight Sparkle was shocked by her friend's unusual behavior. What shocked her even more was the fact that Rainbow Dash seemed to actually comprehend the material rather than just scanning the words and equations on the page. Twilight had trouble even beginning to understand that book. For Rainbow Dash to declare it 'light hobby reading'...
"Umm... Rainbow Dash..." Twilight swallowed nervously. "I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but are you really a changeling who has kidnapped my friend and didn't quite get all of her mannerisms down?"
"I hope not," Rainbow Dash replied. "This is the best I've felt in years. Almost all of the cotton's gone from my head."
"I... see..." Twilight said, making a quiet mental note of that comment. "Rainbow Dash..." she continued, "I think I might be able to help you find the sort of books you're looking for. But I'll need to ask you a few questions."
"Sure thing, Twilight," Rainbow Dash mumbled, still lost in the text.
"Why is the sky blue?" Twilight asked.
"Because of the way that the nitrogen and oxygen content of the air diffracts the rays of the sun." Rainbow Dash said absently.
"Why do stars shine?" Twilight asked.
"It's theorized that they're superheavy balls of gas with some sort of nuclear fission going on in their cores. Of course, I'm putting my money on it really being fusion with the spectrographs showing mostly hydrogen and modern universities really being guild-like institutions that promote mediocrity and ensure that only the upper classes are able to participate in discourse about natural philosophy and stuff. How Princess Luna is able to move them around so easily, nopony knows," Rainbow Dash replied. "Come on, throw me a hard one."
"What color is the sun?" Twilight
"It appears yellow-ish white because our eyes are optimized to its specific wavelength of light. It's really sort of a greenish color if we take into account the whole black body radiation thing."
"... really?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah," Rainbow Dash said, a little confused. "I thought astronomy was your thing."
"It's my hobby. My special talent's magic," Twilight said.
"But aren't you like a walking encyclopedia of useless facts?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"They're not useless!" Twilight said defensively. "And only about the magical sciences. Not about that weird quantum theory thing. How do you know all that?"
"I..." Rainbow Dash looked back down to the book between her hooves. "I... don't remember."
"Well... most of my books are on magical theory, but both subjects require higher level math. Then there's the Derpy section..."
"The Derpy section? Derpy can read this stuff?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Derpy can teach this stuff," Twilight replied. "After the first order came in we ended up talking her entire mail route about modern physics, theories of optics, and how they apply to modern telescope making."
"Then why is she so... Derpy?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Because she has mild brain damage from a carriage accident when she was a foal," Twilight replied.
"Oh. That... actually explains everything," Rainbow Dash said
"That was my first reaction too. Is speech a part of motor functions?" Twilight asked.
"Beats me," Rainbow Dash said with a shrug. "So... books?"
"Books. They're in the back. I'll go get a selection," Twilight said. She trotted upstairs, noticing Spike sleeping in the corner.
"Spike, wake up," Twilight said in a matter of fact voice. "I need to write a letter."
"Ugh, can't it wait till later?" Spike asked, turning over in his own bed. "We've worked for four days, and I stayed up longer than you cleaning all that paper you scribbled on and stuff. And reorganizing the books. You got your sleep, now I get mine."
"Spike, I need you to write a letter and I need you to deliver it in person to Rarity," Twilight added, noting with satisfaction how quickly the dragon got up. She summoned up a scroll, an ink well and a quill. "Take a letter, Spike. To Rarity."
"Rarity, oh thank Celestia you're here," Twilight said.
"It's no problem at all. We are all friends, are we not?" Rarity asked, before looking down at her hoof and the baby dragon clinging to it. "Although Spikey-Wikey has been a little more affectionate then I can handle."
"Spike, there's doughnuts in kitchen," Twilight said.
"Oh boy! Doughnuts!" Spike replied, before letting go and running off to get some of the delectable, sugar filled treats.
"Sorry about that. The past four days have been very busy, and he hasn't gotten all the sleep he needs," Twilight said.
"I understand darling," Rarity replied, following Twilight. When the unicorns reached Rainbow Dash, the first thing they noticed was the sheer number of books laying around her chair, most of the tomes holding the arcane secrets of the universe according to natural philosophy within their pages.
"Hey Rarity," Rainbow Dash said absently.
"Hello Rainbow Dash. Are you feeling alright?" Rarity asked.
"Never better. Why?" Rainbow Dash asked back.
"Rainbow Dash, darling, have you been taking your medicine?" Rarity asked all too casually. It took a few moments for the statement to process.
"...I never told you I took medication..." Rainbow Dash said quietly.
"Rainbow Dash, you told me quite clearly that you took three yellow pills in the morning," Rarity replied.
"I only took two until last month," Rainbow Dash, her anger growing. "And if I told you it would've been when I took two, you bitch!" Rainbow Dash threw the book on the ground, standing up on her hooves to face Rarity and Twilight.
"Rainbow Dash, I thought you were on some sort of behavior modification medicine and those things worry me, I didn't think that you..." Twilight said quickly, trying to explain away what happened.
"Not you, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said. "You're socially awkward, you can't lie worth a damn, and you're too ditzy and neurotic to hold a conspiracy together."
"Gee, thanks," Twilight said flatly.
"Rarity, on the other hoof..." Rainbow Dash said, pointing at accusing hoof at the fashionista.
"Rainbow Dash, you do not want to go there," Rarity said flatly.
"Oh, I wanna go there. I wanna go there RIGHT. NOW."
"... fine," Rarity said.
"Fine?" Rainbow Dash asked, surprised at the lack of resistance.
"Fine," Rarity said again. "We'll discuss in private at my house."
The fashonista walked out of the library in a very prim manner. Rainbow Dash gave Twilight a confused look, to which Twilight replied with a shrug. Not having any better leads, Rainbow Dash began following her.
They had gotten to Rarity's house before Rainbow Dash finally had her outburst.
"You're in on this, aren't you," Rainbow Dash said, clearly angry at her friend.
"Yes, Rainbow Dash, I am. But the conspiracy isn't there to hurt you. It's there to help you," Rarity said, as calmly as she could.
"Help me how?!" Rainbow Dash asked, her voice a mix of outrage and anger. "By putting so many chems into my system that I blow my mind and go on permatrip like Pinkie?!"
"No, not like that," Rarity said, before biting her lower lip.
"Well then WHAT?!" Rainbow Dash yelled at the top of her lungs.
"I... cannot say," Rarity said with hesitation and a little fear. "The non-disclosure agreement... even this much is actionable. I legally cannot tell you any more. Forget this even came up. We'll be better off for it."
"Rarity, I swear to whatever and all the gods that are out there, I'll..."
"You'll do what, Rainbow Dash?!" Rarity said, clearly fed up with Rainbow Dash's behavior. "Go out on one of your little adventures where you end up dragging everyone along with you, and end up getting all of us sent to jail?! AGAIN?!"
"You're hiding something from me! Something physical and real! I know you, Rarity. You're too OCD not to have some sort of trail of documentation so that you can cover your flank when this finally gets to court!" Rainbow Dash yelled.
"AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?!" Rarity screamed.
"I..." Rainbow Dash hesitated, uncertainty finally creeping into her voice. "I don't know how. I just... know..."
"That's right Rainbow Dash. You don't really know. You don't know the work that has gone into cleaning up your messes. You don't know how much effort we've spent making sure that there's nothing left to get you into trouble. I mean, the whole hospital episode alone..."
"There has to be something," Rainbow Dash said.
"No, Rainbow Dash, there isn't. This isn't like in the novels or those new-fangled movies filled with fashionably dressed and amazingly attractive actresses. There's no hidden room of scrapbooks, documents and memorabilia that will suddenly reveal a secret history where everything comes back to you. Even if that was what we were hiding, don't you think we would be smarter than to hide it in a house that you visit every other day?"
Rainbow Dash looked at the other mare, now uncertain. She knew there was a conspiracy involved. But she didn't actually know what the conspiracy was. Maybe it was some benign, like the twenty-third flavor of a certain soft drink or the true purpose of those little plastic things at the end of shoe laces.
Rainbow Dash was almost ready to drop it, before the floor in-between the two mares began to shake, then swing open. Out from it came Sweetie Belle, standing on some stair steps.
"Rarity!" Sweetie Belle said, her voice cracking once again from excitement. "I found a secret room right behind the basement. And there's so many secret entrances. Why didn't you ever tell me we had all this awesome stuff here?" the young filly asked, before she finally looked between the two grown mares. "Oh. You were having a fight, weren't you?"
"Yes, Sweetie Belle, we were having a fight," Rarity said in the tranquil tone of voice that suggested that she was experiencing true and complete rage.
"Is this a bad time?" Sweetie Belle asked, beginning to cower a little bit.
"Yes, Sweetie Belle, this a very bad time," Rarity said in that same creepy tone. She was clearly about to fly off the handle, or at the very least have a blood vessel pop in her eye.
"... I'll go back to the secret room behind the basement then," Sweetie Belle said.
"Thank you Sweetie Belle," Rarity replied. The little filly walked with her head low back below ground, the depression and disappoint in herself almost radiating off of her.
"Everything," Rainbow Dash said, clearly done with arguing and bargaining.
"No," Rarity replied.
"Rarity, you know me..." Rainbow Dash began.
"Better then you think know yourself," Rarity interjected.
"...and you know I'm not going to let this go," Rainbow Dash continued. "I know there's a conspiracy that has hurt me. I know one of my friends has been in on it the whole time. And I know that you have some sort of secret underground complex under your weird tent house shop dwelling... thing.
"If you value my friendship, then you'll show me and explain to me everything. And don't be afraid to use your sophisticated big words to show how smart and cultured you are. Not taking those pills that you helped shoved down my throat has improved my listening and reading comprehension tremendously."
Rarity looked between the two, clearly torn, before finally relenting with a dramatic sigh. The fashonista turned conspirator finally relented. "Alright, Rainbow Dash. Because our friendship and professional relationship means more than you can even begin to imagine, I'll show you everything."
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Well I am confused but it seems cool
I'm intrigued. Please, continue.
i'm looking forward to the next chapter of this
Mad scientist Dash? Well, maybe with Twilight in on the secret, they can channel her genius for good. Or at least not illegality.
That, or the two madmares will feed off of one another in a spiral of destructive SCIENCE!
1911801
It's alright to be confused. I mean to write a story in a certain way, and I accept the fact that the way I'm presenting it may not be the easiest and/or best.
Then there is the fact that I'm starting off with tin foil hattery.
1911860
Ever read Girl Genius?
1911887
I have. And now I'm hoping there will be Diamond Jaegers.
This story seems like it could be...addicting! It is great so far! Well done!
So. Awesome.
I'll have to agree with the others. It's confusing, but where it might be going is interesting.
I think I know where this one is going.
*Godfather quote*
"Every time I think I'm out they keep pulling me back in!")>
I have a feeling that Dash suffers from Science-Related Memetic Disorder.