I'd love to read more of this!

1879618

Your wish is my command.

This story is already finished in greentext form. You'll be getting the full thing tonight.

Why does this not seem to be a story made for reading?
It seems more a script for some perverse animation.
One last thing: too many POV changes! And tell me who is talking with dialogue
It's like if someone wrote a story like this
A tall man, a short man, and a space alien are sitting in a parlor
Hello
Hello
Hello
How is your day?
Wonderful
Not great
Good to hear
I believe you mean poor
No he means good
Indeed
I am depressed
Quite
Very much, yes

My point is you can't tell who is talking and who they are talking to.