Trixie Lulamoon, no matter how much she tries, finds that ponies around here can't accept her new humbleness. So she plans to live in a place far from mainland Equestria, where nopony knows her enough to judge her based on past actions: Trottingham. An off-shore city-state with a history of austerity, crime, and endless precipitation.
She finds a lonely friendship, among a rushing torrent of Trottingham's native social detritus, with Leif, a Gryphon with a kind soul but a deceptively darker past. A past that will soon intertwine their companionship, and maybe push the two closer towards something more.
And as the old saying goes, birds of a feather, flock together.
Author's Note: Don't expect clop in this story, just a light...moderate....slightly more moderate amount of ship. Enjoy!
Yes! I have high hopes for this. After Cyr's magical adventures in magic and adventuring, the fact that every story I have read with Trixie involved prominently has been excellent, and the fact that I have yet to see anything built for Trottingham beside "Oh, Pip's from there."
Will read later.
Have some waffles
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Proceed.
I loved the beginning!
Way to switch it up.
Ok. I'm curious now. +1 and tracking ^_^
Birds of a Feather. Now even more average!
Hello, I am your friendly neighborhood reader and editor, with some edits, pictures, and comments for you!
Chapter One
I found nothing that needed to be edited in chapter one. That's good.
Although, you may want to put in the dark or sad category (if not both), from what I've read.
Slightly irrelevant GIF:
i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/129167585499124425.gif
Chapter Two
I believe the comma is necessary for it to make a bit more sense.
How come you capitalize the 'the' in The Chair, but not in the Door?
I don't think you need to capitalize the "T".
Unless the word thy is a name, it doesn't need to be capitalized.
You don't need the comma after but.
Slightly irrelevant GIF:
i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/tumblr_mdrgr9xwtO1rwy2lm.gif
Thoughts:
This is extremely well written. Good job on that. Keep doing what you are doing, although like I said before, you might want to add a dark tag.
Yours truly,
~Muffinpatrol
i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/Signature_zpsbef44fa1.jpg
I may still brin your hategroup, but I LURVE your fics.
Interesting....Please, Proceed.
what's this? Another Kishin story? F**k yes!
That story picture sure does have a lot of correct adjectives
1954563
Just a few disputes I would like to add.
The sentences are structured to be that way. To be short. Cut off. As if the character's thoughts are exhausted to the point where it can only manage a few coherent thoughts at a time.
Thanks for noting the comma errors, and capitalization errors. Except for one. I capitalized Thy, as a name does, because it refers to a person. And plus, its Griffin culture. You like to favor yourself over others so why not capitalize the word when you imply mentioning of yourself
But thanks anyway. Glad you enjoyed it
The Chair, eh?
imageshack.us/a/img37/5394/twistwhatathwist.jpg
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Either there is an unneeded period, or the 'o' in or should be capitalized.
*their
There - describes a location.
They're - they are.
Their - implies joint, or gender-neutral, ownership.
Fitting piece of fan music that coincides well with what I'm seeing as the mood of this fic. I have way too many of these thing lying about...
Whenever I see this particular idealistic wandering, I end with tunnel vision and a constant playback of this quote:
Glorious Trixie! This should turn out well. Onward to the next chapter, and waiting for more.
Unneeded 'the'.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayum. And here I thought Equestria was sunshine and rainbows. 3k+ multiple-count murders? That has to be an academy record.
Unneeded 'the'.
Society of Syntax Socialists,
-Onyx
Lolz
I like the comedy
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
1961497
Thank you!
BLEUGH
Romance between our favourite unicorn and... hmm
... not enough elements to define WHO, but it's obviously Leif; i need to point out, tho', that GlimmerxTrixie would have been hilarious!
1964044
Well, I promised I'd get to it. And I did.
So, everything flowed nicely. Nothing made me cringe, and I liked how you twisted the 'Chair' scene from being an execution to a hair cut. Quite good.
However, here's an issue:
Previously, you put a capitol on Gryphon. If you put a capital on it once, put it on all the way through. It's proper. Alongside that, I was going to give you flak for using this form of Gryphon, but there's more than one way to spell it, so, I'll let that slide.
I can't critique it fully, yet. So, I'll wait.
" The mare was fiercely independent and could sexually harass the bark off of a tree. "
what?! I....don't even.....
BAHAHAA!!!!
Great chapter ^_^
1977687
Thank you!
Erm....Not sure whether to Daaw, or LOL....
2000569
What do you mean?
Did I at least make you laugh?
2000577 When Trixie met Leif...It was funny AND Adork-able at the same time.I couldn't decide how to react. Though I DID laugh pretty hard, yes.
Wonderful story so far, but I was a little lost there - it seemed to read awkwardly, as `a friend` was never used specifically, rather implied, but Trixie seemed to use it as an exact quote.
No big things though ~ now to wait eagerly for the next chapter!
I believe I must request moar!
I'm quite enjoying this.
2000683
It was used actually.
Lurvley, eagerly awaiting the next chapter
This story looks very interesting so far;
and oh yyyyyeah:
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/018/f/7/applejack_daniel__s_wallpaper_by_smokeybacon-d4mrfiw.png
Nuuu! All... all my GlimmerXTrixie ideas... (Trimmer? Glixie?)
Kishin, sir, i demand MOAR
1970780
I take great joy in reviews, so I'll review your review for the glory of the greater Yo Dawg.
Two issues.
A:
Capital v Capitol.
Capitol has very strict and confined usage, mainly in relation to state and federal Capitol buildings in the United States.
Capital, on the other hand/hoof/claw, is the more widely used and generally seen variant. It is also the correct form in this case.
More information can be found here: http://grammarist.com/usage/capitol-capital
B:
Griffin, Gryphon, Griffon, Gyphon
This one needs less explanation, 'tis a missing 'r'.
2004083
LOL! I missed an 'r'. Well, fast typing for you. Should edit that.
Thanks for that. I usually get confused which 'capital' I'm referring to. Very fuzzy topic, like most other words.
2003664
Wat....
2004083>>2004453
I'm not sure about you two, but I am greatly enjoying this review of a review!
Go on...you have my interests...
2005703
Kind of hard for me to know what "You're***" means...
And you have no idea how many people on this site like to buck with me about my grammatical mistakes, so I overreacted. So sorry about the misunderstanding, but why did you say that I McF*cked? That wasn't nice...
2005748 Don't take it so seriously. Twas only in jest, I didn't mean anything by it. Kind of along the lines of "hey buddy, ya dun goofed" rather than "omg ur gramer sux ass."
Just one writer trying to help another.
2006130
Thanks! Are we friends again?