Shy, an ordinary school girl that has been a pegasister since she was young, is surprised by one thing: that ponies are real. Will it end up the way she wanted, or the other way around?
This is my first fanfic. So bear with me please if you think it sucks.
This is the universe where the Mane 6 are gender bent.
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>other tag instead of oc tag
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9020-13ac87c5a2d819ae0c45bb4a2c4c708f_500.gif
hmm... not bad
but you need a editor, and you need it now!
I like the concept of this - I've never seen a Ponies on Earth story done using the genderswapped universe before (although it will confuse anyone who hasn't read "On a Cross and Arrow", so you might want to add that to the description). That said, your writing style is kind of all over the place - it's confusing, and the pacing is so fast that the reader never really gets a chance to appreciate what's going on.
I was about to correct this, but then I realised that even in a genderswapped universe, the queen would still lead the hive. ^^
1947221 Hmm.. Yeah maybe I need someone to proof read.. Can you be my editor?? I mean, if that's ok with you..
1947587 Thank you for the constructive criticism. This will be used for future writing purposes.
You need to do a couple of spell checks and some even more random events if you want to know one I might have ask me
I took the liberty to proofread this in a GDocs for you. (Tell me if you're wondering on something.)
Just this once, though.
You have a nice story going on here, so... Keep Calm and Flutter On!
PS. Try to make your chapters a little longer
1947221 (ezio dementay)
Yes, I definitely agree with you there. This story does seemed rushed, and there are some grammar issues.
But, this story has a good twist on the whole, "pony comes to human world" fics. (Imagine if "Shy" the human met "Shy" the pony.) I applaud you for this fic, just make sure you get a proffreader next time.
1947221>>1947587>>2002759>>2002822>>2005409 Thank you all for your comments! I'm glad to have you all! I'm still trying my best to make longer chapters, but school has been becoming a burden over me. So, yeah thank you all! And I'm still starting out you know.. Cheers!
What the buck shy wasnt supposed to be human!?
2035933 And that is the reason for you to stay tuned!
epic plot twist i wasn't expecting even it
1st and EPIC twist can i have a pic of the 'Scar'?
2129917 Thank you and sorry I just made up the Scar.. hehehe
This is progressing nicely.
I'd like to make a habit of it... if that's okay with you? 
I proofread the chapter in a GDocs for you!
2184236 Thank you! Of course that would be... GREAT!
O-oh My
2242644 what?
2242706 I meant with the last chapter [it made me want MOAR]
2242724 oh! hahaha
Well it seems really rushed. Your grammar isn't the best but it might work... do you read yourself the story as you write? Becouse I do that and it does wonders for the flow and grammar
id be willing to look it over for you on a word doc but I need to know where you want to take it. I wouldn't want to change the storyline
All you would have to do is show me how you made such a cool profile. That's like the only reason I'm watching you it's that cool
2293116 I could use some help, but I already have a proof reader. Maybe an editor?
Hello? Did this story just disappear from everyone's minds? I need MMMMMMOOOOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
When will the next chapter be out?
3162898 the next chapter obviously decided not to come out in the 126 weeks since you posted that comment.......
Let's just wait. Surely OP will deliver.
6919110
Oh gods, I made this when I was in 2nd year high school, and now I'm in my last year of college.
I don't know what to feel oh god
9334038
Gods I know that feeling. I made that comment roughly when I started my current job, and I've been there almost three years.
I feel old now.