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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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*puts on glasses* Interesting
Is there going to be ?
1830384
1830389 Yay
I wondered if it was Rarity. However, does she dye her hair back to being purple, or some unknown power? I can't wait to find out!
TWILIGHT SPARKLE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!
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BASS CANNON IN THE HOUSE!
Well, the dialogue is awkward at times, but aside from that...
WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH ARE THOSE DASHES FOR?
Ahem. They shouldn't be there. There's literally no reason for them to be there. That's not correct formatting, unless you speak some strange language where people don't know how writing works.
This is not right
“O.K. It doesn’t seem like I have a choice, do I?” – Twilight remarked in defeat.
This is
"O.K. It doesn't seem like I have a choice, do I?", Twilight remarked in defeat.
Or, if you decide to start using your big boy words, most people spell it 'okay'. And that's not even getting into the paradox of a defeated remark. All in all, it's good, but get an editor, for the love of Celestia.
Loving the plot so far, but please PLEASE get an editor, I'm begging you!
Hell I'll edit for you if you let me. I just want to see it fixed.
Official "the Beat" fan-song :
1834850 Hi, and first off I thank you for the constructive critique. I feel as I should point out some things though out first.
1. As for the lines, there is a actually a perfect explanation for them. English is not my native tongue, and even though I do some writing in it, and reading of some texts/novels, that doesn't change this fact. Me being Bosnian, and having it as my native tongue, makes it hard for me to see the flaws in the text structure. I do consider myself adept enough on a grammatical level, so those mistakes I take as really my own, but those of text struct not as much. You see, the format of informal speech in the Bosnian language can be written in this syntax:
"Person speaking" - The way and manner the speaker is speaking.
The form you provided works too, but it's not used that often. Even a structure as this allowed:
- A speaks - The manner in which A spoke
- B replies
- A speaks
And during the writing process, I never even considered this a mistake, since it just does not seem like one to me.
2. As for the editor part, I didn't really think about it, since I figured it would be a little too much to ask someone in the vein of : "Hey, I kind of want to write a fanfic, but I lack any credentials that my story would be interesting or well written, and I would love it if you would do this quickly and efficiently, since my potentially bad fanfic needs to come out soon!". Now that I see that some people, besides me, are actually enjoying the story, I would love to have someone help me on doing it justice, since it increases it's appeal as well.
As for the next part, I say I am about 40% finished, and I hope that both the first chapters get their revisions!
1835632 If you are truly interested in doing this, do PM me so I can send you a link to the .doc I am writing this story. I am sure we can work something out!
1836962 Yes I'm willing to edit it for you, I really enjoy this story and wish to do it justice. How would you prefer to communicate? (Because Just talking in comments back and forth isn't the most efficient form of communication.)
1836658
Is it bad that the first thing that I noticed about the video is that the people's hair is being blown in the wrong direction? I think it is.
OK, I did not see Rarity being a Sister. Blindsided me out of nowhere.
2046560 same here mate same here
werenotsorry.files.wordpress.com/2016/02/django-leonardo-dicaprio-now-you-have-my-attention.gif?w=395&h=193
Also if a stallion was exposed to the beat what would happen?