Max Payne in Equestria

Max Payne, an alcholic, painkiller addict who has lost everything he has ever gained, has a dream of himself as a pony in Equestria and finds some happiness that will change his life forever.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 4 )

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Gherkin

Gherkin #1 · Dec 16th, 2012 · · · The Dream ·

Well, that moved along rather quickly.

Not bad though. A few punctuation errors here and there (like some wuestions without question marks, for example) but nothing too serious. My only complaint is, as I said, it moves along too quick. Also, Max really doesn't seem to care about the fact that he's a pony, which I find hard to believe. I also find I hard to believe that he'd open up so quickly about his family to a complete stranger, something he didn't even do to Passos, the man he worked with in Brazil for months.

Still a good story though. However, is it actually finished? The end of the second chapter seems to imply it is, while the 'incomplete' tag says otherwise.

~Gherkin8088, the self-proclaimed Crossover Guy

LastPony299

LastPony299 #2 · Dec 16th, 2012 · · · The Dream ·

You captured the "Max Payne way" of talking, thinking too much and all that stuff

Good fanfic :3

(sorry, no time for big review )

GeeMayn

GeeMayn #3 · May 29th, 2013 · · · The Dream ·

okay im going to be extremely diligent about this but i only registered just so i can talk about this

okay the big issue i have with this is that you're combining max payne with mlp but this sites all about that so i just wanted to get that out of the way

now lets talk about some key aspects with this story here
you didnt get max payne down in the least bit, not even remotely close. hes not the shady noir self-loathing sort of character from the games like hes meant to be but a really whiny and emotional protagonist in this story which is a huge problem

theres so much focus on hows hes haunted by the death of michelle and rose when he pinned the murders on himself

speaking of which did you ever play max payne 2 because he finally managed to let himself go from the nightmares of michelle and rose that hes been wrecking himself over for five years

and on this matter he never considered himself a hero
he even said in the games that he was no hero multiple times

your attempts on noir are just bland and i even noticed you took excerpts of dialogue from the games just to fill up space and the metaphors he make in this story just make no sense

"My whole body ached, my hands numb to the bone and a migrane which felt like a bullet inside of my head inching closer to my brain ready to blow my head off."

i dont even
what

and payne really seems to take being in equestria pretty well considering how
um
'unique' it is

i dont even know if i should comment on how the ending is
hes going to change his fucking life because a talking horse told him in a dream because she 'cared' for once
im guessing michelle, alex, mona, passos, and anyone else just always hated max and never helped him out ever

max would never turn his life around over one conversation with a horse when he did most of the talking and its just really really bad and an insult to sam lake in general

overall the general plot is a bad concept and the story itself is just poorly written

so max can continue to be 'a murder' all he wants and ill just try ignoring the unneeded and just completely false praise the previous comments have given this story

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