On Lich-Finding (Or, Smokey's Story)

by ValorlordV5

Chapter 2

Twilight Sparkle was in her study (more like a laboratory if you asked anypony else.), when she heard the bell she had tied to the front door of the library ring. She sighed; she had been writing to her mentor, Princess Celestia, on her findings regarding the flow and technicalities of changeling magic, but that fun would have to wait. If her door-bell (as she called her most innovative creation) rang, that meant a guest had came to the library, and thus duty called. She pulled herself from her work, and walked downstairs to see her friend Pinkie Pie with a friend of her own; a smoke-grey unicorn.
"Good afternoon Pinkie!" Twilight greeted, "How are you today?"
"I'm super-duper today Twilight, because I just made a brand-new friend!" She pointed towards the colt, "His name is Smokey Bubbles, but not like those bubbles that make clouds when you pop." Twilight raised an eyebrow, but said nothing; she had learned early on not the question Pinkie Pie's outbursts.
"It's very nice to meet you Ms. Sparkle," Smokey said, "But I hope we haven't disturbed anything."
"Not at all Smokey. I was just finishing a paper on changeling shape-shifting magic." She frowned. "I still don't understand how they can mimic expected behavior patterns so effectively," she smiled, "But I'm getting off topic; why did you-"
"Have you considered telepathy?" Smokey interrupted, leaving Twilight momentarily confused.
"What? Oh, well it did cross my mind a while ago I suppose; but it's impossible. Ponies can't read other ponies' thoughts."
"Sure it is. They could have a sort of magical aura, one that they emit and control subconsciously and would connect with a pony's own. From there they could read their neuro-electrical data and perform behavior accordingly." Twilight shook her head.
"But how could they use that data? Neuro-electrical impulses are unreadable without specific spells. And even with those spells, it takes years of training to understand what it's saying. You're suggesting that the entire changeling population could do that in their heads, with absolutely no training at all." Twilight was enjoying her conversation with Smokey; while she could tell that he lacked the technical understanding that she fed on, his understanding of theory was much better than the average pony's. It was rare that somepony could keep up with her in a scientific conversation.
"Well, yes." Smokey admitted. "But you have to remember that changelings have had millions of years of evolution to perfect their abilities. It's not really that unbelievable." Twilight considered this for a moment.
"I suppose that it is possible, but I couldn't include it in my report. We don't have any hard evidence to support the hypothesis."
"Well, not here, but I have a friend in Canterlot who works at the Regal Canterlot Hospital. She invented this spell that allows her to view magical fields. Normally she uses it to help treat disabled unicorns, but she told me that when the royal guards brought changeling prisoners to the hospital for examination, she could the spell to observe their magical auras attempting to latch onto the auras of nearby ponies." Twilight shrugged.
"That is pretty interesting, but I can't just take your word for it. Maybe your friend could send me a tome so that I could learn it myself. What was her name?"
"Redcross." Smokey replied. "I think that she would. She does owe me a favor." He chuckled, "Chances are that she would try to come down her to teach it to you herself. If there's one kind of pony she likes, it's one who is well-connected." Twilight gave him an odd look. She hadn't told him anything about herself or her family, and while it was true that she was close to a few influential ponies, it wasn't exactly common.
"What do you mean?" Smokey's face changed to one of shock, as if he had made a terrible mistake he only now noticed.
"W-well, I mean." He stammered, looking around the room as calmly as he could. "I mean; I figured you must have some important connections because, well, I saw some letters marked with the royal seal on that desk over there." He nodded to a table covered with papers and envelopes standing off to the side of the room." They could just be tax notices or something like that, but the text didn't look quite like the standard font royal clerks use; so I figured that they must have been hoof-written." He smiled nervously.
"That's very perceptive of you Smokey." Twilight said incredulously. She knew there was more to his words than he was letting on, but she dropped the matter for now; there were more important things to discuss. "Anyways, what brings you and Pinkie here?" She asked. "I'm assuming you came here to do more than talk about changelings." Pinkie spoke up this time; she was glad to after staying silent throughout such a boring conversation.
"You see Twilight, Smokey just made it to Ponyville today, and he doesn't have a place to stay! I suggested that he rent a room in Sugarcube Corner, but he doesn't want to stay there because it's busy and I throw all my parties there. So then I said that Applejack rents out space in her barn sometimes, but he doesn't want to stay there either because it has animals in it. So I thought for a minute, and I remembered that you told me about a spare room that you didn't know what to do with. And since Smokey loves books, I thought this would be the perfect place for him to live!" Twilight thought for a moment; it would be nice to have a smart boarder living in the library, and she could use the extra bits. But more than anything, she wanted to know how Smokey knew about her connections. She just didn't believe that he could have just guessed about the letters on her desk, even if he was right about them.
"Well" Twilight said hesitantly. "I suppose it would be alright for him to stay here for a while." She turned to Smokey. "But you will need to submit an application: I can give you a paper copy that you will have to fill out later." He frowned, the slightest look of concern appearing on his face. "O.K. I think I have a pen in my saddle. Do you have the paper ready now?"
"No. I need to make a copy of the template first. Why don't you go get something to eat with Pinkie Pie while you wait?"
"Well I would, but it seems as though she already left." Smokey said as he levitated a pink letter to Twilight. She read aloud so that they could both hear; "Dear Twilight and Smokey, I'm soooooo sorry that I left before you guys had finished talking to each other, but I forgot that I was suppose to take Gummy to visit his brother Melvin in Manehatten tonight, and I needed to start packing. I promise that I will throw a big 'I'm sorry for leaving without saying goodbye/Twilight got a roommate/Welcome to Ponyville' party as soon as I get home. Love, Pinkemina Diane Pie." Twilight looked the letter over once more with a look of disbelief. Finally, she spoke. "How did she manage to write this and leave in the minute and a half that we were talking?"
"I don't know." Smokey said with a shrug. "How did she get out without us noticing when you were facing the door? And for that matter, who is Gummy?" Twilight placed her hoof in between her eyes, massaging the bridge of her eyes.
"That is her pet baby alligator."
"And he has a brother named Melvin?"
"It appears that way." Smokey put his hoof under his chin and thought for a moment.
"Pinkie is a very strange filly, isn't she?" Twilight nodded.
"Yes, she really is."
"Wonderful." Smokey smiled. “She’ll be great company."
"Well I'm glad you like her. Some ponies are a bit put off by her...." She struggled to find the right word. "Eccentrities." A low growling noise sounded throughout the library. Smokey chuckled nervously.
"There, uh, isn't much food on the road." Twilight giggled.
"It's fine. I know that you must be starving, but I really do need to start on copying the tenant application if you're going to move in today, So I'll have Spike take you someplace to eat." She walked to the staircase and shouted. "Spike! Come down here, I have a task for you." Smokey could hear grumbling from the room above.
"Who is Spike?" He asked
"Spike is my personal assistant. He cleans the library and cooks meals, among other things." Twilight replied. "But he is taking forever to get down here. You stay there while I go get him." She got up and walked up the stairs. Smokey smiled, took off his saddle bags, and retrieved a small notebook from one of its pouches. He sat down on the floor, and began to write as he waited for his new landlord to return.

Author's Note:

Holy crap, this took forever for me to type up. I just find it so hard to copy the text from my notebooks that I wrote the story in, and I kept putting it off, and blah blah blah. Point is, I published chapter 2. Yay. Chapter three will probably be another couple of weeks due to family stuff. So, yeah.

Valor H. Lord

Comments

[abronie]

Hey, two chapters in a row, I can say FIRST!

And I think I nailed it in my other comment, this dude's a SPY! He knows all this smart stuff and can understand Twilight when she's on one of her smart person rants, and he does other stuff, and more stuff...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR4N5OhcY9s

He is a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in riddles, lovingly sprinkled with intrigue, express mailed to Mystery, Alaska. But I guess in this case, it's not Mystery, Alaska, it's Ponyville, Equestria. Another good chapter man. /) high five.

[ValorlordV5]

>>abronie
High five back! I'll say this; there are things going on with our monochromatic friend other than what he's telling us, and Twilight probably wouldn't want to read in his book. Probably.

[Kolwynia]

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Smokey's Story

Grammar score: 9/10

Pros: First, you do a good job crafting intrigue and a sense of mystery around your character. Next, your Pinkie Pie is pretty good. This is a character that seems really hard to get right (I know I have trouble with her), but her voice and characterization in your story is solid. And finally, I enjoyed Twilight and Smokey's scientific back and forth. It managed to say a lot about both characters, while laying on another layer of world-building with the changelings.

Cons: The story tends to be very dialogue-heavy. I would have liked to see a little more of what is going on in the characters' heads. (Maybe Twilight and Pinkie, so the mystery of your OC is not spoiled...) I think adding that would help flesh out the characters emotionally and make the story even better. And your story title could be a bit more interesting. (It's the first thing people see when they look at your story, so you want a title that grabs them and pulls them in.)

Notes: I like your OC so far, but because he is so mysterious I don't feel like I can identify with him yet, in case he turns out to be an awful person. (I kind of don't think that is what's going to happen...) Judging from your description, this story is really still in it's introduction. I am interested to see what happens once he starts talking to Twilight about his life.

Enjoy your review! Sorry it took a few days to get back to you. (School...) And thanks again for your review of my story, A Spell for Lyra.

[ValorlordV5]

2090578
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked my Pinkie Pie characterization; that part I really found hard to make believable or feel correct to me, so hearing you say that take a load off my back. I'm also happy that you found the back-and-forth between Twilight and Smokey to be effective, becuase I was also unsure how well that was done. I'll have to work harder on narration; originally I had ALOT of narritive parts written in, but when I looked back at the original draft, I just felt that what was there just didn't feel quite right. I think that the next chapter will (Hopefully) make Smokey a more likeable character, or at least a more interesting one. In fact, the next chapter should be about twice as long as the other two if I'm estimating correctly, so that's good.
Thanks again for the review and for the favorite!

P.S. About school; I know that feel. Are you in collage or High School? It's High school for me. Public. American Public

[Kolwynia]

2090657 College. (Which is a lot of work, but my university offers a couple Fiction Writing classes, so it's pretty awesome.) I also went to American Public High School.

[ValorlordV5]

2090718
Doesn't help that I got the crappiest county in all of the southeast. Or that Georgia gets maybe one-sixtieth of the education funding New York does. But oh well, I'll succeed on my own.