- Member Since 5th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen May 18th, 2014
Forceful Will
Inspired by the antics of a good friend. Imploding Colon
Forceful Will
Joined 5th Dec, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Fernin · 55k words · 1,653 26 · 25k views
- GnollReader · 121k words · 1,310 21 · 19k views
- Daemon McRae · 1.5k words · 305 4 · 3.7k views
- Crossed Quills · 18k words · 121 0 · 1.8k views
- Dusk Writer · 8.3k words · 324 10 · 6.4k views
- DreamWings · 45k words · 273 8 · 4.2k views
- SpiralWriter · 47k words · 150 4 · 1.9k views
- kudzuhaiku · 14k words · 294 14 · 2.5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.182 seconds
Total duration
972 users online
1,944,485 hits today, 2,151,698 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Reminds me of Austraeoh...
Yup, after some research, you appear to be trying to rip off Imploding Colon. Go home. You are drunk.
1767930 Well, his bio says:
1768570 Which is why I think he's trying to rip him off...
1769676 I guess it depends on your viewpoint if it's plagiarism or inspiration. I haven't read much of either, so I can't say a lot on this.
1769729 It's not plagiarism per say, but it's like one of those cheep Chinese knockoffs.
1769738 You mean like "Backstroke of the West" if it had been made a separate film?
1769752 Sure, we'll go with that.
1769757 Have you watched it on Youtube?
1769826 Oh lawdy.
So I gave in and thought, "Why not try this out?"
I still think you're an Austraeoh rip-off.
Zecora, eh? WAHT A TWEEST.
Also, you really should indent your paragraphs...
Hm, nice descriptiveness.
Still an Austraeoh rip-off.
1775900
That is a good point. Fixed.
Alt. Title: X I Will: An OC Zebra Story
1776256
Just gotta say, when I saw the short description on the front page and how it said "the place he left behind", all I could think of was Half Life: FullLife Consequences "John Freeman left the bad place behind him."
Alternate Chapter Title: Chekhov
You have my attention, Austraeoh rip-off.
I have caught up.
This is a fun premise, and the descriptiveness is good. We finally learn something about Jinx in this chapter, so that was good.
The biggest disadvantage this story has is that it is using an OC that is alone. Austraeoh worked because RD was the main character, but you'll note that Eljunbryo's main character, an OC, was given others to interact with to help establish the character. Jinx needs a companion, or needs to meet somebody he can talk with to help build his character outside of backstory. I want to know who he is and how he talks and his mannerisms.
Good work. This is enjoyable!
So, Jinx is Zecora's brother?
WAHT A
Hm... well, a nice chapter. Love the fact that Jinx is using every plant he finds. I have a feeling this is going to come in handy.
There's a fungus among us...
A filler chapter, but it was nice. LET'S GET TO THE ACTION, DAMMIT!
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20366038.jpg
Finally, an update!
Loved it, man. Good development here.
Ah yes. This is getting good. I can't wait to see what you'll do with these here characters.
Damnit, I wanted to do an Austraeoh rip-off! So I can't fault you on that account. Really, the idea of a story with a vague description told in regular short chunks is pretty amazing.
Your paragraphs were originally unindented? Too bad you changed it; indentation coupled with double-spacing is a typographical ugliness I wish (in vain) could be purged from this fandom.
I guess you could say that this is more "telly" than Austraeoh, but it fits. Rainbow Dash's motives and recent past were shrouded in mystery because she didn't want to think about them, but Jinx is specifically setting out on his journey to find his sister, so shrouding his motives in mystery would just be silly and inappropriate.
For the record, I'm going to count this as "inspired by".
Welp, sod my assumptions about him looking for his sister. I guess now I have to wonder why he is going north. Deja vu.
The giant block paragraphs weren't really bothering me before, but that last one was grating. I really think paragraph breaks are a powerful pacing tool, and you're not making use of them as well as you could. I don't like to see the most actiony bit of this story so far tucked into the second half of a wall of text.
At this rate, you're going to have to call every character and place "Regidar".
Well, they seem fun. But be a little looser with your dialogue tagging -- those front tags are kinda awkward (that's why you don't see them much in fiction). Use some more back tags, and please don't be scared to leave tags off when you've had a conversation between two characters going on for a while. Talking heads is quite appropriate in small doses.
I like zebras and I like adventures, so there's a thumb and a fave for you.
It just occurred to me that it's odd Jinx and the ponies are speaking in the same language. I remember Zecora having a freakout in her native tongue in "Bridle Gossip", so yeah. I suppose the ponies could be speaking Jinx's language, and I guess I'm prepared to apply cartoon language logic to it if I have to.
Hope to see this off hiatus soon. =)