Peace and happiness
Peace and happiness
Days, as it turned out, was a bit of an underestimation. I ended up staying with Derpy, Rose and Colgate for quite some time. Weeks, in fact.
The morning after I arrived, I came down to find the other three just finishing breakfast. Derpy informed me that they'd spoken together, and that Rose and Colgate were fine with her getting to know me better. It set the tone for the rest of my time there, shifting gradually from recovery from the fight; to spending time with new friends and being wanted there.
The first week I was there was fairly uneventful. Most of my time was spent with Derpy. Being shown around Ponyville, meeting her friends, getting to know her better; that sort of thing.
Week two, I visited Ponyville's hospital. One of the doctors looked at my wing and announced that the bone was healed, but that I would need to go easy on it and I should stay off of it for another week at least. I was just glad to have the bandage off; I hadn't been able to preen that wing properly since I broke it. I also took to helping Rose out at her flower stall; a fact she was grateful for due to the lack of company, not to mention help, that otherwise pervaded her day. This further seemed to cement her growing opinion of me, leading to her recounting her past. I acted as I was hearing it all for the first time, lest I get Derpy in trouble. It was interesting to hear the tale from her perspective too; though it was virtually identical in all respects to that of her wife's telling.
On the third week, Soarin returned. I was actually in Ponyville's park, warming up for my first flight since breaking my wing, when he swooped down next to me. After exchanging pleased greetings with each other, he relayed the news that the rest of the team was getting concerned with my absence, wondering where I had been; particularly Blaze, my sister. He wanted to know what to tell them and when I was going to come back. I told him to tell them the truth; no way I was going to lie to them. As for coming back, I wasn't sure. Canterlot held little appeal for me anymore and I was becoming quite enamoured with Ponyville. I told him that I was starting to consider moving out there, but that I certainly wouldn't abandon the Wonderbolts, even if I did. He nodded in understanding.
He also bore news that Lily had been strangely quiet about what happened, not appearing in any of Canterlot's newspapers since I'd left; except for them starting to speculate that she'd somehow left Canterlot without anypony knowing. I told him I may have broken her nose and he reasoned that was probably why nopony had seen her.
I thanked him for the news and asked if he was up for a quick fly-about, but he declined, saying that he had a meeting to attend; a contract renewal with one of the big publicists for the team.
The rest of that week passed fairly uneventfully. I spent it rebuilding my flight strength, helping out Rose, going out with Derpy and spending time with all three of my new friends.
During the fourth week, I asked Derpy if she wanted us to become marefriends. I don't think I've seen anypony be that happy to be asked that question. She jumped for joy, wings fluttering before extending out in glee and wrapped her hooves around me, kissing me on the lips for the first time. We announced it to Rose and Colgate later that evening, after dinner. A minor celebration was held, involving plenty of cider; and I spent that night in the loving care of some grey hooves and wings.
It was also the week I bumped into Rainbow Dash. Or, more accurately, she bumped into me.
Derpy and I were spending some time together on one of her days off from the mail centre, taking a walk outside the town, when something bowled me over from the side. As I tumbled over, all I saw was a rainbow coloured blur.
Stunned for a moment, I shook my head, trying to clear it and make the colours in front of my nose resolve into something more detailed. When they did, I was face to face with a cutie-mark shaped like a cloud with a multi-coloured lightening bolt forking away from it.
I stood up and brushed myself off, looking up to see Rainbow Dash doing the same. She started to apologise, still not looking at me as she checked herself over for any injuries and smoothed down her rainbow coloured mane, her similarly coloured tail flicking bits of dirt out of itself. I cleared my throat, causing her to look round at me. Her eyes widened with shock and her wings shot skyward in surprise.
“Sp-sp-sp-Spitfire?!” she stammered out.
“That's my name, don't wear it out.” I replied, wry smile on my lips. Derpy walked up, asking if we were ok, amusement in her voice. I told her yes and she planted a kiss on my cheek, covering me with a wing. I repaid the gesture in kind.
“Oh, hello Rainbow,” she said. “What are you doing out here?”
“Derpy?! You...she...you're...but...” Rainbow seemed incapable of forming a full sentence.
“Whoa, slow down there Rainbow,” Derpy said, holding up a hoof to the cyan pegasus. “Take a breath, then try again.” Rainbow did so.
“Derpy!” she started. “Why didn't you tell me you know Spitfire, that she's in town and that you're marefriends with her?!”
“Because you never asked, she asked me to keep it quiet and it's none of your business,” she retorted sweetly. “Besides, now you know.”
“I...” she began. “That is...darn, I guess those are pretty good reasons. So, um, Spitfire, what are you doing here in Ponyville?”
“Taking a vacation,” I lied. “Canterlot's kinda getting to me at the moment and Ponyville's nice and quiet.”
“How long are you staying?”
“I don't know yet. I've been here a month already, but I kinda like it here. Plus, Derpy here's been more than a kind host to me.” I nuzzled the mare in question and she giggled.
“Oh, stop!” she said.
“Omigosh!” Rainbow cried out. “Spitfire living here?! In Ponyville?! That's too awesome! I mean, we've gotta find you a place to live, Pinkie'll want to throw you a party, too bad she's in Canterlot with Rarity and Fluttershy right now...”
“Rainbow,” I said, being the one to hold up a hoof to her this time. “I don't even know how long I'm going to be here yet and I'd appreciate you being discreet about my being here.”
“Oh...um, yeah sure! You can count on me! Discretion's my middle name!”
“You're called Rainbow “Discretion” Dash?” Derpy asked, barely containing her laughter.
“Heh...no,” Rainbow admitted. She mumbled something afterward.
“What was that?” I asked.
“I said, it's...” Again, she mumbled.
“Come again?” Derpy asked, leaning forward and flicking her ear with a hoof.
“It's Merriweather!” Rainbow cried out.
“That's a pretty name,” I said. She gave me a dour look. “What? It is.”
“Thanks...I guess. I always thought it was a bit...dorky. Erm, by the way, sorry for knocking you over, Spitfire. Latest trick didn't go quite right.”
“That's ok, it happens. Even I mess up from time to time. I broke my wing a few weeks ago, all healed now though.” I flapped my right wing for emphasis. “Hey, what's say I help you out with that trick sometime?”
“Really?!” Rainbow cried. “You mean it?”
“Yeah, sure. How about two days from now? Twelve o'clock in the park?”
“Hay yes! Thank you! I've gotta get some extra practice in, I'll see you then!”
With that, she sped off into the sky like a rainbow-streaked arrow, scattering loose dust and gravel in her wake. Derpy broke out into laughter. I looked at her quizzically.
“Rainbow Merriweather Dash?!” she gasped, barely able to breathe. “Oh, I hope none of the other ponies on the weather patrol catch wind of that, she'll never live it down!”
I just gazed levelly at her. She calmed down after a minute.
“Oh, spoilsport,” she grumbled. I just laughed. We walked on a bit in silence before Derpy spoke again.
“So you're thinking of moving to Ponyville?” she asked.
“Um...yeah, maybe,” I responded. “I haven't decided one way or the other yet. I was going to talk to you about it soon.”
“What if you decide not to? What then? What about us?”
“I...I don't know. I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead.” Dammit Firrii, don't go losing yourself your marefriend already! Don't be an idiot!
“Well then, I think I'd better do my best to convince you to stay. Follow me.” Without another word, she walked off. I set off after her.
It had been nearly a month, and still Derpy kept surprising me. Any other pony would probably have blown up in my face on the subject, but not her. I took it as a sign that she really wanted this to work between us. I'd certainly grown to love her over the past few weeks and she told me she felt the same, but I guess it ran deeper than I thought.
Before long, we found ourselves on the path to Sweet Apple Acres; apple trees surrounding us on both sides. I recognised where we were, having been out here on several occasions over the past few weeks to get food with Derpy.
Said mare stopped suddenly, putting her front hooves up on the fence at the side of the road. She inhaled audibly, testing the air.
“Yes, this is the spot,” she said.
“The spot?” I queried, confused. “It's just a road.”
“Not here, silly filly. C'mon, race you!” She grinned at me and her wings “whoomph'd” open. Using the fence as leverage, she catapulted herself into the trees, backdraft blowing my mane back gently.
“Oh, you are on!” I yelled after her, laughing. My own wings opened and I launched myself after her.
Although no match for my own speed, Derpy was surprisingly fast. I realised I'd never actually seen her properly flying since I'd arrived; she only really used her wings to help her reach high up places or to perform delicate tasks her hooves couldn't.
She weaved in and out of the trees expertly, occasionally glancing back to make sure I was following. Our laughter echoed around the orchard as we flitted in and out of the trees, flashes of grey and gold among the branches. I let her lead me to wherever it was we were going, hanging back as I took a moment to revel in the feeling of the wind across my face and in my mane, a great sensation for any pegasus and one that drives us to fly.
Derpy suddenly veered off to the right, diving into a thicket of bushes at the edge of the orchard. I quickly followed, landing just in front of the plants. I pushed my way through.
When I broke through to the other side, I saw I'd emerged into a clearing with a small pond to one side. Derpy was standing there, waiting for me. Her wings were tucked in at her side and she was breathing heavily, but she wore an eager smile on her face. The trees over us served as a fairly tight canopy, making it quite shady. Light streamed in from behind her, further serving to darken my view of her.
As I walked up to her, she stepped aside and raised a hoof, pointing out past her. I followed where she was pointing and what I saw took my breath away.
We were on a slight hill. Equestria rolled away from me for miles, green fields and meadows stretching out until they hit the mountains bordering the Unicorn Range in the Northwest, Cloudsdale and its rainbow streams just visible above the snow-covered peaks; and the Saddellian River flowing down from Witherspeak in the Northeast, the water curving away out of sight to the right and towards Ponyville, shining like a river of diamonds. I could just make out Canterlot clinging to the mountain, castle roof glinting in the mid-afternoon sun. I stood speechless for a moment, taking it all in.
“What do you think?” asked Derpy, moving up beside me.
“It's utterly magnificent,” I finally managed. “Even more so than the castle.”
“Oh, I don't know about that,” she giggled. “That was pretty amazing to see. Come on, let's lie down next to the pond.”
We settled down near the water, wings covering each other again for the umpteenth time since I'd arrived in the town. We stared out over the land, watching the clouds drift out from Cloudsdale; small specks that were the weather Pegasi, darting around them and moving them around. A constant stream of other specks were flowing in and out of the main body of the floating city; Pegasi travelling to and from Cloudsdale.
“It's so peaceful here,” I remarked. “How did you find it?”
“Oh, I don't remember,” she answered. “It was a long time ago. I think I was just exploring and stumbled on it. It's one of the places I used to bring Rose before we were married, you know, when you-know-who got too much for her.”
As I looked on, I glanced towards Witherspeak just in time to see a train emerge from the base of the mountain, billowing clouds of smoke and steam momentarily shrouding it from view before it burst out of them again. It quickly started to build up speed, following the gently curving tracks, carriages and caboose trundling obediently after it.
“It really is a wonderful place,” I said, watching the train slide out of sight behind the trees surrounding us. “It's beautiful, just like the rest of Ponyville. And you.”
I turned to look at Derpy and she was more beautiful in that moment than I had ever seen her up to that point. Her mane cascaded down her neck; bright, straw coloured hair contrasting strongly against her grey neck. Her mouth upturned in a cute smile, belying her pleasure at the compliment along with the small blush on her cheeks. Her ears perked forward either side of her forelock, ready for every word I uttered as if it were pure aural honey. The sunlight through the leaves above us dappled her entire body, creating patchworks of shifting light as the leaves moved in the slight breeze.
But most of all, her eyes. They always captivated me, those strange orbs with the yellow irises. Despite being clearly out of alignment, they never seemed to hinder her in any aspect of life; providing no barrier to navigation or precise tasks. Whether it was merely a cosmetic “defect” or she had simply gotten used to the effect produced; I hadn't even thought to ask.
They were always alive, though. Always seeming to glow, shifting subtly until they seemed to dance a tiny, un-knowable dance; one that said they knew every little thing about you, until she blinked and the cycle started again. Right now, I was utterly lost in them.
Just then, she leaned forward and planted her lips on mine. I returned the kiss passionately, our tongues dancing in each other's mouths. I wanted that moment to go on forever, but eventually Derpy broke away. She sighed contentedly, leaning her head against my neck, looking out over the view before us. I rested my head on hers, enjoying her closeness, her warmth and the vista.
“I love you,” she murmured after a moment.
“I love you too,” I replied quietly. She “hmm'd” in response.
“Will you stay?” she asked, not moving. “I'd love for you to stay here with me. Collie likes you too, as does Rose. She talks about you a lot when we're alone.”
I thought for a moment. Moving would be a major decision and a massive upheaval, but Ponyville was so much quieter and a really nice place to live. Getting to and from team practice and meeting up for events would be a lot more difficult if I did; requiring either regular train journeys or more even more training to avoid turning up tired from flying there. Ponyville didn't have much of a night-life, but then, I was beginning to tire of that now, anyway. What else...
Seriously, Firrii?! You have the most caring, most loving, most beautiful pony you've ever met, who wants you to move in with her, who doesn't care about your predilections, who, in fact, shares them; and you're debating the fact?!
I started at the sudden outburst from my conscience, surprised at its ferocity. It had a point though; what was I doing? I had the perfect opportunity to be free, to be myself and I was trying to rationalise it away! I mentally facehoofed. The decision was clear, I just had to have the confidence to go through with it. I lifted my head and looked down at Derpy and she looked up at me. A long moment passed between us where nothing was said.
“Yes,” I said eventually. “I'll stay. I love Ponyville, I love Rose and Collie and most of all...I love you. Very much. You're the first pony to not judge me for what I am, but just like me for who I am. That means the world to me.”
“Firrii...” she started, tears in her eyes and a happy smile on her face. I shushed her and placed a hoof on her lips. I leaned in and kissed her again. This time, I felt her wing over me flutter and move down, curling against my cutie-mark with a definite squeeze. I responded in kind, then pushed her gently onto her back. We spent the rest of the afternoon making the clearing very special to us.
Hey! I'm not telling everything, ok?
* * * * * *
That's pretty much the end of my tale. Later that evening, Derpy and I returned to her house. Rose and Colgate were already there and exchanged a knowing glance upon seeing the dirt and grass in our manes and coat. We announced my decision to stay in Ponyville, much to Colgate's apparent glee. Rose just smiled, but did give me a shy peck on the cheek as well.
After another week, I did return briefly to Canterlot, primarily to organise things with the other Wonderbolts. Blaze berated me in her typical fashion at first, giving me an earful for just rushing off without saying anything to her; which I dutifully bore as any sister would. She finished by hugging me and further telling me off for not coming to see her in the beginning.
I then told everypony about what had happened: What had happened with Lily, why I had run off to Ponyville and everything else surrounding that. They listened, they asked questions and I answered them as best I could. In the end, no one so much as raised an eyebrow over the whole thing, much to my relief. Soarin cracked a “when's the wedding” joke and nothing more was said on the issue; a reminder of why I have the best damn team of stunt-ponies in Equestria.
Before I left Canterlot, I grabbed a few things from my house and set about straightening the place out, as it was in a mess from when I'd left. I didn't plan on returning any time soon, but I wasn't about to sell it; I'd worked hard to get it. I decided to leave the key with Soarin, he was always complaining about how small his place was, he could look after mine while I wasn't there.
The months flew by. I lived and trained in Ponyville, while commuting to Canterlot for practices and events. It was hard, staying away for so long at a time, but I persevered, knowing I could bring something extra at the end of it back to Derpy; a gift for her, or money with which to help run the household. I took Rainbow Dash under my wing as my personal apprentice, a fact she was incredibly proud of.
Summer turned to Autumn, to Winter and into Spring again. I took part in the Winter Wrap-Up, a manual experience, which I enjoyed to the full.
A few weeks after that, Derpy and I married. Well, “married” insofar as I presented her with a pair of matching wedding-bands; one for me, one for her. Not wanting to out-do Rose or Colgate's bands to her; I opted for a simple, thin, silver band with a small ruby set into the middle. She loved it. While she kept to her “special occasions” policy, I took to wearing mine constantly. I even wore it on the outside of my suit during shows and that...that caused quite a stir with the media, definitely. There was much speculation about who I'd married and why weren't they ever seen, which I kept quiet about and so did the rest of the team. Eventually, the tabloids contented themselves with the story that I wore it for luck, rather than as a sign of eternal love; a misnomer I was happy to let them go on believing.
I heard rumours about Lily being seen in Manehattan, pursuing an acting career there, but I never paid much mind. The less I thought about her, the better I felt.
Two years passed and I'm still in the quiet little town. Not much has changed. A few new foals cavort in the streets, a few more houses extend the spread of the town, Mayor Mare has a few more wrinkles...
That said, there are some changes.
Rose and I now share wedding bands, having sealed the knot barely a few months after Derpy and myself. She's really a very sweet mare and quite outgoing, once you get past her timidity.
As for Colgate, it turns out she'd been saving up bits to see the world on. We hear from her every now and then, in letters dated weeks before they reach us, extolling the wonders of whatever land she was in at the time. According to her last letter, she was in the Griffin Kingdom, heading back towards Equestria, so perhaps we'll see her again soon.
Derpy approached Twilight Sparkle about a year ago and the two of them grew quite close, fairly quickly. She's a quirky mare, that Twilight, prone to bouts of hard study or experimentation, locked away in her basement. Confident in her own way, she's certainly a maestro when it comes to magic. Rose and I quite like her as well, so time will tell where things go in that regard.
Rainbow Dash is now part of the Wonderbolts and already well on her way to becoming their newest star. Surprisingly, she's not taken well to the life of stardom, often complaining to me of being accosted in the streets by fans and media alike whenever she sets hoof in Canterlot. I support her as best I can and give her tips on hiding her identity in public, which seem to be working somewhat.
I say “their” star, as I'm now no longer officially a part of the Wonderbolts. With Rainbow Dash's acceptance into the ranks, the team was getting far too big and I was starting to tire of the long commutes away from my two special someponies. I retired from the team, though I still hold a “consultancy” role in the team, meaning I still pull a pay-check from shows that use moves I designed. Soarin now leads the team and, I have to say, he's doing a pretty damn good job at it.
So what can somepony else take away from my little tale here? I guess the main moral of it is: Be yourself. Don't apologise for it and don't be afraid to rely on your friends. Certainly don't try and hide who you are and don't pretend to be somepony you're not; you won't be happy. I certainly wasn't.
Although I'm not flying like I want to anymore, I don't really mind. I help Rose run her flower stall, which is shaping up to be quite the successful little business. I live in a house full of love and laughter; and I have my two special someponies, whom I will love forever.
So this is for you, Rose and Derpy. I have cherished every moment of our time together and I hope we will have many more moments to share over the years. I am proud to know you and to call myself Speesha-Firrii Hoovaea.
Yes, I think that's a pretty good place to finish.
END
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Will read later //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_lazy.png
1738574
Why thank you, kind sir or madam. I think. Your rather contradictory comment confuses me, but I think I detect the hint of a compliment in there.
I should probably say here, that any and all constructive criticism is welcome from anybody.
1738583
Please, by all means, take your time. And thanks for the watch, though I may disappoint with large amounts of inactivity.
1738608 Okay //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
Unique and wonderful.
This was a nice read. Simple and yet the story as a whole came across rather well. Even the' teasing' was done in a tasteful manner.
It was... interesting to read a polyamorous relationship-fic. It's easy to see the appeal, as well as understand why it's not very... um... popular, so it certainly broadens my perspective of relationships by the way this story(as well as the definition itself) portrays it.
Lovely! I love all the little wing details
also:
And the other part. Makes me
a lot!
edit: also, I might have to steal the pegasus names thing. That's brilliant :D (what do you imagine is Dash's?)
1739353 1742790
I actually intended for it to simply be a case of most ponies would find it gross, or be weirded out by it, as you would expect to find in reality. However, both your comments do validate the idea that initially tried to put itself to my word processor when I started writing this; one of Spitfire writing an autobiography about her experiences of being a lesbian and poly-amorous in Canterlot, a place that detests such things in a self-hating manner.
May actually write that anyway, as a side-fic perhaps, or on its own merit. Maybe.
1743639
I thought you'd like that little nod to the TwiDerp at the end of Mood Wings.
Which "other part" are you talking about? The end when Firrii's summing up the past couple of years?
All I did was modify the various vowel sounds and then marmalise the consonants around them. Thus, Spitfire becomes Speesha-Firrii. Hooves was tricky, but I just fell back on my preference for round sounding words, so it became Hoovaea. I suppose her full name would equate to Deetcha Hoovaea, if you take her...*shudders*..."PC" name, or Daypa Hoovaea if you take her proper name (you may gather I don't like her revised name).
Speaking of the end, did it come across as rushed at all? I was seriously cramming by the time I was writing that, as I needed to get it finished. I even had to throw out one or two ideas I was planning to fit in the story. Namely, Firrii returning to Ponyville with Rainbow after her promised training session, only to find Lily had caught up with her and was facing off with Derpy in the streets. A fight ensued, Derpy got seriously hurt by the time Firrii could stop Lily; and she ends up looking after Derpy, much like Derpy did for Rose, bringing them even closer (on reflection, that may have been out of place here).
As for the Cloudsdalian names, I was literally pulling that out of my arse.
Rainbow's name is a hell of a lot trickier, due to being longer. Let's see now...without her rather adorable middle name (that I totally made up, ofc), I suppose it could end up: Raieenbana-Deesha, which sounds totally awesome when you say it out loud. With her middle name, Raieenbana-Merwitter-Deesha, though I have to admit, that doesn't sound as cool.
Oh yeah, feel free to use the Cloudsdalian names and make your own; I think it would quite churlish of me to say "no" after you let me use Mood Wings.
1744256
Yeah, I mean the summary. I mean, being a summary, it does feel a bit rushed, but it fits. It's an epilogue of sorts. A fight with lily would have kindof spoiler the mood, I think (especially if you're bringing them together through beatings >_>). Would've loved to see Rainbow's first training session though!
Hmm. I see Dash's last name as Daashi. So Pinkie calling her "Dashie" is unconsciously recalling her cloudsdalian name. I can think of how to use it, too
1744325
That's so obvious, I missed it.
Yes, Raieenbana-Merwitter-Daashi, genius! 
Also, I never intended to show the training session. Don't think that would've helped the story any. Firrii's telling the story of how she met and came to live with Derpy, putting that in there would've slowed down the story, imo.
1744368
Hm, true. Unless Derpy was involved somehow on the sidelines. I just have Dashii-tinted glasses
1744407
What you did there, I see it.
What about Fluttershy, though? Flitt-reshee? Flitt-reshii? Flusha-shay (bit close to futa-shy, so maybe not
)? Flaysha-shay? Flaesha-shiee?
Hmmm....
1744729
had the right idea. Floota-shai!
Oddly enough, I think
1744881
I never really liked that name beyond the joke factor.
Thinking is required on my part, perhaps.
1745966
Flitr-shee!
1746018
I thought of something like that, but it seemed too obvious. Isn't there a pony called "Flitter" as well?
1747067
There is. There'd be overlap with names though! Flutter is close enough to Flitter that it doesn't matter
1748779
I wonder if it could be explained that "Fluttershy" is merely a Canterlottian mispronunciation of her name? I say Canterlottian, as it's probably safe to assume that the capital's language is the dominant one, much like English is the dominant trade language of the world; seeing as how there isn't a language barrier anywhere in the show. /overanalysation
Interesting...interesting...
EDIT: Oh yes, I should probably say thanks for the favourite as well, by the way.
1744256
A follow-up story? Do take your time if you're gonna go through with it. I'd be expecting the same decent writing from you after all.
As for my exact thoughts on multiple-love?:
I like the idea of several people lovingly coming together as a family of sorts in this way. It certainly seems like something that a lot of people could benefit from. If offered, I may actually consider to join such a group since it's technically dating several people at a time and then work out what's what. Of course, I AM a traditionalist in the sense that I will settle for just one special woman in my life but... who knows?
Life is not as short as some people make it out to be after all; A lot can happen.
As for the negative side? I'm guessing it mainly has to do with this:
)
)
)
A. Religion is involved in several of these types of relationships.(This may be off putting for many right off the bat. I don't care for religion, period..... Although that does not mean I won't talk to someone who is religious.
B. People mistake Polygamy from a Mormon P.O.V. with Poly-amorous.(One guy, many seemingly equally dressed women{Often but not always}. Not my thing, but as long as the man is a good man and the women get along, I won't criticize the relationship itself.
C. Is generally NOT accepted by society.(I'm not very judgmental but I can't help but find it silly that people get bothered by things that are ultimately trivial. An older person taking advantage of a child however is NOT trivial as far as I'm concerned; I've got standards dammit!
And there goes my two bits...
1751713
Nah, it wouldn't be a follow up. It would end up completely unrelated to Firedance if I chose to write it. Only link it would have would be that the idea was seeded during the writing of Firedance.
As for polyamory, I have no problem with it, personally. People gonna peep and all that. The main reason this fic was born was because competition with prizes!
That, and I thought it'd be fun to write.
1752121
A new story from you sounds good either way.
A contest? Did you win yet?
1752157
I wonder if anyone actually reads story descriptions?
Yes, fimfic's very own TAW proposed a competition to her followers. Ship multiple ponies with a happy ending. No common ships and no crack ships. Dunno when she'll get to judging, as she's reportedly busy, so I'll just have to wait to see how I do.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest I'll probably not even rate. With around 2k followers to her name, there's always a bigger fish.
1752187
Heh! I read the story description, but ignored the rest. Perhaps I should be more thorough.
1752275
No comment.
1750343
really loving your Language comments with 1748779
you really do rock, and I like the Flitt-reshii version of Flutter's name in Cloudsdalian
1759243
Why thank you.
I think I scared Tcherny off, though. He hasn't been back since my last message to him.
1759259
ahh well, somehow I tend to do that as well
more often than not by ranting XS
so could you explain in simple terms how you make the cloudsdalian?
I'm not the brightest of people, especially when it comes to languages
1759288
I'm really doing nothing particularly clever. Just changing the sounds of letters to something that seems to fit. No logic or rule system being applied, no fancy knowledge being brought to bear. I'm not sure how I can describe what I'm doing, tbh.
I mean, taking Spitfire's name as an example, what I did was the following:
Spitfire
"Sp" stays the same. "I" is modified into a different vowel sound, becoming "ee". "T" is completely gutted and replaced with "sha"; while I'm pretty sure I made it up, I wouldn't be surprised to find a real language that pronounces its "t's" like that. "F" stays as is. Second "I" remains too, but is modified from the long "eye" to become the short "ih" by what comes after. "R" was accompanied by another to indicate a change in language and to add accent; thus rolling it (think of how Russian's pronounce it). While "E" was visually replaced, the more exotic looking "ii" sounds exactly the same; but again implies a different language. Hyphenate the two because Speeshafirrii looks weird and you get:
Speesha-Firrii
However, that doesn't carry through to Raieenbana-Dashii (the first part of which I made to just sound similar to Rainbow; credit for the second half goes purely to Tcherno), Deetcha/Daypa Hoovaea (which I put very little thought into), or the as-yet-undecided name for Fluttershy; as, like I said, there is no logic or rules being applied to them. The only constraint I put on myself is that it must bear some resemblance to the original name.
I hope that explains it.
1759412
honestly? Thats awesome XD
I understand a little more about the way you make the cloudsdalian names
might I suggest Flitt-reshii (flit resh ee) or fluja-shae (flu ja shay)
they kinda stood out as fitting in to my headcannon versions of your cloudsdalian
The whole multi-love thing was a bit weird for me but i kept an open mind! Really cute story once you accepted that part!
And besides, its something new, and new is good.
1777051
First one is certainly resonating with me, at the moment. Like I said, will have to think on and experiment with it more.
1777722
Why thank you. I aimed to please with it.
That it's a first person fic doesn't necessarily have to be a detriment, but combined with the ship being BG pony x BG pony, I was very unsure of what to expect from this. In many ways I was pleasantly surprised, and some things didn't resonate with me fully.
First, characterization is an interesting thing when you use BG ponies, because if you don't recognize canon, you make them OC's wearing a BG pony's skin. Spitfire in this fic, I can totally see. You have a lot of freedom using ponies with so little air time, so you basically just need to hit a few basic markers and you're golden. Derpy, however, I wonder about. Don't get me wrong here. I really like the pony you've portrayed, and she carries her role in the fic well, but when she has multiple canon appearances that show her as a clutz, ignoring that and having the only nod to her being "muffins", I feel it kind of missed that one hoop.
You use a lot of worldbuilding stuff. Perhaps it's preferential, but I felt the whole "Cloudsdalian" thing was a little forced. We have the names dumped on us very early and very fast, and the fic makes a deal out of trying to separate the ponies--and the towns. The problem with the names isn't that it's not "canon"; heavens, adding headcanon and/or other worldbuilding to a fic is why we write, isn't it? I just think it's odd to hear them use them so overtly, because it makes these headcanony things so prominent that, if they were true, they would show in episodes. All these little things seem to serve to make all the pony types and the cities so much more apart.
Again, it could be preference, but I winced a little at many of these, and at times, they were overused; I don't need to be told that somepony's wings jittering is a clear sign of agitation when the words alone tell that. It got a bit much.
Okay, before it sounds like I hate this fic - not even close to the case - let me mention things I really liked.
The fic is very well written. There are some bits that are a little tell-y, and at times the language tends towards short and simple sentences, but that varies. Overall, this is really well written. The humanized angle with nightclubs and alcohol and sexual allusions felt a little out of place to me, but it's pony enough.
Here's where you really win though; when it was revealed that not only was this "BG x BG", but that an OC pony would star as an ex, I was very skeptical, and you pretty much won me over there. That confrontation was extremely well written, and amazingly emotional. The second you alluded to some "secret", I was so onboard, I don't even have words for it. I sat up in my seat through ch2.
Also, the description of the relationships, how they came about and everything, I thought that was well written. The reveal of the "secret", and again, painting Ponyville as some sort of tolerant nation onto itself makes ponies in your world to be rather more judgmental creatures than they are in my head, but I'm calling headcanon on that. I won't criticize that.
Conversations flow pretty well, too. Towards the end, Derpy's speech pattern varied a lot, and I'm not sure what to think about that. She sounds like Rarity sometimes, Applejack other times, and Twilight the rest, and I can't stop but notice. That said, and said again, I love the general relationship things there.
Here's my main problem though: the fic doesn't seem like it knows when it wants to end. We had a conflict early on, and Derpy provided the release, Ponyville the "end", but after that, there's a whole 7k (?) word chapter that serves as some sort of epilogue, complete with a week-by-week summary, and I think that could have been baked into a far shorter end.
I really like the way this is written, and if I ignore the things that weren't my speed (the wing language schtick overuse, names, Derpy and the city-nations), I think the way the fic's latter third serves as an extended epilogue is my main problem with it, but beyond that, it's competently written and I really enjoyed the midsection bits. You have some absolutely stunning descriptions, you know how to set the mood of a scene, and you write the character interactions well. Hat's off!
1809778
This is exactly the kind of criticism I was hoping to get when I posted the story, thank you!
Allow me to try and address your points in kind.
Basically, I was writing for a competition, the rules of which stated that the ship mustn't be common (i.e. Appledash, TwiDash, RariPie, etc). I had some trouble figuring out who to settle on, but eventually settled on Spitfire and Derpy as I don't think those two have ever been shipped before now (I'm probably wrong, but hey, such is life).
As for it being first person, I chose that for simplicity's sake, as well as to try and make it stand out a little more from the rest of the shipfics (the only ones I've personally seen in first person have been HiE fics, but that's just my experience). It was also done in order to speed the writing along; rather than try to deal with everypony's thoughts and feelings.
I have a basic rule for canon: Use it when it helps you, discard it like an empty can when it doesn't.
This is why Derpy doesn't fit her canon appearances. Writing a poly-amory fic was difficult enough; I didn't need the added hassle of trying to justify Spitfire's relationship with somepony who may or may not be mentally handicapped (the whole "is it right/wrong, is she taking advantage of her, blah blah blah" argument). Plus, trying to work in harmless accidents (HA! - Twilight) is more added work and something for another fic, maybe.
As for Spitfire: At the time of writing, her canon appearances were few and far between, so I just decided to go on what I thought her personality might be. She is, basically, an OC when it comes down to it. Her personality is a complete invention as I didn't know what her canon personality is supposed to be like. After this Saturday just gone, though...
(feel free to skip this bit if you haven't seen the latest episode)
I certainly won't be ret-conning in her personality from Wonderbolt Academy. Her previous canon appearances show her as fairly laid-back, so I just assume that her "boot-camp sergeant" routine is just for the camp. While I won't be re-writing her character, I will almost certainly replace her cutie-mark with the canon one when I get around to editing the fic.
This is probably down to my overly descriptive manner of writing. I'm the kind of person that, instead of simply writing "There was a flower by the road", would end up going into great detail about said flower and road. As a result, this comes through in my efforts to create a believable world.
I thought up the Cloudsdalian names because I was thinking to myself that they probably would have their own language, almost being a separate country and all. The show itself depicts all three races as being separate, from before the inception of Equestria; to even now, really. After all, most Pegasi seem to stick to Cloudsdale (even Rainbow's house is there), most Earth ponies seem to cluster around Ponyville and the Unicorns seem quite content to mostly hang around Canterlot (just taking that general area of Equestria as an example). Obviously, there is intermingling, otherwise you wouldn't see Rarity in Ponyville or Photo-Finish in Canterlot. But for the most part, I think Cloudsdale would have evolved alongside the rest of Equestria, rather than in tandem, if that makes sense, hence their having their own language.
I'm not sure how I could be less overt in their usage, since Spitfire only really mentions them maybe...twice in the whole story? It makes sense to me that Cloudsdale Pegasi would greet each other using their "real" names as well as their Canterlottian ones as a courtesy, but like you say, it's probably just preferential. Everyone has their own headcanon.
Can I ask though, why setting apart the locations and races is bad, in your view? Just curious.
Noted.
I really liked the idea of Tchernobog's Mood Wings, so wanted to work in the idea here. I was trying to make sure the actual meaning of wing motion was being conveyed, so this being my first attempt at writing anything for public consumption, it's entirely possible I went overboard. Something for me to bear in mind as and when I go back through for edits.
Not at all, criticism is good, long as it's constructive like yours.
Ta very much. Would you mind highlighting examples of parts you think are "tell-y" and short and simple? My author tinted glasses won't let me see them unless they're pointed out to me.
As for the last three points in that quote:
1. With their strange mix of technology, it's not impossible that Canterlot would have a night-life.
2. They've got cider, so not a huge leap to imagine them having other types of booze.
3. I'm a follower of TAW. Make of that what you will.
Glad you liked it so much.
I was a bit worried that I wouldn't be able to carry off the confrontation scene well, particularly Spitfire's mental half-breakdown afterwards, but it seems I haven't gone completely wrong. 
The main idea was to paint Canterlot as far more prejudiced than Ponyville (which has its roots in canon), due to the high proportion of upper-class and nobility-class ponies living there. This is partially born out of the idea that tried to pen itself when I first started writing Firedance; an autobiography of Spitfire relating what life is like in Canterlot for a mare like her, behind the glitz and glamour. The prejudice, the hate, the death threats, etc. That and, as you say, headcanon. In other words; Canterlot is supposed to be portrayed as quite intolerant and close-minded, while Ponyville is meant to be far more laid back and progressive.
Again, glad you liked.
Can you give me some examples? Author eyes, and all that.
Same here, but more from a curiosity point of view.
Now this is very interesting to me, the fact that you think it should be shorter. The end...by the end of this fic I was cramming hard for a twice-extended deadline (many gracious thanks to TAW for that). I actually feel that the end is far too clipped and rushed; the sudden change from present tense to that of past, then back again is very jarring for me. I actually wanted to give some closure to the events of the story with something much longer than this, but didn't have time to do it properly. It's the one part of the story I actually, genuinely feel I didn't do too good at.
Also, it's 4.1k words long.
Due to my shameful lack of a hat with which to at least tip in your direction, I shall settle for presenting you with a moustache and a final thanks.
1816443 Incredilate reply go!
>As for it being first person, I chose that for simplicity's sake, as well as to try and make it stand out a little more from the rest of the shipfics (the only ones I've personally seen in first person have been HiE fics, but that's just my experience). It was also done in order to speed the writing along; rather than try to deal with everypony's thoughts and feelings.
Yeah, it's definitively just a choice, it doesn't need to have a bearing on quality. I say this simply because it made me stop and think. It didn't harm the fic at all. For the record, though, writing third person doesn't have to include everypony's thoughts and feelings; I find a close and limited third person PoV provides me all the advantages of first person, while also giving me options. This is preferential though.
>I have a basic rule for canon: Use it when it helps you, discard it like an empty can when it doesn't.
I guess that's just something on which we disagree, but that's a simple enough matter, and doesn't require much further comment. If that's your stance on it and this was never meant to pass as/fit 100% into canon and such - if that's not a priority - then you can just ignore all my comments on Derpy and such.
For what it's worth, I draw the line at retconning myself; I don't see the point in going back to edit in stuff, so I certainly share your view and stance on not editing this to confirm to the WBA episode.
My point wrt. worldbuilding and such wasn't really about the detail and such. If you've put great thought into these details, that's of course good, but my problem with the added elements was simply in how they were introduced; quickly and brusquely, in the case of the names. On the topic of the cities and such, it probably comes down to canonicity again, so there's not much more to say about that. I agree that you can make a case for the cities being pony type themed to some degree, but instead of making it feel natural and make no point of it, it feels like you emphasized it to the point where it was distractive, that was my issue. It's not bad, it's just that when you describe Ponyville as a nation unto itself with its own laws and such, it sounds like a very different place from what I know from the show.
I didn't really take notes on which bits were tell-y and such, so it's up to you whether you'd just like to dismiss that or look for it yourself, but for what it's worth, it wasn't at all a huge problem. The whole deal with the speech I remember I noticed around the time Derpy and Spits were back home; if you just look through her lines, I don't know. She has had a very simple and neutral conversational tone for most of it, and then breaks out lines like "Get yourselves sat down then, girls," and such?
On the bigger issue, the end, I don't know what to say. It's of course your story, and my point isn't to try to convince you to change, but rather offer up my opinions. All I can say is that the final chapter starting off with a week-by-week summary in that manner created the expectation of an epilogue. It starts off with a summary that feels a little awkward, proceeds with a run-in with Dash that just confused me a little (I don't understand why she'd at all feel compelled to give up her purported middle name in that situation, but that's neither here nor there), and then we get the "end". Except that ending is then followed up by the tense-shifted actual epilogue. The latter two segments there are fine, I just think the summary-style opening to the last chapter is what throws me off and breaks the flow.
It's my mistake in taking so long to reply to your reply to my comment, so it's not fresh in my mind any more, which is sad. :|
1866756
Yay! (incidentally, I couldn't find "incredilate" in the dictionary)
There is a name for writing third-person from one character's PoV, but I can't remember what it is. All that's coming to me is "third-person omniscient", but that's when the writer knows everything about everyone. Yeah, first-person was very much a choice in this case, just one to make the story stand out, as I think I said in my last message, so I'm just repeating myself now.
I'm probably over-simplifying that rule. I do try to maintain as much canon as possible, as it's useful for the world building I love so much; but if it's becoming a hassle to work with (such as, in this case, Derpy's personality), I'll discard and replace it with something to fit in with what I'm writing, or even change something slightly. For instance, I used to the official map of Equestria to get the geography of the towns right (as well as grab names for the train station timetable), but I tweaked the layout of the railway line to Ponyville a bit for dramatic purposes, as it's depicted as a straight line out of the mountain.
And no, this story was never meant to pass off as canon, but it doesn't make your comments any less valid.
I am not sure how else I could introduce these elements, as I think any form of monologue from Spitfire on the subject would be "off-topic" as it were and detrimental to the story. I am open to suggestions though, of course.
In regards to Ponyville, that's the impression I get from the show. That it's pretty much left to its own devices as far as the crown is concerned, with very little oversight; though still under Celestia's rule, ostensibly.
As for the other cities, I'd be interested in hearing how you came to that conclusion, as it certainly wasn't my intention. My intention was to differentiate between Ponyville and Canterlot as liberal and conservative, respectively (to put it simply). To put less simply, Canterlot is supposed to be full of bigots (almost exclusively in the upper echelons of society), while Ponyville is supposed to be far more relaxed, easy going and with a "live and let live" mentality.
Hmm, I think I get what you're saying. That should probably be put down to inexperience on my part, as well as maybe a little rushing to get the fic out.
Like I said, I was not happy with the way the end turned out, even as I was writing it. Disappointingly, it's one of the main things that made it miss out on second place in the contest, which I have summarily kicked myself for. As and when I get the time to go through and edit this fic (there are various minor spelling and grammar issues, as well as layout problems brought about by site changes), I will give serious consideration to making that ending work better. I was generally happy with what I was writing most of the time, but that last chapter...blech.
No worries, I think it's safe to say that we're all busy this time of year.
2002430 Text wall? What...
OH, DAMMIT KNIGHTY!
Thanks for pointing that out Merlos, I shall get that fixed ASAP.
EDIT: Sorted. Again, thank you for pointing that out to me.
2020208 Have you ever seen a pegasus carry another pony in flight in the show? They hold them, sure, but I can't say as I've seen one actually fly any appreciable distance while carrying a pony. I don't think any pegasus is really strong enough to carry another one and fly.
Apart from Rainbow Dash, obviously, but we all know she's special.
At least, that's my reasoning.
2021751
Three things works against you for thats:
one: Wonderbolts, they train most of the day, every day. Even if they couldn't quite fly to Ponyville in a single run they'd get there quite a bit faster than a train. (as the bird flies they call it)
Two: Canterlot is on a mountain, they wouldn't even really have to fly, they could just glide most of the way (which isn't a great strain)
Three: Dash being special ? fair enough. But she carried four ponies at the same time. That's special.
Even normal (read: Non-trained) Pegasi should be able to carry at least their own weight in whatever they choose, for Soarin' who's not only heavier than Spitfire, but a Wonderbolt aswell it should be a piece of cake.
2024125
1. Source please. I haven't seen anything to suggest they train all day, every day (which Wonderbolt Academy would also back up, as Spitfire doesn't do one bit of training all through that episode), which would be impractical anyway. They'd never get anything else done, like basic necessities such as food shopping. And yes, of course they could get there ahead of any train, this is why Spitfire asked Soarin to fly on ahead.
2. Canterlot is depicted both in the show and on the official map as being a hell of a distance away from Ponyville. While yes, they could glide, it's a lot slower than flying directly there.
3. Bearing in mind that Dash was travelling at supersonic speeds at the time, so while she's almost certainly strong enough to carry them all anyway; we don't know how much was down to her actual strength, and how much was down to her own momentum carrying them back up. You've also got to remember that the Wonderbolts are about speed and agility, not necessarily strength. So while Soarin might be able to carry Spitfire around, can he do so over the kind of distance that separates Ponyville and Canterlot?
I've also got to have some dramatic license here, otherwise it'd make for a pretty boring story. It's a lot more exciting to have Spitfire suffer a panic attack/localised nervous breakdown and have her mind running rampant and obsessing over what she fears might happen; than it is to simply have her ask Soarin to carry her to Ponyville for some unbespoke reason.
2036126
Arguing further is pointless, since I don't want to break out the math, and everything I say can be refuted by the words: "Artistic license"
So I'll say that, while I didn't think this was a bad story, there were a few too many things that didn't really feel right to me.
Still, props for writing it.
2036159 That's fair enough. I can't please all the people all the time.
And thank you.
This is a very unique story, one that I don't think I'll ever forget. Thank you for the experience.
Never have I read a poly-amorous story with that much d'aaaw, with tiny bits of sass here and there.
Quite a nice story I'll have to admit.
I like it! *throws laptop onto the ground* Another!
one word DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Very cute fic, I can't help but feel the relationship felt very rushed, which detracted from my enjoyment somewhat but still gladly give it a thumbs up and a recommendation
2292532 2360496 Apologies for the late replies, but glad you enjoyed.
2551647 Thanks for your comments, Personifire. Let me address them one by one:
1. I've never liked the name "Ditzy Doo" and it irks me to see it in so many fics. The only reason I put it in there was as a nod to those who do, seeing as I knew people might either way. This was a compromise, because I'm like that.
2. I have no excuse for missing that error, thanks for pointing it out.
3. This is merely my interpretation of Spitfire. It was written way back before Wonderbolts Academy aired, so I had very little to go on in terms of personality. After it aired, I decided it would be far too much hassle to go back and try and retcon the personality in, as I'd spent so much time writing the one she has here. In this instance, I decided this is the way she'd react, being a hot-headed pegasus and all. After all, she did only mean to push her.
4. The thing is, she gets into relationships to the point where she thinks she can trust her partner with the information of her secret, then gets it thrown in her face. My depiction of Equestria is a little different to most, I will acknowledge that, but I decided to go for something a bit different in this fic. Variety being the spice of life and all that.
2556955 That is something I was thinking when writing, but I could never figure out how to extend it a bit. This may be compounded by chapter 3, which I'm planning to rewrite, so who knows? It might turn out a bit better once I'm done with that.
Huh... I know I've read this story before, but FimFic is saying that I haven't... oh well, reread, re-thumbed, re-faved. :3
5238957 That's probably down to one of the recent updates knighty has implemented. Thanks for the fave once again!
Hmmm. (Yepp, really. That's the sum of quite a lot thoughts. 'Hmmm'. And I'm gonna stick with it... nah, just kidding.)
I read chapter one and thought something along the line of "oh, that looks like it's going to be a cute little romance story... though I'm not really fond of somepony breaking up and instantly throwing themselves into the next best relationship offered". When I finished the second chapter, things were quite a bit more... complex and difficult. I knew there was a third chapter. And I knew it was 'short', compared to those before. Without having the third one read then, I already was kind of disappointed in the fact that the whole polyamory-thingy probably wouldn't be explored to the extend I wished it to be. And although it wasn't, that disappointment somehow still vanished.
There's a lot, A LOT of potential in there. For conflict, mostly. What if Colgate didn't like Spitfire? What if Spitfire couldn't move in with Derpy? What if the press found out about her relationship-status? A lot of 'what if's, mostly. Although Spitfire was devastated by her chain of broken relationships, the events of this story are still showing the best way things could've gone. There was no conflict besides admitting who and how she was. Don't get me wrong, that's nothing bad - but one could not read this really beautiful tale without seeing all those points of potential disaster, all that potential for conflict and catastrophe. At least, I couldn't. And inevitably, that lead to the thought 'To good to be true'. A thought that, again, doesn't have to be bad at all, but I feel shouldn't occur when breaching such a... delicate topic.
Urgh. It's really hard to form my thoughts into words.
Let's try that last part again, in short: I won't suggest anything, since it's not my place to do so. I just want to express that... I wished that, instead of that third chapter, beautiful as it was, there would've been some more chapters going into detail how everything worked out specifically. And maybe even showing how they would've dealt with some of those problems and concerns, even if they didn't occur. Because, if you're in an open relationship, you still have to think about that stuff. Jealousy, rejection, image, everything.
With that whole mess above, I hope you're still with me. Let's switch to something more, uh... cheerful? Or at least, more coherent thoughts.
I liked your portrayal of Spitfire. She isn't the boastful mare I expected. And Derpy isn't the clumsy mare I expected. I was... hesitant about Rose. Not so much because of her portrayal, but you gave her a rather dark background-story and I wasn't certain if you could handle that well enough. Turned out: You did. Again, the subject was only tapped lightly, but there's a simple and completely understandable explanation to why it is that way - it's simply a private matter.
I'm usually not a fan of first-person-writing. Most of the time, it's used rather... bad. But I found some nice stories here and there so I'm not as hesitant to start reading one of those as I was a few months ago. And you did a good job, so you gave me nothing to complain about.
Last thing I wanted to talk about is actually a really hilarious picture your tale created in my mind: Derpy walking Ponyvilles streets on a 'special occasion', chattering like a palace guard, seemingly wearing armor when, in fact, only wearing baclets. A lot of them. Rose, Colgate, Spitfire, Twilight... everypony loves Derpy! Shesh, when does that mare even have time left so sleep and do her actual job...? Still funny, though. Cadance probably would be proud of her, with being princess of love and everything...
Anyway. It was a really sweet little piece.
Thank you.
PS.: Oh ah, one more thing: I'm kind of... intimidated, now that I recognize all those names in the comment-section. Tcherno was here? And Cloudy? Uhhh. I'm just glad I already wrote that whole thingy here, so I don't have to do it now.
5600072 Wow, that was an amazing comment, thank you. I love it when someone posts something as in-depth as that, it helps me see things that I never did when writing. And the thing is... I completely agree with you.
Despite being my baby because it's my first story, even I realise that Firedance missed a lot of its potential. Part of it is because I rushed it to hit a deadline, part of it is inexperience. I do plan to come back to this and do a massive rewrite once I'm done with Princess Twilight, but I have no idea as to when that'll be. Please assign blame to screwy sleep schedules, Titanfall and life, accordingly.
Like you said, I left a lot of potential untapped in this story, which is a shame. There's a lot of room for exploration and general fleshing out of the world, characters and the story itself. Once I free up some time for it, this story will get the telling it deserves. It's just a shame TAW doesn't hang around here any more, would be neat to see their opinion on a revised version.
And don't be intimidated by the likes of Tcherny, he's a big softy really.
Cheers for the follow!