Twilight Sparkle goes back in time to her parent's graduation prom not only to ensure the integrity of the (her present) timeline, but her very own existence. But first she must discover why they fell in love in the first place, and it is proving a challenge...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I see that you're new here, young sapling. I know this isn't very constructive but trust me when I say that you wanna go ahead and change the name Time Turner in the description (at least) to Doctor Hooves. Otherwise people who read it will just get annoyed and instantly dislike the story because the name has been fanon for so long that they'll just think you're ignorant/a troll. Hope you can pull this one through that way
1707425
OK, got it.
The Tuner/Hooves distinction is of some importance to the plot, though, (it's something about assumed identities).
EDIT: Oh wow, you weren't kidding about the instant dislikes. Not the best way to get started!
Terrible adaptation of Back to the Future. This is not what I needed to see on my birthday.
1707745 Happy birthday!
1707750
1707745
i.imgur.com/RFouD.png
1707745
The "Back to the Future" reference was meant as a start point, not its main focus.
I'm sorry if I ruined your birthday due to this. I'd like to understand though: are you disagreeing with the idea as a whole, or specifics in its execution?
1707765 Nah, it didn't ruin my birthday. Only Courtney Love and 246 Blue midgets could do that.
The execution was a "meh", and kinda killed the whole thing. Which it should.
But yes, this story wasn't the worst thing ever.
1707764
static1.fjcdn.com/comments/Pinkie+Pie+thread+GO+_878bbaf150b9e681e7fc14e189e69864.jpg
1707783
It's probably the slow ramp. I have a tendency to do that, because I wanted to focus on the inter-character interactions.
Chapter 3 and beyond should have a bit more meat, now that I have established some foundation.
Lots of ping-pong dialogue, but moderately intriguing.
1707817
I'm not entirely sure how to avert this, because the focus of the story are on the interactions between the characters. Unless you meant ping-pong as in speech just between 2 parties going back and forth.
Thanks for the fave, anyway. I'd be willing to stand by my weakness and tell a flawed story if it means that there people out there who enjoy it, warts and all.
1707745 just happened to be browsing the comments so I'll say: Happy Birthday!
1707839
The second one is what I meant. Interactions are good: if characters don't interact and grow, it won't be much of a story. What I'm thinking is, break up some of the dialogue with some action.
For example, this paragraph.
feels way too fast. It could be broken up with a little description. Give us a little more insight to their characters, make them seem more real.
But that's just, like, my opinion, bro.
1709101
I ran out of steam trying to wrap up the flashback, but that's what you get trying to update at 3 am in the morning.
I went to sleep realizing I left a Consonance-sized plot hole.
Thanks for the feedback though. I really appreciate it.
EDIT: Added some fluff to chapter 2; nothing plot-breaking, merely attempting to make it more interesting.
1709585
Better! This is much more entertaining to read.
Now just fix "AILcorn" in the fourth line of that paragraph.