Rocket and Wallflower are getting married. A happy day to be had by all. all except for Helios. Helios has held a crush on Rocket for a long time and it seems he may never have the chance to tell him.
Join Helios on a journey where he learns that sometimes love comes from letting go of the one thing that can give you it the most.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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No cover pic?
Hi-ho, Deep Pond of the Train Wreck Explorers here! I have a snazzy hat and everything, and I'm here to give your story a good lookin'-at.
i284.photobucket.com/albums/ll29/Lord_Talisman/mlfw5283-Fluffle_letsdothis_zps81d6c5cb.jpg
Why does Wallflower's name have a capital halfway through?
"All eyes except for one" makes it sound like one eye isn't tearing up, but you mean one pony. Also, as is explained in the next line, he is tearing up, just for different reasons. A bit clumsy.
That is a run-on sentence, and the fact that it has almost no punctuation makes it seem like it's spoken in a flat monotone. Remember to use commas wherever there is a natural pause, and whenever dialogue ends before the sentence does (unless you need a question mark or exclamation point). Also, break sentences up into manageable lengths. This, for instance, would read better as
Wallflower's and my. "I's" is grammatically incorrect; the possessive of "I" is "my."
Thoughts are generally indicated with italics, as it makes it far easier to distinguish between them and spoken dialogue or description.
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Why did you end a quote, then start a new one in the same paragraph? It looks like you combined two paragraphs and forgot to take the quotes out.
Also, there should be a comma after that last "Thank you."
There should be some punctuation mark at the end of Rocket's dialogue, either a comma or a question mark.
Random capital.
"Started" is a very clumsy word for this. Try "began," or better yet, "said."
The story seems to be in past tense, but you slip into present tense a couple of times, which is rather jarring.
I object to the use of the Blue Angels. The Blue Angels are a real flight team, upon which the Wonderbolts are largely based. I recommend coming up with another name for your version of them rather than simply using the RW name.
Overall, this is pretty decent; your writing is a little clumsy but by no means terrible. You've got the basics of grammar and spelling down, your pacing is decent, and your characters are as well.
Good luck and keep writing!
i.imgur.com/3lZia.png?1
Deep Pond, TWE's knight of Gak
1701215
Thank you for your comments. I will admit my editing skills leave something to be desired, but with kind people like yourself helping me be a better editor and by default a better writer, i hope my skills will improve in the future to the point where i may get a clean review from you sometime in the future. Thanks again for that, it helps a lot.