*Cancelled, pending potential future rewrite*
Look, you know as well as I do what's going to happen soon. But just in case I don't make it out alive, you have to know the whole story.
The wedding was a disaster. Chrysalis had taken over. We Elements were defeated, and scattered across Equestria. Princess Celestia fell in battle to Chrysalis, possibly forever damaging her magical prowess. Likewise, Luna was defeated, leading the first revolution. It lasted a grand total of ten minutes. Shining Armor was held hostage by Chrysalis, preventing Cadence from doing anything, even if she had the energy. She... Shining is no longer in any danger.
I miss him so much..
If everything goes as planned, tomorrow it will all be made right.
On the off chance that it isn't, take this journal. It chronicles every single painstaking step I took to get us to this point. If we fail, ponies need something to hope for. Maybe our story will inspire others to take up arms and liberate this pathetic excuse for a nation.
Hopefully, Equestria can rise again.
I shall read this later sire!
1.bp.blogspot.com/-_TkbcIBMy1Y/T2Ioh3r-T_I/AAAAAAAABGA/BAJcgUhFm7c/s1600/firstpost.jpg
Suck it Regidar! HAR
1765734
..... I am not amused.
This...I like this.
Create more damn you!
MORE!
gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/970341_o.gif
Needs the alternate universe tag.
lol pretty good so far keep it up
So much hate for a story just released... I wish people who downvoted would say why... It really helps the authors...
1766237
Does it really?
1766311 Well, since the whole 'changelings won and fucked everything up' thing didn't actually happen in the episode, then yes. Alternate timeline=alternate universe.
1765822 Why are you not amused sire? I live to please thee!
1768545
I find posts of First to be childish and immature. (I'm messin with ya. I have to get my kicks somehow, chained as I will be to this story until it has run its course)
1769127 I cant wait for further updates! I shall be vigilant sire
MOAR!
1769176 1769892
Kind of got sidetracked with my other project, but it is a one shot and already half done. Sadly, the second chapter of this is REALLLLLY long. It covers the three and a half years after the takeover So, I'll probably release it in multiple parts. Keep up hope friends!
1769906 Will do mi'lord
I haven't read it yet, but it sounds really good! The summary was really well written, and really caught my attention. I will read this later, and expect great things from you.
1777137
Well, the description is actually bits cut from the prologue, so I'd hope it was written well.
Thanks for the compliment. I'll try to live it up it
1777294 Well, that makes me even more excited to read it. From what I've heard, this is a great story, so I really hope it's as good as people say.
1778196
Yay, people actually talk about me. And it's not just the voices in my head! 
1778210 You hear voices too? So do I!
So I see CloudTop avertise this story, see? So I decide to take a look, see? And then I read:
Well I'm a reviewer, see? And I'm supposed to give feedback, see? And I know this is getting old, see?
So enough with the horrible mobster impression and let's get going with da feedback!
Spelling and Grammar: ~Spelling: 5~ ~Grammar: 4~ ~Composite total: ~ 4.5
~Spelling: I see no spelling errors what so ever. Well done. *Clappy-clappy-clap*
~Grammar: To my knowledge, I see no blatant errors with yer grammar. However, I see a few sentences you could combine with a comma splice, and there are several places where you could word it better.
I think the biggest thing would be style, that's all I can tell. It's adequate, but it could still be better. Solution: Find a nit-picker. 'Tis annoying, but it gets you results.
Structure and Pacing: ~Structure: 4.5~ ~Pacing: 4 ~ ~Composite total: ~ 4
~Structure: So let's see: No walls of text, new paragraph everytime the speaker shifts, spaced out the paragraphs. Only reason why that score isn't a 5 = Need to indent your paragraphs (Dern! So close!) But really, it is easy to read this and I'm sure your audience appreciates that.
~Pacing: Overall, I would say it is good. Not too fast, not too slow. However, your scene transtion is odd. I do not know the technical terms, but it made the pacing "wonky." Especially when you have Twilight already hanging from the ceiling and THEN you explain what happened. Aside from that, I didn't really notice anything else.
Characterization: 4.5
So many ponies...
~Mane Six (excluding Twilight): I did not really see anything OOC about them. Then again, I didn't really see much of them at all. Still, they sounded like they should and they reacted like they should. I liked how you had Pinkie actually beome serious when it was appropriate.
~Twilight: Since this is only the first chapter-and a AU to boot-I can't really say much here. To me it seems like she is reacting the way she would when it goes from "Yeah, gonna stop an invasion!" to "Crap-crap-crap, what am I gonna do?" Eh-eh *shrug*
~Celestia: She would be scarier if Chrysalis hadn't already kicked her flank multiple times. Thus I think you did a rather apt job with Celestia
~Chrysalis: And now she is actually scary!
Considering the fact that love never seems to fade even when other emotions and more prevalent, it makes little sense that Chrysalis lost. HERE she's actually using her head while still being maniacally evil. Now dere's a villian I can fear!
So, if I am happy with everything, why a 4.5? Because there is always going to be something you missed or could have done better. However, I am not that grade of critic so all I can do is give what I got. I KNOW there are things you could work on, but for the life of me I can't figure out specifically what. Apologies.
Original Characters: N/A. But I'm sure non-canon ponies will be introduced at some point, yes?
Plot and Story: 4
~Plot: What would have happened if Chrysalis was more observant and smarter with restraining her prisoners. If only she had done a better job of keeping Shining out of the way and had actually put Cadence on the ceiling, perhaps she could have won.
Now, there is one thing I want to address: Why was Celestia not hanging from the ceiling? That is what sticks out at me...
~Story: This interests me muchly. But what about everybody else? At the moment, all there is is what could have happened at the wedding. I'm sure there are plenty of other stories that have gone that route. HOWEVER, I must know what that vile dip was. And I want to see how it plays out for Twilight. What do you know? STUFF THAT KEEPS ME READING. *Clappy-clappy-clap*
Total: 17 out of 20. Grade: 4.25 (section 4 omitted)
Reviewer's Grade: 4
I think it looks good. However, I know that there are always things to fix and I know that I'm not a qualified professional. So while everything looks okay to me, I'm sure someone else would notice more. So-despite the annoyance it would bring-find somebody to be a nit-picker. I think CloudTop could help you there. (I know he has several) That should be able to help you improve on what you have.
As for why a reader can't leave feedback regarding why they cast their thumb to the ground, I don't know. It would be helpful though. (Even if just to say "I don't like the story because I don't like the story." At least then you'd know it's because they don't like it, regardless of how well you wrote.)
It all looks rather good and I am anxious to see where you take this story.
~Damien Nibrudly-Reviewer for the Storytellers Underground~
1783045
So, thanks for all that. I had to read it a couple times, but I think I got the gist of what you were saying.
1. Glad to see that Cloud Dude actually plugged me like he said (he is one of my prereaders. He seemed to like it, considering he yelled at me for not having more done, even though I told him chapter 2 wasn't even close to done yet.)
2. I know about the indents. I blame GDocs, no real reason, I just do.
3. Twilight was hanging before the explanation to add a bit of comedy into a tense chapter: IE: Sarcastic comment.
4. I have no concrete plans for OCs, and that goes to the fact that I am also a Dungeon Master for Dungeons and Dragons. Rule 1: Never have NPCs steal the glory from the players. Why does that matter here? because Twilight (and the Mane 6) are my "players." Since they matter most, having an OC be a major part to the story would take glory from the players. Two unrelated worlds crossing, but I cannot violate either.
5. Celestia was not hanging from the ceiling because of reasons that I actually cut from the story itself, due to a plot device I think I can use later to greater affect.
If you have any other questions or something, shoot me a PM. I'm sure the comments don't need this kind of crowding guff.
1783125 Likewise, PM me because it irks me you had to reread my review a few times. What can I do to make it more concise?
EDIT: Turns out nothing was wrong and I was concise.
Some ideas:
2. Then-as annoying as it is-just take the TAB key to all the paragraphs before you publish it.
3. If it is a sarcastic comment, perhaps unobservant people (like myself) would appreciate it if you put it in italics. It should give us that smack and realize "Oh, I see what they did there."
4. I'm not saying one would become a main character, but there's bound to be some instance of a pony aside from the Main Six or Fanonical Backround Ponies. It's alright for a bystander to have a name...even if it's John Smith, Mary Sue, or "Talulua does the Hula from Hawaii."
1783143
Well, there is a story behind my venomous hatred of indents, if you would like to her it I would be happy to PM it to you.
And there will be plenty of OC background ponies once the story actually gets going, so don't worry about that
MAOR! Please?
Seriously, this is REALLY REALLY GOOD! BTW, Nibrudly is gone for good, just to let you know.
1828244
This project is currently on hold, because it's hard to abuse ponies during Christmas time
(just kidding, just have another project that wants to consume my time it'll get done)
and what happened to the review-dude?
1828684 He left the internet. Check his blog if you are interested in the details.
As usual, GREAT work!! You, InsanityCorps and TheCloudtop all deserve a big round of applause!
Great work I'm loveing the direction this is going
1841591
We appreciate the love, check out their stuff too. Chances are I've had my hand in it.
1841725
Me too, it's so weird...
1841741 Funny thing is, TheCloudtop is also my Co-Author!
1841764
Ah, that crazy bastard gets around doesn't he?
1841912 Yup!
And InsanityCorps once scared me to death with a barrage of horror images....
1842091
That's IC
1842135 Yup.
Spike DIES?
Never saw that coming.
But all around good work. 4\5 moustaches for that work:
.... Chills! my spine tingled there. good premise, so sad
But im not worried
1936012
I don't know how to take that comment... but thanks...?
Interesting story. Also, sad as Hell.
That's definitive: my next fanfic featuring Chrysalis will end badly for her, if only to blow off some steam from your fic! xD
Keep going, I wanna see where this is going.
1938438
Don't be so hasty to delegate Chrysalis to a gruesome fate. I'm not done yet.
1938540 I delegate whoever I want to whatever fate I want. Owning a Death Note really is awesome.
(Can't wait :D)
My brain, my brain ohhhh the pain you have caused my brain
I have a question and a comment
The question is..... Is the current reality the reall reality or is it just another dream?
The comment is..... I absolutely love this it is amazing on so many levels I demand MORE!!!!!
1960835
Your question makes me laugh. I'm sure my editor will get a kick out of it. In answer: wouldn't you like to know?
Yes I would like to know and because you won't tell me it makes me think that it is another dream.
That's what you intend isn't it? To make me question my sanity? To make me cry in a corner until the next chapter?
You monster
1960863
Questioning everything, yes.
Crying in the corner, no.
To late
I'm in the corner crying
1960894
Oh. I hope Cloudy doesn't see this, he'll threaten me with the whip again.
Whip? Cloudy? Again?
1960906
I SAID NOTHING!
Interesting...
When can stop expect to be able to stop crying in my corner?