Rarity's Gem Collection

by ChickenHooves

Chapter 3

...It was...

"Sonic Gems Collection?" Applejack asked. "Now why would Rarity put this in a..."

The farmer then realised. It was a 'gem collection' in a chest! She burst out laughing litres of joyful tears.

"Oh.. My... I get it!!" She then burst out again. She was rolling on the floor, and--

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SISTER?!!"

Applejack turned around to see Sweetie Belle there. At first AJ didn't know WHAT was up. Then, right next to her hooves, was the white unicorn, unconscious.

"GOT YOU!!" Rarity shouted as she jumped up, scaring Applejack.

"Woah nelly, nice one, Rarity! Y' really got me!" Applejack said.

"Wow. That was a sure funny joke. Hahaha!"

Rarity went over and picked the game case up with her magic. "Who's up for a game of Sonic Gems Collection?"

---

I hope you liked this story. I put a teeny bit of seriousness into it, but I think it turned out alright.

Comments

[Cinnamon Pop]

[Paint Splatter]

Way too short. It might be better if it was just one chapter.

[The Tyrannical]

Yeah, these are way too short.
Expand, or make these all one chapter.

Although, that is a better cover image than I could ever make.

[Regidar]

Kinky.

[Just Some Random Guy]

Protip:
Try to avoid chapters with less than 600 words, and chapters with less than 200 words are a HUGE no-no!
(the exception being if it's a make your own adventure story)

[claudette]

Awkwardly paced and choppy. Also, a Twilight reference? That's a little random.

[PYROontheAIR]

I actually have sonic gems collection, so I got the joke.

[G4M3R_P0N3]

A simple but nice story

[SunStartheAlicorn]

1702499 HOLY BUCK YOU

[Regidar]

1702727 Me.

[Chaotic Note]

1702521
Actually...
Know Your Mare

[SunStartheAlicorn]

1702739 QUITE

[IvanTheRifleman]

[Trollknee]

Those are some great chapters of immense size. I am indicating its size is fairly enormous in stature and in length of sorts so that I may get you to notice its current length in word value. I hope that you understand the immense size when I see the chapters, my eyes can barely focus and concentrate without being amazed by its colossal value.

[Mudpony]

Agree with claudette on the pacing and choppiness. Could stand to be improved in those areas.

For example, this line:

She saw a key on a cupboard upstairs a few days ago when Rarity was making the farmer 'pretty' for the Grand Galloping Gala.

Here you flat out tell the reader when AJ saw the key, making the a few days ago scene pointless. But it could have been written so that AJ knows she's seen that key before, but doesn't quite remember when/where. Then she narrows it down to that day and you go into the memory bit, probably just with the stuff italicized, ending on when she spotted the key. You pick up again with her having the "that was where I saw it" moment and on you go.

Also, the canon spelling is Apple Bloom, not Applebloom. I know lots of people like to screw it up, but if you wouldn't say Pinky or Rainbowdash (and I would hope you don't), then you really should get AB's name right as well

[Slender Dash]

I don't get it. Sonic Gems collection? What?

[Just Some Random Guy]

1702752
I don't understand why so many people liked that story.

[Chaotic Note]

1705934
It's funny. I find it funny.

[Just Some Random Guy]

1708018
If y'all say so.

[Chaotic Note]

1708023
Alrighty then!

[ChickenHooves]

I'm gonna clean this up in a few days, make it a bit more easier to read xP