I'll be uploading new chapters to this fairly rapidly.  The whole story will be up before TAW's deadline on the 28th.  I just don't want to overwhelm readers by putting it all up at once.

Heh. I love pony fanfics, and I read tons. You have some really good stuff out there. Plenty of stories I love. However, much more rare (I think anyway) is a sentence I love. This can happen for different reasons. In this instance, its because it just works so very well. This will always be personal opinion, but with what I know of the character in question from the show, it is just perfect. I can completely imagne her saying this, where she to be in this situation. It such a "her" thing to say. At the same time, its sweet as well as sad. I am of course talking about "...so now all I am is a silly pony with a locked door, a broken heart, and a sack full of fish!”

I enjoyed the story enough anyway, but I'd track for that sentence alone.

I really enjoyed this! You captured Pinkie's characterization perfectly and it was a completely believable reaction from Applejack. I can't wait to see more of this soon so enjoy a like, fave, and watch

Amazing,

Image: https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQLzFKjxH_CuJxyQb65Ac_NVTW4H05C_4SiWGRjk8BE8HJgfga-tw

>>16631931663193  Thanks!  There's a reason I named the chapter after that line.

>>16633211663321  You know, I was worried that I messed up on Pinkie's characterization here.  I'm glad you disagree.

I need to time my posting better.  This ended up in the middle of a huge slew of new fics, and therefore was posted and then slipped off the front page in the course of an early holiday morning.  

Feel free to overwhelm!! Good solid beginning so far. Happily awaiting the next part.

oh pinkie pie, my heart follows you, i wish her the best

  Yes, the ever-so-rare Pinkie/Applejack.

This is freaking amazing!  You really captured a wide range of emotions for both characters.  Nice use of small things from canon episodes.

Finally, it's good to see a writer finally use Pinkie's history as a farmer herself in her interactions with A.J.

*track*

Oh boy, Pinkie's kinda defeating herself ain't she?

>>16662121666212  Since she only ever mentioned her home in one episode, it's easy for writers to forget Pinkie didn't always live at Sugarcube Corner with the Cakes.  But even if it's a silly thing like a rock farm, growing up on a farm leaves an impression.  Applejack is portrayed as the archetypal farm pony, but she's far from the only pony in Ponyville raised on a farm.

Every reader I can get cheering for Apple Pie is a victory for me.  The pairing captured my heart ever since I stumbled across someone on DeviantArt whose gallery was filled with nothing but Apple Pie pics (I wish I could remember how I found them so I could link!).  The more folks on this site that have a soft spot like me for the ship, the more likely it'll be that more fanfic shipping them will be written.  That said, I can understand why this isn't one of the biggest ships in the fandom.  This was hard to write in places, since AJ and Pinkie don't directly interact with each other quite as much as with others in the show.  Without as much canon material to build on, it gets a lot harder to keep them both in character in prolonged contact like this.  I hope I'm doing okay with it.

Please continue! This is a pairing I've wanted to see done for so long. It makes a certain sort of sense and I don't know why this ship has long been ignored. I am in love with your characterization because everything is happening in a manner that feels like a natural progression for the events that have transpired. I am full of praise and you deserve it! Keep it coming, I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

>>16668901666890 I hope you do find the link. I would like to see those pics.

Don't worry, so far you're doing a great job.

They may not interact as much on the show, but there are still some things writers could find to work with.  

For examples, along with Fluttershy, Applejack is the most understanding of Pinkie and her antics (Feeling Pinkie Keen).  The only time A.J was affected by Pinkie was when the latter wanted her to be (The Last Roundup).  Unlike Fluttershy, A.J can control Pinkie more, being like an older sister to the group.

With Pinkie, she's the only one that can understand A.J's demanding farm life.  Out of the mane 6, she would be the one who won't let A.J get away with do things all alone, she'll ignore A.J's social cues and help her regardless if she sees her in need.  

From pure canon: We know that A.J has broken through Pinkie's shields of ignorance and really move Pinkie's emotions to the extreme before.  Even with her speed and cartoon-ish nature, it wasn't enough to catch up with A.J without the other's help (T.L.R).  Despite being upset with her, Pinkie forgave and even did her part to help A.J get away.  

Another interesting thing, in MMMystery on the Friendship Express, Pinkie never accused A.J and A.J never took a bite of her cake.

Yes, sad cliffhanger is sad.  But honestly?  Apple Bloom stole this chapter from me.  When writing this, I was sorely tempted to go, "Okay, forget Pinkie and Applejack, this is now a story about a little filly who wants to help her family."  Why must you be so darned adorable, Apple Bloom?  Why?  

Damn. That chapter made the feels of my feels sad. I hope AJ and Pinkie work this out.

Dag, yo.

Image: http://th03.deviantart.net/fs71/200H/f/2012/049/b/d/wwwhhhyyy_______by_kawaii4eva-d4q66b5.png

Good story... I can hear Pinkie sobbing...

Maybe this will cheer you guys up

Seriously? Hnnnnggg, right in the feels! I must have more of this, keep the updates coming!

That hurt.

Once again I find myself saying what wonderful work you are doing! Wow, that got some real feels out of me and that is such an accomplishment as a writer so feel great about the quality of work you are putting out! Excellent indeed! I can't wait to see how this unfolds.

Lol so either Rainbow Dash was the one crush Pinkie dated or just happens to know about it.

>>16720871672087 I couldn't resist the chance to make a playful jab at all the Pinkie Dash fans.  

Tomorrow's update is the final chapter.  I'm really hoping it'll provide a satisfying resolution without cheapening the feels in the lead-up.  Thank you to everyone that's been reading, rating, and commenting!  If you spot anything that could be done better, please let me know; I still have a couple days left before the deadline for the contest, and if I can work out any bugs in that time it'll be a blessing!

That's the last of it!  A big thank you to everyone that's stuck around for this.  I hope you enjoyed yourselves while reading, but if you found something you were less than satisfied with, please please please tell me about it!  A writer can't improve if no one tells them what they did wrong.

This was a lot of fun to write (with the exception of a few rough spots before I was really sure where I wanted to take it), and I can't wait to see how it does in TAW's contest.  

That's possibly one of the best endings I've read in a long while. Nicely done.

Other than the sudden decision change on Applejack's part, this ending was perfect. So perfect, that I can mostly ignore the sudden decision and somewhat abrupt ending, If these mistakes could have been avoided and still given the same great ending, then I would actually be slightly annoyed about it. If you don't come in at least 2nd place in TAW's contest I'll chew on my right foot.

>>16772461677246  Please don't injure your foot on my account!  I'm certain there are other writers submitting to the contest that actually know how to properly foreshadow something like Applejack's change of heart so it isn't so out of the blue.  I'd hate to have someone hobbled because I can't leave breadcrumbs!

>>16773571677357

Oh don't worry, I wouldn't gnaw it off. I'd just nibble on it for a few moments, just to acquire the taste.

ApplePie is so rare, this is the first time I've read one. Rarer than twishy or raripie.

>>16803531680353  It's true, and it's such a shame.  You'd think that just the deliciousness of the portmanteau alone would win it more of a following.  I've found a few other ApplePies (one of them is under the Criminally Underrated Stories section on my userpage), but only by digging through old story-lists in various shipping groups.  The best ApplePie I've ever read is in Donny's Boy's vignette compilation Friends and Lovers.  But then, Donny's Boy could ship a three-legged pony with a stick of bubblegum and make it not only work but feel like they were always meant to be together.

Good end! And a most believable, in character one at that. Hooray for stubbornly refusing to take no for an answer.

Okay, maybe not the best lesson, but you know what I mean.

It is not a beautiful story but it is believable story and that is more than half the battle when it comes to shipping, making it believable.

This is actually the first Apple-Pie story i have found that is complete, so i have nothing i can fairly compare it too.

That being said it is good, it is a hard ship, and you do deserve some respect for making it believable.

After your gravely driven home 3rd chapter i sat for a moment to think how could this possibly turn back to a positive ending, i concluded that it could only be done by using Pinkie's Promise against her.

Yes the sudden change was a flaw, but you did point out in story that AJ did not have time to consider her feelings about Pinkie Until After the fight, had you placed a chapter in between that and the final chapter about AJ finally going over her feelings and fighting herself over her actions during that time skipped week that filled the gap, that would have not been an issue even with no early on indications of reciprocated feelings. Keeping a reader wondering is something i appreciate in a story, not all the time mind you, but with stories that aren't very short the emotional buildup and tension makes a story engrossing if done with the right timing.

So not only do i FINALLY find an Apple-Pie story that is complete, it is good to top that, and over the top of that you also point out a few more. For that alone you have my gratitude.

So Thank You for the story and the other Apple-Pie Stories i will now get to read.

If you want me to explain my statements in any further detail just ask and i will once i return from college tomorrow.

>>16859021685902  Thank you for reading, and thank you for taking the time to write out some feedback!  While it's always fun to get comments praising the story, it's immensely rewarding to get one that says "here's what could've been better."  I am happy to know that I have made your first complete ApplePie experience not entirely unpleasant.

Thinking on it, I really do agree with you that a scene of Applejack finally getting a chance to mull over her feelings in the aftermath of the fight would help ease the suddenness of her change in heart.  I may try and write such a scene and edit it in, though I'm not sure I can fit it in before time is up for the contest.  I hadn't really consciously considered it, but you have a good point that Applejack hadn't had a single spare moment to think all the way up to that point.

If you could, could you elaborate on what you meant by "not a beautiful story?"  I'm not offended at all, just curious.  Is the imagery a bit bland?  Do I lean too heavily on a few set words or phrases?  I'm always eager to learn from my mistakes.

I am pleased that I could help you find more Apple Pie, as well, though in fair warning Out of the Blue is on indefinite hiatus and the ApplePie entries in Friends and Lovers are very short.  Sometimes it can be a lonely thing, being an ApplePie fan.  

>>16862591686259

Ok now when i call a story beautiful, i speak in terms of presentation. A beautiful story for me is one that flows effortlessly weaving in new information on top of established facts, choices, and indecisions. Really it is what that style does for me that makes it beautiful and not necessarily the facts or interchange, a beautiful story elicits emotional response almost constantly. It is like flowing with water as it rises and drops carrying you with it without requiring effort from the passenger. This is not to say beautiful must be flawless, a joke here or there is great fun and breaks from the flow can help as well, it is a matter of tension and drawing a reader into the world you make, and getting the reader to willingly let go of their uncaring attitude for a while and to immerse themselves in the story and feel the emotions you write of.

From the start of your story we had the confrontation, Pinkie confessing to AJ. No tension was built so it was a fact, and i as a reader had no emotional tie in other than "well that was sudden". You then progressed into tension and emotional build-up which was good because now i can become invested in the story. You seemed to find your pace in the next chapter and sometimes a rocky start leads to wonderful reading as i have had the pleasure of finding out on several occasions. But yes the flow was interrupted by Aj's sudden change of heart and then progressed into climax in the final chapter with a small amount of buildup (AJ's self realization and desperation) which ended the story well but not beautifully the flow had been interrupted. Despite this you have legitimate in-character emotional exchange which makes the story believable. A beautiful story for me can lack legitimacy and that makes even a beautiful work that ends happily sad for me because i can see that flaw somewhere in the story that makes it unbelievable and therefore i stop fully investing myself in the story and that greatly reduces the amount of emotion that can be elicited by a well done plot or turn of events.

Your imagery is not bland i could visualize the scenes so it was at the least good. (Personally i think it was quite good a 6 on 1-10 for my personal scale with the 7-9 being exponentially greater amounts and 10 is reserved for the absolute best i have read)  You leaned slightly on stubborn in the final part however it would have been Lovely if you had changed the Stubborn aspect in the final bit into Devotion or something else slightly more emotional than stubborn. Such an up note at the end finalizes the sweetness in the ending (But that is simply my opinion).

And it is always nice to meet someone who can take constructive criticism.

>>16887001688700 Thank you for elaborating!  So, it's something of a flow/pacing issue, then.  In an earlier draft, I had Pinkie's flashback that she tells to Fluttershy (in which she wanders around Ponyville and everypony appears to be pairing up) at the very beginning as a regular scene instead of where it is, being told to Fluttershy.  I moved it because it wasn't a very strong hook to start the story with, and also because the scene with Fluttershy felt like it needed to be broken up by something.  Do you think it would have helped the emotional build-up for Pinkie's confession in the beginning if that scene were how the story started?

The repetition of the word "stubborn" at the end was of course intentional.  Stubbornness is a theme I wanted to play around with when writing this story.  I wanted to show how it can be both a virtue and a flaw, sometimes helping ponies and sometimes hurting them.  I'm not sure if any of that really came across, but at the very least I wanted to plug the title one last time in the end.

I've extended the scene as Applejack wakes up from her dream at the beginning of chapter 4.  Hopefully that extra bit of monologue will help smooth out the emotional flow there.  

Thank you for your analysis, your constructive criticisms, and your advice!  Here, take these mustaches, I have too many stockpiled up from the last couple chapters of A Teatime Visit.  

>>17060811706081

Quite possibly, a short preface or something explaining how Pinkie realized her feelings would help get readers into the basic swing of a shipping fic. Dosent need to be a whole chapter or anything, a quick flashback of Pinkie Thinking about when she realized her feelings as she heads out to tell AJ would greatly alleviate the abruptness of the confession and set the tension for the next few scenes.

Ok so you were pointing out your theme, perfectly acceptable like i said it was a only a slight lean at the end.

An extension ehh, well i am going to have to reread the whole thing now. Ohh darn...

And i am glad i could help out, always glad to help when i can. Thanks for the 'staches first time i have actually gotten that particular reward.

I thought pinkie had a dream and all this time applejack and pinkie were going out. It was a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream. I really liked the ending too, you didn't stop after their first date.

Heh, I found this description of the story accompanying a link here:

  "Applejack, I love you."

"I don't feel the same way, Pinkie."

  "...Challenge accepted."

It made me laugh.

aww that ending just

This story is really excellent--this chapter especially so!

You've really got a great drama goin on between the two of them, and I'm loving the way nether of them is obviously in the right or the wrong, and you can totally empathise with both of them so well!

The pacing is excellent, and it's a great read. Also, the dialogue is bang on! Very sharp!

Also... that's probably the best drunk Pinkie I can remember reading...

I'm scratchin my head as to things you could do better... but I'm havin trouble thinking of anything while being so pleasantly thrilled at how awesome it is...

Stoked for the last chapter! (sad that's all there is... )

That was stellar! Seriously, blew me away with the ending!

Honestly, I was expecting a bit of a cop out ending when AJ was all like, 'okay, yeah, I love her...' (Though having the dream turn out to actually be AJ's was spectacular!). But then, yeah. That scene in the dentist's? That was fantastic. That's how you do a memorable scene, all right!

Such good stuff, and a really a surprisingly realistic ending from what my expectations were, or something!

Really loved this story. You should be super proud of it, it's an absolute gem!

I'm a big fan of yours now!

>>17468451746845  You know, I think I really like you as a reader, because you have just pointed out every one of the things I'm proudest of in the story.  Seriously, you have no idea how much I'm grinning like an idiot here, my ego swelling like a balloon while I go, Y'know, they're right.  Having the romantic climax take place at the dentist's was a good idea!  And I do write a darn fine drunk Pinkie!

May I be a big fan of yours back?  Please?

So I just got done with this fic and I was going to add a comment about pacing and how some parts seemed to move by a little too quickly but it seems like silveredchaos beat me to pointing out any flaws this story has.

Which is great, because now I can just talk about how much I love it. First, a couple quotes:

when Pinkie Pie got home to Sugarcube Corner, she laughed.  The Cakes thought it sounded like crying, but what did they know?  They weren't the Element of Laughter.  Pinkie shut herself in her room so she could laugh by herself.  She laughed hard.  She laughed until her voice cracked and her eyes were red and puffy.  She hugged Gummy tightly and laughed loudly into her pillow.  Pinkie laughed herself to sleep that night.

This passage hit me right in the feels. It's such a perfect way to describe the way Pinkie deals with sadness, even if it's unhealthy and destructive. That she tries to giggle at the ghostie so hard she has to lie to herself is heart-wrenching, and you wrote it better than I could have.

Also,

Honesty was not a nice virtue.  Honesty tore down dreams and stomped on hearts.  It was the rising tide that toppled sand castles little foals had spent all day building.  Not for the first time, Applejack wished she were able to pretend the truth was something other than it was.

This is what I've been saying about Applejack, that she has the most difficult element to deal with. She can't tell a lie even if she wants to, and that in and of itself can be destructive to her relationships.

So yeah. There were some rocky bits; some flaws. Pacing was a bit odd in some places, but it's hard not to forgive that when you do such a great job of characterizing each player in the story, and giving insight into their romantically-unlucky minds.

But more than anything, this fic made me really angry.

I mean, come on. This is a finished shiny fic that's very well done, and it's been out for nearly a month. 55 favs and 1100 views, are you kidding me?

When my shitty incomplete fic (IN THE ROMANCE TAG JUST LIKE THIS ONE) can accumulate ten times that? Fimfiction, I am disappoint. It makes me legitimately angry that fics like this one don't get response like that. I'm sharing this fic on my podcast, on The Daily Oat, on my blog, and to all my friends because jesus h. tapdancing christ if people can put up with mine, then they'd better be ready and willing to give this one a shot.

Nice Job, somepony else Esle Ynopemos.

I cried. Three times.

Cyrilmusic brought me here. I added to my "to-read-list" but it wins inmediate awesome points for being an ApplePie ship fic. There´s almost zero of this ship and its one of my favourites. Now, to read!

>>17719711771971  Thank you for reading, and for your comment.  I am pleased to see that I wrote at least two quotable things, and even after a month of nobody calling me out and saying "Hey, that's not how Pinkie acts!" it's still a relief and a surprise to me when I get compliments on my characterization in this.  Pinkie Pie is very difficult to write in character for, and considering she isn't really my favorite pony from the get go, it blows my horseshoes off to find that people not only found my characterization of her tolerable, but they actually feel I did a good job on her.

The "Honesty is not a nice virtue" quote was actually the first line I wrote when I was coming up with this, before I had decided it was going to involve Pinkie, or even be a romance at all.  I had an idea to come up with a situation in which Applejack didn't want to tell the truth, but knew she had to.  The rest sorta built around that.

I would like to blame the pacing issues on the fact that I was writing this under a deadline, but the truth is that I consistently have problems with my pacing.  I frequently seem to be blind to which points in the plot are safe to gloss over and which need to be elaborated and expanded upon.  A few good prereaders would probably be very beneficial in regards to this, but that would require me to take the effort to go out there and meet new people, and that's haa--ard!

Part of the low view-count for this fic has to do with a miserably-timed launch (Or at least that's what I tell myself at night).  It quietly shuffled in and out of the queue in the early morning hours of Thanksgiving, ensuring that there would be practically nobody online to see it while it was still on the front page.  In my experience, if a fic doesn't manage to make the Featured Box before it slips off the front page, it's going to have a hard time ever breaking 100 likes.  It's not really a matter of readers' tastes, just site mechanics.  There's this box at the top that readers know has stories that aren't full of spelling/grammar mistakes or squick, so they're naturally going to give those a chance before they risk giving something on the front page with only 30 views a chance.  Yes, it can be unfair, and you're welcome to be upset about it if you want, but until I can think of a better system, my policy is to shrug it off and keep writing.

Thank you for your kind words, and your efforts to give my fic more publicity.  I appreciate it, and I'm glad I could give you at least three feels.

Hey, what's this?

>somepony else

They're on to me...

Shoot, I think the new website ate Chapter 3...  I'll have it back up when I know how to fix it.

EDIT:  Okay, I think I have it back up now.  I guess I should have known better than to try messing with things in the first few hours after a major overhaul like that.  Let me know if you run into any more bugs in the story.

Gonna save most comments till I finish. Just wanted to say that using fan-slang is always kinda a  jarring moment. Specifically "plot". It really killed the momentum. You built it back up shortly enough, but it was a bit like the literary equivalent of stubbing my toe.

Nothing's wrong with rear, rump, dock, tail, thighs, or other terms like that.

Well, I just have to say that I'm glad I pulled this one to read first. ApplePie is a very hard ship to conceptualize, at least for me. I've tried a few times and can never really get it to work for me. I like this quite a bit. You did do a good job on Pinkie. She's both extremely easy and extremely hard to pull off. You nailed the "random" that isn't really random aspect without over-explaining it. I've seen both directions fail before.

>>17730581773058

I do hate to tell you, Applejack x Not-Rainbow Dash or Rarity just doesn't get many views. A lot of people don't want something new. Your timing does suck too. I really dislike how hard it is for good stuff to be found. If this had not been entered into TAWs contest, I doubt I would have found it.

FWIW, the only real "pacing" issues I had was around AJ's revelation. Some more thoughts there would help. I'd do something along the lines of "I don't love her. I just like it when..." passages. And then your conclusion. It's not "bad" by any stretch of the imagination. It's just not "perfect". But I know how that feeling goes so much.

>>17719711771971

That first passage hurt. Oh man, did it. And not in that faux sadfic way. I genuinely empathized there. It's not just the visuals, in fact that's a bit standard. It's the personality and the Pinkie twist added to it that make it hurt.

>>17810261781026  Kits doesn't think my story sucks.  Day = made.

You make a good point about the less common pairings.  Apple Pie directly contradicts some of the most popular pairings in the fandom.  If it could somehow go against Flutterdash and Twidash as well, it could make ninety percent of the site scream, "Noo, my OTP!!"  Personally, I don't understand the attitude of not wanting to read a story if it goes against your favorite pairing, but then, I live by the words at the top of the Shipping group page:  Every ship is best ship.  (Just had a look, and it doesn't say that anymore. So I guess I live by the words that used to be at the top of the Shipping group page.)

I dunno.  Maybe I'll give in and write something for that AppleDash contest, see how I can do with a more common pairing.  On the other hoof, I kinda like having one of the twelve best-written fics in the [Applejack x Pinkie] folder of the shipping group.

I agree that your Pinkie characterization is pretty solid. Her dialogue is believable, and I especially like that she's intelligent. A lot of authors over-emphasize how random or naive she can be, and she comes across as stupid. Which is not the case at all, obviously. Making her aware that her 'relationship' with Appleack was all in her head was a very good move, and saved this from being just another 'Pinkie gets rejected and is depressed' fic. She knew going in that her first attempt would fail, and is prepared to press on anyway out of optimism. That's definitely Pinkie.

Another good chapter. You're still doing a very solid job with the characterization, especially considering how little interaction these two get in the show. As you said, that's probably why this isn't a popular ship: there's just not much canon material to work with. I personally also doubt that AJ could put up with Pinkie's weirdness on a constant basis. But this story is a pretty good argument in the ship's favor, so far. I had forgotten Pinkie's foalhood on the rock farm, so maybe they'd get each other more than I'd thought.

And Applejack 'dating' Fancy Pants as a kid... that's awesome. I'm still chuckling at that. Rarity would flat-out die if she ever found out.

>>17887161788716  If I ever get the time, I think I'd like to write a short side-story about young AJ and Fancois.

I really enjoyed this story. The "*-*-*Pinkie*-*-*" and other headings like that were a little annoying at first, but I got used to it by the end.

>>17944901794490  I first wanted to do just a simple *-*-* and color code it based on whose POV it was, but the pink was too faint, it didn't show up very well.  I know there are ways to get other colors than what is available in the drop down on the toolbar, but alas, my code-fu is weak.  Also, I don't know what color I would have used for Mrs. Cake's scene.

Dammit, Appleack. Using the Pinkie Promise against her was really low. But Pinkie has kind of earned it...

Well, the HMS ApplePie has sailed into a hurricane. It'll be interesting to see how (if?) it gets out in one piece.

A pretty good ending. The only issue I had was the suddenness of Appleack's revelation. More foreshadowing, or maybe another short chapter building her towards it might've helped that out, but what you have works well enough considering you were dealing with a deadline.

Otherwise, I really liked this chapter. Having the climax take place in poor Colgate's office was a stroke of genius. The whole "I can't even rebound right!" scene and Colgate's reaction were some of my favorite parts of the story.

>>17948551794855 That seems to be unanimously agreed to be the weakest part of the story.  I should take another look at this at some point and see how I can foreshadow or build into it better.

Glad you liked the dentist scene.  I was hoping I made Colgate likeable enough.

>>16687381668738  I realize it's been quite a while, but I found the link to that DA gallery full of ApplePie.  (Link)

>>17824781782478

I want to correct one thing:

Kits doesn't think my story sucks.

It's not a matter of not thinking it sucks. It's in that small list of fics I tell people to go read.

I love it.

The viewcount's a travesty I'm going to attempt to correct. Not just for you, but because people should read this. If more people even strove (strived?) to write these kinds of stories, I would be less bitter and like more stuff.

lol, 69th Like ftw.

>>18014551801455

IM HERE BECAUSE OF THIS

After coming here on Kits recommendation, I was not disappointed. This is well written, having believable scenes and dialogue. All in all I am adding this to my favourites and you can't stop me.

The feels are strong with this one.

At Kits' behest, I gave this story a read. It was pretty good. You managed to pull off an unusual paring quite nicely. However, I almost feel as if the story would've been better had Applejack not 180'd there at the end, and instead ended with a life lesson fir both AJ and Pinkie. But then it wouldn't have been an ApplePie ship, which defeats the ultimate purpose of the story as I understand it.

Not my favorite story ever (not because of the nature of the pairing, rather the dynamics and ending), it was still well worth the read, and I'm glad I spent the time.

>>18029061802906  That was a possible ending that I had considered while writing this.  After all, I do spend about 75% of the story basically running down the list of reasons why they wouldn't work.  In the end, I decided they should end up together because a.) one of the conditions of TAW's contest was that they end up together, b.) I didn't really want to add a [Sad] tag to this, and c.) there's something a bit romantic about the whole "These are all the reasons I shouldn't love you, and this is why I don't care about any of them." sort of thing.

I would like to one day write something about how two friends could get over a romantic rejection and go back to being friends, but that will have to wait for a different story, I think.

Thank you for reading!

>>18030021803002 I understand. I forgot that this was a contest entry with such stipulations. It was great nonetheless.

And you're quite welcome.

>>18030021803002

I would like to one day write something about how two friends could get over a romantic rejection and go back to being friends, but that will have to wait for a different story, I think.

I Do was originally going to be a breakdown of Dash and AJ trying to date because they think they slept together and it not working, It was going to end with a "can we be friends again? We had fun when we were friends." type thing. But yeah, I'm not sure I feel like doing the heartache just to reestablish status quo

I should stop reading other peoples work when I'm writing a story. It makes me feel inadequate.

Guuuh.

Congrats, just saw this featured on Equestria Daily.

Added to read later, definitely worth reading when I get the chance

>>18156241815624  Don't let anything discourage you.  It doesn't take any magical special talent to write a good story, just the will to keep working on it until it comes out right, and the willingness to seek help from others when you need it.

>>18156411815641  Thanks!  Your suggestions helped, I think.

>>18157591815759

I Would be ecstatic if that were the case, but my part is simply helping, as compared to the actual creation of the story and working it's fix into words. Still, i am happy to have helped.

A Whole part just for this story, i can only hope you are smiling as much as i am.

Applejack's dreams returning the feelings seemed really out of place.  The first three chapters felt excellent and believable, but the last one just felt forced to make the pairing work.  

Liked the story, just felt the last part could've been done more naturally, since Applejack's mysterious feeling for Pinkie didn't appear until this chapter.  

Hey, if you all like Apple Pie, you should totally join the group!

First, to get all the fluff out of the way; I loved it to bits. I haven't read any other ApplePie, and I both feel convinced I never want to again (because I doubt this one will be topped, but damned if I won't try one day), and at the same time, I really want to, because you highlighted one wonderful dynamic, one lovely angle, and I want to see more.

Damn that's a convoluted sentence/paragraph. More praise: I love the interpretation of Pinkie Pie. Pinkie herself is wonderfully herself, which is either a huge compliment (she's hard to write) or not (she's easy to write), but more than that, the angle of her as pushy in this manner? Inconsiderate in her own adorable, heartbreaking way?

I-damn. I don't even know what to say. Absolutely amazing. My heart kind of clenched right now just thinking about it, and it's been a few days since I read this now. Bravo.

You used a rewind, played the same scene twice from different viewpoints - something people are and should be wary of - and did it to perfection. Congratulations. Basically, the fic did that thing that lets me know the author is doing an absolutely amazing job; you made me fall in love with the ponies you write, alongside them. I can't think of higher praise than that.

If I were to try to be critical, try to be constructive, well, I've very little ammunition. Plenty of people have listed AJ's turnaround as the fic's weakest point, and I can't say I disagree; it was the one point where I actually managed to stop, pause and say "hey, maybe the author is a human/pony/other thing that is not a robot designed to write a fic perfectly tailored to me."

That's really about it. Problem is, the fic does so many wonderful things with all that it doesn't tell us, and most of that info-drought is from AJ's side. On one hoof, that makes it amazing. Having us have the same revelation as AJ is great, but it would be that much greater if we saw more tells. We don't need AJ to be privy to what's happening up in her noggin. I like the way everything happens from AJ's PoV atm, but if you could make the reader draw the lines before she does, I think this would be absolutely amazing.

Another thing I kind of scratched my head at was Applebuck season. Let me pause and go back here for a sec and amend myself; these are questions, these are I-would-have-done-differently's, but it's hardly critique. This doesn't have the potential to be amazing. It is amazing, and easily one of the best fics I've read in recent memory, but I can't help but feel like you cheated yourself out of so much potential by speeding past the harvest itself. You had complete control over Pinkie and AJ's reactions, and an infinite/variable time to set up for their next crucial interaction. I can't tell you what exactly I'd have done with that time, but it's a gold mine.

But nope. In short, the characterizations were amazing, the plot was superb, the execution nigh-flawless, and I'm running out of praise so I'mma just go over here and weep in a corner kk.

(No wait! Okay, using the word "plot" for posterior when the rest of the fic had such lovely setting-appropriate language! Ha! I did have clean, simple critique! I win!)

ow

>>18167591816759  I am going to squee for a moment.  I do apologize for this.

Omigosh, omigosh, Cloudy likes my fic! The author of Where Earth Meets Sky and Lost and Found and all of that awesome stuff he wrote likes my fic! He's gushing about it in the comments and he's following me! Aaaaaaa!!!

Ahem. I think that's out of my system for now.  For now.

I've said it before, but I am thrilled and bewildered that people like my interpretation of Pinkie Pie. I find her very difficult to read or identify with, and her scenes in this were the hardest for me to write. At several points I was worried I was doing little more than writing "Applejack is best pony" over and over again for forty pages. I had to continually revise myself to make Pinkie more sympathetic, and it makes me absolutely elated to find that those efforts bore fruit.

I think that perhaps part of the reason AJ's turnaround feels so sudden is that before this, my most popular story, A Teatime Visit (actually, it still is my most popular story, though I think SaP is written better), relied heavily on the element of surprise. I've developed a habit of hoarding information away from my readers until the Big Reveal, which works great for a short comedy about a time-travel prank, but is not quite as good when I'm supposed to be telling a story about two ponies falling in love.

You are right that there was a bit of missed potential in the apple harvest.  If I had known TAW was going to extend the deadline of the contest by another week, and if that extra week had not been finals week for me, I might have written another scene in there, possibly relieving some pressure on the emotional hairpin curve between the end of chapter 3 and the beginning of chapter 4.  As it was, I was counting the days before the deadline and trying to calculate how many words per day I would need to make it, so I scrapped any plans I had for a scene between AJ and Pinkie during the harvest.

Okay, fine, you and kits win, I'll go and change the "plot" thing.  There's just no pleasing some folks, is there?

This isn't my first fic, but it is my first real shipfic (the shipteasing in my comedies doesn't really count), and to get this kind of response to it--especially after a fairly ho-hum launch--is a great honor.  Thank you, Cloudy Skies, and thank you everyone that has come to read and enjoy this story. You are all awesome!

>>18184961818496 Yeah... That chapter gets that reaction a lot.

This story is a perfect example of how important cover art is to appeal to the reader. It looks awesome, has a good description that really picks my interest and got recommended by taw. But even with all this, i see tha cover image and instantly think "nope, bad picture, bad story". This is not to offend anyone, but that picture is just creepy to look at, and had it not been for taw i have no doubt about me not even giving this story a second chance.

Nonetheless, i will read this and i do expect it to be good and really worth my time once i do.

Thank you, Esle Ynopemos, for a nice story.  I've been reading a LOT of stories on here, and they've been gut-wrenching (in a good way).  I like your story because it tugs a little more gently at my heartstrings, which I consider to mean that the musician is a little more skilled.  You got the same result, without resorting to pulling as many strings as quickly as you can.  It doesn't seem fair to the other authors I've read to make that comparison, but I have to give credit where it's due.  I'm also liking the ApplePie ship, it seems a little more interesting, due to AJ and PP's seeming polar opposite personalities, but you make it work nicely.  And you get another plus for pulling off a ship without clopping off into other territory.  I don't have a problem with that, I even like reading those sometimes, but it's nice to have some cake without having to get all messy from eating it.

>>18255911825591 Thank you. You have a strange knack for metaphor in your comments.

>>18253231825323 That cover image really is not my best work. Thank you for being frank about that. I think maybe I ought to change it out for my picture of the two of them fishing. It isn't quite as relevant to the tone of the story, but a bit better drawn. I hope you enjoy the story!

EDIT: There. It's too late to call back anyone who was scared off by the original image, but at least I can feel better looking at it.

This is a wonderful story, and I really enjoyed reading it--even if I had to pause every so often to wince and mentally chant, "NO PINK PONY STOP NO DON'T DO THAT PINK PONY."

Actually, that's one of the things I liked best, your portrayal of Pinkie Pie. She's pushy, clingy, desperate, absolutely exasperating--just as she so often is in the show--and yet even as I cringed frequently at her mistakes, I never lost sympathy for her. Pulling that off takes some finesse, and I tip my hat to you. Likewise, Applejack could easily have come across as the villain, for being "mean" and rejecting Pinkie's love, but I found her incredibly sympathetic as well. Her efforts to preserve her friendship with Pinkie despite not returning Pinkie's feelings were a mixture of kindness and honesty that felt very true to Applejack.

Other specific bits I liked were Pinkie's reason for liking Applejack (her special smile) and the running repetition of "Applejack doesn't love me. Chimmycherrychanga. Applejack doesn't love me." as Pinkie's heartbreaking effort to hold the bad feelings at bay. Applejack's confession in the dentist's office, with Pinkie's anesthesia-mangled dialogue, was a very nice and very funny subversion of romantic tropes, and yet the scene still exuded sincerity and warmth.

Like a few others, I felt that Applejack's realization that she does, in fact, love Pinkie could have used some more explanation, build-up, etc., but that's a fairly minor complaint. This is some very nice Pinkie and Applejack shipping. Thank you for writing and for posting.

Edit: Oh, hey! The cover image changed from the time I started reading to the time I finished writing this comment. The new cover image looks very nice, and I hope that helps this story get more readers, as it certainly deserves them.

Oooh!  I didn't have a problem with the old pic, but the new one?  Awesome!

First kits, then Cloudy, TAW herself, and now >>18258361825836. My collection of all my FimFiction shipping heroes is complete. Bring on the Mayan apocalypse, I've got what I wanted from life.

Seriously, though, thank you. The way you write Pinkie in your stories, it means a lot to hear you compliment her characterization. Thank you for reading, and for sharing your thoughts, and, if I'm being completely honest here, thank you for your stories, which were no small part of the inspiration for this. I am beyond pleased that you liked my story.

>>18259321825932 I really should have just used that pic from the start. I don't really know why I thought the other one was a good idea.

I've always wondered what ApplePie would be like, but now that I have tasted it I know the truth. It is delicate, beautiful with a touch of spice. Truth be told, a lot of the beauty comes from how it is presented and I can confidently say this is probably the wonderful way I could have experienced it. I know you've received far greater accolades from great personages. But still. Thank you for writing this.

I'm pretty sure I'm the only one here that hopes things don't work out for pinkie

Giant tooth building?... I like it!

Because of the horde of comments and lack of time, I'm not sure what other people's reviews are, but I'm here to give my two bits anyway.

Might I first say that, although not being a homo shipper, this story was wonderful. Despite my own opinions on what I ship, the character interaction and relationship was glorious. I particularly love how you have presented Pinkie Pie-- intelligent, with real emotions and the ability to be inbetween extremes and reasonable. As is a usual problem for my favorite characters (the comedy reliefs with more to them), they are often depicted as stupid or in terrible cases, soulless.

It was great to see you still apply Pinkie's optimism during dark situations as well, as many people immediately jump to "insane Pinkie" when something bad happens to her. I love how you tastefully used this to the story's advantage without pushing it too far.

However, despite the pleasant surprise there, I didn't come here for Pinkie. I came for my favorite pony, Applejack. (who sadly isn't shipped much unless it's with Rainbow Dash or Rarity, which is why I read all interesting, different AJ ship fics I can.

Unfortunately, I can't give as well of a praise for Applejack.

While I have read enlightening, fresh depictions of Applejack, unfortunately most fics (even great ones such as this) show Applejack as a pony I frankly don't know. It seems as though the fandom has adopted a false personality for Applejack during the break in which I was gone, which is really a shame. It's not hard to see why she's the least favorite pony when shown so negatively. I've always seen her through different eyes because, while I've been paying her particular attention every episode, neither the show nor fandom paid her much attention until recently. I was curious as to what other bronies though of her, and while many pleasant surprises were strewn along the path, most were sad to see.

Applejack is shown in the fandom as a rude, irrational brute who's patience wears thin and generally hates somepony when they mess up just a little and fall on the other side of this supposedly small fence. She's shown as holding grudges over love confessions and insults alike. And "honestly", it's getting frustrating and old.

Applejack is shown in the show as courteous, patient, generous and quick only to forgive. She was the first to tell Twilight she could keep the tickets despite her completely noble cause, which might have been a mistake logically but was generously courteous. Constantly she is shown as not making a big deal out of other ponies' mental breakdowns and forgiving and forgetting.

More than this, while Applejack is certainly not afraid to get her hooves dirty for the sake of work, fun, or even chivalry, I see Applejack as graceful. Okay, maybe she's not into wearing frilly dresses and artificially improving her appearance, but she doesn't have to be. Whether people like it or not, they can't make Applejack not be who she is: a sunshine-colored miniature female pony with a high voice and cute accent. When I say we should treat her like a female, I do not mean sexualizing her and putting her into fishnet stockings. I mean she's cute and graceful and pretty. Yes, she's got hearty qualities such as honor, strength, and of course honesty, but it balances out her small stature and cute voice. Perhaps I am simply sensitive as I am from the South and have aspirations to be a farmer and therefore am grouped as fiery, stubborn and rude when I'm really not.

As a common character practice, I tell myself to imagine the defining traits of my character as being what brings other people or ponies carrying the same defining traits into a group. Let's say with Fluttershy, we bring all the shy, quiet, cute ponies together. Next, I imagine what secondary trait would cause the character to differ from the others in this group. Perhaps Fluttershy is more caring than the other cute, quiet, shy ponies while another pony in this group could care less about other ponies.

Another example would be if there were a few groups: Nerds, Jocks, Cheerleaders and idk, Emos. All the Jocks are brought together, and now a secondary group is needed to define them. There may be a nerdy Jock, or an emo Jock (if those exist?). If all Nerds were together, there might be emo Nerds or cheerleader Nerds. People always seem to rise up and fill these traits. For instance, when I'm with my friends of all different character, I rise up and become the "Class Clown". That's my defining trait. But let's say I go to Clown college. I can't be the Class Clown here, because everyone else is. Instead, I might rise up the artist. If I were in Clown Artist college, I might rise up as the geek. The list could go on and on and I've rambled far too long.

My point is that if all the Southern farmer honest hearty ponies came together, I don't think Applejack's second defining trait would rise up to be "brute" or "rude". In fact, if you ask me, I think she'd rise up as a little too gentle and courteous for other southern farmer ponies' tastes. I also think she'd be more modern, "awesome" in the way Rainbow Dash is, and fun, but that's another story.

Okay, advice for characterization and future Applejack depictions is OVER.

Needless to say, I LOVED this story. It's great to see Applejack shipped, and you did a wonderful job with Pinkie Pie. Hope my "honest" critique helped, and I hope to see stories either as great as this or better than this and improved upon from you! This fic is awesome as it is, congrats on your skills.

>>18280141828014 Your compliment is still heartfelt and meaningful. Thank you for reading.

>>18292851829285 Thank you for being honest with me. I really do appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. Criticism is always welcome here.

Unfortunately, I don't think I can see where you are coming from with regards to Applejack's characterization. Almost nothing she does in the story is really all that blunt or rude (okay, perhaps barging into the dentist's instead of waiting for her to finish was a bit inconsiderate). When she first turned Pinkie down, it wasn't a matter of "I am gruff farmer, and I hate fun, rah!", she thought she was sparing Pinkie from greater heartbreak down the line when it didn't work out. Applejack spent the entire story trying to maintain a delicate balance of continuing to keep Pinkie as a friend without leading her on. When she finally snapped at Pinkie toward the end of the third chapter, it was because Pinkie had crossed the line.

I agree with you that too many writers portray Applejack as a bit too one-dimensional. Between you and me, she's my favorite pony, too. But, at the risk of sounding like an entitled jerk, I feel like I managed to show Applejack's gentle side nicely enough in this story. I am sorry you disagree, and I would like it if you pointed out where you felt she was being flanderized the most.

I am glad that despite this, you still found the story itself to your liking. I hope you have a wonderful day!

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/65006/stubborn-as-ponies#comment/1829285 now let me say this, I have read plenty of stories about Applejack, she is my second favorite, and I don't see this portrayal of her character you speak of anywhere, However, I see her as a stubborn but understanding and levelheaded pony who is set deep in her traditions and family. A lot of stories out there have the characters act differently, and I enjoy seeing others' ideas of a characters, well, character. But this one collective idea of her being a "brute,"? I don't see it. Especially not in this story.

I just want to thank you for writing this fic. Applepie seemed like such on odd ship to me going into this, but darn it if you didn't convince me. PinkieDash is my favorite ship so I have a very hard time giving any other pairing with those two a chance, but I'm so glad I did. Again, thank you.

>>18297881829788 I'm glad you gave it a shot, as well. PinkieDash is an all right ship; I've seen some people do pretty neat things with it, and I find it more bearable than... well, most other Rainbow Dash pairings.

But ApplePie is still clearly superior.

Hmm. I don't think I like the ending. Applejack is a total scumbag to go begging for a chance after that brutal smackdown of a breakup in chapter 3.

I'm kind of reminded of Romance Reports where *spoiler* Twi ends up with Celestia instead of Luna or Cheerilee. They're just better off seeing different people. ApplePie just isn't my OTP, I guess.

That said, great story. You captured the characters brilliantly, plot was good, etc. I'll just ignore chapter 4 and make up a different ending for my headcannon.

One of the better shipping fics I've read, you did a really good job on this! So many feels...

>>18295071829507

Hmm, yes, I agree that in the middle of the night I was perhaps a bit insane when it came to my review, but there were still parts in the story where Applejack would yell and slam the ground. However, for the most part she was very sensible. I'm not sure quite what is was that threw me off like that...maybe it was the slap, which I found a little harsh, or the "making Pinkie promise to find someone else". While yes, I can see Applejack reacting the way she did in such a situation, I guess I was disappointed the story started to set up those situations.

Usually I find myself shipping more peaceful, confused relationships, which is why my review might have been biased. Or perhaps it is again that I have seen too much of it already. As I said, the story was wonderful-- I greatly enjoyed Pinkie's "coming on to" and Applejack's realization turn in the story, and I see any sensible pony acting as frustrated as Applejack did.

I suppose my frustration was not portrayal, but forcing the character into these heart-wrenching situations. I can love a character until they are forced into jealousy or frustration, even if it is justified. I know the story is meant to be realistic (hence the "their relationship wasn't perfect" bit at the end), but maybe I'm just too used to a happy show about ponies. There's a certain magic of the show of love and tolerance, and a little bright-colored joy splashed into it where everything works out, that made it hard to see the ponies in such a sad, frustrating situation.

While it makes for a great story of the struggles of ApplePie, I guess it didn't "set the shipping mood" for me.

Maybe I'm crazy, people aren't agreeing. Feel free to disregard what I'm saying here, I'm just giving my always-alienated view on things here.

>>18308061830806 Aha. I can definitely sympathize with you about wanting a story with less heartbreak. Sometimes, I'm just not in the mood for tears and drama, either.

Fortunately, there are lots of different types of stories out there to fit whatever mood you happen to have. If you're in the mood for light and fluffy, Donny's Boy recently put together a lovely list of stories that fit the bill quite nicely. You could also keep an eye out for the TwiShy I am in the process of writing, called The Wendersnaven. I can guarantee you that one won't be quite as heavy as this.

Thank you as ever for sharing your viewpoint.

>>18304051830405 Any comparison to Romance Reports, even its flaws, is far greater praise than I deserve.

I didn't make as big a deal of it as perhaps I should have, but Applejack herself recognized that she didn't deserve to get Pinkie after what she said to her at the party. I am actually glad that you picked up on the unfairness there, rather than blindly going "But they're in the character tags, that means they have to be together!" The point to the ending--at least in my mind, anyone that reads is free to come to their own conclusions--is that love isn't about what anyone deserves. Applejack went to Pinkie, not because she thought she had a chance, nor because she felt it was right, but because she was in love.

If you need a recommendation for alternate headcannon, one potential ending I had considered while writing this was that Applejack turned away from the door to the dentist's, and Pinkie ended up dating Dr. Minuette.

Thank you for reading and leaving feedback!