Smile, Smile, Smile!
They were surrounded by waves. Puffy green waves made of leaves, full of juicy red apples. The two mares sat, orange and pink, on a grassy island surrounded by a sea of apple trees. The sun blazed overhead in a brilliant array of colors, seeming to overtake the entirety of the sky.
It's just a dream, she told herself, it isn't real.
The mares rested on their island in silence, watching the colors dance on the horizon. The barn floated past them like a rudderless ship, aimlessly drifting on the green tide. An apple bobbed and washed up on their shore, resting in the grass halfway between Pinkie and Applejack. Pinkie reached a hoof out to grab the fruit, but her eyes shot to Applejack and she retracted her hoof, leaving the apple to lay untouched. A flock of rainbow-plumed birds passed overhead, squawking and cawing.
It's just a dream.
“It's just a dream,” echoed Pinkie. She turned to face the other mare. “None of it is real.”
Applejack merely grunted in reply, her eyes fixed on some distant point on the horizon. A rooster emerged from the drifting barn and climbed to the top of the roof. He donned a triangular hat and began spinning the weather vane like it was a ship's helm. Slowly the structure began to change course.
Pinkie continued to stare at Applejack. “So, if none of this is real, how come you still can't love me even here?”
Orange lips moved, but no sound came from them.
Pinkie swiveled her ears. “Say it again,” she said.
“I do love ya.” The apple between them tipped and rolled over to Applejack's hooves. She blinked, and her eyes lowered to the fruit below her. “Maybe I have all the way from the start an' jus' didn't see it, I don't know.” She remained looking at the apple, as though she were speaking to it and not Pinkie. “The truth is, I see it now. I love you, Pinkie Pie.”
Pinkie Pie adopted a surprised look. However, it seemed like a well-practiced expression, like a part in a play she had rehearsed over and over again. “You love me? But why did you never tell me?”
It's just a dream. It isn't real.
Out across the leafy waves, Gummy emerged from the barn, wearing an eyepatch and holding a saber in his toothless maw. The rooster squawked and let the weather vane go, sending the barn drifting out of control once again.
Applejack lifted the apple off the grass, turning it over in her hooves. “Maybe I...” She took a bite of the fruit. A crunching noise echoed from far off. The entire dream was suffused with the flavor of apples. “Maybe I was afraid. Afraid of bein' wrong, or afraid that jus' bein' in love wouldn't be enough. Afraid of us both gettin' hurt exactly like we did anyway.” She blinked in confusion as she found tears tumbling down both cheeks.
Pinkie moved forward and gently wrapped her hooves around Applejack. “It's okay to be scared,” she whispered soothingly. “You know what to do when you're afraid, don't you, Applejack?”
Applejack sniffed and shook her head. “What?”
The pink mare stared directly into Applejack's green eyes. She took the apple from her and took a small bite. Pinkie's mane bounced as a soft snort pushed its way out of her muzzle. “Hee,” she snickered, a joyful grin spreading across her face.
Applejack looked on, perplexed, until a chuckle built its way up in her own throat. “Ha, ha-ha, ha...” The two mares' laughter built into a crescendo, sending them rolling on their tiny island in fits of giggles. They pointed and burst into raucous guffaws as they watched Gummy and the rooster chase each other around the barn roof in some kind of high seas swordfight. They gasped for breath as each mare made funny faces at the other. Applejack pounded the ground and begged for mercy as Pinkie dove into the leafy sea and came up with an apple stuffed in each cheek.
It's just a dream. It isn't real... But it is kinda nice.
Pink lips pressed against orange lips. They were just as soft, just as sweet as she remembered them being. The laughter died down as a pair of green eyes locked with a pair of crystal blue. This time, Applejack kept smiling. Pinkie grinned back and the two peppered each other with kisses and giggles, basking in the bright sun on their island in the apple sea.
…
Applejack let out a sharp gasp as she shot out of bed. Cold sweat pasted her mane to her brow as she sat bolt upright. She sucked air into her lungs and fought to bring her racing pulse under control. She squinted at the window to the side of her bed. The moon still hung high in the night sky.
Applejack buried her face in her pillow and groaned. Every night for the past week now, ever since the end of applebuck season, she'd had the same dream. She wanted to believe that it was just all the stress and her trouble with Pinkie manifesting itself in her subconscious. It couldn't possibly mean what she thought. Right?
The chirping crickets outside gave her no answers. This is plum silly, she thought silently, propping herself up in her bed. She grimaced as she noticed she had once again forgotten to take her hair ties out before bedtime. Applejack tugged on the red bands with her teeth. I meant what I said ta Pinkie. I wouldn't tell her no lies, not about this kinda thing.
She had not seen Pinkie since that fateful night. She'd half expected the pink pony to show up at her farm the very next day, grinning like nothing had happened and begging to drag her off on some new adventure that was surely not another thinly veiled date. Perhaps a training run to prepare for the Running of the Leaves. Or maybe she would offer to help set up for the coming cider season.
Applejack caught herself smiling as she imagined all the non-dates Pinkie might try. She put double effort into keeping the corners of her mouth in check. Pinkie hadn't come the day after the party. Or the day after that. Pinkie had finally listened to her, and she wouldn't be having any more of this nonsense. That was what Applejack wanted, right?
Then why do I feel as rotten as a mug of Flim an' Flam's cider? Pinkie hadn't come by the farm this week, but neither had Applejack visited the bakery. She had plenty of excuses not to, of course. With the harvest in, there was plenty left to be done with the inventory, preparing and selling the new zap-apple jam, and getting the cider press working.
But Applejack did not abide self-deception. Excuses were just that, excuses. She was more than able to leave that stuff in her family's hooves for a while and head into town. As if she needed more evidence she was avoiding Pinkie, she had sent Apple Bloom to take Winnona to the weekly pet playdate she usually shared with her friends, just to avoid running into Pinkie. The truth was, Applejack was afraid to talk to her again. She was afraid of looking her in the eye and seeing how much damage had been done to their friendship.
It's okay to be scared... The memory of her dream echoed in Applejack's head.
Now that she thought about it, Applejack hadn't had a chance to really sit down and think since this whole mess had begun, two weeks ago when Pinkie wanted her to go fishing. She couldn't believe it had only been two weeks. So much had happened, it felt like two years. Fishing, the zap-apples, that kiss...
Applejack felt her lips with a hoof. She wasn't conceding anything if she admitted that Pinkie had been a good kisser, right? Granted, her previous experience with kisses had been goodnight kisses from her elders and one nervous peck on the cheek from Fancois once—immediately followed by a complaint that she needed to wash her face better. Pinkie's kiss had been something entirely more than Applejack had thought kisses were capable of being. Still, that didn't count for anything, did it?
That line of thought sounded suspiciously to Applejack like trying to convince herself of something. What exactly am I tryin' to deny, here? Only with clarity of thought could she avoid the pitfalls of self-deception. She counted up all the things that she had been trying to push from her mind tonight. The kiss. The dream. The things Pinkie would do to get close to her. Pain at the thought of how bad Pinkie must be hurting.
She stopped to think on that last point. It really bothered her that Pinkie was hurt. More than simply wanting her friend to be happy. It actually hurt Applejack to know that Pinkie was upset, and as much as her fear of seeing that hurt on Pinkie's face again kept her hooves rooted to the orchard, that fear only barely eclipsed her urge to run to Sugarcube Corner and take it all back. Not because she didn't mean it—she did—but because she couldn't take the thought of causing the mare pain.
So, what did it all add up to? Applejack sighed and rolled onto her back, hugging her pillow to her chest. She could admit to herself she had enjoyed Pinkie's kiss on the night of the balloon ride. She found she missed seeing what inventive ways Pinkie would get around not dating her in order to effectively date her anyway. She couldn't stand the thought of how badly Pinkie must be hurting. And there was the things she herself had said to Pinkie in her dream. Really, there was only one reasonable conclusion.
“Horsefeathers,” she muttered as she stared at her bedroom ceiling. “I think I do love her.”
*-*-*Pinkie*-*-*
On the night of the party, when Pinkie Pie got home to Sugarcube Corner, she laughed. The Cakes thought it sounded like crying, but what did they know? They weren't the Element of Laughter. Pinkie shut herself in her room so she could laugh by herself. She laughed hard. She laughed until her voice cracked and her eyes were red and puffy. She hugged Gummy tightly and laughed loudly into her pillow. Pinkie laughed herself to sleep that night.
The following week, Ponyville saw a sharp decline in its frequency of parties. Though Pinkie's friends—except for one of them—came by Sugarcube Corner every day to try and comfort her, she made little effort to leave the bakery. For the most part, she spent her time either baking in the kitchen or locked up in her room. She even missed her weekly pet playdate with her friends, which upset Gummy so much that he almost blinked both eyes at once.
The long and short of it was, Pinkie was a miserable pony. Her friends tried all kinds of things to cheer her up. Rainbow Dash moved her flying practice so that she could do her tricks outside Pinkie's window. Pinkie closed her blinds. Twilight brought over a stack of sappy novels from the library's romance section. The books were left untouched. Not even cuddles from the hutch of baby bunnies Fluttershy brought with her could make Pinkie crack a smile.
It was finally Rarity's unusual idea that managed to draw the depressed mare out of the bakery.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow in confusion. “You're trying to cheer me up by sending me to the dentist?”
“Well, you needn't actually cheer up, dear, though we all wish you would,” Rarity explained, “but you will smile, at any rate. The dentist can't do her job if she can't see your teeth.”
Pinkie felt her teeth with her tongue. Her teeth hadn't gotten enough sunshine lately.
“Besides,” the unicorn continued, “it will do you some good just to step outside for a little bit. Your mane is starting to go limp from all the stale air, darling.”
Pinkie ran a hoof through her mane. Sure enough, it wasn't quite as poofy as it usually was. “Do they have those spells that make your face go numb and make you talk funny?” she asked.
Rarity smiled hopefully. “Why, it would be positively barbaric if they did dental work without anesthetic spells on hoof. Now, I talked with Doctor Colgate, and she said she would be delighted to see you today. All you need do is show up.”
Pinkie frowned in hesitation. She glanced back at her room. Little bunny paw prints tracked around the floor and over the stack of books Twilight left. A small gap in the blinds revealed a brief prismatic flash as Rainbow continued her routine outside. “You girls have been doing a lot for me this week,” she said.
“You're our friend, darling,” said Rarity. “No matter what happened between you and Applejack, we want to see you smile. She does, too.”
The pink mare flinched at the mention of Applejack's name. A week was not long enough for the pain to fade. Pinkie was not sure if even a year would be enough, or a lifetime. She took a deep breath. “Okay, Rarity. I'll go to the dentist.”
Rarity clapped her hooves together. “Excellent! She is ready for you whenever you get there, so let's get going! Oh, wear this scarf, darling, it's a bit chilly out there today.” She wrapped Pinkie in a light blue scarf and donned a purple one for herself.
Ponyville architects were fond of visual literalism. Sugarcube Corner was built to look like it was made of sweets. The Carrots' farmhouse looked like a giant carrot. There were always exceptions, of course, like Twilight's oaken library, but for the most part a pony could tell at a glance what the purpose and function of any given structure in town was. The building shaped like a giant tooth made it easy enough to guess where the dentist's office was.
A blue unicorn with a blue and white-striped mane stood at the door, waving cheerfully as Pinkie and Rarity approached. “Welcome!” she chirped, “I'm glad you could make it!”
Rarity waved back. “Of course, darling. Is everything ready?”
The dentist nodded her head. “The chair is all prepped and ready to go.”
“Good.” Rarity turned to Pinkie. “I have a few errands to run while you're in there, dear, but I'll hopefully be back by the time you're done. Will you be okay?”
Pinkie nodded.
“Glad to hear it.” Rarity faced the other unicorn again. “You will charge this visit to my account, won't you?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you. Now, I must be off! Ta ta!” Rarity trotted off into town, leaving Pinkie with the dentist.
The dentist smiled. “Why don't you come in and have a seat, Pinkie?”
The interior of the dentist's office smelled very clean. The white walls were covered with certificates, diagrams of teeth and posters reminding patients to brush every day. There were three partitions. In the front was a small waiting room with an uncomfortable looking couch and a few magazines. In the back was an even smaller office, with a desk buried in cluttered files and papers. Between the two was the main operating room, where a light brown dentist's chair stood on a swivel, surrounded by lights and the sharp instruments of the trade.
Pinkie looked at the plaque on the desk. It read, 'Doctor Minuette.' She tilted her head. “Are you Dr. Colgate, or Dr. Minuette?” she asked. “I thought Rarity called you Dr. Colgate.”
The dentist laughed. “My name is Minuette. Colgate is a nickname some of my colleagues came up with. It's, well, it's a bit of an inside joke.”
Minuette had a nice laugh. The barest hint of a smile formed at the corners of Pinkie's mouth. Almost as nice as Applejack's. The smile went away.
Dr. Minuette levitated a wooden tongue depressor. “Open your mouth, please?”
“Aah.” Pinkie did as she was told. The tongue depressor poked at the insides of her cheeks and lips.
“Hmm,” the dentist said as she peered into Pinkie's mouth. She removed the wooden implement and scratched some notes on a notepad. “How does a pony that eats as many sweets as you do have so few cavities?”
Pinkie wet her lips. Tongue depressors had a way of drying her mouth out. “Oh, I always brush twice a day and floss regularly.”
“Marry me!” Minuette giggled. “Seriously, I try to tell all of my patients how important it is to brush and floss, but you're the first one I've had that actually does it!”
Pinkie shrugged. “Making ponies smile is my special talent. It'd be hard to do that with yellow teeth.” Her eyes drifted to Minuette's flank. She was surprised to see an hourglass there rather than something dentist-y like a tooth.
Dr. Minuette followed Pinkie's gaze and smiled. “I like to make ponies smile, too. But not everypony's job directly relates to their special talent,” she said. “I can tell you that right now it's exactly eleven oh five and twenty three seconds.”
Pinkie looked around the room. There were no clocks on the wall anywhere. “That's pretty neat.” She gasped. “Hey that's why you're always on time for my parties!”
Minuette grinned. “You noticed! I love your parties, Pinkie. I've yet to see one where there's anypony not having fun.”
Pinkie's ears drooped. “Oh. You weren't at the last one, then, were you?”
“Why? What happened?”
Pinkie shook her head. “Nothing.”
Minuette frowned. “Okay, well, if you wanna get up on the chair, we can get started.”
Pinkie Pie climbed onto the dentist's chair. The plastic squeaked and stretched as she reclined.
The dentist strung a cloth mask over her muzzle and leaned over Pinkie. The overhead light cast pools in her deep blue eyes.
Find somepony else... an' get over me.
“Are you?” Pinkie asked. “Married, I mean,” she added when she saw confusion sweep over Minuette's eyes.
The mask muffled the unicorn's laugh. “Oh! No, I'm quite single. Incredibly single, in fact.”
Nopony breaks a Pinkie promise.
“Hey, before we start,” Pinkie said, “can you do me a favor?”
“Sure! What do you want, Pinkie?”
“Could you take your mask off and smile for me?”
Minuette blinked in confusion for a few moments. She reached up with her hoof and tugged her mask off, letting the corners of her mouth slide up. The light gleamed off her white teeth. Her lips curved up in a neat little bow. Dimples formed in her blue cheeks and her eyes shined brightly.
“You have a nice smile,” remarked Pinkie, settling her head against the top of the chair.
“Hey,” said Minuette, pulling her mask back into position. “That's supposed to be my line!” Her horn began glowing and Pinkie lost feeling in her cheeks.
*-*-*Applejack*-*-*
The Cakes were two of the nicest ponies Applejack knew. Whenever she made delivery runs to Ponyville to supply the town's various shops and restaurants with fresh apples, Sugarcube Corner was usually her favorite stop. Applejack would get to ask them how the twins were doing, how business was going, and the like. Mr. Cake would always help her unload the apples, and Mrs. Cake would never let her leave without taking a cupcake.
Applejack was unprepared to catch death stares from both of them when she walked into Sugarcube Corner. It was outright disquieting to see Mr. and Mrs. Cake scowl at her as though she had just kicked an orphaned foal in the street. Even the twins glared at her from their playpen.
Applejack coughed into her hoof. “Uh... howdy.”
“What do you want?” snapped Mrs. Cake. Her nostrils flared.
It was understandable, Applejack supposed, that the Cakes might be upset with her. Pinkie was like family to them, and Applejack had broken her heart. A sharp pang of guilt accompanied that line of thought. “Is Pinkie in?” she asked.
“I don't think she wants to talk to you,” Mr. Cake grumbled.
Applejack's ears pressed against the sides of her head. “I reckon not,” she admitted. She pulled a sack full of bits out of her saddlebag and set it on the counter. “Listen, Pinkie forgot ta pick up her earnin's last week. Can ya see to it that she gets these? An' could ya tell her...” Applejack paused, rolling the words around in her mouth. Tell her I love her. “...tell her I'm sorry. Could ya do that, please?” The farm mare turned around. She felt the Cakes' eyes on her as she walked out the door, but she did not turn her head to watch their expressions. She felt she could not take any more hostility from the ponies she admired.
Applejack shivered. There was a harsh bite to the air outside. The weather pegasi were moving a cold front in anticipation of an early snow. Applejack was not certain why they needed an early snow, but she was assured it was 'complicated weather stuff' by Ponyville's weather captain.
“Teeth in Minutes.” A voice from behind made her jump. She spun around to see Rainbow Dash perched on the roof of the bakery.
“What are you on about?” Applejack asked the pegasus. Though she wasn't always sensible, Rainbow Dash usually at least said things that made sense. Spouting things at random was, well, more of a thing Pinkie would do.
“That's where Pinkie is,” explained Dash in an annoyed voice as if it should have been obvious. “Doctor Colgate's place, Teeth in Minutes. Rarity took her there to cheer her up.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Rarity's takin' her ta the dentist ta cheer her up?” Maybe she had messed Pinkie up worse than she thought.
“That's what I said!” Rainbow Dash flared her wings out and dropped to the ground. “But I guess if watching me do my most awesome tricks won't do it, you need to start getting crazy.” Dash's grin slid into a more serious expression. “Hey, you're going there to make up with her, right?”
The orange mare hesitated before giving a small nod. “Yeah, I think that's the plan.”
Dash's playful smirk returned. “Good.” She beat her wings against the chilly wind, hovering above Applejack. “I owe you a beating for making Pinkie cry, but I'll hold onto it for now. Can't make up with a black eye!”
Applejack chuckled darkly. “Mighty considerate of ya.”
Rainbow Dash took off into the sky. “Yep, that's me!” she called back. “The Element of Considerateness!” Soon she was nothing more than a rainbow streak against the clouds.
Applejack let her eyes fall back to Ponyville. Her hooves began carrying her across the cobbles. It took her a while to find the right direction to go, since she did not go to the dentist quite as regularly as she should have, but before long she spotted the big white tooth rising among the houses and shops. By the time she reached the door, Applejack was beginning to regret not bringing a scarf with her. Her cheeks began to prickle in the cold wind.
Her hoof rose to push the door open, but she stopped. What the hay do I think I'm doin'? she asked herself. She was about to barge in and confess her love to a mare that she had yelled at only a week ago for doing essentially the same thing. The hypocrisy of her intentions made her sick with herself.
What exactly do I expect ta happen? An image of Pinkie dropping everything and leaping into her embrace bubbled to the top of her mind. Applejack dismissed it as incredibly unlikely. Another image of Pinkie shaking her head and growling that she was tired of being jerked around struck her as far more realistic.
She'd had her chance. At any point up to the night of the party, she could have told Pinkie she changed her mind, that she would love to give a more serious relationship a chance. Now it was too late. She had done too much damage already, and it wouldn't be right to ask Pinkie to just forget everything she had said that night.
But Applejack couldn't turn away from the door, either. I do feel somethin', an' it's real, an' it won't jus' go away if I don't talk about it. She suddenly knew exactly how Pinkie had felt when she was begging her to go fishing or riding in a balloon with her. The frustration, the anxiety, the sting of that tiny flicker of hope that, even though everything around her shouted 'no,' there might be a 'yes' buried somewhere.
There ain't a chance in Tartarus this'll end the way I want it, Applejack told herself. Even if it somehow does, it ain't somethin' I deserve. Her hoof lowered to the ground and she began to turn away from the door. But maybe... Maybe it's worth reachin' out for, anyway.
Applejack sqeezed her eyes shut and pushed the door. The little bell at the top of the doorframe jingled. “I'll be with you in two minutes and thirty three seconds,” called a voice from the next room. The voice was accompanied by a drilling noise.
The farm pony opened her eyes. The dentist's office was precisely what she would have expected it to look like. Ridged carpet tickled the bottoms of her hooves, while a warm tingle at the tip of her muzzle reminded Applejack how cold she had been outside.
Applejack knew she should probably wait for the dentist to finish. That would be the sensible thing to do. But she had let Pinkie go on hating her for a whole week, and she couldn't bear to let it go unaddressed for another minute. “Pinkie?” she called.
“Abblezhack?” Even with half her face paralyzed, Pinkie Pie's voice was unmistakable.
“Pinkie, please hold still,” said the dentist. The drill whined and buzzed as she tried to reposition it.
Applejack entered the operating room. She found Pinkie lying back on a chair while the dentist held a sharp drill in her magical grip. Pinkie's cheeks were swollen from the anesthetic spell cast on her. A paper napkin was wrapped around Pinkie's neck to catch flecks of spittle as the doctor worked. The unicorn raised her eyes to Applejack in annoyance. “Ma'am, if you could please wait in the lobby, I can see you in one moment.”
“Pinkie, I need ta talk ta you,” Applejack said, ignoring the dentist.
Pinkie's eyes shifted between Applejack and the dentist. “Camb't talk. Drilligg teef.”
Dr. Minuette, apparently resolving to finish her task despite the interruption, nudged Pinkie. “Please don't move your jaw,” she said, adjusting the overhead light.
“Then jus' listen,” Applejack said. “I was wrong. At the party, I was upset, an' I made it sound like everythin' was your fault. It ain't. I'm just as much ta blame.”
“Turn your head a little to the left,” said the dentist. Pinkie kept her eyes on Applejack as she complied.
“Ya kept comin' after me because I kept lettin' ya think there might be a chance somehow. I didn't think that's what I was doin', but I was.” Applejack sniffed as warmth returned to the tip of her nose.
Dr. Minuette squinted her eyes as she held her drill in Pinkie's mouth. “Almost done,” she said.
“The thing is, I think I kept lettin' ya think there was a chance for us because I wanted there ta be a chance. I didn't think there was one, so I kept sayin' no, but maybe somewhere deep down I liked the thought of what we might be if it did work out.”
“Just a little bit more,” said Dr. Minuette. Little bits of saliva spurted off her drill as she worked.
“The truth of the matter is, I love ya Pinkie. I didn't think I did when ya first asked me, an' I was too afraid, or maybe jus' too darn stubborn ta change my answer later, but I'm sayin' it now. I love you.”
“And... done!” Dr. Minuette jerked her drill back and scooted away as though she thought she was risking life and limb by coming between the two mares.
Pinkie laid on the chair, staring up at the ceiling. Her chest rose and fell as she took one deep breath, and then another. After a while, the sound of a chuckle began building up in her throat. It spread and grew in volume until it was a full laugh that shook her whole body. It wasn't her usual warm, cheerful laugh, but a cold, hollow one. “Thapt's funny! Yer funny, Abblezhack!”
Applejack swallowed hard. “I ain't jokin', hon.”
Pinkie wiped a tear from her eye. “No, now you weally wuv me! Hee hee...” She clutched her sides as she heaved with laughter. “They should gib my elembent to you!”
Dr. Minuette coughed into her hoof. “If you two would like some privacy, the lobby in front is great for that. Much better than, say, back here.”
She may as well have been invisible for all the heed the two mares paid her. Pinkie tapped a hoof on the edge of the chair. “What d'you wabnt from me, AJ? I hab some lepftober balloons ipf you wabnt.”
Her sarcasm stung. Pinkie never said anything purposely hurtful before. Applejack bit her lip. “I wanna offer you what ya been askin' for, Pinkie. I wanna give 'us' a chance.”
“Too wlate,” said Pinkie, shaking her head. “I pwomised.”
“Pinkie, ya don't have to—”
“You mbade me Pfinkie pwomise!” Pinkie's eyes narrowed sharply. “ 'Pfind sombony else and get ober you,' rembember?”
Applejack's ears folded against the back of her head. “I didn't—”
“Hab you met Dogtor Mbinuette?” She pointed a hoof towards the retreating dentist. “Her demptisht fweinds call her Colgate 'cause her mbane looks like toofpaste. She awways knows what time it is, and she has a weally nice smile.”
Dr. Minuette's eyes widened and she waved both her forehooves. “Whoa. Hey. I'm just here to clean teeth. I'm not part of this!”
Pinkie threw an exasperated hoof in the air. "Mbut there I go again, deshiding fings wiffout ashking ponies about it pfirst. I cgan't eben rebound wright!"
“Do ya love her?” challenged Applejack.
Minuette went pale. “Hey, I just realized I have a whole lot of paperwork and dentist-y things to do in my office, so I'll just be in there, locking my door. Um, please don't start throwing things, this equipment is expensive!” She bolted into her office in a blue and white streak.
Applejack kept her steady gaze on Pinkie. “Well? Do ya love her?”
Pinkie worked her mouth silently. After a heavy minute of hesitation, she hung her head. “No.”
“An' do ya still love me?”
Another long pause. “...Yesh.”
Applejack took a step forward. “Does it really need ta be any more complicated than that?”
“I-I Pfinkie pwomised—” Pinkie began stammering, which was further exacerbated by her numb lips.
“Ya made a promise to a pony that don't wanna hold ya to it no more,” said Applejack. “That ain't a promise ya gotta keep.”
Tears welled up in Pinkie's eyes. “Mbut you were wright, at the pawrty,” she said. “We'll just mbake each ovver sad. I dun' wanna mbake anypony sad, 'specially not you.”
“I ain't gonna lie an' say there's no chance of that happenin'. We've both proved we're more than capable of hurtin' one another, especially when we're tryin' our hardest not to.” Applejack took another step. “But I am gonna say it's worth the risk. If it all blows up in our faces, at least we can say we tried. At least we'll have given it one shot, together.” She held out a hoof to Pinkie.
Pinkie stared at the offered hoof. Her tears trickled over numb cheeks to drip from her chin onto the floor. She raised her eyes to meet with Applejack's. “Hey, Abblezhack?”
“Yeah, sugarcube?”
“Can you smbile for me?”
The orange face remained still. “Make me.”
A soft light sparked in Pinkie's eyes. Slowly, deliberately, she reached out and grabbed Applejack's hoof with her own. The farm pony helped pull her out of the chair, resting her forehoof on Pinkie's shoulder to steady her as she regained her balance. Applejack positioned herself to face Pinkie directly.
Her freckles were the first parts of her face to move. They slowly climbed up her cheeks like they had unattached themselves and started exploring the rest of her face. Next came her eyes. Applejack's lower eyelids raised ever so slightly as her stretching cheek muscles pulled. Small wrinkles formed just behind the corners of her eyes. Her lips parted, revealing two rows of even, white teeth. The corners of her mouth stretched upwards, not so far as to appear forced, but well past the point of any kind of subtle, restrained smile. Applejack did not wear a smirk or a grin. She beamed with a full-on, honest-to-Celestia smile.
Pinkie giggled. “You hab my fabvorite smile.”
Applejack pulled her close, wrapping her foreleg around her. “You gave it ta me.”
The two mares curled into an embrace, pink and orange hooves sliding past one another to wrap themselves around each other's torso. Applejack's snout tickled as she buried it in a mass of curly pink hair. “Hey, sugarcube?” she said, pulling back to look Pinkie in the face.
“Hm?”
“Ya think ya can pucker up for a sec?”
“Y'know, I donmp't fink I can.” Pinkie squinted hard as she tried to squeeze her lips into something resembling a kissable position.
Applejack laughed. “That'll have ta do.” She leaned forward and wrapped her lips around Pinkie's.
Applejack's lips were still cold and chapped from the wind outside. Pinkie could not feel anything between her cheeks and the tip of her muzzle. Even so, it was the best kiss either of them had ever had, real or dreamed.
The bell sounded as Rarity pushed her way inside. “Are you done with your appointment, darling? I brought you some yogurt to snack on for the trip back. You need something good and soft to eat after—Oh, my!”
Pinkie and Applejack broke their kiss. Pinkie looked over to Rarity and grinned. “Ooh, what flabvor?”
*-*-*Rarity*-*-*
Rarity did not like to brag. Okay, that was a lie. She enjoyed a little bit of well-deserved ego stroking every once in a while. But she still preferred to preface her assertion that she 'knew it all along' with a disclaimer that she did not mean to sound boastful. It would be unbecoming of a lady to go on about how she called it from the beginning. Squealing and giggling like a filly from sheer excitement, well, that could not be helped.
“Won't you tell me where the two of you are going?” Rarity begged. “I would be able to design more appropriate attire for you if I only knew the venue!” Pinkie sat before her with curlers in her mane. Applejack was in the corner locked in furious battle with the zipper of a dress. The three of them were in Rarity's boutique.
It was the day after Pinkie's visit to the dentist. All things considered, Dr. Minuette had been remarkably understanding about her dentist office becoming the setting of an impromptu couple's therapy session. Rarity made certain to add a fair stack of bits to her payment for her trouble.
Pinkie shook her head. The curlers wobbled with the motion. “It's a secret,” she said, grinning.
“Besides,” Applejack added, grunting as she tried to give the zipper a tug. “It ain't somethin' ya really need a dress for.”
“No, no, no, no, I absolutely insist, darlings. This is your first date,” she said. Her scissors hung suspended in the air as she put her hoof to her chin. “Well, your first official date, anyway,” she amended. “If the two of you don't look positively radiant for it, then I am failing as a friend!”
Rarity levitated two pieces of fabric over Pinkie's coat. One was an airy sky blue to match her eyes, while the other was a deep red to complement her coat and mane. They both would go equally well on Pinkie. She turned to hold them up against Applejack's orange. Definitely the red, she thought, tossing the blue aside.
“Hang on.” A sudden, terrible thought struck Rarity. Her pupils shrank. “You aren't planning on going fishing again, are you?” She threw her hooves protectively over the nearest rack of her dresses.
Applejack laughed and picked up a pair of netted stockings. “Hey yeah, I reckon we could catch plenty a' fish with these things!”
Pinkie giggled. “They would work great!”
Rarity snatched the stockings away in a blue glow. “Don't even joke about that! Just because they're called fishnet stockings doesn't mean that's what they're for!”
“Don't worry, Rarity,” said Applejack, grinning. “We ain't goin' fishin'.”
“Yeah, Mr. Bearington is all better now, and Fluttershy says it's better for him to catch his own fish when he can!” Pinkie bounced in place.
Reassured that her dresses would not end up smelling like a slimy trout, Rarity immediately snapped back into dressmaking mode. She faced Pinkie Pie. “I realize this may be a futile request, dear, but could you try and hold still for a moment?”
“I can try,” said Pinkie. To her credit, she managed to remain motionless for a full five seconds before she started bouncing again. “Nope! Can't do it, I'm too excited! I'm going on a date with Applejack!”
Applejack gave up on her zipper, letting her dress hang open as she trotted up next to her new fillyfriend. “I think I got this,” she said, placing a hoof on the side of Pinkie's cheek. Rarity blushed as her friends shared a deep, passionate kiss. Pinkie hung limp, a dopey grin on her face as Applejack pulled back. The farm pony wiped her muzzle and raised her eyes toward Rarity. “Ya got about a minute. Work fast.”
Magical stitches were tricky, and they did not last as long as physically sewn seams. They also had a chance of turning the dress into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight, though Rarity suspected Pinkie would see that as a bonus rather than a problem. At any rate, Rarity did not have the time to cut and fit all the pieces of a normal dress, so her horn flashed a bright white. The square of red cloth fastened itself around Pinkie and formed artful ruffles and hem-lines. In a moment's time, there was a dress where there had only been cloth before. Rarity wiped a bead of sweat from her brow as she released the glow from her horn.
“Wow...” Applejack's mouth hung open as she stared at Pinkie. Rarity allowed herself a satisfied grin as she watched the farm pony take the sight in.
Pinkie's eyes fluttered and she looked down at herself. “Hey! I have a shiny dress!” She spun around a few times trying to see herself from behind.
“Oh, the curlers!” Rarity grabbed the curlers and released them from Pinkie's mane and tail. The locks of pink hair held in graceful loops and curves for a fraction of a second before springing back to their frizzy default. Rarity grimaced, grabbing a brush from the table. “One of these days, Pinkie dear, I will find a way to make that mane of yours behave!” She ran the brush through Pinkie's mane, more to make herself feel a bit better than to actually tame the mass of pink curls.
Applejack threw her hoof over Pinkie's shoulder. “Alright, Pinks, ya ready ta go?”
“Oh, no you don't!” Rarity said, levitating the dress with the zipper Applejack had given up on. “Now it's your turn, darling.” A glint shone in the corner of her eye.
Applejack gulped. “Oh, that's okay, Rarity. I was thinkin' maybe I can dig up my old work duds. Or maybe the Gala dress. That'd work, wouldn't it?” The orange mare began backpedaling until she hit the wall. “Uh, Rare? Whatcha doin' with that dress? An' those needles?” Rarity began to cackle. Applejack's eyes widened. “Aw, hayseed!”
Some time later, two exceptionally well-dressed mares emerged from Carousel Boutique. The orange one fidgeted with the hem of her skirt while the pink one waved back at their friend in the doorway. “Thanks Rarity!”
“It was entirely my pleasure, dear,” Rarity called back. “You two have a good time at... wherever you're going!”
Applejack nodded. “I'm sure we will. Have a good night, Rarity!”
“You as well!” She closed the door.
…
Rarity waited a full minute before covering herself in a black cloak and sneaking out the back door of her shop. She did not want to snoop—okay, fine, she did not want to get caught snooping—but she could not help herself. The mystery of just where her friends' secret date would take place was just too enticing. Besides, she justified to herself, I must see to the safety of my dresses. Rarity stifled a giddy squeak of excitement as she lurked in the shadows.
Keeping enough distance from them to avoid being seen, Rarity followed her friends through town. They walked directly past the flower stalls in the market, which were closing up for the night as the sky grew dark. They did not stop as they passed the restaurants that dotted the downtown district of Ponyville. Rarity held her breath as they came to the front of a theater advertising a showing of an old romantic play, one of her favorites, but Pinkie and Applejack kept walking, paying it little more than a glance.
The buildings and houses thinned around them, and the road faded from cobbles to dirt. Rarity recognized the road out to Sweet Apple Acres. Puzzlement mixing itself in with her curiosity, Rarity hastened to a canter to keep her friends in sight.
The two mares stopped at the entrance to the apple cellar. Rarity crept up until she was close enough to listen in on them.
“So why exactly did this have ta be a secret?” asked Applejack as she tugged the wooden door open. “It ain't like it's all that excitin' of a destination. In fact, that was kinda the whole point.”
Pinkie giggled. “Exactly! This way, Rarity can think we're off on some adventure at some fancy place! Didja see how excited she was for us? She's probably picturing us at a table in a Prench restaurant right now!”
“I never much cared fer Prench food in Manehattan. I don't 'spect it tastes much better now.” Applejack leaned against the cellar door. “Still, do ya maybe s'pose we ought ta be someplace fancy? It ain't too late ta head back into town.”
Pinkie brushed her head up against Applejack's neck. “You're here. That automatically makes it the best date ever! Besides, this is a date idea absolutely guaranteed not to end suspended in a basket over the Everfree forest!”
Applejack chuckled. “I reckon there's a pretty low chance of that at a play, too.”
“You never know!” said Pinkie, trotting down into the apple cellar.
Applejack followed her in. “I s'pose not. Ya wanna be x's or o's?”
As the cellar door closed, Rarity sat alone, bewildered, in the darkness. After a few minutes she straightened her cloak out and turned back down the road to Ponyville. They are having a nice dinner at a Prench restaurant, she decided as she trotted back towards home. They are most definitely not playing tic tac toe for their first date!
*-*-*
It would be nice to say at this point that Applejack and Pinkie Pie lived happily together from then on. It would be nice to say that the night of the party after the zap apple harvest was the lowest point in their relationship, and it only got better from there. It would be nice, but it would not be true, and Applejack would never abide an untruthful account of what happened.
Neither of them were perfect ponies, and love did not change that. Pinkie was still sometimes more grabby than Applejack was comfortable with, and Applejack could be too emotionally distant for Pinkie at times. Applejack sometimes felt Pinkie was too impulsive, and Pinkie in turn sometimes worried Applejack did not take her seriously. In the years that followed, they had fights. They shed tears.
But they were very stubborn ponies. They were too stubborn to let a few tears drive them apart. No matter how much it hurt at times, they would push on together. They were both determined to be together, and there was no force in Equestria that would dare challenge that. Love was worth it to them, and ponies as stubborn as them would never let it go.
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That's the last of it! A big thank you to everyone that's stuck around for this. I hope you enjoyed yourselves while reading, but if you found something you were less than satisfied with, please please please tell me about it! A writer can't improve if no one tells them what they did wrong.
This was a lot of fun to write (with the exception of a few rough spots before I was really sure where I wanted to take it), and I can't wait to see how it does in TAW's contest.
That's possibly one of the best endings I've read in a long while. Nicely done.
Other than the sudden decision change on Applejack's part, this ending was perfect. So perfect, that I can mostly ignore the sudden decision and somewhat abrupt ending, If these mistakes could have been avoided and still given the same great ending, then I would actually be slightly annoyed about it. If you don't come in at least 2nd place in TAW's contest I'll chew on my right foot.
1677246 Please don't injure your foot on my account! I'm certain there are other writers submitting to the contest that actually know how to properly foreshadow something like Applejack's change of heart so it isn't so out of the blue. I'd hate to have someone hobbled because I can't leave breadcrumbs!
1677357
Oh don't worry, I wouldn't gnaw it off. I'd just nibble on it for a few moments, just to acquire the taste.
1680353 It's true, and it's such a shame. You'd think that just the deliciousness of the portmanteau alone would win it more of a following. I've found a few other ApplePies (one of them is under the Criminally Underrated Stories section on my userpage), but only by digging through old story-lists in various shipping groups. The best ApplePie I've ever read is in Donny's Boy's vignette compilation Friends and Lovers. But then, Donny's Boy could ship a three-legged pony with a stick of bubblegum and make it not only work but feel like they were always meant to be together.
Good end!
And a most believable, in character one at that. Hooray for stubbornly refusing to take no for an answer.
Okay, maybe not the best lesson, but you know what I mean.
It is not a beautiful story but it is believable story and that is more than half the battle when it comes to shipping, making it believable.
This is actually the first Apple-Pie story i have found that is complete, so i have nothing i can fairly compare it too.
That being said it is good, it is a hard ship, and you do deserve some respect for making it believable.
After your gravely driven home 3rd chapter i sat for a moment to think how could this possibly turn back to a positive ending, i concluded that it could only be done by using Pinkie's Promise against her.
Yes the sudden change was a flaw, but you did point out in story that AJ did not have time to consider her feelings about Pinkie Until After the fight, had you placed a chapter in between that and the final chapter about AJ finally going over her feelings and fighting herself over her actions during that time skipped week that filled the gap, that would have not been an issue even with no early on indications of reciprocated feelings. Keeping a reader wondering is something i appreciate in a story, not all the time mind you, but with stories that aren't very short the emotional buildup and tension makes a story engrossing if done with the right timing.
So not only do i FINALLY find an Apple-Pie story that is complete, it is good to top that, and over the top of that you also point out a few more. For that alone you have my gratitude.
So Thank You for the story and the other Apple-Pie Stories i will now get to read.
If you want me to explain my statements in any further detail just ask and i will once i return from college tomorrow.
1685902 Thank you for reading, and thank you for taking the time to write out some feedback! While it's always fun to get comments praising the story, it's immensely rewarding to get one that says "here's what could've been better." I am happy to know that I have made your first complete ApplePie experience not entirely unpleasant.
Thinking on it, I really do agree with you that a scene of Applejack finally getting a chance to mull over her feelings in the aftermath of the fight would help ease the suddenness of her change in heart. I may try and write such a scene and edit it in, though I'm not sure I can fit it in before time is up for the contest. I hadn't really consciously considered it, but you have a good point that Applejack hadn't had a single spare moment to think all the way up to that point.
If you could, could you elaborate on what you meant by "not a beautiful story?" I'm not offended at all, just curious. Is the imagery a bit bland? Do I lean too heavily on a few set words or phrases? I'm always eager to learn from my mistakes.
I am pleased that I could help you find more Apple Pie, as well, though in fair warning Out of the Blue is on indefinite hiatus and the ApplePie entries in Friends and Lovers are very short. Sometimes it can be a lonely thing, being an ApplePie fan.
1686259
Ok now when i call a story beautiful, i speak in terms of presentation. A beautiful story for me is one that flows effortlessly weaving in new information on top of established facts, choices, and indecisions. Really it is what that style does for me that makes it beautiful and not necessarily the facts or interchange, a beautiful story elicits emotional response almost constantly. It is like flowing with water as it rises and drops carrying you with it without requiring effort from the passenger. This is not to say beautiful must be flawless, a joke here or there is great fun and breaks from the flow can help as well, it is a matter of tension and drawing a reader into the world you make, and getting the reader to willingly let go of their uncaring attitude for a while and to immerse themselves in the story and feel the emotions you write of.
From the start of your story we had the confrontation, Pinkie confessing to AJ. No tension was built so it was a fact, and i as a reader had no emotional tie in other than "well that was sudden". You then progressed into tension and emotional build-up which was good because now i can become invested in the story. You seemed to find your pace in the next chapter and sometimes a rocky start leads to wonderful reading as i have had the pleasure of finding out on several occasions. But yes the flow was interrupted by Aj's sudden change of heart and then progressed into climax in the final chapter with a small amount of buildup (AJ's self realization and desperation) which ended the story well but not beautifully the flow had been interrupted. Despite this you have legitimate in-character emotional exchange which makes the story believable. A beautiful story for me can lack legitimacy and that makes even a beautiful work that ends happily sad for me because i can see that flaw somewhere in the story that makes it unbelievable and therefore i stop fully investing myself in the story and that greatly reduces the amount of emotion that can be elicited by a well done plot or turn of events.
Your imagery is not bland i could visualize the scenes so it was at the least good. (Personally i think it was quite good a 6 on 1-10 for my personal scale with the 7-9 being exponentially greater amounts and 10 is reserved for the absolute best i have read) You leaned slightly on stubborn in the final part however it would have been Lovely if you had changed the Stubborn aspect in the final bit into Devotion or something else slightly more emotional than stubborn. Such an up note at the end finalizes the sweetness in the ending (But that is simply my opinion).
And it is always nice to meet someone who can take constructive criticism.
1688700 Thank you for elaborating! So, it's something of a flow/pacing issue, then. In an earlier draft, I had Pinkie's flashback that she tells to Fluttershy (in which she wanders around Ponyville and everypony appears to be pairing up) at the very beginning as a regular scene instead of where it is, being told to Fluttershy. I moved it because it wasn't a very strong hook to start the story with, and also because the scene with Fluttershy felt like it needed to be broken up by something. Do you think it would have helped the emotional build-up for Pinkie's confession in the beginning if that scene were how the story started?
The repetition of the word "stubborn" at the end was of course intentional. Stubbornness is a theme I wanted to play around with when writing this story. I wanted to show how it can be both a virtue and a flaw, sometimes helping ponies and sometimes hurting them. I'm not sure if any of that really came across, but at the very least I wanted to plug the title one last time in the end.
I've extended the scene as Applejack wakes up from her dream at the beginning of chapter 4. Hopefully that extra bit of monologue will help smooth out the emotional flow there.
Thank you for your analysis, your constructive criticisms, and your advice! Here, take these mustaches, I have too many stockpiled up from the last couple chapters of A Teatime Visit.
1706081
Quite possibly, a short preface or something explaining how Pinkie realized her feelings would help get readers into the basic swing of a shipping fic. Dosent need to be a whole chapter or anything, a quick flashback of Pinkie Thinking about when she realized her feelings as she heads out to tell AJ would greatly alleviate the abruptness of the confession and set the tension for the next few scenes.
Ok so you were pointing out your theme, perfectly acceptable like i said it was a only a slight lean at the end.
An extension ehh, well i am going to have to reread the whole thing now.
Ohh darn... 
And i am glad i could help out, always glad to help when i can.
Thanks for the 'staches first time i have actually gotten that particular reward. 
I thought pinkie had a dream and all this time applejack and pinkie were going out. It was a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream. I really liked the ending too, you didn't stop after their first date.
Heh, I found this description of the story accompanying a link here:
It made me laugh.
aww that ending just
1746845 You know, I think I really like you as a reader, because you have just pointed out every one of the things I'm proudest of in the story. Seriously, you have no idea how much I'm grinning like an idiot here, my ego swelling like a balloon while I go, Y'know, they're right. Having the romantic climax take place at the dentist's was a good idea! And I do write a darn fine drunk Pinkie!
May I be a big fan of yours back? Please?
So I just got done with this fic and I was going to add a comment about pacing and how some parts seemed to move by a little too quickly but it seems like silveredchaos beat me to pointing out any flaws this story has.
Which is great, because now I can just talk about how much I love it. First, a couple quotes:
This passage hit me right in the feels. It's such a perfect way to describe the way Pinkie deals with sadness, even if it's unhealthy and destructive. That she tries to giggle at the ghostie so hard she has to lie to herself is heart-wrenching, and you wrote it better than I could have.
Also,
This is what I've been saying about Applejack, that she has the most difficult element to deal with. She can't tell a lie even if she wants to, and that in and of itself can be destructive to her relationships.
So yeah. There were some rocky bits; some flaws. Pacing was a bit odd in some places, but it's hard not to forgive that when you do such a great job of characterizing each player in the story, and giving insight into their romantically-unlucky minds.
But more than anything, this fic made me really angry.
I mean, come on. This is a finished shiny fic that's very well done, and it's been out for nearly a month. 55 favs and 1100 views, are you kidding me?
When my shitty incomplete fic (IN THE ROMANCE TAG JUST LIKE THIS ONE) can accumulate ten times that? Fimfiction, I am disappoint. It makes me legitimately angry that fics like this one don't get response like that. I'm sharing this fic on my podcast, on The Daily Oat, on my blog, and to all my friends because jesus h. tapdancing christ if people can put up with mine, then they'd better be ready and willing to give this one a shot.
Nice Job,
somepony elseEsle Ynopemos.I cried. Three times.
Cyrilmusic brought me here. I added to my "to-read-list" but it wins inmediate awesome points for being an ApplePie ship fic. There´s almost zero of this ship and its one of my favourites. Now, to read!
1771971 Thank you for reading, and for your comment. I am pleased to see that I wrote at least two quotable things, and even after a month of nobody calling me out and saying "Hey, that's not how Pinkie acts!" it's still a relief and a surprise to me when I get compliments on my characterization in this. Pinkie Pie is very difficult to write in character for, and considering she isn't really my favorite pony from the get go, it blows my horseshoes off to find that people not only found my characterization of her tolerable, but they actually feel I did a good job on her.
The "Honesty is not a nice virtue" quote was actually the first line I wrote when I was coming up with this, before I had decided it was going to involve Pinkie, or even be a romance at all. I had an idea to come up with a situation in which Applejack didn't want to tell the truth, but knew she had to. The rest sorta built around that.
I would like to blame the pacing issues on the fact that I was writing this under a deadline, but the truth is that I consistently have problems with my pacing. I frequently seem to be blind to which points in the plot are safe to gloss over and which need to be elaborated and expanded upon. A few good prereaders would probably be very beneficial in regards to this, but that would require me to take the effort to go out there and meet new people, and that's haa--ard!
Part of the low view-count for this fic has to do with a miserably-timed launch (Or at least that's what I tell myself at night). It quietly shuffled in and out of the queue in the early morning hours of Thanksgiving, ensuring that there would be practically nobody online to see it while it was still on the front page. In my experience, if a fic doesn't manage to make the Featured Box before it slips off the front page, it's going to have a hard time ever breaking 100 likes. It's not really a matter of readers' tastes, just site mechanics. There's this box at the top that readers know has stories that aren't full of spelling/grammar mistakes or squick, so they're naturally going to give those a chance before they risk giving something on the front page with only 30 views a chance. Yes, it can be unfair, and you're welcome to be upset about it if you want, but until I can think of a better system, my policy is to shrug it off and keep writing.
Thank you for your kind words, and your efforts to give my fic more publicity. I appreciate it, and I'm glad I could give you at least three feels.
Hey, what's this?
>
somepony elseWell, I just have to say that I'm glad I pulled this one to read first. ApplePie is a very hard ship to conceptualize, at least for me. I've tried a few times and can never really get it to work for me. I like this quite a bit. You did do a good job on Pinkie. She's both extremely easy and extremely hard to pull off. You nailed the "random" that isn't really random aspect without over-explaining it. I've seen both directions fail before.
1773058
I do hate to tell you, Applejack x Not-Rainbow Dash or Rarity just doesn't get many views. A lot of people don't want something new. Your timing does suck too. I really dislike how hard it is for good stuff to be found. If this had not been entered into TAWs contest, I doubt I would have found it.
FWIW, the only real "pacing" issues I had was around AJ's revelation. Some more thoughts there would help. I'd do something along the lines of "I don't love her. I just like it when..." passages. And then your conclusion. It's not "bad" by any stretch of the imagination. It's just not "perfect". But I know how that feeling goes so much.
1771971
That first passage hurt. Oh man, did it. And not in that faux sadfic way. I genuinely empathized there. It's not just the visuals, in fact that's a bit standard. It's the personality and the Pinkie twist added to it that make it hurt.
1781026 Kits doesn't think my story sucks. Day = made.
You make a good point about the less common pairings. Apple Pie directly contradicts some of the most popular pairings in the fandom. If it could somehow go against Flutterdash and Twidash as well, it could make ninety percent of the site scream, "Noo, my OTP!!" Personally, I don't understand the attitude of not wanting to read a story if it goes against your favorite pairing, but then, I live by the words at the top of the Shipping group page: Every ship is best ship. (Just had a look, and it doesn't say that anymore.
So I guess I live by the words that used to be at the top of the Shipping group page.)
I dunno. Maybe I'll give in and write something for that AppleDash contest, see how I can do with a more common pairing. On the other hoof, I kinda like having one of the twelve best-written fics in the [Applejack x Pinkie] folder of the shipping group.
I really enjoyed this story. The "*-*-*Pinkie*-*-*" and other headings like that were a little annoying at first, but I got used to it by the end.
1794490 I first wanted to do just a simple *-*-* and color code it based on whose POV it was, but the pink was too faint, it didn't show up very well. I know there are ways to get other colors than what is available in the drop down on the toolbar, but alas, my code-fu is weak. Also, I don't know what color I would have used for Mrs. Cake's scene.
A pretty good ending. The only issue I had was the suddenness of Appleack's revelation. More foreshadowing, or maybe another short chapter building her towards it might've helped that out, but what you have works well enough considering you were dealing with a deadline.
Otherwise, I really liked this chapter. Having the climax take place in poor Colgate's office was a stroke of genius. The whole "I can't even rebound right!" scene and Colgate's reaction were some of my favorite parts of the story.
1794855 That seems to be unanimously agreed to be the weakest part of the story. I should take another look at this at some point and see how I can foreshadow or build into it better.
Glad you liked the dentist scene. I was hoping I made Colgate likeable enough.
1668738 I realize it's been quite a while, but I found the link to that DA gallery full of ApplePie. (Link)
1782478
I want to correct one thing:
It's not a matter of not thinking it sucks. It's in that small list of fics I tell people to go read.
I love it.
The viewcount's a travesty I'm going to attempt to correct. Not just for you, but because people should read this. If more people even strove (strived?) to write these kinds of stories, I would be less bitter and like more stuff.
lol, 69th Like ftw.
1801455
IM HERE BECAUSE OF THIS
After coming here on Kits recommendation, I was not disappointed. This is well written, having believable scenes and dialogue. All in all I am adding this to my favourites and you can't stop me.
At Kits' behest, I gave this story a read. It was pretty good. You managed to pull off an unusual paring quite nicely. However, I almost feel as if the story would've been better had Applejack not 180'd there at the end, and instead ended with a life lesson fir both AJ and Pinkie. But then it wouldn't have been an ApplePie ship, which defeats the ultimate purpose of the story as I understand it.
Not my favorite story ever (not because of the nature of the pairing, rather the dynamics and ending), it was still well worth the read, and I'm glad I spent the time.
1802906 That was a possible ending that I had considered while writing this. After all, I do spend about 75% of the story basically running down the list of reasons why they wouldn't work. In the end, I decided they should end up together because a.) one of the conditions of TAW's contest was that they end up together, b.) I didn't really want to add a [Sad] tag to this, and c.) there's something a bit romantic about the whole "These are all the reasons I shouldn't love you, and this is why I don't care about any of them." sort of thing.
I would like to one day write something about how two friends could get over a romantic rejection and go back to being friends, but that will have to wait for a different story, I think.
Thank you for reading!
1803002 I understand. I forgot that this was a contest entry with such stipulations. It was great nonetheless.
And you're quite welcome.
1803002
I Do was originally going to be a breakdown of Dash and AJ trying to date because they think they slept together and it not working, It was going to end with a "can we be friends again? We had fun when we were friends." type thing. But yeah, I'm not sure I feel like doing the heartache just to reestablish status quo
Congrats, just saw this featured on Equestria Daily.
Added to read later, definitely worth reading when I get the chance
1815624 Don't let anything discourage you. It doesn't take any magical special talent to write a good story, just the will to keep working on it until it comes out right, and the willingness to seek help from others when you need it.
1815641 Thanks! Your suggestions helped, I think.
1815759
I Would be ecstatic if that were the case, but my part is simply helping, as compared to the actual creation of the story and working it's fix into words. Still, i am happy to have helped.
A Whole part just for this story, i can only hope you are smiling as much as i am.
Applejack's dreams returning the feelings seemed really out of place. The first three chapters felt excellent and believable, but the last one just felt forced to make the pairing work.
Liked the story, just felt the last part could've been done more naturally, since Applejack's mysterious feeling for Pinkie didn't appear until this chapter.
Hey, if you all like Apple Pie, you should totally join the group!
First, to get all the fluff out of the way; I loved it to bits. I haven't read any other ApplePie, and I both feel convinced I never want to again (because I doubt this one will be topped, but damned if I won't try one day), and at the same time, I really want to, because you highlighted one wonderful dynamic, one lovely angle, and I want to see more.
Damn that's a convoluted sentence/paragraph. More praise: I love the interpretation of Pinkie Pie. Pinkie herself is wonderfully herself, which is either a huge compliment (she's hard to write) or not (she's easy to write), but more than that, the angle of her as pushy in this manner? Inconsiderate in her own adorable, heartbreaking way?
I-damn. I don't even know what to say. Absolutely amazing. My heart kind of clenched right now just thinking about it, and it's been a few days since I read this now. Bravo.
You used a rewind, played the same scene twice from different viewpoints - something people are and should be wary of - and did it to perfection. Congratulations. Basically, the fic did that thing that lets me know the author is doing an absolutely amazing job; you made me fall in love with the ponies you write, alongside them. I can't think of higher praise than that.
If I were to try to be critical, try to be constructive, well, I've very little ammunition. Plenty of people have listed AJ's turnaround as the fic's weakest point, and I can't say I disagree; it was the one point where I actually managed to stop, pause and say "hey, maybe the author is a human/pony/other thing that is not a robot designed to write a fic perfectly tailored to me."
That's really about it. Problem is, the fic does so many wonderful things with all that it doesn't tell us, and most of that info-drought is from AJ's side. On one hoof, that makes it amazing. Having us have the same revelation as AJ is great, but it would be that much greater if we saw more tells. We don't need AJ to be privy to what's happening up in her noggin. I like the way everything happens from AJ's PoV atm, but if you could make the reader draw the lines before she does, I think this would be absolutely amazing.
Another thing I kind of scratched my head at was Applebuck season. Let me pause and go back here for a sec and amend myself; these are questions, these are I-would-have-done-differently's, but it's hardly critique. This doesn't have the potential to be amazing. It is amazing, and easily one of the best fics I've read in recent memory, but I can't help but feel like you cheated yourself out of so much potential by speeding past the harvest itself. You had complete control over Pinkie and AJ's reactions, and an infinite/variable time to set up for their next crucial interaction. I can't tell you what exactly I'd have done with that time, but it's a gold mine.
But nope. In short, the characterizations were amazing, the plot was superb, the execution nigh-flawless, and I'm running out of praise so I'mma just go over here and weep in a corner kk.
(No wait! Okay, using the word "plot" for posterior when the rest of the fic had such lovely setting-appropriate language! Ha! I did have clean, simple critique! I win!)
1816759 I am going to squee for a moment. I do apologize for this.
Ahem. I think that's out of my system for now. For now.
I've said it before, but I am thrilled and bewildered that people like my interpretation of Pinkie Pie. I find her very difficult to read or identify with, and her scenes in this were the hardest for me to write. At several points I was worried I was doing little more than writing "Applejack is best pony" over and over again for forty pages. I had to continually revise myself to make Pinkie more sympathetic, and it makes me absolutely elated to find that those efforts bore fruit.
I think that perhaps part of the reason AJ's turnaround feels so sudden is that before this, my most popular story, A Teatime Visit (actually, it still is my most popular story, though I think SaP is written better), relied heavily on the element of surprise. I've developed a habit of hoarding information away from my readers until the Big Reveal, which works great for a short comedy about a time-travel prank, but is not quite as good when I'm supposed to be telling a story about two ponies falling in love.
You are right that there was a bit of missed potential in the apple harvest. If I had known TAW was going to extend the deadline of the contest by another week, and if that extra week had not been finals week for me, I might have written another scene in there, possibly relieving some pressure on the emotional hairpin curve between the end of chapter 3 and the beginning of chapter 4. As it was, I was counting the days before the deadline and trying to calculate how many words per day I would need to make it, so I scrapped any plans I had for a scene between AJ and Pinkie during the harvest.
Okay, fine, you and kits win, I'll go and change the "plot" thing. There's just no pleasing some folks, is there?
This isn't my first fic, but it is my first real shipfic (the shipteasing in my comedies doesn't really count), and to get this kind of response to it--especially after a fairly ho-hum launch--is a great honor. Thank you, Cloudy Skies, and thank you everyone that has come to read and enjoy this story. You are all awesome!
1818496 Yeah... That chapter gets that reaction a lot.
This story is a perfect example of how important cover art is to appeal to the reader. It looks awesome, has a good description that really picks my interest and got recommended by taw. But even with all this, i see tha cover image and instantly think "nope, bad picture, bad story". This is not to offend anyone, but that picture is just creepy to look at, and had it not been for taw i have no doubt about me not even giving this story a second chance.
Nonetheless, i will read this and i do expect it to be good and really worth my time once i do.
Thank you, Esle Ynopemos, for a nice story. I've been reading a LOT of stories on here, and they've been gut-wrenching (in a good way). I like your story because it tugs a little more gently at my heartstrings, which I consider to mean that the musician is a little more skilled. You got the same result, without resorting to pulling as many strings as quickly as you can. It doesn't seem fair to the other authors I've read to make that comparison, but I have to give credit where it's due. I'm also liking the ApplePie ship, it seems a little more interesting, due to AJ and PP's seeming polar opposite personalities, but you make it work nicely. And you get another plus for pulling off a ship without clopping off into other territory. I don't have a problem with that, I even like reading those sometimes, but it's nice to have some cake without having to get all messy from eating it.
1825591 Thank you. You have a strange knack for metaphor in your comments.
1825323 That cover image really is not my best work. Thank you for being frank about that. I think maybe I ought to change it out for my picture of the two of them fishing. It isn't quite as relevant to the tone of the story, but a bit better drawn. I hope you enjoy the story!
EDIT: There. It's too late to call back anyone who was scared off by the original image, but at least I can feel better looking at it.
This is a wonderful story, and I really enjoyed reading it--even if I had to pause every so often to wince and mentally chant, "NO PINK PONY STOP NO DON'T DO THAT PINK PONY."
Actually, that's one of the things I liked best, your portrayal of Pinkie Pie. She's pushy, clingy, desperate, absolutely exasperating--just as she so often is in the show--and yet even as I cringed frequently at her mistakes, I never lost sympathy for her. Pulling that off takes some finesse, and I tip my hat to you. Likewise, Applejack could easily have come across as the villain, for being "mean" and rejecting Pinkie's love, but I found her incredibly sympathetic as well. Her efforts to preserve her friendship with Pinkie despite not returning Pinkie's feelings were a mixture of kindness and honesty that felt very true to Applejack.
Other specific bits I liked were Pinkie's reason for liking Applejack (her special smile) and the running repetition of "Applejack doesn't love me. Chimmycherrychanga. Applejack doesn't love me." as Pinkie's heartbreaking effort to hold the bad feelings at bay. Applejack's confession in the dentist's office, with Pinkie's anesthesia-mangled dialogue, was a very nice and very funny subversion of romantic tropes, and yet the scene still exuded sincerity and warmth.
Like a few others, I felt that Applejack's realization that she does, in fact, love Pinkie could have used some more explanation, build-up, etc., but that's a fairly minor complaint. This is some very nice Pinkie and Applejack shipping. Thank you for writing and for posting.
Edit: Oh, hey! The cover image changed from the time I started reading to the time I finished writing this comment. The new cover image looks very nice, and I hope that helps this story get more readers, as it certainly deserves them.