Chapter 3
Sorrow was the dominant emotion flowing through Rainbow Dash, as she stood in the library with a fountain of tears flowing out of her eyes. A part of her mind pleaded to her to chase after those two DFS ponies and take Scootaloo away from them, but another part urged her to be responsible and help the filly out in the legal way. Though now her thoughts where misty, as she could still hear the hateful words coming from Scootaloo, words that would forever leave a mark on Rainbow’s heart.
She looked at the floor, faintly hearing Twilight talking to Spike. Pinkie had left, having been sent by the pegasus to gather Scootaloo’s things out of the cave so she could hold on to them. As she looked at the floorboards, she couldn’t help but think of one question.
“Did I do the right thing?”
As she spoke those words, she felt a hoof encircling her neck and saw Twilight next to her. She leaned her head against the unicorn’s shoulder, not caring if her image as a tough pony would be tarnished thanks to this. They were both uncertain as to what needed to be done, as they were also hurt by Scootaloo’s departure.
Twilight held onto her for a few moments before clearing her throat, “Rainbow, we will get Scootaloo back. I promise you. Heck, I’ll bet by the time they get to Canterlot that Princess Celestia will have a royal chariot waiting to take her back here, with all the papers you need to sign.”
She looked up to Twilight’s face with crestfallen eyes. “You really think so, Twilight?”
Twilight nodded with a weak smile, “Yes we will, I had Spike send the letter to Princess Celestia not long ago. She will know what to do.”
Rainbow looked to Twilight’s side and saw Spike standing next to his mother, as though he was in need of comfort and security too. Rainbow was surprised to see Spike’s eyes radiating terror, something that she was not accustomed to.
She let go of Twilight and moved to where Spike was standing, “Spike? Why do you look so scared?” she asked the drake, lowering her head to meet his eyes.
Spike was uncertain how to answer her question, a part of him was concerned for Scootaloo and the other part was beyond scared of those two ponies who took her away. He gulped slightly as his eyes wandered.
“I got this bad feeling that those two aren’t what they seem. It’s like they didn’t even care about Scootaloo’s welfare, like they were zombies. And when they looked at me with those eyes, I felt so scared.” he answered her weakly, trembling slightly with his legs shaking. Twilight thought it best to hold him in her hooves until he calmed down, for it was a rare occurrence to see her boy petrified by anypony.
Twilight sighed as she held onto Spike, “We just need to wait for Princess Celestia’s reply, only then will we know what to do exactly. Now I suggest we all just sit down and-”
The doors of the library burst open and the door slammed hard against the wooden wall of the library, leaving an indentation. The ponies jumped slightly at this, Twilight and Rainbow held defensive positions until they saw who came in running.
“Twilight! We got trouble!”
It was Applejack, and she was looking rather frazzled.
“What’s wrong? Are the cows stampeding again?”
“No! Ah saw these two big stallions in these fancy suits takin’ Scootaloo away!”
Much to the cowpony’s surprise, the others looked relieved, maybe even a little annoyed. “Relax, those were just two members of the Department of Foal Services. It turns out that Scootaloo was a runaway, they were taking her back to Canterlot...”
“Twi, they stomped that poor filly in the stomach!”
“...What?” Rainbow Dash asked flatly. Her eyes had widened, her coat seemingly turning grey.
“She was hootin’ and hollarin’, so the pony carryin’ her dropped her down and stomped on her stomach as hard as he could! Then they tied her muzzle shut and tossed her in the back of their carriage! Ah think one of them said somethin’ ‘bout killin’ her!”
“…What?” Rainbow Dash shouted. She flew up to the cowpony, gripping her shoulders. “Where was this?”
“At the west side of town, near our orchards...”
In a flash Rainbow Dash was out the door, not waiting for anypony else.
“Rainbow, wait!” Twilight called, to no avail.
“…These ponies said they were agents?” Applejack asked.
Twilight nodded, her mind racing a thousand miles trying to figure out what to do. “They said Scootaloo ran away from a Canterlot orphanage two years ago, so Rainbow Dash brought her here. She was bucking and screaming at going back, but we thought she was just throwing a tantrum… go get the others, and get ready for an overnight trip. Spike, take a letter, we need to send the Princess some more information.”
Rainbow Dash was famous for her speed and agility, but with each flap of her wings it felt as though time was purposely slowing down for her. Her inner voice started cursing herself for being fooled by two strangers and not believing the words of her number one fan. In reality, she had always viewed her number one fan as something more than a fan, even more than a friend.
She reached her destination to find tracks leading to the exit of Ponyville, where she went to next. To her dismay, the tracks ceased, as though they were wiped away for any pursuers to not track.
She started to hyperventilate, turning her head to every direction and flying to any random location. Rainbow could not find anything at all, and to make matters worse, it started raining, the very storm she had set up earlier today.
She descended to the ground, and her breathing hastened as the raindrops continued falling down to the soil she was standing on. Rainbow clenched her teeth as more tears were building up in her eyes. She started sniffing as her eyes were closing and her head bending to the ground where she held herself. A myriad of memories flashed across her mind, all relating to Scootaloo, where it ended with Scootaloo pleading to Rainbow not to let them take her away.
“Scootaloo!!!!!!!!!!!”
As she yelled out her name in anguish, she started sobbing more as the rain mixed with her tears. She heard faint voices coming towards her, but she did not have the strength to look up to who was coming towards her. She felt herself being hoisted upwards by a pair of strong hooves, and briefly opened her eyes to see Applejack’s concerned face looking at her. Applejack proceeded to place Rainbow on her back and secure her there as she started walking.
“Come along sugarcube, ya need to git outta the rain before ya git sick. Don’t worry, Rainbow, we’re gonna git Scootaloo back, no matter what.” Applejack assured her friend with determined words, words that had a tone of sincerity to them.
Rainbow opened her eyes slightly to see the darkened skies releasing the torrent of rain from the clouds that were floating above her. More images of Scootaloo came to her, some of them were of a joyous pony and some were that of a depressed pony. As her eyelids were closing, she swore she could see Scootaloo smiling to her.
“Scootaloo…” she whispered to herself before exhaustion took over her and sent her to the planes of dreams and nightmares.
Twilight was always known as a mare of action and planning, but even with this she had no solid idea as to what to do next. She merely gave out orders that lay on the tip of her tongue as soon as she heard what the truth was. Though the reality was more complex for her to figure out, she had no idea who those ponies were, or even why Scootaloo was taken by them. Were they mass murderers looking for a target to slay? Were they foal-nappers looking for a ransom from them? Then a real shiver ran down her spine. Were they sexual offenders and wanted to take advantage of the poor filly?
She honestly had no idea, and it was driving her insane. The only thing she could do right now was to come up with a plan on how to locate Scootaloo before any terrible fate could befall her.
“Mom?”
Twilight perked up, looking at Spike. “Yes, Spike?”
“Princess Celestia sent a reply,” he explained handing him a scroll with Celestia’s seal on it. Not wasting a beat, Twilight levitated it up to her face.
My most faithful student,
I’m afraid I have terrible news to report on your situation. As you had sent your second letter, I had just finished looking into your claim. No orphanage in the area has a file on Scootaloo, or any filly that matches the photo you gave me. After your second letter, I looked up the two agents. I found files on them, in the criminal records. I have sent you profiles on them, which should be attached to this message.
Tearing her eyes of the letter, Twilight looked at the profile for the pony who had identified himself as Blue. As it turned out, Blue was the only name the Royal Court knew him by as well. Her eyes ran down his list of offenses, and she felt sick. Kidnapping, assault, suspected homicide... the very thought she had turned a filly over to this stallion made her sick.
I will send a few members of the Royal Guard to assist you in searching the area. Keep me informed of when you learn more.
Sighing, Twilight looked back at her son. “Have the others been told yet?”
“Pinkie came by with all of Scootaloo’s stuff, then ran off to tell Fluttershy and Rarity. Applejack and Rainbow Dash aren’t back yet, though. Rainbow Dash will probably tear Equestria apart before she’d be willing to come home. Well, I better get packed myself… and do some research. Maybe there’s a book on tracking…”
Scootaloo had felt the carriage stop. The doors opened, and Black came in. Moments later she was hanging by his mouth again, being brought outside. She saw it.
It looked like ruined stone building, like one of the several ruins found in the Everfree Forest, but it filled the little filly with fear. She wasn’t in the Forest, she knew that, but someplace farther away from Ponyville.
She began crying heavily. She tried to struggle, but she was tired and sore. Her sobs came out muffled through the gag.
She could barely see through her tears. She couldn’t tell if they were inside, or memorize the path Black carried her through. She didn’t notice as she was carried down a flight of steps, into the underground areas that made up most of the building.
She did, however, see the cage they were bringing her to.
She gave a muffled shriek, renewing her thrashing, but it was in vain. The cage opened, and she was stuck in. She felt heavy metal cuffs clamp around her hind legs.
Her restraint belt was removed. It was little comfort, however, because two more cuffs were secured around her forelegs. Finally, a thick metal collar clicked around her neck. Chains from all her binds connected her to the cage.
Scootaloo continued to struggle free from this prison she was forced in and yelled out with muffled screams in frustration to her fruitless efforts. “Ever the feisty one, aren’t you? Subject 10?”
She felt herself freeze in fear as the cage’s door opened and she could see three figures walking up towards her, all of them looking at her with malicious glee. She immediately recognized the two earth ponies that took her away, Blue and Black. Blue was looking down upon her like she was a mere ant in his presence and Black had a wicked grin upon him like he was about to pounce Scootaloo like a cat.
The third presence sent her into a petrification state, as she was beyond scared of this pony. A pegasus with a blood-red coat and blond mane, perfectly styled. A cutie mark of a scalpel decorated his flank. He wore an expression that was hard for the filly to describe. He was looking at her with a sort of pride, though not the kind a parent would give their foal. More like one would give a piece of art they had spent several hours perfecting. This was her jailer, the pony she had spent the last two years running from, Bloodwing.
“She appears to be in fine condition,” he spoke to his two colleagues, as he encircled Scootaloo and inspected her body. “Though I see she has a bruise on her stomach.”
Black lifted his head with his eyes closed, “Yeah, that was me, she was being bucking annoying and being a downright bitch so I just shut her up.”
Bloodwing just stared at him blankly, “Blue, punch him,” he ordered him to do.
“Yessir.”
Black could not respond early enough, as a hoof collided with his muzzle and he was sent flying against the wall, rubbing his muzzle profoundly to ease the pain ebbing from it. “Buck that hurt! What was that for, sir?!”
Bloodwing ignored his cry of surprise as he continued staring at Scootaloo, “You were ordered to bring her back alive, and a bruise to her stomach could have caused complications, you idiot.”
Getting back on his feet, Black just glared at his superior with annoyance. Though as soon as Bloodwing’s eyes met his, Black bowed to him apologetically. “My deepest apologies, sir! It won’t happen again!”
“Good.”
Bloodwing moved towards Scootaloo and decided to remove his muzzle from her mouth to let her breath properly. He proceeded to stroke her cheeks as he let loose a small chuckle, “Welcome home.”
Scootaloo just clenched her teeth in hatred, not having any word for this sick pony.
“You shouldn’t feel so much hatred towards me, you should share some of that with the ponies who ‘befriended you’. Clear to me that they didn’t really care,” he told her as he smiled wickedly at the helpless filly. He brought a hoof down to her chin and made her look into his eyes. Looking into those pupils, dead of any benevolent emotion, made her sick. “You will bring me to the end of this, where perfection will be accomplished… my pretty.”
Scootaloo shivered, causing Bloodwing to chuckle. “We have to look you over, my dear. Who knows what has happened since you left us.”
The mad scientist went to a nearby table and picked up a syringe. Immediately strength went back into Scootaloo’s body and she began thrashing against her bonds.
“Relax, my dear, it’s not your treatment… that comes later. You have a lot of treatments to catch up with. No, this is just a blood sample.”
The pegasus wasn’t calmed. Needles frightened her. She thrashed harder. Blue and Black reached into the cage and held her in place.
The collar was removed, causing Scootaloo to start crying. Then she felt it, the needle entered her neck, piercing her skin.
She cried. There was little pain, but she still cried.
The needle was removed, and the collar was replaced. She barely resisted. She fell to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.
“Now, see, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Bloodwing cooed with a sliminess that took years of practice to get right. “Now, stay there like a good little filly while I run these tests. If you’re good, I’ll take the collar and shackles off… maybe.”
Rainbow Dash woke back up as Applejack sat her down at Twilight’s table. A cup of hot tea was waiting for her. She reached for it with and drank the contents slowly, instantly warming her throat and chest with the tea. She felt sick to the stomach, not because any ailment or disease but of her actions she had performed earlier. More memories came back to her and she shook her head in disgust at what she had done, how she had not listened to Scootaloo. How she had betrayed the filly, the filly who had seen her as a hero, and now she was a villain in every way.
Applejack looked upon her friend somberly as she was berating herself for what happened. She reached out a hoof to her friend and placed it gently on her shoulder, “Sugarcube, ya’ll need to stop kicking yerself like this. Ya couldn’t possibly know that Scootaloo was-”
Rainbow smacked her hoof away from her and glared at Applejack with teary eyes, “No! It was my fault! I should have noticed something was wrong! I’ve never seen Scootaloo act like that ever! I should have done something… I should have…” she couldn’t say another word as she broke down crying. Applejack was shocked to see Rainbow in such a state, it was something that she could not picture her friend to do. Applejack reached out and held her friend in a firm hug, which Rainbow submitted to and cried in Applejack’s shoulders. Applejack patted her friend’s back as she was shaking from the cold and the tears that breached her eyes.
“There, there, Rainbow, let it all out now… we will find her.”
The door to the room opened slowly and Twilight slowly entered it with three more teacups levitating in front of her. She passed two of them to her friends as one stayed in front of her which she sipped slowly, as her mind was in deep thought.
“Rainbow, did Scootaloo tell you anything about who those ponies were?”
Drying her eyes a bit. “She… she told me they worked for a mad scientist… Bloodwing, I think. She said he was… he was trying to make an alicorn.”
Applejack arched an eyebrow, while Twilight’s eyes opened wide. “Somepony is trying to make an alicorn?”
“I know, it sounded like a bad comic book, so I didn’t believe her…” Rainbow Dash started crying again.
Twilight sighed. “I’ve received a reply from the Princess, telling me who those ponies were…”
“And?”
Twilight’s face turned slightly grim before answering, “They are wanted criminals; crimes involving kidnapping, assault and possible murder,” as she finished the last word, she saw Rainbow’s eyes burning with fury and if she was a unicorn, she would have set herself on fire. “Now I’ve been working on a spell to locate them, so it should lead us to where those two have taken Scootaloo. But I suggest we-”
“We’re going right now.”
Twilight and Applejack looked at Rainbow with a mixed of confusion and worry.
“Rainbow, it’s eleven at night, there’s no way we can go out and follow them right now. Besides, we need our rest and you need yours, too,” Twilight tried to reason with her friend, but it proved to be of no avail as Rainbow got off the table and tried to make her way to the exit of the library but was stopped as a lavender aura surrounded her and kept her from moving any further.
“I’m sorry Rainbow, but I can’t let you leave this library until its morning.”
Rainbow tried to move her limbs, but she couldn’t move any muscle at all. “Twilight, let me go! I need to find Scootaloo!”
“Listen, there’s nothing we can do right now. The Royal Guards will be searching the area, and in the morning…”
“No!” Rainbow Dash wailed. “Every minute we’re here, they could be hurting Scootaloo! We…”
Twilight’s horn glowed. It was like flicking a switch, the pegasus immediately dropped limp. Carefully, Twilight levitated her onto Applejack’s back. “Put her in my guest bed. You better tie her down, I don’t want her flying off the moment she wakes up.”
“What’re you gonna be doing?”
“I’m going to write the Princess and tell her about this Bloodwing pony, see what we can find out before tomorrow. Be ready to be out all day tomorrow, we are going to find Scootaloo.”
Scootaloo laid in her cage, her legs chafing from her binds. She almost wished she was back in the restraint belt, at least that was comfortable.
She heard the doors open again, and she flinched. Bloodwing was back, with Black and Blue at his sides.
“Good news, my dear, you’re as healthy as ever. So that means we can continue your treatments!”
There was only a moment of silence before the chains rattled. Scootaloo scooted back to the end of the cage, hoping she could somehow pass through.
The locks opened, and she was pulled back forward. The collar came off, and the tears started again.
“Don’t worry, this will only hurt a little… but the rest, may be quite excruciating.” he said the last word with sick humour, as he pierced her skin with another syringe and injected her with a glowing purple liquid. She was squirming in fear as to what he was putting in her, but she could hardly move thanks to being held down by two other ponies.
Once the syringe was removed from her skin, she felt immense pain all over her body, like her very blood was on fire. Her forehead felt like it was going to split in two, and her wings felt as if they were being stretched and pulled right off her body. The two earth ponies let her go and watched her squirm on the ground in severe agony. Black let out a gasp as he saw what was happening to her and Blue’s eyes slightly dilated at what he was seeing.
“Sir, what exactly did you put in her?” Blue asked Bloodwing, who was merely smiling at the filly’s struggle.
Bloodwing shrugged and grinned, “Let’s just say, nature takes too slow… so I just speeded things up with her. That’s all.”
Scootaloo felt another surge of pain in her wings as though they were being ripped by a manticore. A stream of tears escaped her eyes as she could not do anything to quell the pain in anyway and starting shaking on the ground for what seemed like hours, but was in reality only a few minutes.
Bloodwing snickered at this and held a triumphant smile on his face, “This is going better than expected. Soon we will be able to move onto stage three of the project, my good followers.”
Black raised his eyes and had a nervous expression on his face as he absorbed the information, “Sir, are you meaning you will be-”
“Yes.”
“And then we will-”
“Indeed.”
Black’s nervous smile slowly turned into a wide grin of excitement as he let out a mighty laugh, cheering at his senior’s words. Blue was remaining stoic at these words and just stared on at the filly before him, before stomping his hoof to get Black and Bloodwing’s attention. “Sir, I think it is completed.” he stated to his superior, pointing his hoof to Scootaloo’s body who was still conscious and tear-stricken.
Bloodwing moved forward and lifted her head with his hoof to inspect it thoroughly and then proceeded to inspect Scootaloo’s wings. He smiled even wider than before and looked back at Blue, “Get me a mirror, please.”
“Yes Sir.”
Once Blue returned with a mirror in his mouth, Bloodwing took it and placed it in front of Scootaloo’s face. “Look at what we did for you, my pretty~”
Scootaloo looked into the mirror as best she could. Her tears were hard to see through, and she couldn’t notice any change right away.
“It’s your wings. They’re just the right size for a pony your age. You’re a little more complete. And look what else!”
She squinted, but it was hard to see. Then, she noticed it. It was a bump on her forehead, not very big but noticeable.
“A horn! You’re growing a horn!” Bloodwing cheered. ”Your strength might have gone up too! The powers of all three races! Oh, you beautiful specimen, you!” He stroked her hair. She cringed at the contact.
“…Just let me go,” she said. Her voice was raspy from the constant screaming and crying of the last few hours.
“I’ll do no such thing. I created you, you’re my little pony. My wonderful creation. You belong to me. That’s why you’re all chained up, you need to learn your place, you naughty little filly.”
“…I want to go home!” she cried. “I want Rainbow Dash!”
“This is home,” he said bluntly. “And Rainbow Dash doesn't want you. She gave you back to me, remember? Now why don’t you get some rest? Once you've rested up, we need to test the newfound abilities!”
The collar was reapplied, the sickening click of it locking ringing in Scootaloo’s ears. The cage was closed again, and the filly collapsed to the floor, crying again. Hoofsteps sounded as Bloodwing and his lackeys walked away, leaving the filly with her tears.
“Rainbow Dash… please… help me!”
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Well, as AJ did point out. RD breaking down like this IS a bit... unnatural for her. But I'm sure you have reasons to that, right?
I hope Shining Armour comes in and starts helping...
1638092
Every person in life has that moment where they breakdown crying (or in this case every pony)... and Rainbow Dash is no exception to this rule...
1638166
I know, I know. I just don't think that from the show, this is the type of thing she'll break down over.
1638168
In the show; they won't have a filly abducted, beaten, experimented and abused on either
1638180
They could have a friend separated from the others... okay its a bit more than that but still...
1630102
You have to remember, there might be a direct line to the Princess, but she's a busy mare and there's no guarantee she could respond for a while. These two are supposedly legitimate agents who want Scootaloo now, and resisting them would likely make it harder later to get her later. For right now, at least, turning Scootaloo over to them makes the most sense.
1638217
I think that reasoning falls flat when you're a national hero twice over. Especially when the child in question is freaking out beyond all reasonable expectations.
I think Twilight could have argued for waiting for her to check their credentials after the way Scootaloo acted. And if the two protested, even more reason to be suspicious.
But that is just my two bits on the situation. Still a good story, I am really enjoying it so far.
MOAR!
1638286
You do make a good point, there.
Oh, and this: *Waves fingers on hand at you.*
I do hope that this Bloodwing guy has some powerful magical suppressors up and that those chains are tough. Because, if he succeeds, he's going to locked in a building with a living weapon; a living weapon of the same type that the ancient Unicorn arch-mages designed to kill Discord. The existing ones can juggle celestial objects but they don't have a reason to hate you. This one, on the other hand, has quite an imagination and you have given her particular reason to want to rearrange your body.
Congratulations; you've just made your very own Nightmare. Goodbye.
BTW - I see my theory of clone!Scootaloo seems to have been verified.
Poor RD is going mad; she's an action-bias personality but just going charging off with no idea where you're going is a bad idea. In the morning, she'll realise that but, right now, she probably hates Twilight with more venom than she ever imagined she could feel.
By the way, I hope for Bloodwing's sake that Scootaloo kills him quick and clean. I don't want to think what Celestia and Luna would do to him by displaying all their magisterial justice and divine mercy to its most horrible extent.
1638217 I agree that it's the most logical choice, but this is Rainbow Dash. Future consequences don't often come into her thought process. A risk vs. reward thinker she is not. Her almost instant offer to adopt Scoots shows how much Rainbow cares about her, and watching two goons restrain and carry off a terrified struggling filly you care for as much as a daughter is just not something I can see Rainbow doing.
I've already said it doesn't make me not like the story, I just don't agree with the characterization in that part. Just my headcanon rejecting a foreign body in the organism. Now I'm off to read chapter three.
Edit: which was great.
I'm gonna guess they're going to get there too late, and Scootaloo will have changed allegiances due to mind altering drugs.
1639269
You'll see what will happen
1639282 Either way, I'm sure it will be good, these two stories in this series are very enjoyable.
Keep up the good work!
i like the story, one of the few that involves characters that are not OC or mane6 becoming alicorns (so kudos for the new idea)
-i am sensing a bit of Maximum Ride here; coincidence?
-also while RD may not think plans through all the time, she has shown to be far from stupid so please dontmake themistake of basing her soley off acting without thought
other than that, good story
It little, too late Rainbow Dash.
And I think Twilight is an idiot. 'Let's get some sleep'... yeah, brilliant. It's not like you haven't ever stayed up late cramming or gone over 24 hours without rest then hunted down Nightmare Moon in the Everfree... oh wait, you did.
Yes, yes, I get logically WHY she said it, story wise. But in universe this is now her second big mistake (the first being not investigating the guys that came demanding Scootaloo... any sane person would demand a background check, contact their agency, so on, before letting a child go) and she is seriously annoying me.
Rainbow Dash pick yourself up, laugh about your mistake and don't worry you got this.
You aren't called 'Rainbow' and 'Dash' for nothing.
1642864 you cant just "pick your self up", what RBD did went past out of bounds, straght through betrayle and landed in never forgive, never forget.
Fifth time reading this, and still LOVING it.
This time round, I'm jacked on caffeine, so here's a few things I was thinking as I read through it.
Mostly nitpicky stuff, but just things that cut deeper into my feels.
Because muffins.
At her?
I would think there would only be one plane of dreams... Unless Luna has some sort of multiverse thing goin' on.
Fic idea! Inception + Groundhog Day = Luna trapped in a neverending dream loop. Finally commits suicide for the bajillionth time, not realizing that this last iteration was real. 
Antimatter agents ftw; hyphenation maybe?
From his mouth? "By" would be used if it were part of her, I would think.
Pounce... on?
Also, I was kinda thinking "wicked grin upon his muzzle" would kinda help imagery, forcing the predatory picture of Black to enhance his creepy level in the reader's mind... (With predators, you kinda fear the mouth area...)
Petrified state?
Perhaps using an elipsis at the end would enhance the contextual idea of his identity?
Maybe a semicolon between the two clauses here?
Derp?
I love how Golden Oaks is so dedicated to Twilight's study sessions, it has its own day/night cycle based on her.
Semicolon? Two complete clauses here...
For the life of me, I can't figure out whether "but the rest," or "but the rest..." would be grammatically correct. Either works, I guess, but personally I like an elipsis right there.
Also, capitalize "he" if separate sentences? There seems to be a period terminating that dialogue...
I'm on a nitpicky rambling roll, but I think mayhaps we can reword this to focus on the invasiveness just a touch. Subtle, but it sure enhances the feeling. If a doctor was touching me, my mind would be focused on the hands, rather than the doctor as a whole... unless she was attractive... ^u^
Maybe a tiny rewording to focus on the invasion of the needle and spread of the substance?
I could see Pinkie Pie grinning a sentence, but perhaps we better put a period there.
Also, "sped." Maybe even "sped things up for her."
Change it up a bit for a surge of fire as though they were being shredded? Dem feels.
Any way?
Oh doctor, you and your talking smiles. (Period where the comma is?)
Also, I would think "displayed" or "snickered at this with a triumphant smile spread across his face" might be more fitting; holding a smile to your face is something Pinkie does.
I know, picky.
Comma suffixing the quote?
While I could possibly understand that under that much pain Scoot's body may have had a mind of its own, I usually wouldn't attribute personification to a physical body itself.
I guess you could get away with this by rewording just a tad...
Inspect all the things! Maybe swap that second "inspect" with "scrutinize," "evaluate," "appraise, or "assess."
Croaked? I'm a sucker for extreme word choice when it comes to traumatic scenes like this.
Perhaps redact that "you're?" Note that it's the same type of phrasing Celestia uses, but now in a different sense.
Semicolon?
"... save me..." would yank a few more tears from me (as if I don't have enough already).
Aaaaand just in time for caffeine crash. Nighty-night.
Ugh, it's exactly like Nazi experiments. (I know all about those, I did a report on concentration camps in eighth grade.)
But, I just thought of something... if Scoots becomes a full-blown alicorn, she could bust out and destroy the place, as well as Bloodwing and his cronies, without batting an eye.
Which is why if you want to try and turn a mortal into a god, you should have them volunteer instead of making them suffer. Otherwise, if it works, you'll have an enemy that you don't stand a chance against.
I hope you don't mind, but I voiced Bloodwing like Red Skull as I did the reading. Also, evil version of Celestia's ballad.
Ahhh, we are now introduced to our head bad guy for this picture. Bloodwing, I have to admit...I do have a love for a maniacal and insane evil scientist that wants to prefect a super soldier. Watching him in motion, makes me think of Professor Tomoe and Dr. Hinerlar (Mega ranger) in his actions. I also love how Dash is suffering, like her speed and bravery are useless and thus she feels useless. Its a horrible spot to be in and I like how you handled it.
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...which doesn't help you if the subject is driven insane by the process. The bad guys in "No One Lives Forever 2: A Spy in H.A.R.M.'s Way" found that out the hard way.
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Unfortunately, that would've gotten TheMyth in loads of hot water with WarnerBrothers for trademark infringement since they own the phrase "save me" as a result of Smallville.
justkidding
….interesting....very interesting
..... mate twilights an absolute idiot