Brony Steve Makes Out with Fluttershy
Brony Steve Makes Out with Fluttershy
by D. G. D. Davidson
The portal opened and Brony Steve’s body reassembled. He struck hard against soft grass and lay in a heap, panting as his head throbbed. Sweat trickled down his face and a spasm wracked him. The trip had been painful, but he was certain it had been worth it.
The air was muggy, and the sun beat hot against the back of his neck. For a minute, he kept his eyes closed, afraid of what he might see when he finally opened them. He had watched this world many times on the screen of his laptop, but to see it for real, from within, might be too much for his mind to take.
At last, he sat up and peered around. It looked much the same as it had on TV. The bright colors were the same, but he could see new details now. He could see shadows. The foliage under his feet was not a flat, pastel green; he could make out individual blades of grass. The flowers waved gently in the hot breeze. The clouds overhead looked like the clouds back home rather than like flat white swirls.
He sighed in relief when he realized he could judge distances. He had expected that, in a cartoon world, he would have no depth perception, so for the last few weeks, he had practiced performing complicated tasks with one eye closed.
He ran his hands through the grass around him. It felt real, if perhaps silkier than he expected, though that could simply indicate a well-manicured lawn. The color was strange, but at least the grass didn’t feel like a hard, flat plane, which was what he had anticipated.
When he stood, he wobbled; he was still dizzy from the lingering effects of the transportation, but he otherwise felt well.
The portal had dropped him exactly where he wanted to be. The Everfree Forest loomed nearby, its twisted trees casting its dense underbrush in shadow. Ponyville’s outlying houses were only a few hundred feet away. The quaint, Elizabethan-style buildings looked more substantial than he had imagined they would. The thatch on the roofs looked real, and some showed signs of mold. The buildings had mud from the streets splattered up their walls. Some of the houses were in disrepair.
He took a deep breath and frowned. He had supposed that Equestria would smell like flowers, or maybe fudge. It actually smelled like a barnyard.
Something buzzed near his ear and landed on his neck. Without thinking, he swatted it. When he looked at his palm, he saw the squashed remains of a horsefly.
Since the fateful day when Brony Steve and his friends had discovered serendipitously, while drunk, that they could open portals to other worlds by following the esoteric instructions in the short story “Mismsy Were the Borogoves” by Lewis Padgett, they had worked hard to find a way into the only alternate world they cared about—the magical land of ponies.
Sitting on the corner of his bed, Brony Mike munched a slice of Domino’s pizza and held a folded copy of Padgett’s story in one hand. A soft-spoken English major with thick spectacles and fine blond hair, Mike was just old enough to have watched the original My Little Pony ‘n’ Friends back in the Eighties. He had enjoyed the franchise even then, though he had admitted that only to his closest friends. On cheap plywood shelves bolted to the walls of his room, he kept his steadily growing collection; it consisted mostly of G4 toys, including the Pony Princess Wedding Castle and a complete set of Bridle Friends figurines, the hair of which he had carefully styled to be show-accurate. He also displayed a set of G1 DVDs. “You know,” he said, “it’s possible there is no Equestria. It might just be a place in a children’s cartoon show.”
On his hands and knees on the floor, arranging rocks to conform with Padgett’s arcane descriptions, Brony Karl snorted. “It’s not a children’s show! Why can’t you guys figure that out?” He picked at a pimple in his bald spot and peered at his handiwork.
“Whatever,” said Mike. “I’m just saying maybe we should use the portal to go to a universe full of hot, lovesick women instead.”
Karl sat up, patted his paunch, and reached for the open pizza box. “Women,” he grumbled. “Just forget about women, I say, like they always forget about me. Why would I go to a world full of hot women when I can go to a world full of hot frickin’ ponies?”
Mike shrugged. “I don’t have an answer to that.”
Brooding, Brony Steve lay on the floor in a corner, stared up at the cracks in the ceiling, and slowly turned in his hand his prize possession—a brushable Fluttershy, the only pony toy he owned. He had considered styling its mane the way Mike had styled the mane of his, but then realized that, if he did, he would no longer be able to comb its hair.
“I had more haters trolling my blog today,” he said. “I announced that Fluttershy was my waifu, and they cussed me out and told me to grow up.”
“You should stop reading the comments on your blog,” Mike answered. “Disregard haters and acquire ponies.”
“What happens if we really go to Equestria?” Steve asked. “What will we do there? How will the ponies react? We need to consider every possibility.”
“I can tell you what I’ll do,” Karl answered, pulling a thick slice of pizza out of the box. Licking his lips, he muttered, “Maybe all those mares can’t keep you satisfied, Rainbow Dash, but I bet I can.”
Steve sat up. “Do we know what ponies are really like? We see them on TV, we make up stories about them, but we really have only a tiny glimpse into their world. How does their economic system work? Do they have religion? How does their government function? Does Celestia have a cabinet? A senate? Is the mare-to-stallion ratio really as high at it looks in the show?”
“That’s why most of ’em are lez,” said Karl, tearing pieces from his pizza with his teeth.
“That’s just it,” Steve answered. “We don’t really know that about them. We made it up. I mean, it’s a children’s show—”
“It’s not a children’s show!” Karl shouted, spitting flecks of crust. “If it were for kids, do you think it would have all that sexual innuendo?”
Mike lowered the paperback he was holding and scratched his head. “What sexual—?”
“C’mon!” yelled Karl. “It’s everywhere! Haven’t you paid attention?”
Mike shrugged again. “Well, I did sorta think the Marzipan Mascarpone Merengue Madness looked like a phallic symbol.”
“Exactly! It’s obvious if you think about it.”
Steve stood. “You guys, we gotta be serious about this. We’re ambassadors from one world to another. We’re going to be the first humans ever to visit the ponies—”
“Except Megan,” said Mike.
Karl pounded a fist against the floor. “For the last damn time, there is no continuity between G4 and your stupid G1.”
“But—”
“And your crossover fic sucked!”
Pouting, Mike walked to his shelf of toys and fiddled with his Friendship Express playset.
Steve paced up and down. “Before we go to Equestria, we have to go into training. We have to learn to be gentlecolts! We don’t know what might offend a pony. If we act like the bronies in those choose-your-own-adventure fics, we could cause an interdimensional crisis. We gotta be on our best behavior. We gotta be polite. We gotta avoid calling characters by their fan-given names if they haven’t been confirmed in canon, and we gotta . . .”
He snapped his fingers, turned, and pointed at his friends. “That’s it, we start practicing now. From now on, no more swearing.”
“What?” Karl cried. “This is another excuse to get me to stop talking, isn’t it?”
“Dude, I’m serious. What if ponies are offended by cuss words? I mean, the worst thing they say is hay.”
“You forgot they use buck to mean you-know-what,” said Karl, sniggering.
“No they don’t,” Mike said with his back turned. “We do. Steve’s got a point.” He turned around and dusted crumbs from his jeans. “You know what I think? I think we shouldn’t all go together. Not the first time, at least. To avoid frightening them, only one of us should go.”
Karl scrambled to his feet. “What? No! You just want to get your hands on Rainbow before I can—”
Mike slapped a hand over Karl’s mouth. “I think Steve should go.”
Steve furrowed his brow. “Why?”
"You’re serious about being nice once you get there. You deserve to be the one, if any of us do. Karl’s only interested in pony porn, and I’d be disappointed if I found out Firefly isn’t really Rainbow Dash’s mom. You don’t have all the stupid fantasies and expectations. You can plan for anything.”
Steve clapped Mike’s shoulders. “Dude, you’re awesome.”
“Nah, man. You’re awesome.”
“Brony hug?” Steve asked.
“Brony hug.”
Steve and Mike grabbed each other, and they dragged Karl into the embrace as well.
Guilt burned in Steve’s stomach. He really had wanted to be as polite to the ponies as he could be, to plan as far as possible, and to be a worthy ambassador from Earth to Equestria, but he had a secret goal he hadn’t told his friends.
More than anything, the one thing he wanted to do was kiss Fluttershy. If he could accomplish that, he would consider his life complete.
Of course, he intended to accomplish it politely. That was key. Also, he didn’t want to end up on the wrong end of Fluttershy’s stare.
Shading his eyes with his hand, he squinted at the sky and tried to judge the time of day. His best guess was noon. He could see Canterlot perched on its cliff in the distance; it still looked like a fairy castle flagrantly defying the laws of physics, though he could make out massive struts and cantilevers on its underside, features invisible in the cartoon show. The waterfalls pouring through it did not appear as solid bands of blue, but grew indistinct as they neared the ground, whipped into clouds of mist by the wind.
He had spent several hours examining the show and had come to the conclusion that Canterlot was roughly northeast of Ponyville. Since he was on the edge of Ponyville and Everfree, Fluttershy’s cottage should be almost directly east. He could reach it by walking along the forest’s edge.
He dug into his pocket until he found his brushable. Gripping it tightly, he set off.
Steve and his friends had for weeks discussed the likely consequences of a human’s sudden arrival in the world of ponies. They had made a list of all the human-in-Equestria fan fictions they could find, and they had divided them up according to their personal tastes. Steve had read the adventure stories, Mike had read the comedies, and Karl had read the clopfics.
“Here’s a guy who says the only realistic thing for the ponies to do at the sight of a human is go crazy and kill him,” Mike said as he lay on the sofa and read a blog entry on his smartphone.
“I don’t think that sounds realistic at all,” Steve answered. He rubbed his temples as he scrolled through another wall of text on his laptop. “When they saw Zecora, they just ran and hid . . . hey, in this one, the human’s got superpowers, he’s the only one who can save Equestria, and he goes on a big adventure in an airship. Oh, and he has a romance with Twilight Sparkle.”
“That doesn’t sound realistic either,” said Mike.
Karl clapped his hands and giggled as he read a story on his own computer. “Oh, man! In this one, he bones all the ponies! Damn, you should see what he does to Lyra!”
Steve sighed and closed his eyes. His head throbbed. “And I know that’s unrealistic. I’m not sure any of this is helping.”
“In all the stories, it’s always Twilight who’s most calm at the sight of a human,” said Mike. “So look for her first.”
“But then I gotta walk through town until I find the library, which means every other pony’s gonna see me.” He swallowed a lump. “I think I should look for Fluttershy.”
Mike threw his phone down on the couch. “That’s the last one I would think—”
“No, really. Look, she was scared of Zecora, but she thought Zecora was a pony at first. She wasn’t particularly scared of Iron Will, and she defended him when the others called him a monster. She wasn’t scared of Spike or Cerberus. Fluttershy is scared of full-grown dragons and she’s shy around other ponies, but she does okay with everything else. If she thinks I’m an exotic animal, everything’s cool.”
“Ha!” Karl cried as he slammed his laptop closed. “Oh, man, Rarity had that coming to her! Whew, best one I’ve read in a while. Hey, what’s this about Fluttershy?”
“Steve wants to find her first,” Mike said. “He says she’ll think he’s an animal.”
Karl nodded. “I’d be an animal with Fluttershy, if ya know what I mean. But if you wanna pretend to be part of the wildlife, bucko, ya gotta go nekkid.”
“Karl,” said Steve, “just shut up.” He twisted his mouth. “But that’s something else to consider—how should I dress? What’s the temperature like?”
"Dunno," Mike said. "Always looks sunny in the show. I’m guessing it’s warm . . . well, unless there’s a season-centered episode, of course. Except in ‘Fall Weather Friends,’ ‘Winter Wrap-Up,’ and ‘Hearth’s Warming Eve,’ it always looks like summer.”
“But apples are always in season,” Steve answered, “which means late fall.”
“I love ‘Fall Weather Friends,’” said Karl. “That episode proves that Dash and Applejack are doing it. My second favorite is ‘Griffon the Brush-Off,’ which proves that Dash and Pinkie Pie are doing it. My third favorite, of course, is ‘Hurricane Fluttershy,’ which proves that Dash and Fluttershy are do—”
“Karl, shut up,” said Steve.
Karl cracked his knuckles, leaned back in his chair, and laced his fingers behind his head. “Aww, is little Steve jealous? You’re just upset because my girl is using your girl to slake her voracious appetite.”
Steve slowly shook his head and allowed an expression of disgust to settle on his face. “Are you even watching the same show we are?”
“Sure. I just know how to read the subtext. You don’t.”
“You know,” said Mike, “the G1 ponies cuddled and kissed each other all the time. It didn’t mean anything.”
“Yeah,” said Karl, “but that was the Eighties. People were naïve back then. Now we understand these things.” He opened his laptop again. “I need more porn.”
In the end, Steve had decided on simple clothes, cleaned and pressed to look presentable but sturdy enough for outdoor labor if that became necessary. He wore cargo pants, a loose button-up shirt, and hiking boots. In his daypack, he had a fleece-lined windbreaker along with energy bars and bottles of water in case he couldn’t eat cartoon food. He also had a copy of “Mimsy Were the Borogoves” so he could create a portal to get back home.
Only when he stood next to Fluttershy’s chicken coop did it occur to him that she might mistake him for a monster out of the Everfree Forest, but by then it was too late.
The cottage looked much as it did in the show, except its many birdhouses, its roof, and the surrounding grounds were stained with bird droppings. Encircled by chipmunks, squirrels, robins, blue jays, and butterflies, Fluttershy herself stood in the middle of the front yard. She wore a faded straw sun hat and quietly hummed a pretty tune as a chickadee alighted on her raised hoof. The breeze blew a few strands of her pink hair across her face.
Steve’s heart leapt into his throat and a frisson ran from his head to his feet. Here was the first pony he had seen in the flesh. In his pocket, his sweaty hand gripped the toy even tighter.
She looked much as he had expected, except, as was the case with the grass and the houses, he could espy details invisible in the show. Instead of appearing thick and featureless, her legs had visible joints, tendons, and muscles. Although painted yellow, her hooves were distinguishable from her coat. She had a bulbous head and foreshortened muzzle, half human and half horsey in appearance. Her eyes were large, but not nearly as large as they appeared on television.
Steve paused for a moment and almost drew back. She was too real. Her anthropomorphized equine features, so cute in a cartoon, now struck him as grotesque.
Leaving the toy in his pocket, he pulled his hand free. Slowly, and as quietly as he could, he stepped around the coop and approached her. Absorbed as she was in her animal friends, she didn’t notice.
Swallowing a lump, Steve opened his mouth, licked his lips, and said one word.
“Fluttershy.”
She turned and looked at him.
Gasping, Steve fell to the floor of Mike’s room and twitched uncontrollably.
Mike knelt beside him. “Dude, are you okay?”
“No,” Steve gasped. “I think . . . urgh . . . it’s worse. Maybe it gets worse each time . . . ungghh.”
He panted for a minute, but then his breathing slowed. “It’s passing. Yeah, I’ll be all right. I think.”
Mike pulled him upright. Steve swayed on his feet.
“What happened?” Mike asked. “We’ve been watching the show, trying to see if you’d appear in any existing episodes or something, but—”
Steve shook his head. “I don’t think it works like that. We’re not seeing the real Equestria on the TV. It’s more like a representation. A reflection, maybe. The real thing’s more solid.”
Karl, who had been lying on top of the My Little Pony bedspread, rose to his feet. “How did it go?”
Steve put a hand to his forehead and discovered he was dripping sweat. “I met Fluttershy.”
“And?” Mike asked.
Steve swallowed. His mind was still a jumble.
Karl’s mouth turned up in a lopsided grin. He gave a satisfactory nod. “You banged her, didn’t you?”
Pushing past Mike, Steve slugged Karl in the jaw. “Just shut up, you sick son of a bitch!”
Enervated as he was, his punch landed weakly. Karl replied with a powerful right hook that knocked Steve back to the floor.
Mike wrapped his arms around Karl, struggling to pin his arms to his sides and hold him back. “Stop it, guys! Stop!”
Karl shrugged Mike off and picked Steve up by his collar. “You little pissant. You little piece of shit. You think you can just knock me around? Huh? Huh?” He slapped Steve back and forth across the face.
Mike landed a hand on Karl’s shoulder. Karl paused.
“Get out,” Mike said. “Just get out of my house.”
Karl dropped Steve and looked at Mike for a moment, chewing his lip. At last, he knocked Mike’s hand away and walked toward the door, muttering to himself. “Little bitch wouldn’t know what to do with a pony anyhow.” He punched the door on the way out and clattered around in the hall before the front door slammed, indicating he’d left.
Fluttershy merely stared at Steve, her lower lip trembling and her nose quivering. Her ears lay back against her head.
Sweat broke out afresh on his forehead, but he forced himself to take another step forward.
She shrank back and opened her wings.
He raised his hands. His voice cracked as he said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Tilting her head to one side, she peered at him. Her face expressed suspicion, but she folded her wings and her ears rose up again.
“Are you . . . a satyr?” she asked.
He paused.
She tilted her head the other way, frowning.
“Yes,” he said.
A grin slowly spread across her face. She ran up to him and pranced around him, looking him up and down. “Oh, I’ve never met a satyr before, but I’ve heard so much about you.”
She stopped prancing, frowned, and shrank back again. “How did you know my name?”
“I’ve heard about you, too,” he said.
“About me? Oh my goodness!” Her voice rose to a squeak.
“Somepony told me you took care of the animals around here.” He smiled. Shyly, she smiled back.
He walked with her, and they talked. He felt guilty about lying to her, but he kept doing it anyway. He made up stories about life as a satyr, and she accepted everything without question. Several animals followed them. At first, they were timid and kept their distance, but soon they grew used to Steve and swarmed around Fluttershy again.
As they talked, he became accustomed to her strange appearance, and after a few hours, he thought of her as the real Fluttershy, of whom the cartoon character was only a quaint misrepresentation. Her voice, though soft and feminine, was not Andrea Libman’s: it was a beautiful yet inhuman voice reminiscent of a whinny. She sounded perpetually out of breath, which perplexed Steve until he remembered that horses only breathed through their noses; to speak, Fluttershy had deliberately to force air out through her mouth.
He helped her with her afternoon chores. He gathered firewood from the edge of the forest and stacked it behind her cottage. She praised him on the clever use of his hands.
“But you don’t have to do that, really,” she said.
“I’m glad to,” he answered.
After that, he helped her make new nests for some of the birds; he wasn’t good at it, but he was useful when it came time to carry the nests to the trees and replace the old ones.
“I usually have to make two trips to do this,” she said. “But you really don’t have to—”
“It’s no problem,” he answered.
After the chores were done, they took tea in the little garden behind the cottage. He sat close to her. Angel Bunny, glaring suspiciously at him, served.
The western sky turned dusky as the sun lowered. Angel hopped back into the cottage to get something, and Steve felt his heart pound hard as he realized this was his chance.
He glanced at her muzzle, which looked like a horse’s in miniature, and wondered for a moment if he really wanted to go through with this.
She was talking about the squirrels and her concerns as to whether she could find them enough nuts to store away for the winter. Only half listening, he leaned toward her, and she went silent.
“Fluttershy?”
“Yes?”
“Would it be all right if I . . . I mean, would you let me . . . ?”
“Yes?”
“. . . Comb your hair?” Steve felt his face flush, and he kicked himself.
She blinked a few times. “I guess so.”
Crickets chirruped in the dark glade behind Mike’s house. Steve sat on the back porch, nursing a beer and a black eye as he watched moths flitter around the porch light.
Mike walked out and leaned on the railing. “You want another ice pack?”
Steve shook his head.
“You want another beer?”
Steve nodded. Mike walked back inside. A minute later, he walked out again with a couple of fresh bottles. Steve popped the cap off one and took a long pull.
Mike watched him.
Steve lowered the bottle to his lap and turned it in his hands. “I used to know this girl in high school,” he said. “She was very shy and had such a soft voice that it was often hard to hear what she said. She was pretty, too, maybe the prettiest girl I’ve ever known, a dishwater blonde with long, really thick, crazy hair.” He laughed quietly. “She had such a sweet, innocent face. She was skinny and looked frail.”
He took another long drink, and when he came up for air, he added, “But she was tough as nails. Once, a guy made a rude comment to her and she broke his nose. She took a trip to New Guinea and came back with scars from botflies running up her legs, and she acted like it was no big deal. Then she went to India and volunteered in a leprosarium.”
Mike sipped his own beer. “Wow.”
“Yeah. I had a crush on her like you wouldn’t believe. I spent my sophomore year screwing up the courage to tell her, and in late May I did.”
“Did she break your nose?”
“Might’ve been better if she had. No, she just told me, very sweetly, to take a hike. Even so, I carried a torch for her all through high school. I stopped thinking about her so much in college, or at least I thought I did—until someone from back home sent me a news clipping saying she was getting married.” He tapped his chest. “Felt like getting stabbed with a knife. Funny how some of us never entirely recover from things like that.”
Steve reached into his pocket, pulled out his brushable Fluttershy, and turned it in his hand. Its mane was tangled.
“We can always open another portal,” Mike said. “We can go together next time.”
“I’m not going back,” said Steve.
“Why not?”
Steve finished his bottle. “I did what I set out to do.”
“So that’s it? Mission accomplished? No more ponies?”
Teeth clenched, Steve leapt to his feet and chucked the bottle. It shattered against a rock somewhere in the glade. “You don’t get it.”
“Then explain it.”
Steve shook his head. “I don’t know if I can yet. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe the day after. Maybe a month from now, I can explain it, but not now.” He gingerly touched the bruised flesh around his eye. “I feel guilty. I feel hollow. I feel like a pervert who’s finally got what he’s been horny for and now has to live with himself, and I guess that’s what I am. I think about the haters on my blog who told me to grow up, and I think I finally understand them. They weren’t telling me it’s wrong to like a children’s show. They were telling me it’s wrong to like a children’s show in the wrong way.”
Mike shrugged. “Who gets to say what’s right or wrong?”
“I don’t know, Mike. Maybe nobody has to say. Maybe it just is.” He leaned on the railing and stared into the trees. “A guy can’t marry Fluttershy or raise Rainbow Dash as his daughter. If we count on ponies to give us what we don’t have, we’re bound to be disappointed. I’ve figured something out: it really is a children’s show, and the ponies live in a children’s world. People like you and me don’t belong there.”
Mike slowly shook his head. “I don’t believe that.”
“But I’m certain of it. That’s what I learned in Equestria: the ponies are innocent, but we can corrupt them.”
Steve stared at his brushable, watching its mussed pink hair reflect the yellow light from the lamp overhead.
After several minutes of silence, he pulled his arm back and then, with a quick snap, threw the toy out into the darkness. Wiping his hands against each other as if removing dirt, he turned into the house, let the screen door bang shut behind him, and left Mike alone on the porch.
Even though it was late summer, the night air was cool. Steve tucked his hands into the pockets of his windbreaker as he meandered home in the dark and brooded over the time he had spent in another world.
It seemed like such a happy fantasy when he was merely watching a cartoon and imagining what it might be like to fall in love with a beautiful, kind, shy, gentle-hearted pony. Impossibly, he had spent the day with her, and all his dreams had come true.
Fluttershy’s long pink hair had been thick, fine, and soft, more like a human’s hair than like a horse’s. In silence, he had pulled a comb through it, listening to his heart thud in his ears, trying to work up the nerve.
He had paused, his stomach full of butterflies, and she had looked up at him. Gazing again at her inhuman face, he had realized that, much as he wanted this before, he wanted it no longer. He was fond of her; he wanted to be her friend. But he was not drawn to her in the way he had previously thought he was.
He leaned down and kissed her anyway. She had whiskers on her muzzle, and they prickled. The sensation was unpleasant. She didn’t react at all, but when he pulled away and looked again into her eyes, he detected, in the slight changes of her face, a deep hurt.
For several seconds, only silence passed between them. Then, wordlessly, he stood and walked away. He had got what he wanted.
And he felt like a fool.
He who would enter into the Kingdom of Faërie should have the heart of a little child.
—Andrew Lang
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“And your crossover fic sucked!”
“I’d be an animal with Fluttershy, if ya know what I mean."
Karl is a riot
This is the best HiE I have ever read, and Celestia knows I have read a lot!
The titles alone has me in stitches!
Can't wait to read this
Woot, two comments already. I want to give a big wet Rainbow kiss
and thank-you to everyone who reads, especially my followers who checked the story out and gave me some advice before the official posting. The title, at least, is a departure from my usual; if anyone wants to know what prompted this, there is an associated blog post.
I feel strange. Like everything I know was a lie. Deep thinking time.
Sexy.
Great story!
Wish I knew how the heat system worked. Have a comment and fave. You're number 115 on the Popular Stories list as I'm typing this.
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Heat system . . . ?
Thanks for the comment and fave! I'm not even sure where that popular stories list is, but I might go hunt for it . . .
1576131
Browse > Story Lists > What's Hot?
The top 50 or so are posted on the sidebar on the front page. The "heat system" is how the site calculates popularity. There's a certain half-life involved, various things have different weights, etc... It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle.
1576431
I am honored and humbled that you wish to reference something I have written. Of course you have my permission.
This was funnier than most 'comedies' I've read on this site, and its not even tagged as comedy.
After reading the first few paragraphs, I was thinking that the ponies would speak entirely in neighs, making them completely unintelligible to us humans. Fortunately, your ending was much better than this.
I was completely expecting a troll fic coming into this, but I'm pleasantly surprised. I'm glad you talked about Fluttershy's appearance. Most people don't even consider how bizarre and well...grotesque the ponies would appear in actual flesh. Although some people write them as still being in cartoon form like Space Jam or something. But then they're ignoring the fact the ponies wouldn't have genitals in that case, and there goes their fantasy of getting naughty with one.
Also the barnyard comment was gold, I loved that. You may be the first person to argue that Equestria doesn't smell like fresh air and daisy's, but more like the animals that inhabit it. Anyway good story man, have you considered writing a full fledged story with a similar premise?
Damn... this is some story. The intention to detail is exquisite, the depth of what steve went through makes me think a lot, and how equestria is portrayed through the story is another perspective of how it would be if a human where to enter.... I liked every bit of it, but it still left me thinking...
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I am at work on a novel-length story with a similar premise, though it takes place in a world with no My Little Pony franchise and, hence, no bronies. It will have more character development, more scandal, and a great deal more making out. I intend to write it in its entirety before I post any of it; the incomplete rough draft stands at about 50,000 words and will probably come out to 70,000 by the end. One reader has already seen it and given his approval.
I must think differently from most bronies, because my first assumption would have been that Equestria must smell strongly of horse! From when I first started writing MLP fan fiction, I've been reading articles on horses and trying to incorporate as much information on the real animal as I can without breaking canon.
1580068 Well that sounds even better. Theres more realism to be had when the story dosen't involve brony's. But focuses on a real EQ. Anyway I look forward to it.
>a few hundred feet
May I have than in English?
>Brony Mike munched a slice of Domino’s pizza
Brony Mike:
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/29114963.jpg
>the bronies in those choose-your-own-adventure fics
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5sq9wXWGw1rnl2pl.gif
>I need more porn
I know that feel
>he could espy details invisible in the show
espy?
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isnt the category supposed to be romantic?
This kinda sucks. And its kinda awsome. BUT QHY DID YOU JUST GO IN FOR THE KISS LIKE THAT AND THEN JUST WALK AWAY?!
Hey guys, this story got a rec from TVtropes. Nice!
Anyway, the last part got me. It did.
Wow...this was a good HiE fic...I think better than mine....oh well and I will spread the word of this fic to friends everywhere!
Yo.
So, Ezn reminded me that I still haven't defecated opinions onto your comments page about this. Whelp, second read-through, here I come!
I'm guessing this partially conforms to the "Only canon if seen in the show" -- a viewpoint I share, btw -- but is there any real reason why you excluded the map?
This line struck me as unfortunately comedic.
Heh. Nice choice of mythological creature. Fits the theme well.
Powerful line. Love it. Enough that I'd have recommended adding a bit of white space between it and the quote. You have a (realistically) infinite amount of space on the internet, and, unfortunately, no real way to get the reader to pause/be confined to one line whilst reading. If this was a movie, I'd have expected a fade-to-black after this part; white space is our equivalent. Sorta.
Ok, enough advertising exorbitant use of the enter button. On to more general thoughts:
Hmm... Overall, I like this. It stood up well to its second read through, and thus earns its favourite. Well, the favourites that I give out when not tracking something, that is. I miss the track button. And that brown thing underneath the banner. And the recommended fics at the bottom of a story. Have I shown just how much time I've wasted on this site yet? Bleh.
Anyway, there's still parts which could've been improved. Karl and Mike, to start off with: Mike was bland and Karl was uni-dimensional. I'd have honestly liked to have seen some reasoning behind exactly why
they're watching the cartoonthey want to go to Equestria so badly. It's hinted at, yes, but faintly. I get the feeling that Mike watches it out of nostalgia, Karl out of hornieness -- though the "like they [women] always forget about me" part hints at a sadly unexplored depth -- and Steve... actually, I'm not entirely sure about Steve. Some exploration of exactly why each character has this unwarranted fascination with a children's show would, I think, have only added to the main focus/conclusion of this fic.On to more analysis: this is a bit like Peter Pan -- the play rather the Disney film; I hate having to say that, but I unfortunately do -- for man-children. I'll probably get in trouble for using that word, but dammit if it isn't true: there are man-children in this fandom, and this is a shot aimed at them, rather than, as you said somewhere-else-which-I-cannot-remember, a shot aimed at Bronydom in general. There are many reasons to watch the show, and a desire to return towards the safety and security of childhood and innocence is only one of them. A weirdly popular one, yes, and one of the main reasons I won't admit to being a Brony in public (not that I've been asked), but far from the sole reason.
As for why it's like Peter Pan, one main point. The fantasy existence of childhood innocence without the crumbling walls of puberty is a shared theme between them -- or, at least, it is in my interpretation. That Steve speaks of corrupting it is noticeable in itself; the hurt in Flutters's eyes is a stronger way of underlining it. Other little sparks -- "He felt guilty about lying to her, but he kept doing it anyway" -- sealed it for me, at least. So. Corruption of the childish ideals of the show by a Brony.
Yeah, that's Bronynism in a nutshell. Not going to argue with you there. We're a fandom who watches a show for children and, as soon as that episode ends, starts creating works aimed at adults. Often pornographic, truth be told. Yay.
Anyway... I'm rambling, aren't I? This should be more collected. Sorry.
Anyway, the philosophy-talk part. I know Nietzsche has already rapped you over the knuckles with a stick about this, but hells, I'm gonna do it again. It really should've been toned down in the conversation. It's a big boulder of thought colliding with the reader without a nice, fluffy pony to help make it easier to swallow. Too much introspection out of nowhere can leave a man dizzy, y'know? + Conversation's too much of an easy way out; it always is inside fiction.
Unfortunately, I've learned to my cost that, most times, showing people the example in practice doesn't always work. Bleh again.
One last thought: the time splitting between scenes. From what I could remember of my first read through, that the "second" stream with the trio had, eventually, passed Steve's exploits in Equestria didn't really occur to me at first. I didn't really twig until the bar-porch scene, and immediately scurried back to re-read those scenes in my sudden burst of new-light, so... maybe strengthen that revelation a bit? I dunno. It's clear to me now, but -- in a curiously ironic way -- it's impossible for me to re-read this story with virgin eyes. Heh. I think my original thoughts were that the scene was referring to a possible testing incident or something. Bah.
Oh, yes, and Karl. You really should have expanded on him; sympathy for the clopper and all that. There's just something unbearably tragic and yet utterly believable about a man who, finding his sexual advances blocked in reality, directs those urges towards an unattainable childhood-fantasy.
Bah. Rambling again. Bouncing off with a nod and a thrown star. Oh, and pls don't comment on my page about it. We both know how that ends.
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Bronies Mike, Steve, and Karl are all, in their own ways, self-inserts. I tried to make them representations of the three parts of the human psyche from Plato's Republic, but that didn't pan out. I entirely agree with what you say about their characterization. In some stories, like "Chronomistress," the characters live for me. I know who they are and what they want and what they're thinking. In this one, only Karl lives, and he's the joke character. Mike was especially hard to write, and even after I handed him some backstory, he refused to become so much as two-dimensional. At least he's not entirely awful for a one-shot.
Interesting comparison with Peter Pan. I read that not long ago, yet it crossed my mind not even once while writing this. I see that in Mike particularly--the desire to return to an untroubled childhood he probably never really had. Perhaps he refused to live because he was supposed to be the main character.
My own relationship with the children's shows I love is complex. My first inclination is to take cartoon characters and drop them into some situation where they don't belong, like a big war. Perhaps it comes from being a Bone fan. I like to think of what I usually write, even in my non-fan fiction, as a form of noir that places innocent characters in ugly situations and forces them to deal with things for which they're unprepared. It's not quite deconstruction in the sense of maliciously wrecking a genre, but it's close.
As for Karl . . . there is a faint chance of his being the protagonist of a Brony Steve 2. I was going to make it entirely a joke piece, but your words cause me to reconsider.
That was totally an interesting deconstruction of a human in equestria fic where a brony hurts Fluttershy by advancing on her like that. Though I was wondering about the way Fluttershy looked, is she like one of those untooned versions of the main cast or something? Because that's what she seems like to me when you described her, but I can't tell if it's the one untooned version or the other. Although as many bronies wanted the main cast to look like their cartoon selves, I was thinking the ponies would be just as realistic as Smash Bros. Lucario.
That was amazingly good.
Unfortunately, I'm not really one for in-depth analysis anymore, at least on stories.
Favorited.
It literally might be my favorite brony story I've ever read, just because it's so different and philosophically knowledgeable about what it means.
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Thank you.
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You might think of her as partially untooned. I was attempting to give the impression that Equestria was becoming more solid and less cartoony as the story progressed.
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Okay I think I kinda understand his initial disgust with Fluttershy's look for the first time then now I have a little better understanding on what she looks like and how much it hurts him to see her expression when he does kiss her.
I realized something reading this.
I'm a fan of bronies. Sure, I like ponies, but somehow, this has escalated into a fascination with the way people interract with the fandom. Like the way you describe the world as seen by a human while in it. It strikes a chord with me, the clash of the semi-realistic and the cartoon. And the small study of the fandom and the people within it... part of me wants to re-read and analyze every fic I've ever read. Part of me wants to never read or write again.
But I ramble. Probably just residual influence of your story, which was both hilarious and sobering. Somehow, I read it as the three human characters were just three parts of one person.
Escapism is a weird opium, and we all partake sometimes. While a troll-fic can snap you out, with sharp kick and a stab of disgust, stories like this serve as a firm but gentle tug at your shoulder, telling you to put down your pipe and step outside for a while.
From the disjointed tone of this comment, you can probably tell that I don't really know what to think about this piece. But if I don't comment now, I probably never will, and I wanted to thank you. Not sure for what yet, but I'm glad I read this.
Thank you.
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I originally intended to portray the three human characters as three parts of one person, though I don't think I succeeded. Perhaps some evidence of my original plan is still present.
Thank you for reading and for taking the time to share your thoughts.
This story is the reason why I joined the Brony community--at least, what further convinced me to do so. I applaud you, man, because this was simply awesome.
Ahh, now this is story I like to read. A HiE story that's so twisted and perverted that really satisfies me in such a sadistic note, for it really plays well in delivering a emotional experience. I applaud for the message behind it, as I had thought a concept that is similar to the story.
What would be one key difference of a human in the realistic Earth and that of a pony that exist in a world that's made for little girls? They have a heart of child, pure and innocent, as they cannot comprehend anything beyond simple things that would be too complicated to understand. Have they faced any heart-breaking betrayal, perhaps dealt with witnessing cold murder first-hand, or even have the knowledge of how their simple actions can be mistaken with a dark and perverted second meaning?
Most likely not, as they are the reflections of being in a realm that is so innocent and free where (for all intents and purposes) they take life for granted and think of the world as such like any well-behaved child. And like any child, their fragile perception of the world can be easily broken, for when something terrible happens to them, their hearts are torn asunder. They are forever scarred and hurt, no longer being happy, as it will haunt them for the rest of their days and becomes a different person as a result.
In comes with death for the heart of a child, and new life begins for one that is no longer pure-minded, as they no longer have pleasures from such simple-minded tasked they enjoyed so long before. I imagine that Brony Steve realizes that he robbed Fluttershy of her innocence, trust and happiness, as this poor experience (albeit minor to a common human being in Earth) will traumatized her for the rest of her days, which would leave him heavily guilty for ruining one who holds a mind-set such a pure innocent being.
And for what reason behind it, to have Steve act out on his temptations? No doubt that the truth of what he has done will haunt him for the rest of his life.
Bah, anyhow, I like it how you cut the events into before and after of what happens in the character's stay in Equestria that teases the readers of what actually happen between him and Fluttershy. Very clever how the story ends with the quote from Andrew Lang, which would really explain well about Equestria's fundamental nature.
It sadden me that this magnificent story doesn't hold as much views as great as the well-structured message behind it. But, the rating/approval system is over-rated anyways. I really enjoy reading story that can deliver a meaningful and tragic message/theme that help challenges one perspective about the world, amongst other things.
Bravo, overall , bravo indeed. I enjoyed reading this story when I came across the latest comment that directed me here from "The Mixed-Up Life of Brad". I can't wait to read your other existing work that you made.
This shouldn't be in Christian's Haven.
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This discussion probably belongs in that group rather than here, but did you read the story and pay attention to its themes?
I laughed, I cried. Literally the only thing that bothered me was the use of a few ten-dollar words. Bravo.
Hmm. I did not predict the ending. Though I came away feeling like it would have been better if it had instead ended with a cliche role reversal: he changes his mind about wanting to kiss her, because she's a horse, but it turns out that she was completely expecting it to be a sexual encounter, gets annoyed at his reluctance and proceeds to rape him.
The bit about ponies actually looking quite...unsettling reminds me of a fic called The Outbreak, which seemed like it was set in a world where little mutant horses are basically living out The Truman Show. Unlike that story, this one is actually pretty good. It doesn't do much that I like, but I still recognize good writing, which this certainly is.
*Draws a deep breath — Rant begins*
It always has been a odd discrepancy, in many stories, that a hybridisation of the human realm with the equine realm doesn't bring up the juxtapositions of the experience of the other: is our worlds grass similar to theirs and etc.? It is in the details a good story lies; not the sweeping gestures. Our nature set in a engagement with theirs, and how our obvious dissimilarities will evocate a, cloaked or open, response in the other; this is something that many similar stories just glints over, as if it doesn't mean anything to the characters.
I love confrontation of this kind; it's interesting to see how the author manage to depict characters struggling with what they consider odd, scary or down right perverted in the nature of others. For me the main story always is ensconced in the back-seat as I see it as only a propellant to learn more about the characters; and hopefully something about the backdrop along the way. Then, this becomes, sort of, the actual story: the 'befriending' of its characters.
It's interesting to see at least someone exerting an effort at it — a good effort this is. The story is a bit of a stab to the heart. It sort of make one feel guilty of a great injustice against a non-entity; delivered by the lack of consideration the characters displays and the sordid intentions expressed, how language is used in context to their favourite show and its characters, especially, in light of how little respect they actually consider this profound implication of being able to meet with these individuals and their effect upon them.
It's seamy naiveness, for they harbour no malcontent, they're just inexperienced and naturally made selfish by it. Without being melodramatic; the discomfort — the feeling of embarrassment and guilt — is entirely inheriting to and within the story told; not outside it as if it would relate to something actual.
Although I descried the twist right from the beginning — this isn't bragging, there's a point — I kept on reading. My interested rested in how you would go about making that twist, the realisation and the acceding closure; how it would change the characters. The execution of it all was verily satisfactory done.
One of the story's quite straightforward message is: that it's a perversion and impertinence in the way any character is being treated in imagination as mere objects to possess; to utilize; compacted into 2D-representations of themselves (To assure: yes, I'm verily aware of the fact that this is fiction. But my cerebration is done within the story. Aside: Also, its morals can be applied outside of it).
I do approve how the fact that you made their world much more believable by describing, what some might consider, less nice details. Like all the bird droppings; the smell; Fluttershy's body seen as a mite grotesque; all those details left out be the show these three teenagers been watching — that their world, this equine-world, is real and its inhabitants are distinct beings.
The impact this has on Steve when he realises, as he watch Fluttershy, that she's her own person and when he clenches that piece of plastic, a physical vestige of Fluttershy, for me, it signifies a battle inside of him taking place. A battle, between the real vs imagined, and what this mean for his intention and the effect on her. Also, this means that he can't predict her reaction or at least feel secure enough with his predictions.
This sudden enlightenment, being openly expressed for the reader, as he feels bad for lying or when he realises that he don't wish to go through with the initial plan; that he actually does just baffles me — even though I understand why you made that choice. But within the story, I guess the reason why that he did choose to hurt her, intentionally. Could be blamed most likely on stress and fear of this possibly being the one and only chance to consummate his selfish wish.
I mean... I could go on for quite a bit here. Write and write; explain what I liked and why. What I believe my little mind is able to comprehend as instilled messages behind the story, what they mean and what you — the person behind — is actually trying to explain why desires; especially sexual ones; heaped upon fictional characters are stillborn as carriers of fulfilment for needs of any tangible strain. How, at heart, this is sad if one goes astray. wilfully or not, being ginned by the fancy of easy gains.
*Rant over — wheeze exhausted, swipe sweat off my strained forehead*
Hey, Davidson, what significance does Mimsy Were the Borogoves have in this story? That is to say, did you choose it for the portal macguffin because it's weird-sounding and obscure, or is there some deeper reason?
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I'm assuming it is a reference to this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mimsy_Were_the_Borogoves
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Man, I know it's a real thing. I'm asking if there's anything significant about the short story that made it relevant to this one, or if its inclusion as a plot device was an arbitrary decision. After all, you need to get to Equestria before you can make out with ponies in Equestria.
It's a bit difficult. On one hand, Mimsy Were the Borogoves is obscure and funny-sounding, so why not say it's got mystical powers? On the other hand, this is Davidson we're talking about. Is this kind of subtlety really beyond him?
Well, Deej, I introduced a friend to your work by reading this out loud to him. I think it's had the intended impact - a rethinking of our place as bronies and fans and the kind of expectations and content we create. He counted himself as most similar to Karl in the story, but was quite affected by the ramifications of Steve's actions, and our own, as the story went on.
Amazing that it's been over a year since I first read this. In re-engaging it tonight, I really think I can trace my continued enjoyment of the show as a children's show to the kind of mindset this story helped me find. This isn't Scripture, but God's grace to make one wise is all up in this. Thanks again for sharing.
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I know you asked this a long time ago, but somehow I missed it. "Mimsy Were the Borogoves" is, of course, one of that small handful of really, really famous sf stories. I admit I chose it for the portal MacGuffin because it explains how to create a rift in the space-time continuum with junk in your bedroom, which means a group of average guys could do it.
Also, I thought using it was funny.
Admittedly, there's no deeper significance because "Mimsy Were the Borogoves," as far as I can tell, doesn't have any. It does, however, make an amusing employment of the "higher math gives you superpowers" conceit, which was also employed effectively by A. E. van Vogt in his World of Null-A.
Fanboy goes to equestria and discovers the 3d reality is nothing like his limited, childlike expectations. He goes home, saddened and diminished.
You have deconstructed. Now, go back and REconstruct. Tell a story from the OPPOSITE perspective. A brony who goes to Equestria, and finds it to be a much more complicated 3d reality... and it is better than his limited, childlike expectations.
I must admit, I am a bit confused on why Fluttershy looked hurt. Was it that Steve kissed her at all? He didn't enjoy it? Hoped for something else?
Mimsy
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Thanks for finding the typo.
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Rekt
i keep screaming but god won't answer
A pony called PseudoBob Delightus followed me today, so I checked his profile. He had a list of stories titled "Works that have changed how I think." I saw the title "Brony Steve Makes Out with Fluttershy" on the list, and thought, "One of these things is not like the others." I assumed it was a trollfic.
But, I thought, if he put it on this list of thoughtful stories, it must be a really funny trollfic. And only 5000 words. So I read it.
It was not a trollfic. Good story.