Cold
Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart. -Anne Frank
*Cough cough cough*
Ahh... winter. Winter in ''Paradise''. More like hell... a cold hell... Living in a city like mine is no fun at all, the city is crumbling and the city is ruled by crime. Life... what kind of life is this? A life with no freedom, a life fueled by hate, fueled by anger, a life dictated by the criminals who destroy the lives of hundreds of innocent people everyday. This damn diseased city...
*Cough Cough Cough* ''These things are going to kill me...not like it matters.'' I muttered to myself as I tossed the dead cigarette over the side of the building. I come up here to escape from all the hate, crime, and pretty much the city itself. Besides... the buildings tall and I can climb up them easily, years of practice...
*gunshots and tires screeching*
Another gang war... law... there is no law. there are police but like everyone and everything else in the city they're corrupt. All the big criminals empires pay them off to ignore their constant crimes, Instead they cower in their police station and drink and party, their allegiance belongs to the criminal elements. I looked over the side of the building down at the dirty streets of paradise, prostitutes, hobos, and hopeless citizens littered the barely lit streets as us-
''Yo fucknuts!'' A voice yelled from behind me interrupting my thoughts. I instantly recognized the voice as Chris Lamotta, his dad's main business is arms dealing (legitimate and non-legitimate), but they are also involved in human trafficking and prostitution in Paradise, Jesus, and I went to school with this kid...
''Chris...'' I muttered turning around, I saw Chris accompanied by 5 other armed people I didn't recognize, all armed with baseball bats, chains, and knives.
''I know you stole it Archer!''
''Me? I've been up here all night enjoying the lovely night air.'' That was a lie of course, all this damn pollution...
''Don't be a smartass! Just return the watch and I'll make your death as fast and painless as possible.'' Chris said taking a gun out of his pocket. ''The bag, now.''
''Can't we just kill him already?!'' One of his thugs yelled
''Yeah! I've heard of this guy! ''The real life Robin hood'' Hell, I don't even know who he is...'' Another thug said
''I'm gonna tear this thief a new one!'' Another thug exclaimed.
''Ugh... you're going to kill me over a watch, a very old, expensive, unique watch?'' I said taking the watch out of my pocket and tossing it up in and down the air.
''It took forty-four years for the original to be constructed and Breguet and Marie Antoinette both died before it was completed. Do you have any idea how much time and money it took to get that fucking watch! It's priceless!'' Chris Lamotta shouted
''Hmm, sounds like you know you're history, you know what... I like this watch, I'm keeping it.'' I said putting the watch back into my pocket. ''You don't deserve this, so find a goat to fuck, go on prick!''
*Gunshot*
''Don't let him get away!'' Chris shouted as I ran from rooftop to rooftop, I've been free running for years, so this is pretty easy for me. Chris couldn't even hit the ground if it wasn't for gravity, heh heh- Oof! My vision was going blurry, I looked up and I saw a huge, dirty thug with a heavy rusty wrench in his hand.
''Your dead meat thief!'' The gruff thug said swinging the heavy rusty wrench over his head, he almost hit me but I managed to roll out of the way just in time. I got to my feet as fast as i could, pulled out my trusty silenced .45 and shot him dead.
*More gunshots*
''Damn, gotta run.'' I thought to myself turning around to hop over to the next building, I felt a sharp pain in my side. I yelped. I had been shot.
''I got him! I got him!'' Someone yelled out
''Grab him! He has my bank codes too!'' Chris yelled from not far off.
I've had enough of this. Enough of stealing from powerful criminal empires to support myself. Enough risking my life to fight corruption. Enough of a disgraced, misnamed town. Enough of this terrible thing called ''Life''. This life isn't worth living. I clutched my side and hopped up on the side of the building, holding the watch in my hand over the street. Chris and his thugs surrounded me, all armed with guns this time. You know what, a life like this isn't a life worth living at all.
''Go on! Kill me! I've had enough of this!!'' I yelled pointing my gun at the priceless watch. I saw that Chris was about to reply...
*Shotgun blast*
''Jesus Chris!'' I shouted falling over the side of the building, my life flashed before my eyes, my long dead parents... the orphanage... the bullies... the years of stealing and killing... the cannibalism I was forced to turn too... Life... Nothing more than a slap in the face, a kick to the balls, and a cigar burn in the chest...
''Fuck my life.'' I whispered as I looked up at the dark, winter sky, falling to my death. it began to snow again, I have to admit snow always seemed peaceful... funny how I would spend my final seconds of my long and troubled life thinking about how peaceful snow is.
*Crack!*
I awoke in a... white... space... It was completely blank, almost as if I was in... total nonexistence... white empty space... what was this? After looking around with confusion for a few seconds, I saw a shining figure dressed in white holding out its hand. I approached it slowly and cautiously and shook its hand. The figure stopped shining and standing there was a tall, elderly bearded man wearing a long white robe. He smiled at me and simply said.
"Welcome to the afterlife, Mr. Archer. Your dead."
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
''Dead? Then where the fuck am I? Who are you? Am I on meth again?'' I said
''I'm God, and your in the afterlife.'' The tall old bearded man said bluntly
''God?'' I said chuckling in disbelief. ''How do I know you're ''God'' and not a hallucination? I quit meth 3 years ago!''
''You are Silas William Archer, born to Mercer and Samantha Archer on December 25th, 1994, 7:59 AM, Your parents died in a fire when you were 2, and you were sent to St.Lucifer's orphanage, , for 11 years you lived in the orphanage, mistreated by your fellow orphans, when you were 13 that orphanage burnt down and you lived on the streets, stealing.''
''I had to steal to survive! I had a troubled childhood! I had to!'' I yelled ''Whats your point?! Get to it already goddamn it!''
''Your words are filled with so much hate...''
''I live in a city run by thieves and murderers! A living hell! I've been alone all my life!'' I screamed *Cough Cough Cough* ''God damn it.'' ''God'' Just stood there with a saddened look on his voice as he watched me cough and hack, a package of cigarettes then appeared out of nowhere in his hands.
''My dear Silas, why do you smoke these awful things?'' He asked examining each cigarette in the package.
''First, don't call me ''Silas'' I haven't used my first name in a very long time, second, cigarettes they ease the stress and the pain.''
''Archer... tell me something... do you regret anything from life?'' ''God'' asked the pack of cigarettes disappeared in a white flash and he crossed his arms.
''Just being born, now let me ask something, OK?''
''Of course Archer.''
''You still haven't told me where I am.''
''Does this look like heaven to you?''
I looked around the white empty nothingness, I frowned and said bluntly with no emotion, ''No.''
''Does this look like hell?''
''No.''
''You're a smart young lad, tell me where you think you are.''
''Um, damn whats the word... purgatory? I was never a religious person.''
''Well guessed my dear Archer.'' God said crossing his arms. I don't think this is a hallucination anymore. Now that I think of it, it never seemed like one.
''God? What is it that you want?'' God snapped his fingers and I heard fighting and grunting. I turned around and I saw a hooded figure fighting several thugs with a knife. I instantly recognized this figure, me of course, the black and blue hoodie, the black pants, the black combat boots, the usual grey courier bag on my back.
''Why are you showing me this?'' I asked
''Shhh...'' God replied
I continued watching the scene, I, well, the other me had just killed the man and was looting his pockets, he then took a mask off his face, A mask I recognized as my Guy Fawkes mask, the mask I used to always hide my face. He took his hood down so I could only see the back of his head, and started eating away on the mans arm.
''Disgraceful...'' God muttered
''Like I said, I did that to survive, I always survive... no matter what.'' I said turning away from the scene and looking back up at God.
''Survival instincts... tell me something, how do you feel about eating your own kind?'' God asked calmly with no emotion in his voice, then again, he hasn't spoken with a hint of emotion in our conversation.
''They deserved it... I was hungry... blood just... gets me going''
''I think theres someone who'd like to have a few words with you Archer.'' God said snapping his fingers, a man probably in his late 40's with short black hair and a goatee appeared in front of me.
''Dad?''
''Silas, after your years of being taught religion in an orphange, didn't that teach you any good? No, and look where it got you, dead way before your time.'' Dad said coldly
''No, that made me more dark and hateful, stop this.''
''I can't believe it, Me and your mother thought you were going to turn out a saint or at least a good enough person, look at you. A thief, murderer, and worst of all, a damn cannibal. I can't even say how disappointed I am, Silas'' He said
''I tried being good once... you know how that ended? That lady spat in my face and ran away, people don't deserve help! Fuck that!''
''Silas... you are not my son.'' Dad said sadly and disappeared
''That was... my dad?''
''Yes, and he's not the only one who would like to talk to you.'' Said God
''Well who else is there?'' I then heard the voices of several people yelling, screaming, and swearing at me, the voices started to grow louder, and louder, and louder!
''God stop this!'' I screamed, the voices stopped and God was levitating my mask in front of him.
''Tell me why you always where this mask.'' God asked and the guy Fawkes mask floated over to me, the right half of the mask was scorched due to and earlier incident and some parts of it were a bit cracked.
''I consider this mask a filter,'' I said sadly taking the mask ''I can't stand looking at my city with my own eyes... I consider this mask my true face.''
''How do you feel about all the people you have killed and eaten during your existence?''
''I don't give a fuck, they deserved it, I only kill those who commit murder and injustice. Come to think of it, why would you allow this? Create evil souls? you're god you can do anything! Hell! I can give you a cracker and you can snap your fingers and it becomes a five star meal! Why? Why would you let my city turn into a living hell?! WHY?!'' I screamed then fell to the ground, God just towered over me, he then bent down and put his hand on my shoulder.
''Archer, my son...''
''I'm not your son!'' I yelled standing back up, ''Why am I here? If you want to send me to hell do it!''
''I have a better solution Archer,'' God snapped his fingers and a brightly glowing portal appeared in front of me '' Here, you will go with your memories intact into a new world of peace and harmony. Your goal is to recreate yourself, with the help of others, into someone you are proud of being.''
''What awaits me on the other side?'' I asked inspecting the portal.
''The land of magic and friendship, my dear Archer.''
''Huh? What do you mean?'' I asked turning back to face him.
''All will be revealed in time.'' he said smiling at me.
''Why would you do this?''
''I hope that you will change your ways, extinguish the hate. Consider it a second chance.'' God said smiling at me yet again.
''Thank you...''
I gave him a weak smile and turned to the portal, I took a deep breath and stepped into the portal, and was I engulfed in darkness... and cold... What is my destiny? What is this ''The land of magic and friendship.'' going to be like?
*Muffled yelling, snow crunching*
''Ah Jesus! Where the hell am I?'' I yelled out loud. I don't know why I was buried in the snow but this didn't look like the dark grey city I came from. It was… well I was near a forest and the sun was shining very brightly. I looked around the strange landscape. Weird, this world looked like it was straight out of some kid’s cartoonist’s wet dream. I dug myself out of the snow and started walking down the dirt road. After a few minutes I reached two signs pointing in different directions. One said ‘’Ponyville’’ and the other read ‘’Everfree forest’’. Ponyville? What kind of stupid name is that? Then again, names can be deceiving, like that pony express I read about once, it was called the pony express but their wasn't a single pony in the frickin’ pony express. Ponyville it is then, I'll have to stay hidden though. I don't know anything about this place. What can go wrong?
*20 minutes later*
''Jesus, am I really seeing this?'' I thought to myself as I peered around the corner of a building. Horses of all different colors littered the streets of this town, they had these weird tattoos on their asses, and the building looked cartoony. Hell, everything looked cartoony. Ponies huh? OK, I doubt they've seen a human before, haven't seen any of those... so what happens if i go up and introduce myself? Heh, I'll probably be captured and dissected, can't take a chance ther-
“I heard it over here! Come on!” A voice of a small girl called out, and I also heard hoofsteps approaching my position. Damn! No where to hid, I guess i'll just have to climb the building.
“Applebloom hold up we-“ The white one stopped talking and all three little horses looked at me in shock one was white and had a... a frickin' horn... another was an orange... whats it called... it had wings! and the other was just a plain, normal yellow horse, I was about three times taller than them, human, clad in dark clothing, and still wearing my half scorched Guy Fawkes mask. I stared at them for a few seconds then went to climbing the building.
''MONSTER! HELP! A MONSTER!'' All three of them screamed, god no! Run fast Archer! I climbed up the building as fast as I could and started hopping from building to building trying not to be seen. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw a rainbow colored blur fly not to far, flying ponies, great, that makes my situation worst. I crouched down and I peered over the side of the building and scanned the ground below... perfect! I saw a big red horse pulling a cart full of hay. I stood up, backed up and dove off the building and into the stack of hay. Making myself comfortable and burying myself deeper in the hay, I listened and hoped the big red horse would just leave this cart somewhere else.
''Hey big mac? Did you see any monsters around here?'' A female voice asked
''Nope.'' A male voice simply said.
''Argh!'' I then heard the sound of something flying away.
''Ponies asking me about monsters..., ''The red horse muttered loud enough for me to hear, ''What is it with ponies and their fascination with monsters? Too many books if you ask me...'' Hmm, judging by his voice he was some kind of redneck. Great, it seems like this cart is going to his farm, that means plenty of land and plenty of places to hide until I can learn more about these ''Ponies''.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Authors note: In case you can't quite picture what his city is like, go play saints row the third or watch ''Hobo with a shotgun'' or Chicago during the prohibition, then you'll get a clear picture of what his city is like. And no, I didn't get the name from that stupid cartoon called ''Archer'' I haven't even seen it, the guy who voices bob from ''Bob's burgers'' voices him so as soon as I heard his voice i thought it was gonna be terrible, he's named after Jonathan archer from star trek enterprise. Whatever, if you have anything to ask ask it. I know what your all thinking ''This guys an asshole'' Well, yeah, hes supposed to be, this is how my story is gonna work, he goes to Equestria to try to be a happier person, think of ''A Christmas carol'' Ebenezer Scrooge went from a cold, tight-fisted and greedy to kind and generous after several revelations, and another thing I'm trying to avoid making him a him a ''Marty sue'' character where hes just all happy and nice or basically just your usual run of the mill human in Equestria story.
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And in case your wondering what the picture is, its snow, not stars.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md3t4hiMLg1rd0upvo1_400.gif
*Me and every story notification I git*
Promising idea.
I saw only two problems:
1) You misspelled "You're" as "Your" twice.
"You're" in the afterlife and 'how do I know' "you're" God, dear Author.
2) You should separate the author's comments, preferably with the
feature.
(Simply write [ hr ] without the spaces.)
Otherwise, pretty great.
Wow, imagine being a pony and have a human point a gun at you while the human dazed and confused
Never read a fic where the human was a cannibal
1579453 To be honest I don't get what the big deal about cannibalism is, sure its something you never really here of, but why not? I don't get it.
1579414 thanks, I'll probably work on this more than ''Thine own self'' you know, do a few chapters on this one, a few chapters on the other one
1579494
Very well.
You are welcome.
Dang. This is pretty terrible. Ahem:
-The protagonist is an asshole. Assholes are not compelling characters; we hate assholes. If you make one the protagonist, we won't want to read about what happens to him because he's an asshole. Get it?
-Way too much vulgarity and none of it's done right. The characters sound like ten year-olds on the playground at school. Not even in bad action flicks do characters curse this much.
-Don't cop out and put asterisks around five word sentences and expect us to accept those as the action scenes. Describe what's happening and in what settings so we know what these faceless goons are doing.
-Your protagonist bitches waaay too much. Half the story is him whining and complaining about shit. That's not a protagonist, friend. We're supposed to root for the protagonist. If all he does is act like a little baby, we're going to lose interest and turn away. That, coupled with the fact that he's a douchebag, makes it hard for me to believe you ever thought he would be a good main character.
-Unoriginal way to get your human into Equestria. I could tell what was going to happen from the moment that Chris guy showed up. For that matter, there was no point to the first half of the chapter. You could have revealed everything important with small flashbacks as Archer settled into Equestria. You just tried to hook people's attention by setting the introduction in some dark city with over excessive violence and swearing.
-Numerous grammar errors. Find some schmoe to edit your work beforehand; there are truckloads of people who will help ANYONE on this site.
-This is more of a pet peeve directed at 95% of writers, but try and give the Mane Six more personality when you introduce them. If you watch the show, you'll realize that just because all six of the girls are present somewhere, doesn't mean they always have to have a say. Imagine if, when the Mane Six confronted Discord, everypony said some stupid, stereotypical response. Would be fucking annoying, wouldn't it? Characters SHOULD NOT talk UNLESS they are saying something important to the plot or that characterizes them. Since we know who the Mane Six are, there is NO POINT in characterizing them. But that wasn't your reason for having them talk anyway. It was to provide filler, since you can't find an interesting way to write a two thousand word chapter.
TL;DR - There's nothing to see here, guys. Just another unoriginal HiE story.
EDIT: Why does this have so many thumbs up? Has the fandom finally went the way of Hollywood and just accepted unoriginal, uninteresting ideas sugared with gratuitous violence as art?
This ''Archer'' cannibal fellow sounds interesting, faved, I wouldn't be pointing my gun at harmless ponies... And a silenced gun? No such thing...
1579750 I designed the protagonist to be like that, on my other story people were complaining how hes a ''Marty sue'' and theres nothing wrong with him, so I made ''Archer'' to be as far from a ''Marty sue'' character as I could. As for the dialogue, that's my biggest problem with writing. Ugh, whatever, everyone's a critic. The entire point of the story is for him to change.
1579766 Thanks, weird that they have internet in Armadillo.
Sorry, I couldn't resist, after reading the description.
1579491 Well, since cannibalism involve the consumption of human flesh, whether alive or dead, it's pretty damn disgusting, not to mention socially unacceptable.
1580964 You know what I find disgusting? Eating chicken eggs, its just chicken abortions, the thought of it alone makes me sick... eating chicken abortions...
1580989 or any kind of eggs in general.
1579798 That's good that you understand what a story is supposed to be: a series of events that change the protagonist. But the issue right off the bat is that your protagonist is a complete jerk. It would be like making that guy from "Jersey Shore" your hero; nobody would root for him. He's got to at least have a hidden good side or an understandable reason for why he acts the way he does. Coinciding with the vulgarity of the story, you could make him a rape victim or a victim of abuse (to name two cliche ideas). Just anything that would get people's sympathy radars going, y'know? Making him the standard "poor guy with a bad past" isn't enough to get him to be an interesting protagonist. We've seen those guys HUNDREDS of times before in other stories, in movies, on television, in music videos, comics, etc. etc. etc. ETC.
If the city is such a bad place, then no doubt everyone else is probably the same as Archer; they're mean and hardened by their bad experiences. Your protagonist has to be DIFFERENT and BETTER than them for some reason, like maybe he's determined to become good but he doesn't know how, or his true colors only come out when his friends are in danger. Perhaps that's your plan for later, but currently your character is not coming off as a good guy :P
That being said, I could overlook all that other stuff if your protagonist was more refined. The story idea ISN'T unbearable; it's unoriginal in it's introduction, but that can be fixed easily with a well presented second chapter. Just try and tone down Archer, alright? That's my suggestion du jour ^.^
1584702 I thought about that, I like to think of him like Rorschach and a young Ezio from assassin's creed 2. Just an arrogant, hopeless young sociopath who hates everything and has no ambition for the future.
Assassin's creed 3, now with moving haystacks.