Hi. I mostly write human in euquestria fics. Even though there are many out there I really like them. I love mlp and I'm a sworn borny.
One day I woke up as surprise. Well this should be interesting. I thought I would have a nice day playing some Xbox or swimming in the pool but I get something else. I swear I Claus will help defeat whatever is doing this to people!
This is in the pony earthverse
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Dat lack of punctuation.
...My poor Surprise. I weep for her
haha okay... well i think that's my laundry calling! Gotta run!
you really should have listened to yourself there
You learn to fly. Just like that. Without a few diggers in the dirt.
I sense Mary sueism…
Yeah, um.... I don't know how to put this politely. But it seems like maaaaaaybe your character hasn't thought this through at all. I suppose I can't judge, since my panic attack was delayed for a few hours, but... yeeeeeah, this story seems to be hitting the basic notes of the story form rather then, you know, fleshing out the experience. No offense.
I'm sorry but, this is actually pretty bad. Not only is it pretty rushed, but also quite implausible. For starters you make seem Germans like war-fanatics who can't speak proper English and have to use German words while speaking. Not to mention your abilities come right away, as others before me already have stated. That is what disappoints me most. But there are also other things, like your non-existent use of subordinate clauses. You surely could have done more out of it, but right now, what you have written here is almost unreadable.
I would dearly recommend you to go over this chapter and completely revise it. You have potential, right now though, I can't see any of that.
(Oh, and in case you're wondering why I should know about Germans so much, I am, in fact, one.)
Wow what's that? Its the hate drnachos fic bandwagon! Lets all hop aboard!
1568870
Oh ok!
1568870
Hey, don't gimme the hate. I took my time to write a whole critique where I listed everything that bothered me and where you should improve, so don't complaij about that. Most writers love to have critiques to see where they are lacking.
Also, non of that was meant to be taken as a personal offense. I never read any of your other fics. By the way, I haven't given this fic neither a down nor an up vote, because I believe you can improve, but at the moment I just can't see it. Make me see it.
1569608 oh well
Oh look at that,a 500 word chapter? You must be pretty mad. Guess what sister I get even more mad when I have writers block and can't please my loving readers so
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9xi1r7k6l1rrsuiko1_400.jpg
I went to Victorville once. Worst place I've ever been. And that's saying something. I'm glad you're not stopping in Chicago.
1590509 Was it just like I read? Detriot of California?
1590528
That's one way to put it. You know the Wonderbolts are regrouping in Chicago, right?
1590539 yeah my character will get the message soon
1590544
From who?
1590547idk I'll think of something,maybe spitfire could somehow contact her?
1590557 Read my fic. I got a middle man to do my work for me.
1590569 ok tommorow
FUCKING WRITERS BLOCK DVFNKJSRNGJKSNBRKGNTRDJSKNGTKN
i likes need more
Hope to read more later.
1569608 agreed. I make a habit of not thumb downing though unless I truly hate the story SMELL ME!!! ^.=.^ the stories okay so far in my opinion... Speech makes me think of Nightcrawler from X - Men
he's my favorite X - Man of all time
no you are not going to cancel it you are going to continue it