Hi. I mostly write human in euquestria fics. Even though there are many out there I really like them. I love mlp and I'm a sworn borny.
In the year 1942 earth is Embroiled in WW2. Celestia had found out about the state of the world,so she sent one of each elements of harmony to earth to teach humans about friendship.
Pinkie Pie is sent to the United Kingdom
Twilight is sent to the Soviet Union
Applejack is sent to the United states
Fluttershy is sent to Japan
Rainbow Dash is sent to Nazi Germany
Rarity is sent to Italy.
What is to happen?
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Not enough info. Sorry. Make the chapters longer, and by the way, as a pointer, make messages like so:
Dear X,
[message here]
[end greeting here],
Y
Like that. Hopefully it helps.
EDIT: Also, one of the content submission guidelines stated to post content in English. At some points, it can be in a different language, (like in my story, I used dummkopf [or however it's spelled XD]) but not entire lines of a different language. At least make it so we know what they are saying.
Ponies on earth. nice name.
read and liked
-Muxix311
I must remember to read this later, I can't believe Rainbow Dash is going to Germany...
Okay, yeah, I can see so many problems with this story just by reading the first 2 Chapters.
First off would, of course, be the writing. Start a new paragraph each time someone talks.
Second, from what I can gather from the second chapter, you've got things messed up. The battle of Moscow was from October of 1941 to January of 1942, whereas Stalingrad was August of '42 to Feburary of '43.
Third, you're sending the ponies to create friendship between the nations. I don't know if you know this, but Hitler literally rose to power using hate, as well as Mussolini. Hate against Jews, Gypsies, Poles, and other foreigners, not to mention that in '42 the trains to the concentration camps would start rolling. Also, you kinda forget the fact that he also betrayed the alliance between the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany by invading the Soviet Union, basically making the Soviets want German blood in return, especially after Stalingrad where 1.25 to 1.6 million Soviets were killed (That's just soldiers, casualties with citizens it's speculated to be between 4 and 6 million.)
Fourth, just like Nazi Germany attacking Soviet Union, the US would have already been attacked by Japan in Pearl Harbor, Again, from what I can tell, your story is at late '42, meaning the battle of Guadalcanal was happening, and American soldiers would be fighting the IJA in a battle that would choose the fate of whether or not Japan could invade Australia. Not to mention the fact that Japan at this point had already taken over not only most of the islands in the Pacific, but also almost all or parts of China, Korea, Vietnam, Mongolia, Manchuria, Thailand, The Indies controlled by France and Netherlands, Taiwan, Burma, Philippines, Hainan, and much more.
And finally we come to the British forces fighting Nazi Germany and Italy with the help of Americans and much more countries such as Canada, Australia, Free French, Greece, Poland, Czechoslovakia, New Zealand, and South Africa. London and most of England would have already been bombed by Nazi Germany in 1940 right after Germany had taken France over, basically inciting the flames for wanting revenge in Northern Africa and later Italy.
If you can't really tell what I'm saying, it's simple. There would be so much hate for one another, that it would be impossible for the ponies to bring friendship between the nations. In fact, some of that hate still exists today, such as China and N./S. Korea despising Japan for what Imperial Japan did.
Poodicus has it all in bold for you buddy. When you use real life subjects people are going to get on to you about every little thing.
With something as huge at WW2, genuine peace would be damned near impossible. The only solution and I mean ONLY solution is if the people of literally every country involved was to just come up front and say, "We're not fighting anymore," and BOOM, no more power to the leaders.
With all historical blasphemy aside, I'm laughing my ass off at this whole situation and that someone like Stalin wouldn't immediately capture Twilight and have some sort of scientific experimentation on her.
Also, nitpicking here: Why not translate what the German's are singing? It doesn't help us that we don't know why Celestia is shocked at them because we don't understand it.
Is it a hate-song? Is it a nationalism song? What is it?!?!
much too short to get into the story. noticed minor spelling errors.
like people above said, historically incorrect. other then that kinda funny.
You. Motherfucker.
555091 Yes but I plan for the ponies to eventually realize how bad the axis is and for them to start fighting for the allies.
Also if you all want to know the song they are singing please check this link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YluAK2oJztc
ww2 + MLP = the best history in the world
cool hope to see the next chapter.
Your description of the Nazis was VERY incorrect. They didn't just storm into cities killing civilians. They'd usually leave them alone, or occasionally imprison them. The Soviets however often tortured and killed civilians. The majority of Germans and Nazis however had no idea what happened in concentration camps and were told that they would be the rightful rulers of the world, would be looked at as heroes, their horrible economy would become the greatest that ever existed, and were brainwashed from birth with Nazi propaganda while growing up in a country in a worse depression than that of America at the time.
Those jap basterds
Sorry, friend, but you get a downvote from me. Your concept is very interesting, and I really like the idea of the mane six appearing as "friendship ambassadors". However:
First of all, you need to find a way to structure dialogue. The way dialogues are written at the moment is just painful.
Second: Proofread. Proofread again. Then get someone else to proofread. There are missing commas and capitals all over the place.
Third: Longer chapters. As is, the chapters are too short to get into anything before they end. If this is a stylistic choice to get us into the action faster, that's fine. However, I recommend longer chapters and a bit more detail, to give the story a chance to really grab your attention. The quality of your writing really doesn't matter if you can't make people interested and, above all, keep people interested.
Finally, some advice. Think long and hard about how you are going to deal with the emotional impact of war on all characters, but primarily the ponies. I feel that there is a prevailing "meh"-attitude towards the effects of war on combatants in the fanfic world, which is something that REALLY bothers me. Especially when it comes to "Ponies at war"-stories.
Don't get disheartened. This has HUGE potential, but it needs serious work to make it what it can and should be.
I agree with Ethrak. I'm really only following this to see what happens with Germany. If you'd like, I could help you structure your stories better. For instance, you end sentences way too often.
787116 If you want to be my pre-reader pm me. :D
Damn japs. Evil evil bastards. Worse than the nazis.
921406 Yeah, they did commit possibly the worst atricities of the war, and get this, their government actually denies it to this day.
615793 dude this chapter does not even mention the soviets and BTW the guy is not really wrong the nazi soldiers were murderous fuckers if they epople in germany knew that or not it dosent matter
is comrade stalin going to take twilight sparkles for a sports holiday with some old friend of the communist party?(if you undestand this reference your level of awesomeness is over NINETHOUSANDDDDDDDDD)
786127 dude this is just the introdution of each of the elements to the contry leaders i sure that after the introduction is finished there will be longer chapter 788032 oh and dude i wished that you had sended pinkie pie to the soviet union now THAT would be very very interesing to watch but it is still a quite good story keep it up
I'm afraid that I actually cringed while reading this. It was quite tough to actually follow the story and my only motivation was my interest in WW2 History. To write a WW2 story, you should know more about the topic itself. You made the Germans look like monsters and I have a great respect for the Wehrmacht Heer. You were probably thinking about the Gestapo and SS.
Also, Stalin who couldn't look at the blood in the battlefield? Man, I swear all his Generals and Field Marshals would laugh at him.
And the brainwashed Fluttershy was like dropping an anvil in the part of my brain that rationalizes things. I doubt she'd just change like that from a video in a language she most likely doesn't know, or a hastily learned language.
3384084 Oh, I'm sooooo sorry, I most have said "America did absolutely no wrong in WWII whatsoever".
3384084 Hey compared to the shit that the Japanese did on THEIR OWN Civilians (Eg, testing biologically weapons, and DEATHRAYS) The atomic bomb was a drop in the occean
3384084 Oh, and the reason why Nagasaki was bombed was because the Japanese didn't surrender after Hiroshima. Yeah, believe it or not, they actually weren't trying to surrender the whole time, who told you that? And Hiroshima was chosen as the target because it was a highly militarized city. Before the bombing, the US government selected a number of cities as potential targets, all of which were very militarized. After much consideration, Hiroshima was finally chosen. Am I saying it was a good thing to do, no. But it happened, there's nothing anyone can do now (and no need to do anything at all).
Plus, are you forgetting that America helped Japan recover after bombing everything? Seriously, nobody in Japan is angry about the bombings anymore, in fact, believe it or not, the actually like Americans over there. I know, crazy, right?
That will be all I have to say.
3387092
Yes and also because Nagasaki was an industrial city so that why Nagasaki was targeted
615793
Yes they did.
This is true. But a lot of Nazi soldiers were murderous and vile to civilian populations. The only reason they were not like that in France was because they were ordered to be benevolent.
3384084 What kind of school did you go to? Everything in that comment was wrong.
3695801 English schools suck then.
3695948 If anything you are the one who is being obnoxious.
The chapters are too short, the descriptions of the factions are kinda bland and one sided, and the story has zero pacing. I only skimmed through it, but this really pissed me off:
If you can't see it yet:
Still not seeing it? One more time...
IF YOUR GOING TO DO THAT TO SWEAR WORDS, OR CENSOR THEM, DON'T USE THEM AT ALL IN A STORY.
3726438
I thought you were talking about using "your" instead of "you're". But, "buck"? It's a pony, it makes sense that their swears would be different than ours.
Why do you assume she is "innocent"? Furthermore, she could be a threat to national security, given how and where she arrived. Still, FDR was known to be a huge animal lover. That may be interpreted a different way than I intended...
3571971 Exactly, Truman asked which Japanese cities were vital to their war effort, they were Hiroshima and Nagasaki, so they were bombed.
Im likeing this keep it up
Ww2 + mlp = amazing story i and hope you continue to wright more chapters
That doesn't describe the Wehrmacht at all. And they weren't all bloodthristy.
But nice job on the accurate lyrics for the Erika lied
TENNO HEIKA BANZAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wouldn't they attack the Soviets later? The USSR killed more than the Nazis did.
My great grandfather was in wwII he was in the 15 infantry division.
Soyuz nerushimy respublik svobodnykh
Splotila naveki velikaya Rus'!
Da zdravstvuyet sozdanny voley narodov
Yediny, moguchy Sovetsky Soyuz!
Slavsya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye
Druzhby narodov nadyozhny oplot!
Partiya Lenina — sila narodnaya
Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedyot!
Skvoz' grozy siyalo nam solntse svobody
I Lenin veliky nam put' ozaril
Na pravoye delo on podnyal narody
Na trud i na podvigi nas vdokhnovil!
V pobede bessmertnykh idey kommunizma
My vidim gryadushcheye nashey strany
I krasnomu znameni slavnoy otchizny
My budem vsegda bezzavetno verny!
Slavsya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye
Druzhby narodov nadyozhny oplot!
Partiya Lenina — sila narodnaya
Nas k torzhestvu kommunizma vedyot!
What happens when twi comes back:
*Twilight, in full red army gear with a russian hat*
: Da. I am perfectly fine comrade Celestia.
Translation: FOR THE SOVIET UNION! FOR JOSEPH STALIN! FOR COMMUNISM! URAAAAAAAAAAAA!