Just a guy who likes his fanfics, especially if they are about Vinyl and Octavia.
Ok, this is only very partially written by me. I was in a RP thread, and worked on this with my pal, My Little Pwny, and asked him if I could post it, he said yes, so, yea. Oh, and it's about my OC and Tavi.
Ponydox has admired Octavia from afar for quite a while. He finally gets the courage to ask her out, and she obliges him. What will happen on their date? Will Ponydox get the mare of his dreams?
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RPs and chatlogs aren't allowed you know.
Please make the blatant OC X Octavia story less obvious. You might even get some more readers. However, seeing a story with the title 'GenericOC X PopularMare' doesn't bode well for the rest of the story. If you don't have the creativity to write a good title, how can I or anyone else expect you to be creative with your writing?
Secondly, giving your OC a non-Equestrian name won't make you many friends either. Look at the following list:
Rainbow Dash
Fluttershy
Twilight Sparkle
Princess Celestia
Roseluck
Cloud Chaser
Ponydox
Which is the odd one out? Your OC's name is basically the same as having someone, me for example, named 'Humandox'. "Hello Mr. Cameron, I'm Humandox. Pleased to meet you." Seriously, put some effort into your story and the readers will reward you. I'm assuming you want readers because you've posted this on a public, story-sharing site rather than circlejerking it with your mate. If you want the advice of an accomplished author, I'd strongly suggest changing the title, description, chapter names and adding some form of cover art.
~Sierra/Quantum, TWE's Destroyer of Words dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_rape.png
Alright then. Let me see.
The Title:
Wow, obvious much? Please, make it more imaginative, same goes for your chapter names.
One speaker a paragraph, every time someone else speaks hit the enter key twice.
Your OC... why don't you have a normal name?
*Don't describe things with those asht...ast... those star things. Actually spell out what's happening.*
let me guess . . . SH@T JUST GOT REAL! and also SH@T IS GOING DOWN!
You're rather familiar...
1659828 It's a crying shame.
1659842
Indeed.
Author, I am disappoint. I mean, really? Is that the best title you could come up with? "Ponydox x Octavia"? Not only does it scream self-insert, but it also screams complete lack of creativity.
1659851
I think this and My Lil Vinyl showed us his level of creativity.
1659851 Which is reiterated in "My Lil' Vinyl".
Please add that to "Fallout Zone".
No thank you
1659861
"The Fallout Zone" is reserved for stories that have either led to an author ban (mrhappyface, though we simply picked one of his stories as representative of his mess of... trash) or a mod coming in and wiping the comments. "Return of the changeling's," for example, has been wiped three times. However, it is now unpublished, so we cannot add it to any folders, which makes me sad.
TWE's Scribblestick here... know what, I've been staring at a computer screen for far too long as it is, so I'll keep this short.
This is interesting because I once wrote a story based on a chatlog. Well, technically, it was four friends and I passing notes/RPing in the middle of class, but it's basically the same idea. Here's the thing - a script ("The Beginning") is not the same as a story. A script is just dialogue with maybe the barest description and narration thrown in, and each of the three is kept pretty much separate from the others. ("Here's a bunch of dialogue." Okay, now we're doing to do some narration. "Okay, now we're back to diaolgue.") A story should balance and blend the three as much as possible. ("Here's some dialogue," said the mystical narration.) That's not to say that a script doesn't tell a story (it does, or should), but it's not the same.
So, when I decided to convert my hodgepodge script/note-passing/RP/whatever into a story, I added and blended those other elements. Try doing that with "The Beginning." As others have noted, scripts and chat-format stories aren't permitted, but more importantly, it's just not the same. I find it hard to be interested in a story when the author him/herself clearly notes that the actual story doesn't start until chapter 2.
That's it from me. Time to go do something productive. Or watch more YouTube and eat microwave burritos. Pinnacle of health and fitness, I am.
~Scribblestick, TWE's notoriously friendly moderator
1659861 The Fallout Zone is reserved for nuked comments and banned authors. The completely lost causes, as it were.
Actually... I should see about getting "The Brothel" moved from Bad Trollfics into there now that brutalassmaster bit the dust.
Also, congrats on being the... second or third? person I've followed based almost solely on the entertainment value of your comments and blog posts.
The tragedy? I can't even bemoan this guy as being a fallen Featured author... because of the story they were featured FOR being subpar as well.
1659916
That's a thought.
1659916 Aw, thanks. I also write stories, you know...
1659876 Mrhappyface was a god, excuse me good sir or madam.
1660028
Mrhappyface was a God that not many wished to follow beyond what kind of crazy shit he could come up with next :V.
1660190 A GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODUH
1660195
*A witty line about Gods and lies.*
1660204 *trite chuckle*
Okay, my suspicions are confirmed. This guy only knows how to write tripe.
1660598 And get featured for it... ugh.
1660741 Ah, yes. The feature box needs a major overhaul, methinks.
You may have won the feature box with your other mediocre fic, but this time we can hate you and have the downvote ratio to back it up. Yay for tangible evidence! Congrats!
Also, I'm very sure the mods made it very clear that RPs and script-format/chat-logs are not allowed. So double congratulations!
Oh wait...what's this? Your username is the same as your OC, which indicates a blatant self-insert? Yay! You get three congratulations!
Oh look, I've resorted to sarcasm to get my point across. That means I'm super angry. So...good job, mate.
1660741 I'm considering making a gif showing people what it would be like for first time users to visit as of late. it will involve flaming trains and seas of clop.
1662947 DO IT.
1659859
Yeah, MLV deserved to be downvoted to all hell.
1659859
LEAVE HIM ALONY OR ELSE
1678032
Alony?
Anyhow I'm going to give you a laydown...
You had a rip off of a mediocre story, with a main character who was cardboard like, and wall of text formatting. The easy copout for any writer is to base it off another fanfic. Trust me: I have a couple of those type fics floating around on dA.
OK OK JUST DONT GO TO HARD ON HIM PLEASE