Becoming Fluttershy

by Hope

chapter 29. Kinks

“...how do you deal with the kinks in your tail?” The long and relaxed silence is broken by a sudden question.

I could go into a very long explanation about how, when I was a kid, I wore a fox tail for halloween and discovered how annoying it was to shove it behind you, but instead I just point down at my tail draped off the edge of the seat in front of me.

“Sit on it, don’t shove it behind you.” I say.

Reid blinks and seems to ponder my ingenious methods for a moment..

“I... am not going to touch that one, I’m not that kind of guy...” He says.

I grin. “Oh come on, no jokes from pinkie on that?”

“...huh, apparently she never went to that part of comedy class. Weird.” He says, looking up to the top of the car in thought. I notice he doesn’t have to close his eyes to talk with Pinkie anymore. I wonder if he notices.

I smile for a moment, then pause. “Can Pinkie take over or have you two not gotten that far yet?” I ask.

“Actually, the way my mind is structured, Pinkie could have taken over from the beginning. She just doesn’t do it often. Says it’s rude.” He explains.

“Do you think its rude if she takes over?” I ask, wondering if he is reluctant to have Pinkie shoving him to the back of his mind.

“I have no clue. I’m deferring to her judgment on that one.” he says, defty avoiding the point of the question. “Is this going to descend into one of those deep philosophical conversations?”

“It could...” I admit.

“Oooookay then. You go first. Deep question. I answer. Go.” he says it like a race, and I want to chuckle for a moment but I reign myself in to think of a question.

“Okay, deep question. You and Pinkie were paired up for a reason, what do you think it was?” I ask.

“On my side, confidence. On her side, restraint. That was easy.” He says, surprisingly quickly. “Alrighty then: If a man and a woman meet and fall in love, but it turns out the man is infertile, should they get a sperm donor or adopt?” He asks me.

“Well... science has made that obsolete, you can make sperm out of skin cells, but the philosophical part of that... I think they should adopt. The third party can cause so much pain... taking a hurt child in can mend more and do more good than the other option. Unless the woman only wants to have a baby to give birth... then she needs to think over her priorities.”

I had thought a lot about having kids. I had thought about having foals.... I had to wonder if there was a difference to those thoughts. I had the same reasons, my memories of the times I had thought of it were blurred and smashed together in a kind of haze that made me realize that I couldn’t even be sure that the memories I was thinking of were genuine? What if one thought and another that were unrelated had been combined to make me think something different?

“We’re in agreement on that bit. Parenting is not at all related to birthing and is a much bigger responsibility. Less painful though, I think...” Reid nodded.

“My turn?” I ask quietly.

“Go ahead.” Reid says, turning to me.

“Okay, my question is, if I am both Erica and Fluttershy, how do I know my own thoughts are still mine? How do I know my own mind isn’t skewed by the process?” I ask, my voice starting to waver towards the end of my question.

“A mind constructs itself from its components. If you are two made one, then your thoughts are your own. Is there an alien influence? Are there two in that skull? Or are you really merged? If you are really merged, then your thoughts are your own because you are the only one in there thinking.” He says, I don’t know if I feel better or worse. Discord indirectly caused all this, and if he had a claw in this merging....

“I wonder who I am now... I sometimes feel like I am leaning one way or another but...” I start.

“Hey, I had that before I met Pinkie. Trust me, that’s just you weighing the options, er... processes. Hmmm. What I’m saying is... Even if you’re leaning, you have to have a fulcrum, a starting point, right?” He says with a friendly smile.

“Y... yeah... your turn.”

“Should I ask a deep question or a ridiculous one to cheer you up?” He asks.

I smile. “Ask whatever you want, Pinkie.” I realize the moment after I said it, that I had said Pinkie, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

“I just did, your turn!” She giggles.

I laugh. “Okay, okay. have you started planning your first party?”

“Hay no. Improv is the name of the game. There’s no guest list and no supplies. Although, tomorrow is halloween....” She ponders, sticking a tongue out of the corner of her mouth contemplatively. “Hmmm. Well, your turn anyway.”

“That was my question.” I pointed out.

“I told you, I didn’t start planning...” She says, looking a bit dazed.

“Are you trying to trick me into asking all the questions?” I ask with a sly smile.

“....Yes, yes, I am and I’m not trying to cover up a sudden lapse in pattern memory, nope. But if you like, I can ask a question.” She smiles.

“Yup, its your turn.”

“All right then. Aside from the horse, have you talked with any animals?” She asks.

“No, I haven’t tried. Though in Equestria I wasn’t able to talk to them so much as... I sort of knew how they communicated. which chirps meant hungry or scared.” I explain, thinking of Angel Bunny.

“Yeah, I’m that way with cats. Grew up learning from Disney... was convinced I was part cat for a while.” She says, rolling her eyes.

“You are so pinkie.” I say with a grin, waiting for her to hop up and say that she is and that she wants to throw a party right now in the car.

“Pinkie’s social. I’m not.” Reid points out. My point of view snaps back to his current reality.

“Maybe that will be a benefit of the merge, you'll be happier around others.” I prompt.

“....do I really want to stop being an aspie though? It feels like I’m betraying the whole autistic community.” He says sadly.

I am quite surprised and I look to him with wide eyes. “Aspergers? You have aspergers too?”

“Er... yeah? It wasn’t, you know, obvious?” He says, much more subdued than a bit ago.

“I was diagnosed at the age of eight. well, Erica was. apparently I ‘grew out of it’ somewhere around the time that I lived on my own for 4 years.” I explain.

I never really found it a fair diagnosis. A kid who loves reading and doesn't find any comfort at home or in other people doesn’t feel like making friends, must be something wrong with her.

“You don’t grow out. You adapt... learn to tolerate. People... they have this.... radiation or something, I don’t know, and when they focus on you it’s like they’re shooting beams of radiation....” He says.

“I understand. I really do. But imagine how much of an inspiration you could be to others, you’re the party pony! you could show them that there are good gatherings.”

“Do you know I read a book that actually suggested brainwashing as a cure for autism? I’m not even kidding. Some sort of copper wire treatment, I can’t remember the details. To be fair to the author, she herself wasn’t autistic and just wanted her daughters to have a normal life, but... I don’t think she realized what she was advocating. I’m sorry, I just have a kneejerk reaction to people saying ‘Here is how to be normal.’”

I look over to Reid sadly. “There is a difference between hope and... and that. You can have hope in growing.”

After an awkward pause, Reid shrugs. “Eyes on the road, please. Your turn.”

“Okay...” I return my eyes to the road.

“I... have decided, or at least... in my opinion, we are all driven by Hope and Fear. with Love as the exception. What do you think?” I say, proposing my theory to another person for the first time.

He stares at me before starting to laugh.

“....snrk.......pffffffft........heh, heh heh, hahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

I start to feel hurt by the laughter, my little theory that I took comfort in being shot down so quickly by just giggles.

“I’m sorry, I, I’m sorry, but... okay, hold on, let me gather myself here.”

I frown at the not-so-serious pony. I really shouldn’t have expected more.

“Okay. Here it is. Nothing drives humanity. Actually scratch that: Humans drive humanity.”

“Well... I like being able to peg things down.” I say defensively.

“Alright, how about we start at the very beginning. Human children come into the world and what do they know? Eat, sleep, breathe... Cry when you’re upset, make dirty diapers... and there’s one other thing. Guess. Go on, guess.” He prompts.

“I would say they are afraid.. because they don't understand their surroundings.” I say, trying to use my only theory so far.

“Nnnnnno. You’re on the right track though. Try again!” He says eagerly.

“They are hungry?” I say, lost completely.

“Aaaaand you lost it. They have one other instinct, Erishy, one other ability. What is it?”

“They know love... the love of their family...” I really want my theory to work.

“As much as I want to say yes to that, because that would be awesome, I’m going to have to call three strikes. They know how to learn.” He says, a little condescendingly.

Let your auntie pinkie pie take care of it. Echoes in my head.

“But why do we learn? We learn because we hope for the future, or we are afraid of what we don’t know.” I argue.

“See, you’ve got it backwards. We need to learn hope and love and fear, just as much as we need to learn to walk and talk. A human is constructed by its own mind; it is the product of its environment insomuch as it decides to be. Humans make themselves, and therefore every individual human has their own set of drives.” He says.

“...in fact... I think that’s why humans tick off Discord so much.”

He has a point, I can’t say he doesn’t, but this is one of those things I think we have to agree to disagree on.

I smile. “I think we are both right. Humans are a big contradiction.”

“Paragons of chaos, and yet we have embraced harmony! We should all be at each other’s throats, but love is the guiding concept of many civilizations! Ha! Discord can’t accept that! Wimp.” He chuckles.

I smile with him as we keep driving, I can see the exits for Kansas City coming up, shouldn’t be too much longer now.

“Oh, your turn.” I remember.

“Okay, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood measured in metric tons?” He asks, and again I wonder how much Pinkie there is in that question.

Comments

[blazikenking]

Shouldn't that be metric plot tons?

[metallusionsismagic]

Fluttershy: Pinkie, I'm a year older than you.
: No you're not! For all intents and purposes, we're identical twins! We're the same person in two bodies, even!
: We've already gone down this road, Pinkie...
: Well then find the right exit already! We've got to get to New York on the double!
: I- I give up.

[Zman537]

so. much. yay.

[Red Bomber]

Ah a good philosophical debate before reaching the next setting. I bet all kinds of things are about to happen there, like in Resident Evil 6 when Leon and Helana goes to a new city.

... You remind me alot of Alex (Alex Warlorn the author of the fic that Reid likes so much) about his views on the minds of humanity and other people. Basically the same kind of mind discussion and arguement that we have over this one story. I mean we view different ideas about how the mind works or how it should work when two minds collide about whether or not they should merge, let one dominate, or just be symbiotic. I think Reid's and Pinkie's kind of merging is kind of symbiotic, they share the mind but Pinkie is fine with him being the one in control (even though she told him she should come out every now and then)... Actually I think he just missed the chance to switch places with her and let Pinkie do the talking for a little bit or hang out for a while... Okay now I'm also wondering if Markus is coming to you guys now.

[reader238]

a woodchuck would chuck all the wood if a woodchuck could chuck would, but a woodchuck can't chuck wood so why ask if a woodchuck could chuck wood if a wood chuck can't chuck wood.

[StrigidaeFan]

WHY WOULD BRAINWASHING BE A "CURE" FOR AUTISM???!!!!

YOU SHOULDN'T CURE IT!!!!!! IT'S FINE THE WAY IT IS???!!!!!

[LuftRaptor]

2020733HOOO RAH!!!!!

[fuckyoudeletemyaccount]

It didn't really bother me the first time, but after a while... it did.

You keep calling him "Raid".

[R4skall]

1605127^.=.^ I see what you did there.plot... tons

[R4skall]

1605594^.=.^

[R4skall]

2020733agreed
^.=.^
I mean I have it too. Just not as bad as some bucking unucky people... Or are they

[Pinklestia]

He is becoming more and more Pinkie Pie as time passes...

[Ludicrous Lycan]

So yeah, fic had a rough start but i'm pretty hooked at this point. I love the philosophical points and I cant stop myself from eating up all the rampant ponification.

[Funky Pony]

“Okay, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood measured in metric tons?” 42 metric tons

........Nothing. Come on, at least one of you has to get that reference.

[CrystalWaters]

3990757
Oh! Oh!
It might have taken over a year of constant thought and calculation before someone made an attempt to answer but -
Was it a Douglas Adams reference?

I'm sure there's been more than one occasion where somepony's written a character actually working it out by calculating the average carrying capacity of the woodchuck and going on from there.

Oh, hello there Linky.

[Luckyfanisaac]

“You don’t grow out. You adapt... learn to tolerate. People... they have this.... radiation or something, I don’t know, and when they focus on you it’s like they’re shooting beams of radiation....” He says.

That’s called body heat.