Fon Shaolin

Joined October 2011

Howdy. I've been writing fan fiction for years (six or seven at last count) and I've never gotten better at it. However, if you can find some enjoyment here then more power to you!

Stories (7)

  • Yesterday Is Today
    Discord puts a plan into motion that changes Equestria forever.

    20,152 words · 5,894 views · 503 likes · 15 dislikes
  • Forever is Forever
    Applejack returns to Canterlot for the Summer Sun Celebration after 33 years away.
    5,040 words · 7,078 views · 121 likes · 10 dislikes
  • Defense in Depth
    Twilight's life takes on a different tint when she fails to pass her entrance exam for Celestia's School. As it turns out, there are other ways to serve her princess and country.
    19,056 words · 937 views · 72 likes · 5 dislikes
  • Twilight Sparkle Hates Books
    A confession a lifetime in the making.
    1,310 words · 1,362 views · 104 likes · 9 dislikes
  • Miss Sparkle Goes to Canterlot
    26,453 words · 3,137 views · 83 likes · 9 dislikes
  • Twilight Sparkle and Applejack Enjoy Some Peaches
    1,616 words · 154 views · 13 likes · 8 dislikes
  • How the West Was Won
    1,093 words · 793 views · 9 likes · 5 dislikes

Blog Posts (30)


Discord had one last trick up his sleeve to play before being locked up again: he's turned Equestria's timeless protector into its most dangerous threat. The kindhearted princess that ponies loved and adored is gone, replaced by an alicorn of iron and blood that forged Equestria out of the fires of pre-history. Can Twilight Sparkle survive being the student of a pony who never had need of the magic of friendship or will she be forced to sit on the sidelines as Equestria irrevocably changes around her?

First Published
30th Oct 2012
Last Modified
24th Dec 2012

Comments ( 186 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

So far so good.  I can't see any glaring errors, no walls o' text.  Everything seems to be in order.  I'll withhold any thumbs and whatnot for more.

One problem in the description though:

or will she be forced to sit on the sidelines as Equestria irrevocably changes around her?

#2 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

interesting i'm fallowing

#3 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

Whoa thats some intense stuff happening, most definetly following this.

Didnt even know it was from Fao :pinkiecrazy:

#4 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

I don't see a Romance tag, but I just got a notice that this story was added to the Twilestia group.  Odd...

#5 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

Well.... that was impressive, and scary.. :pinkiegasp:

#6 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·


The Twilestia Group also has an "other" category. Maybe someone added it there?


Thank you for catching that. Fixed. I didn't send this to a beta, so...yeah. I'm lazy. How's the actual writing? I second-guessed myself the entire time I was writing this about if it read well or not.

#7 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

This story is amazing! A featured boxer for sure! :pinkiehappy:

#8 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 19h ago · · ·

I aprrove. Have an upward-facing thumb.

#9 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 18h ago · · ·


It read fine to me.  I can be a bit lax when it comes to mechanics.  So long as it's not a common error or something that is glaring, I tend to pass over it.  It moves fast but that's not a bad thing here.  You set the tone of Twilight and Celestia's relationship pretty early on with Twilight both admiring Celestia and yet maintaining her own personality (and though I can't see show-Twi being this relaxed around her mentor, I always found her 'fawning' to be a bit unrealistic and this is a nice pace) instead of being 'Celestia's Shadow' as i'twere.

A problem with the pacing is that Twilight is thrown out of the stained glass hallway, has a tantrum and then appears above the castle ... where a gigantic ball of energy is tearing everything apart.  The tantrum feels like a few seconds but I don't get the sense the ball was growing until we exit the castle.  While you explicitly say it is, it doesn't feel like it.  Maybe because it grew so fast?  It's not a big thing and doesn't detract; I had to read the section three times before I even picked up on it.

How is Twilight hovering?  A spell?  Luna still holding her?  I read along and it was Luna holding her in the air by a spell but I'd make it more clear that is where Twilight starts.  I was wondering how Twilight was standing on a cloud at first because that's how my mind's eye saw it.

So in the course of 4k words, I saw two small things that can be glossed over by the avid reader and only someone digging would notice.  I'd say you did a pretty bang up job.  Again, this is me trying to find something so these are not major issues.

#10 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 18h ago · · ·


Thank you very much for that. You hit every concern I had with the chapter when I was writing it. I didn't want to add more exposition because I thought the story was already too filled with "technobabble" as it was. I tried to write the ball/spell/reaction as growing faster and faster, but I suppose it was a bit too vague. I'll try and correct this in the coming chapters.

#11 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 18h ago · · ·

Good setup. Kinda wish there was more revealed initially.

#12 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 18h ago · · ·

Im liking this before even reading this. It sounds amazing.

I have always wanted to see a fanfic with corrupted Celestia, with Celestia's looks being normal or even pinklestia, with a fiery mane- except I thought red fire would fit.

But blue looks nice!

#13 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 18h ago · · ·


I seriously need to figure out how to watch stories without watching the author instead. Can anyone point me in the right direction?

#14 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 17h ago · · ·


Near the top there should be a grey star, click it to add to favorites then move your courser away then back to show a box that says "email updates, check it.

#15 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 17h ago · · ·


You hit that star shape next to the ratings.

As for this story, I'll have to read it...sometime...this year...when I've got everything else sorted out...stupid prior engagements.

#16 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 17h ago · · ·

Oh, wait. I thought that added it to your faves. Thanks, guys!

#17 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 17h ago · · ·

Now that is how you start a story. Bravo, my friend, bravo. You seem to be familiar with the engagement curve it seems. I am anticipating great things from you. :pinkiehappy:


That's the point of this chapter. The grand opening of any good story leaves the audience wanting more.

#18 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 17h ago · · ·

whooaa, this went out control really quick, it scalated fast

#19 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 17h ago · · ·

I like, hope you update it soon

#20 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 17h ago · · ·

this can work......this can work well indeed:rainbowkiss:......please update soon:pinkiecrazy:

#21 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 17h ago · · ·

Out of curiosity, was this at all inspired by the Startrek episode, 'Tomorrow is Yesterday'?

#22 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 15h ago · · ·


It does but it's the only proper way to track a story.

#23 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 15h ago · · ·

I dunno, this seems to already be going into odd territory for me.  

Discord wasn't the type to plan ahead this far.  If he had, there's no way he could've lost.  Also, complex plans are not the modus of a being of chaos, but a being of order.  Evil order, yes, but it takes an ordered and disciplined mind to be several steps ahead of an opponent.

And Discord's loss to the Bearer's is more than enough evidence to demonstrate his failings in that category.

This seems more like a trap I'd expect from Nightmare Moon, or perhaps the new villain, Sombra.

#24 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 15h ago · · ·


What do you know! I was right. :pinkiehappy:

#25 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 14h ago · · ·

:pinkiegasp: it's so :raritystarry: awsome I :heart: this story so far

#26 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 14h ago · · ·



What you quoted is the correct spelling and usage of that word... :rainbowhuh:

wat :twilightoops:

#27 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 14h ago · · ·

i liked it so far but (and this is personal opinion feel free to ignore) i feel like you cast celestia as already a bit towards your vision of her from her past as opposed to how she is in the show. overall though very good, couldn't find any spelling or grammar errors. liked and faved

#28 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 13h ago · · ·

Ho, boy... You've left us with a major cliffhanger, and no real meat to the story. We're starved for more, and please deliver.

No thumbs up for you; too early to tell if this will be good or not.

#29 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 13h ago · · ·

>>1535485 and thus showing the author what the correct spelling is.

#30 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 13h ago · · ·

as a fan of Nightmare Sol, I'm gonna ave to....Fave and track this.

Also, amazing work, my good mman.

#31 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 13h ago · · ·

great opening chapter!:pinkiehappy: didn't catch any "new" mistakes, and even then the flow of the story was great!

one question though: are the tags final?

#32 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 13h ago · · ·


Yeah, I changed it and bolded it to draw his attention to that.  He had it as 'irrevocable' in the description.

#33 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 13h ago · · ·


OMG!  ish you~!!!!  :pinkiegasp:


#34 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 13h ago · · ·


Yeah, should have made it more clear what I was thanking you for: thanks for pointing out the word error, lel.

#35 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 13h ago · · ·

A typo:

and Twilight realized that Celstia had been working a complex spell while she had been talking.

So far so good.

#36 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 12h ago · · ·

Looks good, Will follow

#37 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 12h ago · · ·

Interesting start, this has lots of potential. Can't wait to see where it goes.

#38 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 12h ago · · ·

This story i likey! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

#39 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 12h ago · · ·

:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: I like!

#40 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 11h ago · · ·

I like this, continue on.

#41 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 11h ago · · ·


Aah. Apologies, the usual procedure (at least in my experience) is to quote the error directly and then supply the correction below.

#42 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 10h ago · · ·


Ah.  That would explain the confusion!  Sorry for not sticking to protocol but I'm not too great an editor so I'm not all that skilled.

#43 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 10h ago · · ·

Always was a fan of the Celestia's evil half idea. What are you going to call her?

#44 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 8h ago · · ·


I would have thought "Solar Flare" would be a good name. Idk, everyone seems to have different names for evil Celestia

#45 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 8h ago · · ·

I get the feeling that Twilight is being set up for a whole world of heartbreak. :fluttercry:

#46 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 7h ago · · ·

Added it read later, will check it out tomorrow. Looks great from the first chapter.

#47 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 7h ago · · ·

>>1534024  Hi Fallowing!  Let us know when you're suitable for planting crops again. :twilightsmile:

#48 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 2h ago · · ·


There are a few actually. mostly what if story's revolving around what if Celestia was the one sealed away for 1000 years. I believe the fan name is Solar Flare.

#49 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 2h ago · · ·

I can't wait to see where you go with this. I can only imagine how awesome this will be.:pinkiehappy:

#50 · Chapter 1 · 95w, 2h ago · · ·

Daym!!! Thats FRIGGIN AWESOME!!!!:pinkiehappy:

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