Are Lyra and Bon-Bon destined to be more than friends? Bon-Bon seems to think so.
(I'm really bad at summaries)
Chapters (6)
TheRealBonBon
Joined 22nd Dec, 2011 ·
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Intrigued; watching this to see what happens.
...Tracking
Does nopony try anymore? Not intrigued, certainly not tracking. The pacing was bad, the characters were dull, and the punctuation was all over the place. Clean this mess up.
102711 NO U
why, I do say, my dear bon bon.
this quite bene
"Bon-Bon stared, she was angry, sad, and heartbroken. The only"
Better finish that sentence :D
103948 root for whoever you want. I root for the stormtroopers whenever I watch Star Wars.
104081 but unfinished sentences are
MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
@Frizzy
lol. naw i was just keeding. Lyra and Bon-bon have to be one of the best ships.
i can spare a feel for Bon-bon
I'll just copy paste.
"A little bit predictable and rushed, but I only have one shipfic to compare it to so my knowledge of these things is limited. I like it, just needs work."
Also, I like where this is going. The plot is a little too simple at the moment, but it's only chapter two so there's lots of room for expansion.
NOOOOOOO POOR BON-BON!
Tracked!
Plz don't call her Derpy to her face; say hello Ditzy. Now to read the story.
Wow that was fast. Poor Bon-Bon indeed. Time for a major confrontation that involves a lot of yelling. kind of pointless though until Lyra sobers up a bit. I hope there is a chapter of AA nearby. Stupid drunks
Excellent, can't wait for the next chapter.
Hmm seems a bit to fast but still a good story
Yeah.... That resolved itself a bit to easy. If Pinkie has feelings for Fluttershy, why isn't she following her own advice? And why would she say yes to Lyra asking her out?
108160 Because she is Pinkie Pie and that means your logic does not apply.
108427 finally somebody understands what it means to be a pinkie pie
Since Pinkie is not in not tied down she should be dating. Class act that she stepped out of Bonbon's way.
Uh, it's official now after reading the first two chapters.
I think the story is rushing to far in without really explaining much. So much of Bon Bon's feelings are left without explanation in how deeply she feels for Lyra or how hurt she is because of her situation. Without any clear definition of the depth of her feelings there is nothing to build up to her breakdown in the 2nd chapter after that party. And more importantly, without explaining the depth of her love, it leaves the reader to just imagine for him/herself how Bon Bon must be feeling.
You need an editor, or a new one if you already do.
109651
This.
That's it, I'm cursed. Everyone that I track gets their laptop broken.
WHAT WILL I READ NOW!?
109651 Yeah I agree, I think you need to build on their relationship more and in more detail. Other than that it's a very good story and I'm looking forward to more
Thank you for informing us and don't worry I'll be waiting patiently since I know the reason
:( aww damnit. well, i hope you get your laptop fixed soon and dont loose too much data through it.
It would be wonderful if you were able to continue this story; I hope everything works out with your technical difficulties. My boyfriend thinks Lyra is fantastic and she is his favorite character. Having that in mind I've been looking around for stories featuring her. There aren't many but the ones I do find are usually golden. This one is no exception. I like a bit of relationship drama every now and again and I'm looking forward to see how this dynamic turns out in the end. You captured Pinkie Pie's essence perfectly, by the way. Here's wishing you the best and hoping for a speedy update!
Oh noooo! Well, I hope you get your computer woes sorted soon.
noooooo! just when the story got to the good part! ahh! screw you fate!!
Jeez! This is not a bad story, but it's going by faster than Derpy heading towards muffins!
160727 whatyoudidifuckingseeit.jpg
you shouldent doubt yourself, your writing is quite good, it flows nicely. great chapter
It's a decent chapter, don't be too hard on yourself! One thing I would say is that it could have perhaps been split into a couple of chapters and expanded on - one chapter of working through the conflict between Lyra's feelings for Pinkie versus Bon-Bon and then a second having her slowly warm up to Bon-Bon instead.
Still, on the whole I enjoyed it!
Looking forward to the next chapter :)
I'm gonna agree with TeraTelnet on this one. Maybe if you expanded a bit more it wouldnt feel as rushed. Still a decent chapter though
The transition did seem a bit fast and Lyra will need more time to recover from alcoholism. But they are heading in the same dirrection. They have a long way to go together first though. Plz write more.
I facehoofed so hard
that I hurt my nose, altogether it was good but rushed, rushed to fast but lyre's drunken rage did give me an Idea for a new fix so thank you
random clop <insert here>
Well, ... too fast like faster than Rainbow Dash ...
Lyras drunk scene was fine, but afterwards you picked up the pacing like you just wanted to get over with it.
there is a LOT more room to consider their feelings and write them out.
and they are together for how long till they have some "fun"?
the Idea is good thought, but you should consider redoing it with a much slower flow
as fast as it was it just seemed to me like an other excuse to write clop
sorry, I hope you arent to offended by my opinion. its just a bit criticism so you can develop your writing skills a bit further for your future storys
I agree, you paced this WAAAY too fast man.
You just don't up and make up like that.
Throw in some drama, like Bon Bon practically running out of the house.
If I were her, that would be the logical thing at the time. Right after that, suicidal thoughts, perhaps going to the Everfree Forest,
getting herself in immortal danger.
Then it would be up to Lyra to go in and save her from whatever menace, like Dire Wolves, from tearing the
Earth Pony apart. You need to have conflict, make us feel for the character. Take Swayback Mountain for instance.
It isn't the most elaborate and drawn out example, but it does so that it should give you an idea for what to do.
That, and the other countless romance stories here on this site alone.
You practically have a whole trove load of reference material to work with.
Relax, take a break :)
Although I am now going to have to find another lyra x bonbon fic :P
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Are you bucking kidding me? I love LyraXBon-bon. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Crap.
If you really feel like taking a break, then you should. Writing should never feel forced, and is at it's best when the writer is enjoying what they are creating. I thoroughly enjoyed this fic, and whether you continue writing or not I wish you good luck in whatever you decide to do
"I'm really bad at summaries"
Yes. Yes you are.
Should I start reading this now?
6 comments, 1's a reply and another's a heat-filled lecture. What. The. Fuck?
I really like this story. Well done.
A threesome is out of the question?