This fic is terrible.

by Mama Luigi

Be warned. I had trouble writing this.

This was fun and hurt to write. I hope you don' enjoy and down vote the hell out of this terrible fic.

---

yo sup guys dis is da story of balckjack hes an awsome red and balck alicorn and he kils all he owned celestia lololol she didnt have chance she so stupid now she dead i hope u guys enjoy

balckjack was walkng down street and he saw rarity and thoght i want to tap dat so he follwed her home and thoght she was damn fine so he went inside wit her and she said do me so he did and it was fun

he went and saw twilght and started crying becuz he supid and he thoght dat was true but it wasnt twi gave him hugs and said its okay dont cryz im right herez

so he was hapy and went to go see fluttershe and saw anhel and beet his ass so he cried and fluttershe called him a crep and used da stare but balckjack was more power and killed fluttershe

he went to go see ranbaow so they could have rape but ploinkie stoped him and cried and sad that nodody loved her balckjack agred and ate her man and said haha

so he saw Dasheid ranbowie and they had sexyz timez and it was fun he thoght so he did her again and she sad no but he didnt stop so she sloped and ded

balckjack thn took elemnts and kiced discords ass and he cried and balkjack laghed and he became ruler of equestirira and was laughing and he has sex wit twi and rarity all time now he is amazing and is cool everyone loves him

He died at the age of 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 and he was welcomd to heven as good hero cuz he sloped grainbrow and vereryoem chered and he became best alicorn and now has sex with luna all day and he is amazing and yah

and then equestriria was trouble so he got nother life and fluttershe folwed him as pet and he was like cool and he saw nighmare moon and said bith plox you gona die you suc major and she said no u and punced his face and was like bitch you ded

balkjack got back up and was like 1 hit kill bioch and she ded and everyone hapy and yay so he was haild as hero and yaey

he found a ded bunny and broght bck to life and hapy again angle was alive and then he kiled again because he evil bunny and deservd to burn hell et nunty degres

he hapy but fluttershe wasnt so he said want to fuck and she said yes and it was god so did it gain but this time fluttershe was like yeah and he didnt like it so he kild her cause she evil an wus tryd to geev hem aisd bot he nutixed an dendt get the aids cos hewas tuu struog nd hendshum n kin an didn kel nopune who dent dsrve et fer relz and he went fishing and et meaet cus et is hih on prutien an he got muskle and did pus ups witut tuchen der grund

then celestia trid to stawp him but he more power and stuped cellotai and then said if you want to liv hav sexy timez with mez and she sed k and thay had gou time and in end celetia explode it was funny

then fire strat an applejack burn death but its k applebloom is k so its all goody but sh 2 yung s0 h3 ke1l3s hurr cuz no seix is nu guo

then he see vinyl and octy makin out and he has threesome and it fon so yah

octy and vinyl ded from god sexy timez, so he wnt on with day and got bord so he fap god

he walked to ponyvalle and put poster saying halp need sexy timez and satan is bes poni and peopld belived him so he kil anyone who is nat best poni so he rape rurtert

carrot and berry gat druk so he take advtage of and he has god sexy timez and bottle goes place where should go nat

cuti merk cruzarders came up and came and came and was sad so he gav dem astan posatr and then sexy timez and police anger so he kill dem lol they dum

lol fuk da plocie

he found da weed stch and somke erey day and he hapy all time its all k

den he found da twilly and sad wha wrong baby you wan sexy timez and she said i need sexy timez cryin fac i vrigin i dum plese hav sexy timez and he sad hell yea ill do it lol k

and then twi died from being dum virgin cuz if you had not had sexy timez you should be ded

k then he meet mr cake and has gay sexy timez and mrs cake said noz you crazy basturdd so he kil her and everything k

baby cake cry so he kil god and keep horn with

he was in midle of sexy timez when luna said do me haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard

he said k and did and she became moon and gav bird to scatolo

then wrld bust falmes and he stawp it and its all good and yah and he become hero and he has more sexy timez

so then he walk 2 stor and se fluttersea and ask how stil aliv so she kill him and ever1 sad so he becam god and kil fulltesha and every1 hapy so he cry out of hapy and every1 build state for him and he hapy so then he cry so yea hapy times fur als and ya so ya so u thought it was done nop he goes back to questriaait and sees twi so he says mary me baby and she saisy yea why not should be god sexy tims yay then tehy have god sex ayayayyayay

he is best poni please send arwark is good ya

thanks lov u

balkjack my grammar is god

hop u guys enjoyd please thumbs up lololol its god right so thanks favorite and sub and lololo lov ya gus best fans evar good jab.

---

If you need me, I'll be crying in a corner.
That hurt to write.
Send help.
But in all honesty, this was tons of fun to write especialy while reading this out loud to friends over Xbox, so yeah.
Please downvote this. It's so bad, it deserves it.
Now, onto business. I might be re-writing the Element of War, this time with help and taking in your guys sugestions :D
da end lov u guyz god righ?

Comments

[Mama Luigi]

It's so bad I had to down vote it myself.

[LunabellaWrites]

1477208 If you remember he said this was to show what a bad story is like.Sure it was horrible but showed me never to write like that.

[Writer12577]

>First Fic.
>Make it a "Do not do this"-example.

Wait, what? Alicorns can't die! They are, like, immortal and all!

I dunno why, but reading this reminds me of Marcus Grönholm... Might be the flawless English...

All in all, this was good. I think I saw some correctly spelled words, but those are fixable.

[zel]

I would upvote this, but that 0 likes looks just too amazing.//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png

[Xenonic]

1487079
Someone upvoted. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Edit: How did this pass moderation?

[P0nies]

1487105 That's not something you want to say.... Saying anything about How did this pass moderation? can result in a ban...

[zel]

1487105 Daaamn.

Oh well, I can upvote now.//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png

[madcapbone]

1477208

please listen to it with Microsoft SAM. its 20% worse.

[Xenonic]

1487141...oops!
distilleryimage6.s3.amazonaws.com/2be43b8a0e7911e28ce622000a1e880e_6.jpg

[HyperRandomness]

This is so horrendously written that I was forced to upvote.

Spectacular.

dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8007-1347372458561687.gif

[Zytharros]

...Derpy!!

[JeanMich02]

Derpy, did you write a fanfic again?

[Mama Luigi]

1487073 This wasn't my first fic, the other one I deleted because it was bad and it needed revision. And yes, Alicorns aren't supposed to die. Another reason to make sure the fic is terrible!
1487079 HOW DARE PEOPLE UP VOTE THIS!
1487105 I felt sorry for the mod that had to read this garbage. Twice.
1487174 ... You are a genius.
1487417 A... second...?
1487611
1487679>>1487689 She's not speaking to me at this moment. She's crying, saying that she doesn't know what went wrong. She thinks that the fic was good. Poor, poor Derpy

[zel]

1489260

This wasn't my first fic, the other one I deleted because it was bad and it needed revision.

So, if this was good enough to publish...
I certainly want to see that first fic //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Trixie_lolface_1.png

[HyperRandomness]

1489260
Thank you for the mustache. I shall wear it proudly.

whereismymind8.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/epic-moustache1.gif?w=490

[Mama Luigi]

1489357 I think I'm going to enjoy every comment you post.

[Zytharros]

1489260
I said nothing about it being good or bad. I just said her name.
Derpy want a cookie-muffin?

[HyperRandomness]

1489388
I would hope so.

It isn't easy being funny.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to write a review, edit previous chapters I've written in my stories, check my downloads, sternly talk to my Mom about not taking me to the post office and not calling care and share, write new chapters for my stories, get ready for school in the morning, run a virus scan on my computer, make sure I e-mailed my teachers about not being able to access my courses, plan out the next chapters to write for my story, plan for charity work tomorrow, put my stuff away, get ready for BED AAAAAAAAUUUUGGHHHHHH

mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8286-122401__UNOPT__safe_pinkie-pie_animated_flailing.gif

SO MUCH STUFF TO DO AND NOT ENOUGH TIME TO DO IT IN

[Mama Luigi]

1490071

[HyperRandomness]

1490246
I would think of something witty to post here, but I am quite busy.

So,
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw727_20bcb52c68a0a33e1a29a7e29bde5977.png

[WaltTheUnicorn]

WHAT A FIC! FIVE MOUSTACHES FOR YOU, MY FRIEND.
Why? Because bitches.

[Xenonic]

I just don't know what went wrong!
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/051/c/2/i_just_don__t_know_what_went_wrong_by_toxickittycat-d4qcyp5.png

Edit: This...thing...is so bad that it's good. Now you made me upvote!

[Mama Luigi]

1490891
1492298 Poor Derpy...
1490260 Every post. Too good.

[Super_Big_Mac]

I must say that it was a pleasure painful sin to have had a hoof in this, even if it was only 50 words.

.... Eugh....

[Hat and clogs guy]

First story I have ever read that literally is so bad it's good.
Simply amazing.
b.vimeocdn.com/ts/346/967/346967943_640.jpg
here, have some science.

[CanteringChell]

Guess I'm late to the party. Oh well.
*favorited and downvoted*

[Sauron]

lol fuk da plocie

"Fuk da plocie" will be my new catch phrase.